pepperdee

[pepperdee]

ANYWAY

Sorry for disappearing for months at a time lol. I was going through some shit (coming out to my parents didn't go well but I got to go to christmas and got to keep my car so...yay?) I'm just trying to finish school so I don't have to do it anymore.

Next week I'll have been on T for six months. Despite everything happening *waves arms frantically* it's not happening in here *punches chest. manlylike.*

anyway. i'm going to disassociate until I go to work at 4 am tomorrow morning

[pepperdee]

at what point does it stop being paranoia and starts being pattern recognition

#thinking about how every time i think about visiting my cousin for mardi gras #the first thing that goes on in my mind is 'what if something bad happens'

[pepperdee]

The Shooting at the Kansas City Chiefs Parade at Union Station.

In 2015, the Kansas City Royals won the World Series. It was the first time one of the city's major sports teams won a national championship in twenty years. Schools declared a "blue snow day" in September. They knew that children would be pulled out of school to join the celebration.

I was one of those children. Fourteen-years-old. My parents and I went to it. We sat right under the big tree next to the World War II Museum. I had Warrior Cats books loaded on my phone, because I didn't yet realize I needed classes, so I couldn't see the stage. I snacked on a baggie of Froot Loops I'd snuck in my pocket, careful to save some for my diabetic mother. We hadn't been allowed to bring bags.

I had three worries: One, that my mom's blood sugar would get too low. Two, that someone would grab me and drag me into a van. Three, that at any moment, there would be chaos. Explosions, bangs. I wasn't thinking about fireworks, except to wonder if I would be able to tell the difference between gunfire and a firework.

Luckily, the biggest tragedy was that the mic or the speakers didn't work, and most of the crowd ended up leaving.

Kansas City has shootings daily. Nothing mass, not until now. I can't lie, I expected this to happen much sooner. I expected it to happen at the Chiefs parade in 2020. Same again last year. It just seemed inevitable.

Ten people hurt. Children hurt.

It's Valentine's Day. People cry false flag, staged, immigrants, gun control, the Libs, the GOP. It's donald trump, it's a leftist lunatic.

It was some guys with a gun.

To think, two and a half decades ago this would've had people glued to their screens, frozen in shock.

Today, I'm folding laundry.

It's never going to end, is it?

#kansas city #chiefs #chiefs parade #essay #the consequence of growing up gen z

[pepperdee]

you ever accidentally create a recurring theme in your writing. you start putting together an outline for something you’ve never written before and get partway through planning, rearrange the pieces, and go “GODDAMMIT THIS IS ABOUT GRIEF AGAIN”? because let me tell you,

#me realizing that i accidentally made dedrick an allegory for being trans if you squint

[pepperdee]

So I took a color theory class semester. Our final was that we had to draw a picture, then copy it and change the colors to give it a different vibe.

I call this...

Light Mode

Dark Mode

#dedrick warflash #pepper draws #my art #digital art #oc art #my oc #tcoh #tcoh art #somebody's getting murrrderrred!

[pepperdee]

Dedrick's inner turmoil with being branded a "monster" and fighting against using his storm powers which "ruined" him while also simultaneously finding outlets in which to express that because otherwise he falls into a depressive self-loathing episode is not the trans allegory I expected to find upon retrospecting about the fact that I, a recently fully realized trans man, have in fact been writing from the point of view of a boy very consistently since I was twelve because I did not want to be a girl and I wanted to escape into someone who did not have to fight about that thing specifically

#pepper says #yeah i'm still alive

[pepperdee]

So uh

I had to come out to my parents a few days ago

It didn't go. very well. but also not the worst? I'm still texting my mom but my dad said I can't come to christmas. so.

Also I said I'd put off transitioning for a bit, which I think is only fair.

But you wanna know why I had to come out?

Because. I changed my facebook profile picture. to a snapchat filter. of me wearing a tux and sunglasses with an explosion in the background.

the filter happened to have stubble on it.

this cause my parents to cry hysterically for 24 hours and got my dad to send me a text at 2am calling it "utterly disgusting"

a funny. profile picture.

yeah. my life is a circus

#im okay btw #my best friends came from all over the state to stay the night with me #i'm just going to let their grief run its course and get my assets in my name slowly #shit sucks lol #but i know they just don't understand and they're scared and it was a bad reaction #literally everybody else #including my cousins and aunts and uncles #are okay with me #transphobia tw

[pepperdee]

Fantasy authors are now banned from titling their books anything to do with crowns, thorns, precious metals, roses, blood or bones. You hauve to think of something else now.

#thank god curse has escaped the clutches #and nobody knows what the hell a hyetal is so i was never worried about that

[pepperdee]

edit: i removed "Link" because i decided I didn't like how Lincoln/Link felt in my mouth paired with my last name.

EVAN, however,,,,

GUESS WHAT

I'M A BOY

Pepper, he/him. I'm talking to a doctor about starting T next week

#pepper says #i'm not going to doxx myself like this but. yeah

[pepperdee]

we get to do a subject for our next project so of course i'm doing dedrick who else

#pepper says #thinking about redoing that one where he looks evil

[pepperdee]

POTION BOYS ACQUIRED

#fun fact: both of becca's books were delivered to me in the rain #blessed by dedrick himself #luckily this one didn't get wet #pepper says

[pepperdee]

TCoH Excerpts that make me happy (in no particular order): Dragon-Lizard Hijinks

“Look at the lizards,” Clove said to Rose. He pointed to some sunned rocks in the sea, where castelosas feasted on the algae and worms. As the argument between her parents and sister continued, she drowned them out by giving in to her curiosity.

Though they were far away, Rose knew what castelosa lizards looked like: bearded dragons but make them wyverns. Instead of traditional front legs, they had dragon-like wings. Bearded wyverns, Rose mused silently. There was almost a complete rainbow of castelosas: red, orange, green, blue, purple…

Clove waved wildly at the rocks. “Think one’ll ride on my shoulder?” he asked her, his thick eyebrows peaking.

“But why should I be sweaty?” yelled Lily.

Rose forced herself to only think about lizards. “If you ask nicely,” she said to Clove.

Clove cupped his hands around his mouth. “Hey! You!” he called. To Rose’s surprise, the purple one turned to them, his slender body pointing right at them. Clove perked up. “C’mere! Become my buddy!” The lizard tilted its head curiously. Rose elbowed Clove in disbelief. “Please!”

“Quiet yelling at the wildlife, Cadman!” scolded Momma.

The purple castelosa took off into the sky, swooping over Momma. Momma shrieked, Rose stumbled and ducked, Poppa and Lily dove out of the way, the nearby tourists scattered. The castelosa turned in midair, gliding back down at Momma, her hair mussed by the first attack. Momma shrieked again and bustled ahead in line to safety.

Apparently satisfied with its terror, the castelosa landed on the railing Clove and Rose were crouched by. Clove jolted as it climbed onto his arm and slunk around his shoulder, little red tongue sticking out of its lips like a marble. Rose’s jaw fell. It looked at her, perfectly circular pupil ringed by amber. How’d I do? she imagined it saying, probably.

A stillness fell on the surrounding area. The tourists all stared at the family in awe, exchanging mutterings in almost every language. Lily clung to the railing, legs shaking, face pale and green. Poppa had his arm extended in front of her, his other a fist, prepared for fire.

“What…just happened?” Poppa whispered.

Rose stared wide-eyed at Clove and the lizard. Up close, Rose could now see the little gold scales flecked on it. Rose blinked at the lizard. It blinked back. “Um…I…I think…” she mumbled but couldn’t come up with an answer. She didn’t expect asking nicely to work.

A huge grin split across Clove’s face as he stood up, pointing at Lily. “Aha! Gutsy is never wrong!” he declared, only causing more confusion. “Rose said if I asked nicely, it would come sit on my shoulder. Gutsy agreed. Now who’s stupid?” He crossed his arms proudly. Rose’s face fell to her hand.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Poppa said.

#tcoh excerpt #tcoh #clove king #rose king #lily king #elora little-king #aussie king #writeblr #my writing #pepper writes #queue and i are a team

[pepperdee]

*laughs but it sounds like his HYUH when he jumps in BOTW*

GUESS WHAT

I'M A BOY

Pepper/Link, he/him. I'm talking to a doctor about starting T next week

#I actually named myself after the brother of this kid I saw at work #He was reading a magazine and he went *gasp* LINCOLN before showing the page to the older boy #Twas very wholesome and also struck me like lightning

[pepperdee]

GUESS WHAT

I'M A BOY

Pepper, he/him. I'm talking to a doctor about starting T next week

#TBOY SWAG PEPPER #BOY JUICE #link is short for lincoln i didn't purposefully name myself after HYUH

[pepperdee]

studying languages makes me acutely and painfully aware of the way all the muscles in my mouth and face work

#this is why im studying asl #except now im painfully aware of the way all the muscles in my fingers hands and face work

[pepperdee]

oh trust me I AM but they will be enhanced with a little poolside reading

I JUST HAD A KNOCK AT MY DOOR

IS IT THE POTION BOYS??

[pepperdee]

the peak of fashion

I JUST HAD A KNOCK AT MY DOOR

IS IT THE POTION BOYS??

#first the sharks #then the Boys #then the world