pattyg1992

[pattyg1992]

Only two months ago when I was stressed out about getting this script done in time. I needed moments like this. #outdoors #twilight #stressrelief (at Rhodes Jordan Park) https://www.instagram.com/p/CTF75rOLoIk/?utm_medium=tumblr

#outdoors #twilight #stressrelief

[pattyg1992]

Trying to get back in the habit of doing more trails and hikes. Fell out of practice while focusing on graduating. (at The waterfall at Roswell Mill) https://www.instagram.com/p/CSmn5EhrWg1/?utm_medium=tumblr

[pattyg1992]

The Black Response to DaBaby's Homophobic Comments

I never knew who DaBaby was until a week ago. Rap was never one of my interests. He's become more famous recently because of some homophobic and even sexist comments he made at a concert. What I found interesting wasn't his comments or even reactions to the backlash. It's obvious he's a shitty person. It was how various groups of people reacted to it. Particularly those in the Black community. Opinions varied but people either praised or condemned him depending on specific agendas and how it related to their specific community.

The Black community predictably closed ranks. Often times, especially among African-Americans, when a prominent public figure that represents us is criticized, whether it's justified or not, we get into the habit of covering for them to protect our image. This strategy dates back to the Civil Rights Movement. Issues like sexism and homophobia in the community are largely ignored in favor of pushing for equality for the entire group collectively. So if you're a black person fighting for the rights of Black feminism or Black LGBT you're largely ignored and hidden for the "greater good" of the people. Basically the larger Black group felt we could never achieve true equality if these elements were represented because it would not only delegitimize us but make us look weak.

Most of the responses that criticized DaBaby came from White people. And the only vocal Blacks who did were LGBT. I haven't heard any real condemnation by any celebrity in the straight Black community. Most likely because they're afraid of the consequences of choosing either side rather than realizing it's OK to criticize one of your own and still be supportive of both the Black and LGBT community.

In terms of closing rank, I've seen versions of this through comments made by Black people on instagram, twitter, and even reddit. That you're black first and gay second. If you're against DaBaby you support white supremacy and are an Uncle Tom. One justification used is that White celebrities have been through similar criticism but weren't canceled for it, or at least not in the same way, and that DaBaby's skin color is why there was so much backlash. He was condemned because he refused to apologize until there were real consequences and even then, his "apology" was more like gaslighting.

Within the LGBT community there was a more united front, regardless of skin color because obviously he was going after the whole community outside of a racial element. However I couldn't help wondering if there was some hypocrisy going on too. Homophobia exists in every community. There was a time it was illegal everywhere and punishable. However, Black people have been stereotyped as being more homophobic than anyone. In the LGBT community I've known people to use this as an excuse for why they won't date or associate with other Black gays because they're afraid of being exposed to this element. Marginalized groups are known for being just as prejudiced against other marginalized groups. Minority groups: Black, Hispanics, and Asians can be just as racist and homophobic as White people. Similarly, the LGBT community has it's own issues with racism and discrimination.

Ironically, I've seen Blacks use the same tactics used by Whites when arguing against systemic racism. It involves the same type of gaslighting. For example, whenever Donald Trump would say something considered offensive or racist and people would call him out on it I would hear this to counter it: "What did he say that was racist?" "I didn't hear him say anything that specifically said he hates Black people?"

I saw the same tactics used defending DaBaby. "How is he homophobic?" "He didn't actually say anything about hating gay people?" As long as someone doesn't directly say they hate a group of people, it's popular to pretend it never happened. These example have led me to realize that in specific conditions racism and prejudice is the same no matter who is in power. I know plenty of minorities have a sort of moral superiority where they believe the same rules don't apply to them. That if they were in a similar position of power things would be different but I honestly believe it would be the exact same, only the people benefiting from it would look different.

#gay blogger #lgbtq #gay black #blackgay #racism #homophobia #dababy #ignorance #hypocrisy #gay writers #gay tumblr #gay guy

[pattyg1992]

#my heart

[pattyg1992]

Why Representation on the Screen Matters

In this day a age whenever a television series or movie becomes more conscious about including diversity, specifically when it comes to gender, race, and sexuality you get a lot of rolling of eyes. There are complaints about forced diversity, "woke" culture, an agenda pushed by the Hollywood liberals. That it sacrifices a good story for the sake of political correctness. Rarely do they stop to consider how that inclusion helps those who see themselves on screen or even more relevant, how it affects those who've never experienced a diverse population themselves, especially when they've been relatively "sheltered" by people who are familiar to them.

As a gay black guy I've had my fair share of benefiting from the recent representation on screen. I've seen an increase of Black men, even gay black men depicted on screen in a wide variety of genres and roles. Things that were less common even ten years ago. While the mental and emotional effects have helped me see myself and people like me in a more positive light I've also benefited finally being exposed to people who are not like me and have gained a greater appreciation for.

Fourteen years ago, the film Freedom Writers was released. Based on a true story and set in the outskirts of Los Angeles shortly after the L.A riots of 1992 it depicts a diverse group of freshmen high school teens dealing with gangs, violence, and urban crime. While many of them were a part of that life and apathetic about school, their English teacher Erin Gruwell, helps to spark their imagination and creativity. Eventually they began writing their own diaries about their lives, first published in a book and then made into the film Freedom Writers.

The film was significant because it humanized the Hispanic community for me. One of the star characters was Eva Benitez, a teenager forced to choose between school or the gang she was loyal to. Growing up as a minority I had my own prejudices against other minority groups, which is more common than most people in these groups would admit. Freedom Writers helped me to see other groups with more empathy and kindness. Years later I got into the Netflix series Orange is the New Black. While I never finished it some of my favorite characters were the Hispanic women in the prison, especially seeing their creativity when it came to prison cuisine.

A few weeks ago, courtesy of Netflix, I also got into an FX original series, Pose. Set in the late 80s and early 90s of New York City, the show is unique for depicting an exclusive cast of LGBT characters of Black and Hispanic descent, with a more specific focus on the Trans community. My opinions on the Trans community was neutral at best. I never had an issue with them and for the most part felt that they should have the right to live as they wanted. However, I never fully understood them, did minimal research, and often flip-flopped on my opinions regarding whether or not it made sense to identify as the opposite of whatever gender or sex they were assigned a birth.

In my life I only had one Trans person I personally knew. We were more acquaintance than friend but I never dared asked questions about their life or tried to understand them better. Not that they were even required to give me an explanation.

American Horror Story was the first time I really noticed Transgender people on the screen. At the time I had no idea until I did research on the actors that played a few of the characters. One of them turned out to be on Pose when I got into the series. Pose is urban, realistic, gritty, but it can also be heart-warming. Similar to Freedom Writers it exposed me to people living lives different to my own and giving human faces to a group of people I knew almost nothing about. It's only been a few weeks but I'm already on their third and final season which just finished this year.

I have a greater appreciation and understanding of the trans community, and their contribution to culture because of Pose. It would be difficult for anyone watching the series to have the same negative and ignorant opinions about them after experiencing the show for themselves. While the series tackled the prejudice from the Straight community it also highlighted the ignorance exhibited from the Gay and Bisexual community. Something I knew on some level already. I was shocked to discover those identifying as transgender or transsexual were often kicked out of Gay bars.

Representation matters more than just for the people that see themselves on the screen. It also humanizes and empathizes them to people unfamiliar with their lives while also serving to be informative. I've known plenty of people who choose to remain ignorant on how other people are. Choosing instead to focus on what little unreliable information they have from Fox News or the confirmation bias from researching whatever they already believe on a certain group of people. You rarely see them attempt to learn from the source or attempt to see the "Other" as people too.

It's amazing how much better off the world would be if people actually stopped and see the opposing side for what they really are: human beings. It's easy to wrap yourself in a culture of ignorance exposing yourself only to the humanity of those you understand rather than understanding the wide diversity of Human nature. Television and Film is a good way to start. I challenge everyone to try watching something, anything that challenges how you've originally viewed a group of people you've never understood. Whether it's a different race, gender, sexuality, political, or religious views, start somewhere. See how your viewpoint grows.

#lgbt representation #representation #lgbtq #lgbt #gay writers #gay writer #gay tumblr #pose fx #trans #transexual #transgender #expandyourmind #ignorance #diversity

[pattyg1992]

Making Being Gay Your Whole Personality

I hear this plenty in both the Straight and LGBT community. That people make "being gay your whole personality". While this has never described me I always take issue when people knowingly or unknowingly display their own ignorance about this. Usually when they're complaining about a guy making being gay their personality it's rarely less to do with them just making their preference for men public (although in conservative hetero crowds this can be the case) and more to do with them being so visible. Usually because they're too feminine, too flamboyant. Usually they're wearing rainbow colors that announces they're gay or bisexual.

I think the main issue has to do with putting femininity in a subsection of gay men on display which even among women is rarely celebrated. For more masculine guys we tend to represent a section of gay and bisexual men that have only recently been represented. It makes some of them insecure about their sexuality when the majority of the world thinks the flamboyant types seen on television is representative of what a gay man looks like. However, instead of trying to help educate people and show that we come in all varieties, they choose to go after the guys comfortable with putting being "gay" on display. Insisting that's its an act or making gay as a personality.

The guys who display who they are for the world to see are being themselves. It's not an act and just like masculine gay and bisexual men are a legitimate representation, so are they. Hiding them away just to make our community more palatable for the mainstream won't make anything better. It'll just make it easier to ignore, prejudices to fester, laws reinstated allowing for further discrimination and newly gained rights taken away.

I've seen plenty of masculine traits made as a personality trait that makes me roll my eyes. No one sees it the same way or makes a big deal about it because it's considered normal desirable. Certain things annoyed me before I even realized the reason. Some of them involve my own prejudices I need to work on while others involve more self-reflection on the guys doing them.

For example, the hetero couple sharing everything about their lives on social media. I can't tell you how annoyed I get seeing it and how in certain circumstances people would be complaining about sexuality being smeared in their faces if it was a gay or lesbian couple.

Then there's the bro culture among Straight men. Most of my friends and acquaintances fall under this category. I can't tell you how many times I have to hear them point out a woman they like, comparing them with other women, talking about what they'd do with them. Imagine an actual woman having to hear it. I'm not interested in hearing about your straight male sexuality on display every day of the week. and yet some still have a complaint if it's a same-sex couple just being themselves.

Finally, in terms of masculinity, there’s one hobby that connects both straight and gay men: the gym. I know plenty who all but make it their personality, their life. Sure you can tout it as being fit and healthy but if we're being honest the real reason is for looks and drawing in more attractive people. That's not necessarily a bad thing and we're all drawn to the tone and hardened bodies of those who spend their time in the gym. But it becomes obsessive. A whole culture similar to how Gay guys comfortable with their sexuality make a whole culture of pride. You have guys going to the gym six or seven days a week and only want to associate or date those with the same obsession.

Now I'm not necessarily calling these people out: the Straight man, the Gym guy, or the masc gay. It's just when it comes to the people complaining about Gay guys making their sexuality their personality, it's usually these three groups. Yet when masculinity is on display for the whole world to see it's not an issue. I think if more people would self-reflect and see the double standards we wouldn't waste our time on petty concerns.

#internalized homophobia #homophobia #gayguy #gay tumblr #gaywriter #lgbtq #lgbt #lgbt representation #lgbtq community

[pattyg1992]

Ignorance and Hypocrisy in the Black Community

So I’m a double minority: black and gay. I’ve seen and read on the history of violence and hate toward both groups of people. This has given me plenty of reason to want to support both because I have my own personal stakes in both. I’m even able to have empathy for groups I have no relation with and still be just as supportive: women, other minorities. 

While being part of the African-American and LGBT communities can be nice, especially having an identity I can be proud of, like any group, they’re capable of having their own flaws. I’ll start with the Black community.

We started the Civil Rights Movement in the 50s which in many ways led to the fair treatment of other races and sexualities, who’ve started their own moments.  However, within this minority there is a vocal minority. I’ve seen it among family, and friends or even strangers on the internet. First there’s the homophobia within the community. Sure it exists in every community but any marginalized group should never be comfortable trying to marginalize another group. Having a shared experience of discrimination should unite other groups but it’s not always the case. 

The black community has always used religion as their reason to be homophobic but I think it goes beyond that. I’ve known plenty of atheist blacks with the same attitude. The primary reason for it is that many, (especially the men) are afraid of the Black community being portrayed as weak. In their eyes, being gay is automatically associated with being feminine. It shows Black men as incapable of leading. In a way it’s as much sexism as homophobia. How our community deals with it has a lot to do with why so many Blacks who are LGBT are less visible. We feel more of the pressure to hide who we our to maintain a united front.  It’s not a coincidence that a majority of Black men hide their faces on the gay dating/hookup apps. Many even deny they’re gay or bisexual but downlow. The community is surprisingly even more intolerant of other communities dealing with racism, because they’re afraid we’ll be forgotten in the rush for equality for all.

The rise of anti-Asian hate is one example. I hear plenty of people complain that Asians have been just as racist as us (ironically parodied by both Asians and Whites about us) and that we shouldn’t help them in their time of need because they’ve done nothing for us. What many people, in every community, Black, White, Asian, and Hispanic refuse to realize that you can’t have true equality until everyone has it. Ending racism isn’t like a domino, where one group achieving true equality first will lead to others getting equal treatment later. It has to happen all at once. At best we’d just achieve model minority status, and look how well that’s worked with the Asian community. Everyone is equal or no one is.

Based on the views and opinions of certain people in the Black community, if given a choice they would basically create a world that’s just like now. Except Blacks would be in power and not Whites. Racism would still exist towards all the others and issues like homophobia and sexism still a problem. If it’s just a matter of just being in charge I’m not sure the Black community going from a minority to majority will benefit anyone. And that’s true no matter what group is in charge.

#racism #homophobia #sexism #double standards #double minority #blackgay #black people

[pattyg1992]

What Not Being Part of The “Scene” Means

I hear plenty of Gay and Bisexual men who say they’re not a part of the “Scene”, the larger LGBT community. Initially I believed these people were just being ignorant and self-hating but now I realize it’s more complicated than that. The heterosexual community has always been confused about the differences between sexuality (gay, lesbian, and bisexual) and gender identity (transsexual, transgender, non-binary). For the most part they’ve lumped them all together and from necessity, these different communities have come together for survival.

However, as much as these two communities overlap, they’re also separate. There are men and women who are attracted to the same gender but take on traditional gender roles (masculinity and femininity) just like there are people who identify to gender roles opposite to what they’re born as but their sexuality could be identified as straight. Both communities are just as similar as they are different. United by going against what’s considered mainstream, divided by their respective identities. 

In the homo/bisexual male community, when men say they’re not part of the “scene” it means while they’re comfortable with identifying as gay or bisexual, they’re not comfortable being considered the same as men with feminine traits or others who identify as other genders or no gender at all. The LGBT community as a whole typically revolves around sexual and gender identify and there’s a subsection that wishes it would just focus strictly on sexual identity.

There are several reasons for this. Some believe the homosexual community would be more accepted by the Straight community if they focused exclusively on sexuality and conformed to gender traits and norms. Others have the same prejudices towards the trans community as their straight counterparts (similar to how racism in the LGBT community is as common in the Straight community).

I have no problem uniting the Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual community with the Trans community. Many of our problems overlap together. At the same time think the world could also benefit with learning the difference between sexuality and gender identity. I’m a gay man, attracted to men, with masculine traits. That doesn’t mean I identify as a woman or want to dress in clothes outside of my chosen gender. Many people (especially in the Conservative community) consider it one in the same. For example, I’m attracted to men so I must wish I was a woman which isn’t true for everyone including me. 

There should be more attempts at differentiating between homosexuality and trans identity without alienating the latter. Those who want to remain separate from the “scene” may justifiably want to have their own identity separate from the trans community, but they should be careful how to respect those who are different (whether they understand transsexuality or not). Those in the Straight community still have trouble understanding homosexuality even if it may appear to be less radical than the trans community. Both groups are united because they’re lives are considered “other” by the mainstream world, even if homosexuality is slowly becoming more acceptable. 

#gender identity #sexuality #lgbt #the scene #gay community #masc #fem #trans #transgender #transexual #lesbian #gay #bisexual

[pattyg1992]

“Have courage, be kind, and all will be well.”

Cinderella was always my favorite disney movie growing up. Of course it got a few raised eye brows because I was a boy, and we weren’t supposed to like movies like that. Last night, I decided to re-watch the live-action film for the first time in four years. I have Disney Plus and I figured why not take advantage and watch all the live actions films I never bothered to go into the theater to see.

What kind my attention was what Cinderella’s mother mentioned right before she died: “Have courage, be kind,”. It pretty much defined Cinderella’s personality throughout the film. No matter the situation, whether it’s being abused by her step-sisters and step-mother, or taking the time to comfort the man who brought news of her father’s death she has always been kind even to the creatures such as the mice that live in her home. Much of her courage involved dealing with the unkindness from the people around her. 

She wanted to stay and preserve the memory of home and the love that existed there when her parents were alive, rather than run away from the abuse of her step-family. It took another form of courage to be kind no matter the way she was treated. Forced to do chores, make food, live in the attic.

Cinderella is someone I aspire to be in regards to her ability to have an abundance of courage and kindness. Courage has come a little harder for me and in regards to kindness I haven’t always been as kind as I’ve wished to be. Most of it involves internal thoughts that I have about people and even strangers. I grew up in a world where mistreatment by others have left me feeling resentful towards most people. I assume the worst of them before hand. 

Other than that I’ve started to argue with people online over political and ideological. Initially I stayed away from that because it’s not who I was, but over the last year I’ve gone from reminding people to be nice to others, to actively participating in the insults and fights that have gone on. All of it has left me feeling terrible about myself. Unlike most people the smallest of unkindness leaves me feeling guilty, whereas most people wouldn’t think about the minor insults and gossip they give to other people, preferring to be guilty over the bigger things.

I’ve mentioned in previous writings that true kindness involves no-strings-attached. You’re being kind without any thought of reward, towards people who don’t reciprocate the kindness or who treat you terribly. While I’m not saying don’t defend yourself or others physically otherwise, they’re are ways to achieve this without sinking to their level. 

Cinderella represents this pure version of kindness. She sees the world (and people) “not as they are, but as it (they) could be.” That’s what helps her see them as people worth treating kindly. I want to get back to this pure kindness of my childhood, and while my courage has some work to do, it’s definitely grown over the years. I just need to redirect it into something more constructive than arguing with people on social media.

Everyone should aspire to be like Cinderella. The reality is plenty of people will brush this off and continue being cruel, unkind, and selfish. But this only serves as a test for those who truly want to be kind and have courage. 

#kindness #courage #cinderella #be kind #have courage #disney

[pattyg1992]

Racial Double Standard When It Comes to Individuality and Eccentrism

In terms of being different I want to say I’m not too far out there, but generally what I’ve noticed is that when I get too comfortable being myself people tend to be put off by it. In the White community there are more than a fair share of people considered weird or unique but they’re often praised and celebrated for their differences. I can’t really speak for other races, but I’ve noticed when a Black person is different, often it’s just a bad thing, both within their own community and the people outside of it. The same sense of individuality and weirdness isn’t laughed at or embraced but viewed with raised eyebrows. Maybe is has something to do with the stereotypes of Blacks as being criminals or violent. What’s seen as eccentric by white people is seen as mental illness, or a dangerous criminal with a black person.

It can be something as simple as a photo. I’ve seen plenty of White people take photos with bizarre faces and funny expressions. People generally laugh and like the photos. Once a few years ago I had my face painted as a jack-o-lantern and had posted a photo of me with a scary looking expression. People didn’t take to it too well. Sure it can be the individual person that puts people off but I’ve seen it happen to often to be coincidence. You see it all the time on social media. What goes viral for a white person is often ignored when the person is black.

This goes back to how different races view themselves. White people, especially in America, have the luxury of viewing themselves outside their skin color because their culture is dominate and mainstream. They’re not stereotyped and have the freedom to be a wide variety of different types. To some extent they project this raceless society on others while at the same time othering those not considered white. Blacks are often stereotyped and conformed to only a few small roles. Being individualistic is not one of them.

When I try to embrace my true eccentric self, people are generally turned off. When I’m more of a reserved quiet figure, which is also a part of who I am and usually the default, people are more receptive. Although even my quiet side can be considered off putting because that’s not how Black people are caricatured. We’re seen as loud and on the offensive. I’ve had people (whether it’s dating or making friends) assume that about me and get disappointed and leave when I can’t present the popular image of a Black person. Hyper-masculine, sex obsessed, BBC, drug dealer, being into rap, having other “thug” friends.

I’m supposed to present a specific image and when I can’t I’m not celebrated as an individual or an eccentric but considered weird and dangerous.

#double standards #racial stereotyping #racial double standard #individual #individualism #eccentric #unique #conformity #weird

[pattyg1992]

Showing of Rallo’s wild side. He really took offense at my water bottle. #crazydog #dog #dogsofinstagram (at Lawrenceville, Georgia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CEVTY3OjGmE/?igshid=1tjie0fgxdwy2

#crazydog #dog #dogsofinstagram

[pattyg1992]

Diversity vs. Uniformity

I generally hate categorizing people into small groups because in the end, we’re all more complex than that. But sometimes simplifying things, helps put everything into perspective. It allows you to discover things you’d ordinarily wouldn’t. There are two kinds of people in the world.

The first is at peace with their life and those around them. They find happiness in the people, places in things. They find time to enjoy a night out with their friends, spending the day with their family, and falling in love with whoever connects with them.

The second may or may not enjoy time with those that surround them but they require more than just that to be happy. What makes them happy involves much more than their lives and the people surrounding them. They have their own vision on what makes the world perfect. Basically their not happy until the happy life they live is projected onto the world and people at large so that everything is the same.

In a nutshell, there are people who find happiness within their own lives, and people who try to find happiness but making everyone live like them. I’m not sure if it’s making since but I’ll present two examples. 

There’s a guy that lives in Atlanta. He’s surrounded by a diverse group of friends and family of different beliefs, ethnicities, and lives. He comes across another guy and they fall in love and build a life together, They’re world is perfect. Their community is happy, they celebrate their diversity and everyone is accepted and love.

Miles away, in the rural countryside, their is man. He lives in a community where everyone talks the same, looks the same, and believe in God. He marries and falls in love with a woman and have several kids. He’s happy, hunting and fishing with his friends, watching sports, going to church every sunday. His community is a utopia of sameness with no differences within site. Then he starts hearing about different types of people living continents or even miles away. People who fall in love with the same gender, others who look a certain gender but identify as another sex. People with different religious beliefs and skin colors.

His happiness is threatened because while he enjoys the life he lives there are people with vastly different lives that somehow threaten his. His world cannot be perfect if the people in it our two complex, too different so he uses politics creating laws to segregate or make living these different lives more difficult to endure. 

The guy living in Atlanta is forced to hide his relationship with his husband in order to be safe. His friends of different religions must flee somewhere else to practice their beliefs in peace. His family is forced to live in poorer neighborhoods due to the color of their skin. Their lives and sense of peace has been disrupted.

Back in the countryside, things are seemingly better than ever now that the world around them is forced to their “happy” utopia. However the man fails to notice one of his sons eyeing one of his teammates at baseball practice. He’s afraid to be himself and grows up angry and resentful. He marries a woman of similar background and beliefs to preserve this utopia but meets other men in secret.His bitterness at having to conform causing him to further lash out against differences and further passing laws to cause others to conform to this way of life.

Meanwhile, the man’s daughter falls for a guy with a darker complexion and beliefs. However, her family and community disown her and she leaves this community behind. However, some of the beliefs she grew up with remain. The new community of acceptance she surrounds herself with becomes poisoned due to this. She believes same-sex relationships and multiple gender identities to be wrong. She passes this prejudice on to her children. 

While this new community is more tolerant in regards to racial differences it still tries to create a utopia where different skin colors are celebrated but who you decide to love is strictly controlled and expected to be the opposite gender.

This utopia describes the world we live in today. People are trying to be tolerant and live in a world where as long as their happy, everyone is free to live how they want. However, some of the prejudices from their childhood still linger causing them to still attempt to control how others live.

For those who want everyone to live a certain way (Conservative Christians for example) in order to be happy themselves, they’re unwittingly hurting themselves and those around them. In an attempt to create an unrealistic world where everything and everyone is the same they deny the existence of untold millions with different experiences. Further creating a world of hate, and death, and violence between those who want diversity and those who want uniformity.

#diversity #uniformity #lgbtq #LGBT Issues #LGBT Rights #ignorance #intolerance #utopia #dystopia #theories #scenario

[pattyg1992]

3 miles and we still hadn’t scratched the surface of the trails. Definitely going back to explore more. (at Little Mulberry Park) https://www.instagram.com/p/CDHwf0ij5Yd/?igshid=1icgq22k0oaiu

[pattyg1992]

Another weekend out in the heat. Swimming in sweat but it’s worth it! (at Tribble Mill Park - Lawrenceville Ga.) https://www.instagram.com/p/CC1QahTDh9D/?igshid=1s7m6jgarel8u

[pattyg1992]

Suwanee Greenway Trail this morning. Fun adventure. (at Suwanee Greenway Trail) https://www.instagram.com/p/CCj7SHfDReW/?igshid=1djes1eyvu3i7

[pattyg1992]

Whenever I want to complain about it getting hot I like to remind myself it’s always hotter in #phoenixarizona 🤣I’d still like to visit someday though. https://www.instagram.com/p/CCbmc7qjQsi/?igshid=18338ddhyn1x

#phoenixarizona

[pattyg1992]

My History of Racism

 I moved to Georgia from Illinois in 1997 when I was 5 years old. My whole life I’ve lived a life pretty much free from racism and discrimination. However I’ve still had moments.. My earliest experience with racism was a few years after we moved here. 

Some kids in my neighborhood told me they couldn’t play with me anymore after their parents found out I was black. In elementary school one kid called me a nigger. When I told a teacher about it she tried to dismiss it or downplay it. Probably because she didn’t want to have to deal with disciplining anyone. I remember those two incidents but they never really bothered me too much. Most kids shake things off quickly at that age. 

Flash forward about a decade later 2007. I walk to the Wal-Mart (near the college I would go to years later Georgia Gwinnett College) with my younger sister, cousin, and his friends. We stop at the movie/video game section in the back. One of my cousin’s friend’s starts laughing obnoxiously loud.  That’s when I notice the lady behind the register pick up her phone and call someone while she’s staring at us. 

I figured if I tried to get all of us out of there we would all get in trouble. My sister was 7 at the time, and the rest of us were teenagers. I was thinking about her when I grabbed her hand and slipped away. Not before I saw security come and take my cousins and his friends in to the back room. We went back to my aunt’s house to get her and she went to get them from the store.

Security was called not because the one girl was laughing loud but because apparently we were throwing away merchandise and stealing, none of which is what happened. Now I know what most reading are thinking what does this have to do with racism. No slurs were said, no evidence that anything happened because we were black. I have plenty of stories like this but here’s the thing. We live in a politically correct world. Most people won’t say what they really mean and many who are racist do it through passive aggressive acts and microaggression. They won’t outright say something racist or offensive. It’s popular now to be prejudice without being obvious about it so that you can deny you were in the first place.

I also want to point out that I don’t assume every incident with someone of a different skin color from me is a racist act. Most of the time it’s not, other times I question whether it is first before making a decision, but I will say it’s not hard to determine when someone is being racist or not. Racism isn’t just when someone calls you or slur or specifically denies you access to something because of you’re skin color. It comes in different forms. I’m not always on the lookout out for it, if that what you take from this but I’m just saying it’s not as obvious as what the popular belief on what racism looks like.

Reflecting on the incident at Wal-Mart. How was it racism at play? The skin color of the woman who called security is irrelevant but how she handled the situation is. It’s not hard to see that she saw a group of black kids, one of them being loud and called security. One easy solution would have been to come over and ask the girl to be quiet. Another would have been telling the truth when she called security. Why did she have to lie about us throwing away merchandise and stealing? Probably because she felt calling security for loud laughing wasn’t a legitimate reason. For all I know she might have even felt intimidated walking over and saying something.

Anyway, it wasn’t the fact that she called security that had me thinking prejudice was involved but the fact that she lied about what was actually happening. No one get in trouble for what happened but it definitely should have been handled better than that.

Two years ago I was walking to publix. A truck pulls off of the main road onto a side road that I’m about to cross to go back the way he was coming. However, there was traffic so he had to sit there and wait. That’s when the man noticed me walking towards him. The bed of his truck was open for some reason and it was full of construction equipment. That’s when he jumped out of his truck and went to the back to close it. He was staring me down with a look of fear. All I did was smile, nod, and ask how he was doing. He never acknowledged me. Instead he had that same look of fear and got back into his truck and drove out before I even finished crossing. 

That same year while in a Winder gas station my sister and I waited in the car one night while our mom was paying for gas. An older man parked next to us to get gas. I saw a similar fear in his face when he noticed us. He got back in his car and moved it to a pump farther away. Racism and prejudiced can be motivated by fear just as much by hate. These two men were motivated by the fear of what they think I could have done based on their own biases. Of course there could have been other reasons but I know what the most likely reason was.

Now on to the infamous pool party of 2018. It was a neighborhood controlled by a HOA near Riverside Parkway in Lawrenceville. Some friends that I knew lived there and invited a group of us to swim there that summer. Unfortunately, many of us didn’t look like the majority that lived in the neighborhood so we stood out. I arrived there a shortly after most had arrived but there were things I noticed later. How when I first arrived one guy took one look at me and left. How one man stared at me across the pool with a look of anger on his face while ignoring a friend that looked like him. 

It didn’t take long for me and the others to notice there was a problem. Most of the people who lived there began to disappear from the pool and a crowd of them gathered outside the pool watching us. No one was being loud, rowdy, or disrespectful. Everyone was having a good time, swimming, and having fun. Yet a member of the HOA came in and started questioning the people in our group to see if we belonged there. She was trying to find a reason to send us away. Mentioning we weren’t allowed to have hot sauce or any sort of glass. They didn’t have a valid reason to kick us out because we were guests so they left it alone and went home. 

The whole time there I was uncomfortable and ready to leave and that summer has still been on my mind. One of the few neighbors there stayed at the pool with his family. He didn’t have a problem with us being there and even he thought the situation was strange. We still ended having a good time nonetheless. I know one justification would be that we didn’t live there. That’s what there problem was but no. The problem was, we didn’t look like the people that lived there. Depending on the type of people who showed up they wouldn’t have taken a second glance.

So why am I telling you all this? I just thought I’d share my own personal experiences. The ones that stood out to me. There are more stories to tell but I will say none of my experiences were never something I needed to talk about. I’ve never been negatively affected the way others in this country has but I still don’t discount their experiences just because I’ve never personally been held at gunpoint, or physically assaulted. I can also empathize with those who claim racism and police brutality isn’t an issue because when you live a life outside of all of that it’s easy to see the world through the lens of your personal experience and project that onto every life lived. Many try to defend it with statistics but they only tell part of the story.

A common statistic cited is that more whites are killed by police than blacks. In 2015 494 whites were killed compared to 258 blacks. However the country is 76 percent and only 13 percent black. While the majority were armed and half of them were White, 40% killed were black. This means statistically Blacks were three times more likely to be killed by police. From there people try to defend it by saying Blacks commit more crimes but here’s the thing, areas with higher black populations, especially the poorer areas, are more heavily policed and so crimes committed are more likely to be reported.

This doesn’t mean whites are less likely to commit crimes. Most of the areas predominately populated by whites are less policed and often they get away with committing similar crimes because of it. Especially in the poorer areas. Most poor blacks concentrate in the cities. Poor whites concentrate in the rural areas. If there were a heavy police presence in these areas (including the suburbs) focused on stopping crime I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a similar rate of crime statistics. You have kids in the suburbs just as likely to be doing drugs and other criminal activity but less police ultimately results in less crimes being discovered and reported. 

#racism #american racism #personal exerience #experience