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[pansexual-pied-piper]

I do find myself wishing tumblr had more in the way of a 30+ aro community. When I scroll through the aromantic tag, I'm often struck by the fact that a majority of posts are from people distinctly younger than I am.

And to be clear, that's not inherently a bad thing. It's not that I want to hear less from aros in their teens or twenties, it's just that I want to also hear more from aros in my age range and especially from aros older than me.

Realising I was aro 10+ years ago unraveled a lot of what I had just always assumed about my future. And there was a real lack of models for what life without a Traditional Romantic Relationship could look like around me to help me re-envision my future. And honestly that's something I still struggle with. Which is a big part of why I want to see more from aros older than me, as well as be that for aros younger than me. But at present, it's all a bit isolating.

There are aspects of aromanticism that we share across ages groups, but at the same time, the day-to-day realities of being aro at 18 vs 35 vs 70 are very different. And I think it would benefit the entire community to see all of those realities represented.

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[pansexual-pied-piper]

Maybe its just because Im sex favorable allosexual and (only romance favorable when I feel romantic attraction) demiromantic, but it sometimes just bewilders me that people find any happiness in just dating people and don't need sexual aspects to be a part of it to actually like dating. Like, I would be absolutely miserable if I forced myself to date someone, and I literally can't even feel romantic attraction until after being in a long term sexual relationship with someone. I just can't see the appeal in it. It sounds downright boring.

And I can't imagine not frequently feeling sexual emotions about my partners- I'm not capable of suppressing that or idk not even feeling that to begin with(?I have no idea what allorose people mean when they say their relationship is only sexual when they have sex and at no other time. Like- do they just not feel sexual attraction at other moments ?? wouldn't that be not perfectly allosexual?). I don't understand how people who feel sexual attraction apparently don't feel sexually about affection like hugs or kisses with their partners.

But the expected relationship model is generally that people romantically date someone then maybe, only if they both want to and feel ready, it becomes also sexual (although, generally it is still expected that it eventually becomes sexual), and that sounds like torture to me because I can't put myself through dating like that when Im not even romance favorable until I feel romantic attraction to someone. My experience is more like I want a sexual relationship but theres a low chance of me feeling romantic attraction and romance can only happen if I and the other person are ready for it(and Im polyam/polyerosous so I don't do monogamy anyways)

That's probably why I prefer to be with other alloaros and alloarospecs. So many alloromantics are just so obsessed with dating and it feels like even the ones who claim to like sexual relationships without romance expect you to eventually be okay with romance. And it feels like people only care about sexual consent and don't care about how romance (and other things like friendship etc.) requires consent too.

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Once while I was at work a grown ass man told me "no matter how tough you act you'll never be a man, just like I'll never be a woman" and I know he MEANT like "I'm tougher than you because women are weak" but I heard it in Queer and went "Oh.... sweetheart" and he just completely recoiled it was insane

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Unethical polyamory not in the sense that the partners aren't consenting to multiple relationships but in the sense that they kill people as a group

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I made this quick info post about using no pronouns bc there’s not a lot of resources on it! Reblogs appreciated :D

[Image ID: Simple blue and white graphic. First slide is titled “Guide to Using No Pronouns” and has a figure waving with a speech bubble that says “Hi, I’m Bee! I prefer using my name in place of pronouns.” The second slide is titled “Reasons to use No Pronouns” and the bullet points read “When no pronouns seem to fit. Sometimes you just don’t vibe with any of them! Avoids misgendering someone who’s not out yet. For fun!” An additional bubble reads “you don’t have to have a reason!” The third slide is titled “Introductions” and reads “Introducing yourself: “Hello, my name is ____. I use my name instead of pronouns.” or “My name is ____. I don’t use pronouns.” Introducing someone else: “This is ____. ____ doesn’t use pronouns.” or “This is ____. You can use ____’s name in place of pronouns.” I find that stating that you use your name in place of pronouns makes your introduction more clear. I would also include a quick example of how to use your name: “So instead of using they/them/their, you can say “Bee is calling Bee’s parents.”““ The fourth slide is titled “Examples” and reads “Here’s some examples using my name! Instead of: “Bee is working by themself.” Do: “Bee is working alone.” Instead of: “They are proud of their work.” Do: “Bee is proud of Bee’s work.” Instead of “I went with them and they were amazing!” Do: “I went with Bee and Bee was amazing!”“ The fifth slide reads “Thank you for reading! Have a good day!”]

Quick FAQ/additional notes under cut:

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[pansexual-pied-piper]

theres actually no rules to transitioning and youre allowed to want contradictory things for your transition. it's fine if you only want some of the changes that come with hrt and take preventative measures for the rest (like wanting bottom growth but not body hair or vice versa). you can want to have vagina AND a dick. you can be a woman and want top surgery, or wear a packer. you can be a man and want to have a pussy. you can change your transition goals one or a million times or not have any goals at all and just take things as they come or as they feel right.

there are no rules.

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i love you transgender people who dont pass. i love you androgyny. i love you confusing gender presentation. i love you existing in grey spaces. you are beautiful and you make this world so much brighter

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OHMY GOD SO I JUAT PLAYED AKINATOR AND TRIED TO MAKE HIM GUESS HIMSELF BUT HE KEPT ASKING IF THE PERSON I WAS THINKING OF WAS GAY AND HAD A BOYFRIEND AND I JUST KEPT PRESSING YES AND THEN

LOOK AT HIS SMUG FACE

AKINATORS BOYFRIEND

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i hate to be that guy, but the idea that gender, sex, and sexuality are ontologically pure concepts that can be rigidly defined if we simply police our language enough (our english language, because of course) is—i cannot stress this enough—a total waste of time. you may as well spend your afternoons teaching a brick how to swim

[pansexual-pied-piper]

If you like the word “queer” reblog.

[pansexual-pied-piper]

people tend to be like "lol this guy is sooo in denial" if a straight person has sex with someone of the same gender, but actually. they really might not be.

people can have sex with others without being attracted to them, and they just want to have fun having sex.

or hell, they could just have the occasional exception of gay attraction, but its rare enough that theyd find it inaccurate/misleading to tell others theyre bi (and dont have interests in microlabels). them going on a dating site and saying theyre bi would expand the dating pool to a lot more people they would just have no interest in.

or, they may be bisexual but heteromantic, and when looking for relationships, they want to persue both romance and sex, so theyll just use straight to make it easier.

sexuality labels are used different from person to person, some use it to describe action, others use it to describe attraction, or a mix, or otherwise, or even use it just as a "close enough" to get whatever they want about themselves across to others simply.

i know "straight man who has sex with a man" and "straight woman who has sex with a woman" may initially come across as contradictory, or that theyre bi or gay in denial, but identities and their applications/uses are more complex than just a few set labels.

and i think we should trust what a stranger decides to identify themselves as, they know themselves better than others would. you can talk it over with them if you suspect they truly ARE in denial, but if they dont want to or still end up saying theyre straight, just accept it and move on.

and of course, this also applies to gay men who have sex with a woman or lesbians who have sex with a man. its not just "internalized biphobia" as the answer every time, and saying that its always that is very assumptive of people you dont even know.

other peoples lives and experiences can always be different than youd expect, and may even not make sense to you, but its THEIR life and identity to define. you can give them advice, but you cant force it on them, and certainly cant say what their identity TRULY is. only the person themselves can have a say in that.

[pansexual-pied-piper]

Relief.

imprints of HRT syringe & bottle // ko-fi

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saw this poster in my dream and immediately woke up to google who the fuck is Pedro S. 

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“Trans men can be misogynistic because they’re MEN”

No, everyone can be misogynistic because misogyny is not stored in the gender.

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imagine actually believing that