pan-era-musings

[pan-era-musings]

Bang Bang They Shot Him Down.

Cops in Chi Town had some target practice the other day using a 26-year-old man as their target.

He was sitting in a car so it's not like he was a moving target. When he got out of the car and hit the ground, the the five tactical cops continued to fire, discharging their weapons 96 times in the process of killing the man accused of not wearing a seat belt.

It took 90 seconds to kill Dexter Reed for not wearing a seat belt.

Reed, contrary to the protestations of his family to the contrary, was complicit in his own death.

When told to get out of the car he rolled up his window before firing 11 shots at police, hitting one officer.

Reed fired first.

Dexter Reed broke the cardinal rules of driving in America, especially if you're black.

1 – Always do exactly what the cops tell you to do.

2 – When in doubt about what to do, see rule #1.

Given half a chance, cops will use drivers as pinatas and targets every opportunity they get.

In this case, it appears to be Reed's own damn fault he's dead. He didn't follow rule #1.

We do need a convo about why it took 96 shots to kill a man sitting in a car.

Mapping Police Violence, a non-profit organization that tracks police shootings, shows that over 800 people have been shot and or killed for traffic violations since 2017.

Cops are notorious for shooting first and asking questions later.

Many car drivers aren't smart enough to do what cops tell them to do, no hesitation, no question.

But, and this is a huge but, cops need to get rid of their adrenaline junkie team mates, those who thrive on action.

No place is a better example of this and Oklahoma City. Every morning one can watch the news and see a plethora of overnight cop car chases.

These chases involve multiple cop cars, usually staged over a few miles of OKC public roads at very high speeds.

As always, the person in the fleeing car forgot rule #1 of driving in America.

If the local media get around to reporting why the chase started, the cause usually revolves around... get ready for it... a traffic stop for some minor violation (expired tag, tail light out...).

The question to ask law enforcement is, Why? Why are cops doing these chases, potentially putting the public at risk while drag racing across town for the entertainment of the TV viewing public?

Cops have the tag number and the car description. Is a car chase really necessary?

Probably not.

Yes, chasing a felon or someone accused of a serious crime warrants whatever it takes to get the bad guy.

We should not set up drivers and cops for deadly failure with a traffic stop for not wearing a seat belt.

#cop shootings.

[pan-era-musings]

America the gutless.

The US has come down strongly on the subject of mass starvation and supporting your friends.

America, how do you straddle that fence without emasculating yourself?

Oops, you did.

America has become a gutless world power under the Biden Administration.

At the outbreak of the Russian attack on Ukraine, the US couldn't move fast enough to supply the Ukrainians with all the guns and butter we could muster. We convinced our allies to help.

America was outraged. We cheered on the Ukrainians while condemning Russia at every turn

Ukraine found itself not just defending itself but winning.

As the slog of war kicked in, Americans got bored and upset the Ukrainians didn't go all John Cena on Russia.

So we bailed, leaving Ukraine almost defenseless and hurting for almost everything.

Many of the supporting cast of allies begged the US to do more but alas, the US had moved on.

Russia continues to bomb without hesitation, reducing much of Ukraine to rubble, destroying a once vital country.

Down on the warm shores of the Med, a similar but different scenario plays out.

An American ally has gone all Russia and Stalin on Gaza.

Not content to bomb Gaza into oblivion, Israel has pulled a page from the Stalin playbook and is starving Gazans. Few if any supply trucks are getting to those suffering. Children are starving, lack medical care and shelter.

And still Israel rocks the casbah with her American supplied weapons.

America, in a 180, is actively supporting Israel, continuing to supply military hardware and cash. Israel is on track to get another $20 plus billion of military aid as soon as Congress, the Knesset of the West, passes the bill.

Biden says he's upset by Israel's actions but won't stop the aid.

The Israel Knesset isn't helping. There are calls for Israel to go all river to sea, wiping Gaza off the face of the map.

Uncle Sam stands meekly nearby, hat in hand, afraid to stand up to Israel.

To recap, America is abandoning one ally who has been invaded and is close to be destroyed and captured by an evil empire. While allowing and supporting another evil empire that is starving a country into submission.

In the 60's, a popular sentiment was, “you don't have to be a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.”

Int he case of the US, the once world power flaps about like a blow up Gumby in front of a car lot.

No direction, no focus, no purpose.

#Israel. Biden Ukraine.

[pan-era-musings]

“Once there was a tree, and she loved a little boy. ″‘Come, Boy,’ she whispered, ‘come and play.‘”

Shel Silverstein, The Giving Tree.

Every day we walk. And, every day we spend a tad bit more time sitting quietly under a tree. There is something cleansing and mind clearing about sitting in nature and simply being. Call it playing in the mind.

There is also a very comforting feeling being embraced by the limbs of the tree. It's like a giant tree hug.

This is not like the old days where every hike was an adventure, exploring and looking for wondrous new things.

Instead of spooking the deer, we now blend in, within reason, to them and the surroundings.

Camped out under our tree Lola and I can be what we want, unencumbered by age or aliments.

The tree understands.

We do this a lot more because we are getting older and the adventure has changed. I'm watching clouds more these days. I spend more time gazing at the canopy above me. It is amazing the detail and minutiae you can discover taking a good long look at tree branches.

For us, we are simply there, experiencing the time sitting comfortably under the tree.

Sometimes we just watch our eyelids.

The tree, bent and gnarled in places, reaching high into the sky in others, continues to provide shelter for us and the animals in her arms.

Time isn't part of the tree. Time slides off like another cloud, here one minute, gone the next.

I think Lola relishes this space as much as I do. Her breathing isn't as labored. She just lays there, occasionally looking at me, just to check. We both do that a lot more these days, checking. Lola lays closer to me than before. She's not a lap dog but she's closer.

I am too. I want her closer. We have become more joined at the hip.

It's easier for me under the tree. The aches and pains of older age aren't there. My blood pressure gets lower. My brain shuts off.

We sit and wait together.

I think we both know one will be taking a journey soon that the other can't take. It took me a long time to understand this. I always thought Lola would take the journey first. That may not be the case.

That doesn't matter. We are here now and that is all that matters.

#tree. dog. getting old.

[pan-era-musings]

For the low low price of $59.99 you too can get religion. The right religion... or far Right religion.

For the religious crowd that has regularly vilified the Jefferson Bible, this new trump huckster revival bible maybe the most be challenging.

In what other Universe can a presidential candidate be hawking bibles so he can add a few pieces of silver to his campaign war chest?

And don't forget, it's the only bible authorized by trump.

With that in mind, how long will it be before trump starts hawking sacramental wine from the only authorized trump winery aka Trump Winery.

Now having staked out his God position, this would be the perfect time to enlist Oklahoma Secretary of Education Ryan Walters as his latest disciple.

Walters, a politician only God could love, has been making his two year political career out of attacking the libs, the woke and trying to force his religion on the heads of innocent school kids.

With is rapid fire repartee and his devotion to creating division in his home state, Walters is surely headed for prime time, using trump's campaign as a platform for his real calling, a slot on QVC selling trump bibles and discount courses at Prager U.

I'm sure God is hanging out in Her prayer room, wondering if it's time to do a Lot's Wife surprise on these two sad excuses for humanity.

The salted statuary could be mounted at the entrance to the Museum of the Bible in Washington DC.

I wonder if the salted nuts would survive DC's squirrel population.

#trump. Bible. Ryan Walters

[pan-era-musings]

Friday roundup

Based on the latest moves by Israel, the assault on Gaza will take an even uglier turn when the IDF begins it's final assault on Raffa, home to 1.5 million Gaza refugees.

Ignoring calls from the US, the UN, UNICEF and others to stop the slaughter and concentrate on relief efforts, Israel seems hell bent on letting the starving starve, the injured suffer and die and the inhumanity of this war continue.

There is no excuse for Bibi and his war cabinet. If they really want peace, it's time to stop the war, let humanitarian efforts into Gaza to attend to the refugees and work up a two state solution.

Otherwise, Bibi will get his wish, a continual war against Hamas, giving him the key to the PM's office until he dies.

This will not end well for Israel. Long given a pass beczuse of the Holocaust, Israel will soon find itself a pariah for its heinous actions against Gaza.

One can only imagine the vision of trump, hunkered down in his Mar-A-Lago bunker, pacing about acting like Captain Queeg, rolling marbles in his hand while wondering who stole his beautiful billions.

The trump lie about his immense wealth is coming crashing down on him like a Jenga tower.

I'm sure he's wondering how he can keep his empire alive while not spending a dime of his own money. He's also wondering how the banks and other lenders who used to hand him cash without thinking are now saying no way Jose.

The dangerous part about a cornered wounded beast like trump is what he will do next.

Will the Saudi's or some other totalitarian government pony up the needed cash? What's the quid pro quo? Will trump continue to give them stater secrets in exchange for the cash? If elected, will the donors demand payment in the form of policy decisions that favor the foreigners over the US?

As he has proven over the years, trump will say and do anything to keep his fairy tale kingdom and his power intact.

That should scare even the most rabid trump supporter.

#trump gaza

[pan-era-musings]

The cost of being a drunk...

My sponsor Mike works with rehab patients as they try to sort things out and get sober. Occasionally he will ask me to do a call-in to his group, answering questions and talking about my pre and post rehab life.

I am always grateful to share my story.

On this day one of his charges asked me how much my drug and alcohol addiction and DUI cost.

The obvious answer is monetary. It's not cheap.

Here was my breakdown:

rehab (costs can vary by state and insurance) $32850

DUI ticket $250

Fine for driving DUI $1000

Court costs $650

Additional fees $1100

attorney $75/hour

breathalyzer for car $98.50/month for six months

restore drivers license $305

mandatory Alcohol Driving Safety Program $495

therapist $19.50/hour after insurance

If cash were the only cost to being an alcoholic and drug addict.

It's not even close to the real cost.

In my experience, I had to go back to the beginning to see my drug and alcohol problem in it's entirety. It didn't start the day I was arrested.

For decades I was a serial drunk and yet sober for years at a time. As I learned in rehab, this is not uncommon behavior.

I can trace my plunges back into drinking by where I was in my life and the stress I was feeling.

My drinking was also a self destructive mechanism. After a childhood of my father telling me I would never amount to anything, that I was lazy, never made a good decision, that whatever I did was either wrong or not good enough, you get to the point where, when you have success, you think you're not worthy, that you'll blow it and you self destruct.

It happened time after time after time in my life. But, I was smart and talented. I could slide into a new job in a new place and do well... for a time. But soon, I slid into the self doubt and self hate.

But, drinking made me feel great. It dulled the pain . I was always up for a party, even if it was a party of one.

I was too oblivious to friends and employers bailing on me.

Sadly, There was never a person who grabbed me by the collar and read the riot act to me.

Not that it would have made a difference. My addiction ruled everything.

My downfall was in 2009 when I had spine surgery. I was suddenly whisked into the joy of Oxy and Hydrocodone with a limitless supply of both thanks to three different doctors.

No one realized that the pills designed to help me with pain were being chased with bourbon.

It was easy for me to be a functional alcoholic and drug addict. Pills were for daytime, mixing the booze was for after five.

I was beginning to have serious reality lapses. Nothing seemed real and noting I said was real. It was all Maya, illusion and delusion.

My doctors were only too willing to prescribe the drugs. After all, my spine surgery was major, 15” scares front and back and six hours on the surgery table.

Add to that hip replacements, knee replacements, three shoulder surgeries, two knee surgeries... the list goes on and each surgery got me a new prescription for drugs.

The more I got, the more I wanted. I had to feed that place in my brain that made me feel good.

As you learn in rehab many addicts suffer from a lack of dopamine. Your brain receptors are hungry for the stuff. It's what makes you feel good.

Unconsciously, I would do anything to feed the need for dopamine. Risky behavior fueled the dopamine. Drinking and drugs made it better.

Things like alcohol help but it's the benzos (Klonopin) and Oxy like drugs that do the trick. Their chemical signature fits perfectly on my brain sensors. The happier I get, the more my brain wants. It never ends nor did I want it to end.

By 2017 I was out of control. I was bouncing off walls and in some weird mental state where reality was long gone. Friends and family were fleeing as fast as they could.

By this time I had alienated friends and family. I was shunned.

Then my brother died.

I was heavily into what my rehab shrink called the kiss of death, the triple header, booze, benzos and opiates.

These three are often fatal. I was lucky I didn’t die.

I should have many times.

One morning I woke up under an aluminum blanket in a Charlottesville jail cell. After sobering up, with a dead cell phone, I stumbled out of jail to a snow covered parking lot and walked six miles to the impound lot.

That was my come to Jesus moment, a freezing walk to get my car (cost $385). The cost to my dignity and self worth – incalculable.

The next day I called a referral service to get into rehab. A couple hours later, I got the call. Be at Arlington Hospital by 5pm. Do not be sober (they can't admit you if you are straight).

I popped a couple Hydrocodone and drove for three hours. Getting near Arlington, I stopped at a Chili's and had two double bourbons – the last drinks I ever had.

For the next three days I was under 24/7 observation. Random pee tests, blood tests and a full physical. I was allowed to attend group activities as I felt like. After three days, all classes and AA meetings are mandatory.

There are no locks or passes.

You can check out any time you like but you just can't kill the beast.

Addiction never goes away, it just hides and waits.

During my sessions with my psychologist, I was told that I should have died long ago and if I went back to the party, I would die.

I believed.

Six weeks later, stripped of all dignity, self respect and honor and then brought back to human hood, I left rehab.

I never looked back.

Most of my class didn't make it. They lady who drank Listerine has been back twice. The drug addict across the hall from me is dead. Many walked out days into their treatment. Some can never get to that place where they can recover.

It's said an addict has to hit rock bottom before they can begin recovery. That's true to a point.

Sometimes, like in my case, rock bottom doesn't hit until you see the carnage you left behind, the lives damaged, the dreams destroyed, when the disappointment and shame slap you in the face like a wet fish.

That's rock bottom. That is the true cost of addiction, the damage you cause.

So, let's move back to the present and a recap of the costs of addiction.

Loss of money

loss of friends

loss of career

loss of family

loss of self worth and self respect

loss of hopes and dreams

Getting sober is just the first step. It's a difficult one.

The harder step is what to do after you get sober. For some, getting back on track is a process but it does happen and like goes on.

For others, the damage is permanent and the relationships irreconcilable.

That is the cost that can continue the rest of your life.

How you manage the cost is up to each of us. Some do it well. Some of us struggle every day just to stay sober.

That is our true cost, paying every day just to stay sober.

#recovery drunk. addiction. rehab.

[pan-era-musings]

Ramble on

Last night's SOTU was remarkable in that Biden used it as his campaign kick-off oration. Good for him. It's time Biden and the rest of the Dems fight the Repubs with their own tactics.

I hope his statements on abortion and women's health rights rang out loud and clear to the GOP. For a party that swears it wants less government and to keep government out of the daily lives of Americans, their increasingly draconian thoughts on canceling all reproductive rights for women is astounding.

At first it was the abortion issue. Now GOP legislators across the nation are introducing bills that would end most forms of birth control.

A few would make things like D and C's open to investigation by local law enforcement. Some states are trying to make law that would force legal abortion providers to turn over names and medical records of all abortions. If passed, you can expect every woman and medical team involved to be investigated.

Overturning Roe will seriously damage an already damaged GOP of women, regardless of their political leanings, get together for this one issue and make sure women have the same medical rights as men.

I agree with noted columnist Anne Applebaum on one thing. Biden needs to stop talking about the plight of factory workers. Factory workers are not the largest segment of the work force, service workers are. I'd love to see Biden make a serious push to increase the minimum wage to a minimum living wage, fair housing and to insure workers the opportunity to unionize without penalty.

Biden needs to be much more forceful in his approach to the Gaza War.

It is time for America to increase aid shipments to Gaza and Biden's pledge to create a dock for supply boats is a good first step but there is no supply delivery plan or system in place or on paper to make sure the aid gets to those in need. Let's hope the dock is the end of the plan.

It is also time for the US to stop pussyfooting around and tell Israel and Hamas and the Gazans in no uncertain terms that the time for a full cease fire is now. There will be no aid, no money, no support until the killing stops.

Had been one of the speechwriters/policy advisors for the Biden SOTU, I would have wanted this included.

As of now I am putting banks and credit card companies on notice. The days of interest rates that are designed to increase profits and shareholder dividends are over. No longer will you be able to make investors and senior management cash happy at the expense of everyday hardworking Americans. I will get the legislation to limit interest rates.

Full stop.

While I'm tilting at windmills and pipe dreams, I will force all hospitals to make their charges for everything easily available and understandable to the average Americans.

More importantly, the cost of a given surgery should be the cost for everyone. I once had shoulder surgery. The cost was $27K. Another hospital offered the same surgery (same CPT codes) for $9,200.

That is just wrong and must stop now. Medical debt is killing many Americans. It has to stop.

Lastly, no American should ever want for food and shelter. Ever. We can and will make that a reality.

Eventually we need to be like all industrial countries and have single payer healthcare for all.

Thank you and good night.

[pan-era-musings]

Israel is not our friend and other love stories.

I will say this at the outset. I am not anti Jew. I bear no animosity to the Jewish faith and all who practice.

I am very against the current government of Netanyaho and their willingness to destroy Gaza in a misguided attempt to purge Hamas from the land and destroy all remnants of this heinous terrorist organization.

Nothing solidifies this position more than the IDF firing on starving Gazans while they were swarming food trucks yesterday.

At least 100 were killed by Israeli gunfire while over 700 were either wounded by bullets or in the stampede that followed.

The world asks WTF?

This is what Israel has become: a right wing fundamentalist government hell bent on destroying Hamas, Gaza and Palestine so Israel can go river to sea ( phrase often used by terrorist Palestinians).

What about the Gazans?

Israel has blockaded Gaza for almost 20 years, allowing almost no supplies into Gaza under the wild assumption terrorists could get some of the supplies.

Never mind that people are starving and dying because Israel won't allow food and medical supplies into Gaza.

Israel would rather make a “point” than to do the religiously correct thing.

Right now two million are squashed into 1/3 of their land.

The Gazans are dying, starving and not getting lifesaving medical supplies and doctors because of Netanyaho's fever dream of inflicting genocide on the Gazans.

The US is complicit in this attempted genocide.

America has the power and the resources to air lift all the supplies needed in Gaza. Yesterday the first airlift was completed to the screams of protest by Israel and her allies.

Screw 'em.

Through it's actions against the US; the worst spying against the US has come from those giving US secrets to the Israelis and regularly ignoring US wishes in International situations, Israel has shown it only wants US arms and money. They could care less about protecting us as a partner.

The US should redouble it's efforts to airlift as much food, water and medicine to Gaza and keep it up until the humanitarian crisis is over.

Then the US should tell both sides the war is over, leave the other alone (like tow kids in the back seat of a car) and let each side create their homeland, free from fear.

Biden needs to stop being nice and start being strong.

It's never to late for the US to regain it's position as a world leader.

Israel and Palestine are a great place to start.

#Israel #Gaza

[pan-era-musings]

Alabama has become a theocratic state and that is very dangerous.

Just when you thought the ultra conservative, religious right couldn't get any wackier, the Alabama Supreme Court said, “Oh but wait, there's more.”

This formerly august body has decided a IVF embryo frozen in a petri dish, is a child.

Further, the Court made it very clear it's persona religious beliefs trump all other religious beliefs with this statement in their opinion:

“Even before birth, all human beings bear the image of God, and their lives cannot be destroyed without effacing his glory.”

“We believe that each human being, from the moment of conception, is made in the image of God, created by Him to reflect His likeness. “

M

The US Constitution is very clear on the subject of religion. It prohibits a state sponsored religion. It gives everyone the right to worship as they believe. It states there is no religious test for office holders.

So, what the hell is the Alabama Court thinking? Did they not go to law school? Did they miss every class regarding the First Amendment?

As a side note, do people with IVF embryos get to claim a child tax credit for each frozen embryo? Do they get to deduct the cost of keeping the embryos frozen as medical expenses? Because the frozen embryo is a child, is its care covered by the parents health insurance

I digress...

I am so weary of people telling me how to worship.

I'm tired of them telling me my religious beliefs are wrong (this happened again just the other day).

I'm really tired of those who constantly proof text with Bible verses taken out of context to promote their personal beliefs.

Mostly, I'm tired of all these pseudo religious leaders and the politicians who fawn over them telling me regardless of my beliefs (or non beliefs) I most conform to their religious views and obey their religious “laws”.

M

You don't have the right to enforce your religious beliefs on me.

Ever.

So, to all you do good religious fanatics who believe it's their way or the highway, who demand all of us follow their belief system:

Get out of my life.

Get out of public schools.

Get out of government.

Stop beating me with your Bible.

The world does not belong to you. You don't get to control everything.

It's that simple.

Try practicing the tenants of your Christian faith: feed the poor, clothe the naked, heal the sick and house the homeless.

If you actually practiced what you preached, more might follow your religion.

[pan-era-musings]

Random thoughts on a cold blustery day.

I am not particularly concerned about trump's business fraud trial outcome. I'm sure he will find the cash from some source: Saudi's, Kushner, Russians, his followers, raping the coffers of the GOP.

What I am concerned about is trump's movement to wanting to be a dictator. He's making all the dictator speeches about the system being out to get him, how we need to return to a “better” time when whites were all powerful, how non-whites, especially immigrants are the enemy and must be destroyed.

The thought of rounding people up and putting them in camps must disturb some although I'm not seeing a lot of press about those camps or the “citizens” trump will get to round everyone up and get them behind bars (or razor wire).

What disturbs me most is how the GOP has totally blown off what it means to be a Republican, deciding power is much more important than civil values or civic responsibility.

I blame Republicans for trump and the chaos he causes.

One day this will all come crashing down for trump, the GOP and the MAGA's. We will see the remnants of the GOP crawl from underneath their rocks and claim they were duped, begging to come back into society and the political process.

In my world these people have no place in society. They enabled trump and the MAGA's for their own gain.

Losing means you don't get the spoils. It means you go back to the drawing board and start over.

It concerns me that right wing pro MAGA commentator Tucker Carlson is singing the praises of Russia to all who will listen.

Why is he doing this? Has he decided Russia will eventually take over the world and he wants to be in on the spoils?

Do what's left of his listeners really believe Russia is some sort of paradise for the people of Russia?

Time will tell but I predict Carlson will be used by Putin until Putin no longer needs him. Then poor Tucker will get a Navalny on the lovely streets of Moscow.

#trump. #tucker.

#trump.

[pan-era-musings]

After 72 years, this is what I know:

Love does not conquers all

People would rather fight than quit

My prostate will keep getting bigger. So do my earlobes and nose.

Many politicians will continue to think people are stupid lemmings

Many people will still act like lemmings when it comes to politics

Religion still brings out the best and worst in people

Old people really do talk about aches and pains all the time.

Texting is not communicating

Phones are no longer used for talking to others

Wars will never end

The self righteous will continue to tell everyone only they know the answers.

Love is never easy

We spend too much time trying to be perfect and right.

Forgiveness is a lost art.

Sobriety is the best gift I've ever received.

The older I get, the more tolerant I become.

After 72 years, I get what living is all about. It's about accepting joy into your life.

#gettingold.

[pan-era-musings]

Rights demand responsibilities

For many in my neck of the woods, the recent involuntary manslaughter conviction of Jennifer Crumbley raised eyebrows and outrage.

I'm sure the NRA and all those absolute 2nd Amendment folks are quaking in their boots.

What? I'm responsible for my firearms? The 2nd Amendment isn't a free ride freedom?

Mon Dieu!! Wut? Holy crap.

It's past time gun owners had to accept responsibility for their carelessness when it comes to their precious guns.

You want to leave it out for anyone to lay hands on? Be prepared to pay the price if someone uses the weapon in a crime.

Crumbley and her husband James bought a pistol for their son Ethan, a kid with some serious mental health issues. They taught him how to shoot. The parents also made no effort to secure the firearm and ammunition.

One day Ethan took the gun and killed four students at his high school.

You should not get a free pass for your wanton carelessness.

#schoolshooting. #guns.

[pan-era-musings]

Pain Hurts

I knew it was coming. It's a gradual thing for me. First comes the bit of tingle, going from a spot on the upper rear side of my head down to the temples and back behind the ears, slowly wrapping around the back of the head.

Then wham! The sledgehammer hits.

We are now in the migraine zone.

All migraines are not created equal.

Some hit like a freight train, reducing the recipient to quivering mass, demanding no sound, no light and relief.

For others like me, especially olders, the migraine comes and stays, occasionally getting worse or receding to almost, but never nothing.

Mine is always there, always painful. The pain site on top of my head is always tender to the touch.

You would think that's the worst of it but you would be wrong.

I also have a nasty version of Rheumatiod Arthritis combined with DISH. DISH is a nasty little bugger that allows calcium deposits to form where your tendons connect, causing the tendon to become stiff and lack flexibility.

On the RA side, the tendons in my thumb joints have pretty much disintegrated so that my formerly opposable thumbs are curving into the palm of my hand. The back of my hand appears to show no thumbs.

Some of us Melungeons are born with two thumbs. Not me.

There are days when I would gladly amputate them instead of putting up with the intense pain that comes from using opposable thumbs.

We won't even get into the effects of major spine and cervical surgery years ago.

The best part is on a good day for me you'd never know. On a bad day, you don't see me.

Getting older can be a pain in the ass... or neck... or back... or head... For some of us, just like the beat, the pain goes on and on.

According to the CDC, 20.9% of Americans suffer from chronic pain, 6.9%of those have high impact pain. High impact pain is defined as pain so chronic that it prevents the patient from engaging in normal daily activities.

How do we cope? It ain't easy.

I now have six doctors: personal doc, cardiologist, neurologist, rumatologist, hand doctor and orthopedist.

Between the seven of us, we can't come up with a pain management treatment that works for me... yet.

There is always hope.

Opioids and assorted narcotics are out because of my past addiction to them.

Ice and heat only go so far.

NSAIDS are out because I'm taking other drugs that don't interact well with them. Plus, there's always the kidney function issue from taking too many of these types of pain relief drugs.

What's left?

Tumeric, ginger and cinnamon tea.

Injections into the joints.

Infusion therapy.

Lose more weight to lessen the impact on joints (like that's happening).

A autoimmune drug for the PA.

A regular migraine shot.

Massage

Stretching and yoga.

Hitting the gym for weights and cardio.

Does any of this work?

Kinda, sorta, maybe. At least it's something.

This is not a feel sorry for Stephen screed. I'm fine. My meditation and practice keep me good most of the time.

Sadly, there are so many out there who can not get relief from their battle with pain. Some haven't found the right treatment combo yet. Others can't afford the treatments.

As with all things medicine, the more money you have, the better your treatments and treatment options are.

#pain. #arthritis. #migraine

[pan-era-musings]

Sometimes there ain't nothing to write about, so I write anyway.

It's been a weird new year. Sub zero one day, 50's the next. Rain, snow, wind, no wind, sun, lots of clouds and fog (my fav).

As I get older my tendency is to reflect more and do less. It's a tendency I highly recommend to my younger friends. It pays to think.

Two times a day, Lola the Wonder Dog makes it abundantly clear to me that it's time for our daily hikes through the woods. We used to walk without a leash but a neighbor decided to quote chapter and verse of the city regs against such walking. But, as soon we hit the woods, the leash comes off, leading to unfettered wandering amongst the trees.

Trees are such fascinating creatures. I'm always fascinated by their shapes, how they bend and adjust their growth to their location. Half the fun of a good hike is twisting and turning as you pass each tree, finding my space between theirs.

Lola has no problem with this. She's small enough and still bendy enough to get around even the densest growth.

Still, she is always nearby. Sure, she's sniffing about, exploring the smells as we crawl about the underbrush. I have noticed she always has an eye on me, never straying far from my path.

It's good to have a companion that keeps you in sight.

#dogs. #hike.

[pan-era-musings]

Sometimes there ain't nothing to write about, so I write anyway.

It's been a weird new year. Sub zero one day, 50's the next. Rain, snow, wind, no wind, sun, lots of clouds and fog (my fav).

As I get older my tendency is to reflect more and do less. It's a tendency I highly recommend to my younger friends. It pays to think.

Two times a day, Lola the Wonder Dog makes it abundantly clear to me that it's time for our daily hikes through the woods. We used to walk without a leash but a neighbor decided to quote chapter and verse of the city regs against such walking. But, as soon we hit the woods, the leash comes off, leading to unfettered wandering amongst the trees.

Trees are such fascinating creatures. I'm always fascinated by their shapes, how they bend and adjust their growth to their location. Half the fun of a good hike is twisting and turning as you pass each tree, finding my space between theirs.

Lola has no problem with this. She's small enough and still bendy enough to get around even the densest growth.

Still, she is always nearby. Sure, she's sniffing about, exploring the smells as we crawl about the underbrush. I have noticed she always has an eye on me, never straying far from my path.

It's good to have a companion that keeps you in sight.

#dog. #hike.

[pan-era-musings]

On 5 November 2024, Vote None of the Above

Shame on the Republican and Democratic Parties for offering up two such impossible to vote for candidates for president.

On the left we have the new Happy Warrior Joe Biden, relic from the mid 20th Century way of politics.

Biden still believes politics can be fought they way they were in the 1980's. His demeanor indicated he won't fight for anything that doesn't involve his rambling remembrances of his personal tragedies.

While he has some impressive legislative victories this term, he is unable to get anyone enthused for what he's doing. Even abortion, the Dems signature issue this election, isn't genning him the support he needs to win.

And, let's be honest, he's 81. He looks it. He reminds me more of the old guy down the street than a vibrant president.

Most importantly for me, he's a 20th Century man in a 21st Century world. America needs a 21st Century vision, not more verses of campfire Kumbaya.

The Democratic Party needs to find new blood. Shame on them and Biden for freezing out the youngers.

And then there's Trump.

I can't think of one reason to allow this man to be president again.

With him the Republicans have offered a mentally ill, sociopathic bully with delusions of dictatorial grandeur.

His administration will be about revenge, retribution and solidifying his place as America's dictator/king for life.

Republicans are so determined to get power they will allow this man to destroy 243 years of work to forge a democracy that works.

Many say he's appointed by God. Melding politics with religion is a sure way to divide the Nation and cause untold intolerance by the winning party.

Democrats have enabled trump to run unfettered with his brand of criminal politics.

Neither deserve our vote.

This year vote none of the above.

PS - As of now, my pick to win the Presidency is Trump.

#trump. #biden #election

[pan-era-musings]

Flashback

There I was towling off in the gym locker room when I got a call from my hospital.

Hello

Is this stephen rhymer

Yes

This is Naomi from Dr Scherlag’s office. You’ve been referred to us by Dr Klabzuba (my personal doctor).

Okay… why?

Dr Scherlag is a cardiologist and would like to go over your recent stress test and echo cardiogram.

Okay. When?

Can you be here within the hour?

Rut roh

We will see you shortly.

Click

Holy crap!!!!

Flash back to this time in 2022. I had just finished my annual physical and wellness check. I had told my doctor I had this curious problem hiking at 7000 feet. It felt like I couldn’t catch my breath but I wasn’t really struggling for air.

My doctor said let’s do a heart workup - you’re 70 and it’s probably a good idea just to make sure nothing’s wrong.

I gave it no further thought. I did however, forget to mention occasional lightheadedness and dizziness.

Back to our story.

I made it to the cardiologist’s office in 20 minutes. I was in the waiting room about two minutes when the nurse poked her head out and called my name.

That’s spooky to anyone in a doctor’s waiting room. You just don’t get in that fast.

We got all the preliminaries stuff out of the way. It wasn’t five minutes before Dr Scherlag walked in, sat down and said:

You have a heart problem and I’m here into make sure you don’t die.

WTF?

I’ve been a jock most of my life. I work out, hike, play sports and keep active. I haven’t let spine surgery or replacement parts slow me down.

Dr Scherlag explained my ejection fraction should be about 55. Mine was 40. That means I’m in heart failure, probably stage three.

In a nutshell, this means my heart isn’t pumping enough blood into my body (hence the tiredness, dizzy spells and body weakness).

He told me there was some heart scaring but no evidence of a heart attack.

Right now I’m freaking out internally. Heart problem? Me?

Moving forward to today.

I’m now on major drugs to control the problem. As long as my ejection rate stays above 40, drugs, proper diet and exercise are my prescription.

If it gets below 40, it’s chest zipper time and a left ventricle bypass.

Why am I telling you this?

This is what I’ve learned.

Always tell your doctor about everything going on with your body even if it seems insignificant or you think it’s just old age.

Your life can depend on it. Mine did.

A year later I’m doing okay. So far everything is under control. I’m doing all the things I like to do.

I take my BP every day and never miss my meds. I watch what I eat. I keep my weight down. I drink lots of water. I work out daily, weights and an hour of cardio.

Mostly, I pay attention to what my body is telling me.

You should too.

#heart. #cardiologist.