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Incorrect Zodiac Signs Quotes
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tw: religion
*the squad is painting eggs for Easter*
Sagittarius: Can I ask a question? Why do we do this?
Taurus: W-what do you mean why do we do this? It’s Easter!
Sagittarius: Right. So why do we color eggs?
Taurus: So that the Easter bunny can hide them!
Sagittarius: Yeah but why?
Taurus: Easter celebrates the day that Jesus was ressurected after being crucified for our sins.
Sagittarius: So we dip eggs in colored vinegar and a giant rabbit hides them?
Taurus: That’s right.
Sagittarius: You don’t see the missteps in logic with that?
Taurus: 👁👄👁
Sagittarius: LOOK I’M JUST SAYING THAT SOMEWHERE BETWEEN JESUS DYING ON THE CROSS AND A GIANT BUNNY HIDING EGGS THERE SEEMS TO BE A GAP OF INFORMATION
Taurus: JUST DYE YOUR DAMN EGGS
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Taurus: I'm gonna eat the chicken breasts!
Scorpio, snickering: Yeah, eat what you lack.
Aquarius deadpanning at Scorpio: Then maybe I should order brains on delivery for you.
#incorrect quotes#incorrect zodiac quotes#astrology#zodiac signs#taurus#scorpio#aquarius#air signs#earth signs#water signs
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Taurus, breaking down the door: SIX MONTHS!
Virgo: What is she talking about?
Capricorn: I'm sure it's nothing-
Taurus: FOR SIX MONTHS YOU WATCHED ME WATER A FAKE PLANT AND SAID NOTHING!
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Leo: Do you think I'm plastic?
Scorpio: No.
Leo: Phew. Oka-
Scorpio: Plastic, at least, has some use in life. You're not plastic.
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Aquarius: You’re such a dumbass (affectionate).
Gemini: Aww, you’re such a whore (complimentary).
Sagittarius: How are you talking like that in real life?
Gemini: Witchcraft (derogatory).
#incorrect quotes#incorrect zodiac quotes#zodiac signs#astrology#aquarius#gemini#sagittarius#air signs#fire signs
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Sagittarius: Do you know a turtles only weakness?
Virgo: No... well, their slowness.
Sagittarius: Their weaknesss is they can't roll over when they are on their backs.
Sagittarius: Now I have a plan.
Sagittarius: If I duct tape two turtles together, they'll be unstoppable.
#incorrect quotes#incorrect zodiac quotes#zodiac signs#astrology#sagittarius#virgo#fire signs#earth signs
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Sagittarius: We have a problem.
Scorpio: Let me guess, you caused it?
Capricorn: Gimme a sec, I'm not drunk enough to listen to this yet.
Aries: And it's another Tuesday, your point?
Taurus: Would shooting you solve this problem? No? Then shut up.
Aquarius: If you mean the fire, that's our solution to last week's problem.
#incorrect quotes#incorrect zodiac quotes#zodiac signs#astrology#sagittarius#scorpio#capricorn#aries#taurus#aquarius#fire signs#water signs#earth signs#air signs
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Gemini: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
Leo: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
Capricorn: A realist sees a freight train.
Taurus: The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
#incorrect quotes#incorrect zodiac quotes#astrology#zodiac signs#gemini#leo#capricorn#taurus#air signs#fire signs#earth signs
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Capricorn, holding a rock: Pisces just gave this to me and said "I feel like you deserve the moon but all I can give you is a rock".
Taurus: If you don't marry them, I will.
#incorrect quotes#incorrect zodiac quotes#astrology#zodiac signs#capricorn#pisces#taurus#earth signs#water signs
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Capricorn: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-
Pisces: I wrote you a poem.
Capricorn, already crying: You did?
#incorrect quotes#incorrect zodiac quotes#astrology#zodiac signs#capricorn#pisces#earth signs#water signs#capricorn x pisces#pisces x capricorn
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Aquarius: *watching their house burn down*
Aquarius:
Aquarius: *starts filming* Waddup, guys, welcome to my vlog, today's topic: how to get away with accidentally committing arson because you forgot Spaghetti O's cans are metal and thus non-microwavable! Step one: deny everything.
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Aquarius: I’m the smartest person in my friend group.
Scorpio: You hang out with Gemini, Sagittarius, Aries, and Leo.
Scorpio: It’s not as high a compliment as you think.
#incorrect quotes#incorect zodiac quotes#astrology#zodiac signs#aquarius#scorpio#gemini#sagittarius#aries#leo#air signs#water signs#fire signs
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Gemini: Guys, I’ve been meaning to tell you… Sag and I are dating.
Sagittarius, Leo, Aquarius, and Libra: *gasp*
Gemini: Sag, why are you surprised?!
#incorrect quotes#incorect zodiac quotes#astrology#zodiac signs#gemini#sagittarius#leo#aquarius#libra#sagittarius x gemini#gemini x sagittarius#air signs#fire signs
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Scorpio: Where is Virgo?
Gemini: I'll do you one better, who is Virgo??
Aquarius: Here's a better question, why is Virgo?
#incorrect quotes#incorect zodiac quotes#astrology#zodiac signs#scorpio#virgo#gemini#aquarius#water signs#earth signs#air signs
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Taurus: I regret getting dragged into your heterosexual tomfoolery.
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Virgo: *visiting the squad* Hello, I just came to-
Virgo: *sees Aries shoving Leo into the washing machine while Sagittarius records and Aquarius watches*
Virgo: *retreating* Something suddenly came up.
#incorrect quotes#incorrect zodiac quotes#astrology#zodiac signs#virgo#aries#leo#sagittarius#aquarius#earth signs#fire signs#air signs
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Taurus: Yo dumbass, get over here.
Cancer: Okay-
Gemini: *gleefully runs past* I’m coming!
Cancer, sadly: I thought... I was dumbass...
#incorrect quotes#incorect zodiac quotes#astrology#zodiac signs#taurus#cancer#gemini#earth signs#water signs#air signs
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