originalbydondria

[originalbydondria]

I been sick damn near all month

Still tryna feel better

You can stull get covid folks

Be safe out there

Thus concludes April's post

Bye

D. Ondria

04202024 <<get into that delicious palindrome

[originalbydondria]

With rumors / news that this site might be / is feeding AI with things posted here, I'm not sure if I'll be posting going forward.

This will be April's post.

D. Ondria

04062024

[originalbydondria]

...like the omen

I am not here

I am clearly not

I could cry

Fill a mug

And it would empty

To you

But the age would strip cup

Alchemize it to glass

I am not here

I am clearly not

The crawl over my skin

The deep rooted knots

An illusion of the worst kind

Pain so crippling

But you dont believe it

I am not here

I am clearly not

Unless I leave for good

Now you have these thoughts

Lies I suspect

Because I cant reply back

To remind you of your silence

And your lack

The empty responses

"You'll be alright"

But all of the sudden

You knew something wasnt right

Oh now you care

Or you wish you were there

Or I'd come to you

Like I wasnt right there

I am not here

Clearly I am not

In the dark I drown

In the brown I rot

I lacked the desire to mask

You feign fear to ask

I reached out my hand

The side you can see

Funny how seen the unseen

Can be

Until seeing is noticing

Humanity

I am not here

I am clearly not

D. Ondria

03022024

#ecosystem of creatives #african american writers #blackgirlmagic #african american authors #originalbydondria #black writers #creative writing #black creatives #black women writers #original by d ondria

[originalbydondria]

I want to get paid to write...

Any legit leads would be helpful (places where people pay a writer to write things. Anything. I can be decide on my end)

Even blog monetization or something to that effect...

Any tips to weed out mess and madness (scams) would be helpful too...

Comment, reblog, etc...

D. Ondria

#ecosystem of creatives #african american writers #blackgirlmagic #african american authors #originalbydondria #black writers #creative writing #black creatives #black women writers #original by d ondria #jobs #paid #help

[originalbydondria]

The boats passed

Maybe the engines were too loud

Drowned

D. Ondria

#ecosystem of creatives #african american writers #blackgirlmagic #african american authors #originalbydondria #black writers #creative writing #black creatives #black women writers #original by d ondria

[originalbydondria]

Tired of getting back up

I wanna lay down

Fossilize

Be tf done

D. Ondria

#ecosystem of creatives #african american writers #blackgirlmagic #african american authors #originalbydondria #black writers #creative writing #black creatives #black women writers #original by d ondria

[originalbydondria]

Random Post

Hope, kinda

I used to hope for

Then I hoped that

Now I hope in God

Because if He got it

I cant lose it

Been there before

Hope is real hard to get back

D. Ondria

02122024

#ecosystem of creatives #african american writers #blackgirlmagic #african american authors #originalbydondria #black writers #creative writing #black creatives #black women writers #original by d ondria #poetry by d ondria #african american poetry #black poetry #poetry #creative writer

[originalbydondria]

New Year Tingz

January was a decade long. And while February usually feels like 5 minutes, is already dragging for me.

I'm gonna switch up a bit. I feel like people who leave a like (since none of yall say anything 🫠) actually read the shit. I'll drop journey posts here.

That said, here is one for you...stories need feedback. Art needs feedback. Like music needs sales/downloads/streams. Like videos and movies need views.

It is hard sometimes trying to do this and just dropping something into the void without it ever hitting something. A like is cool. It is quick. Hopefully it is real...but nothing feeds and fuels like feedback.

All I'm going to say.

Writing takes a lot of energy. And it feels like everything when you do not have the various privileges to write and do nothing else or to automatically be seen and heard. A lot of energy.

Like putting a new battery and a full tank of gas in your car every time you leave the house a lot. Think of that time and cost when consuming art. Consider the production wasn't done in one trip, but many. Sometimes tires blew out. Sometimes brakes went out and the whole damn thing crash. Needed to be rebuilt or replaced.

Hoping to do some super shorts. Prompt writing basically because I will not be Cadillac Car'd (watch (2006) Dreamgirls for the reference). But I refuse to put in a bunch of energy into the void.

I did that already and what is funny is even with that I held all the way back. (See here)

And even the shortest things I could think of to write (like this) just sat there.

But I am willing to do the latter. It is easier to drop a tear than pour out a heart.

So what is what's up for 2024.

I might try to drop a ramble or two. See what else moves the thumbs on this tiny keyboard but...🤷🏾‍♀️

D. Ondria

02042024

#ecosystem of creatives #african american writers #blackgirlmagic #african american authors #originalbydondria #black writers #creative writing #black creatives #black women writers #original by d ondria #writing #writing process #creative struggles #creative writer #help #feedback

[originalbydondria]

This side is about to get exclusive content.

I feel like a like here actually got read...

That's all.

Soon is later...so coming soon. Lol

D. Ondria

01092024

#ecosystem of creatives #african american writers #blackgirlmagic #african american authors #originalbydondria #black writers #creative writing #black creatives #black women writers #original by d ondria

[originalbydondria]

Catch-22

So I already know who will like this on wordpress.

I already know who will like this on tumblr.

The links will go on twitter/bluesky and maybe one other with zero to no interaction.

If I post this to medium, crickets.

I already know this because I don't have the time/energy combo to keep playing with the algorithm and be wildly prolific.

Then the other problem of it all is that I don't want to waste time writing a bunch of things for the same 3 here and 4 there and it gets no further than that.

But I know I can't improve chances on nothing.

I would say I will just do what I can but what I can do is delete all this mess and just show up in an ebook store somewhere and wait for the buy/return cycle to begin and ignore the notifications until I finally get tired enough that I have to let the dream die to conserve energy.

This is how I end 2023. No idea whatsoever how I may show up in 2024.

D. Ondria

12192023

#ecosystem of creatives #african american writers #blackgirlmagic #african american authors #originalbydondria #black writers #creative writing #black creatives #black women writers #original by d ondria

[originalbydondria]

Still here and also

Very much so

Not.

D. Ondria

#ecosystem of creatives #african american writers #blackgirlmagic #african american authors #originalbydondria #creative writing #black creatives #black women writers #black writers #original by d ondria

[originalbydondria]

Quick ramble

I hate this time of year. It isnt joyous and I am struggling in the e all of the above category of life. I am tired. I hate it is dark all day. Employment is trash and I am tired of smelling shit (working on changing that isnt coming fast enough). Every fucking moment something needs to be done (hair, take care of skin, drink water, do this, fucking do that too. I am tired). And I am too energy drained mentally and tired physically to work on the forward moving shit most days.

Yes, I am complaining. I am also sad as shit. Outside of binging reruns, the world is at least in the 3rd circle of hell. And short of a miracle rendering all evil and greed swallowed into the earth's center, 2024 doesn't exactly look promising on a macro (big picture) level.

(Poll because I was tryna figure out these icons and tumblr hasn't made an option to undo it 🙄)

I am sick of everything. A big ol bag of money would fix things. And...that is the hell it.

I am so tired...there is no magic...today there is not fucking strong. Only Black woman.

I just want peace no prayer is turning over. I just want rest no amount of hours can bring.

K bye

D. Ondria

11252023

#ecosystem of creatives #african american writers #african american authors #originalbydondria #black writers #creative writing #blackgirlmagic #black creatives #black women writers #original by d ondria

[originalbydondria]

Life is the Block

I am going to ramble a bit. Per usual, I guess. And depending on the platform I'll get the usual blind likes. I can pose a question, try to interact, but it will go dark. And since I don't have much to say beyond the title, this should be pretty short.

If you have all the support you need to sustain writing or any art thing, any not paid by the hour, salary ass thing as the thing you do - the only thing you need to do to make a living - I hope you know how lucky you are. Some of us, regardless of follower count or family or anything else, just don't.

I have to be everything to me and improve on those things just to make ends appear to meet. I can't remember the last time they actually touched. So I obviously haven't been writing and posting. I want to get back to it. Even gave myself the easiest means to do it. But my days feel like there is neither enough time or enough energy to execute anything. I have been sleepy /exhausted/under rested for almost two years straight. This year has been exhausting, depressing, and busy and difficult as hell. And the light at the end of the tunnel still feels too far away.

All I want to do is what I feel called to do but that damn phone keeps ringing and getting firther out of reach.

See. Short.

So my usual 3 or 4 on wordpress, my 1 or 2 on tumblr, nobody on medium. Go ahead and click like. Thanks for reading.

D. Ondria

11072023

#ecosystem of creatives #african american writers #blackgirlmagic #african american authors #originalbydondria #black writers #creative writing #black creatives #black women writers #original by d ondria

[originalbydondria]

The Void, The Exhaustion, and Affirmations

Here's the final thought to the posts from before...

I spent my entire life encouraging myself. I have been burned out and pouring fumes into myself since my age had a 1 in front of it - it's a 3 now so do I need to say I am tired?

At the risk of turning this into a conversation about validation let me just say this - we all need and want it. Yes, it should come from or at least start from within, but it helps to also get a boost, a pouring from elsewhere.

I'm from Southern California so I can only liken it to the days difference before and after pix of damn that's dry/low natural water spurces to OMG THE DELUGE post-rain pix that happened earlier this year. I am currently in the the where tf did the water go side of this thing. Whatever. Because this, this very act of writing and formating and hitting publish to drop this thing off into the void. I'm going to get into what you might be thinking of my persistent use of this word soon.

The fact of the matter is writing, creating anything uses up some kind of energy. Even when it energizes, something is being used up. Time. Space. Quiet. And thankfully, each new day is a replenishment of these and other things. Or at least you hope it is. That the drag towards Monday doesn't create a contiuation of tired on Tuesday. Lucky, privleged, and blessed is the writer that can and only has to do that - to create. And I find a lot of the advice types do exactly that and seem to not acknowledge know or understand that MOST of us have to balance this with various draining faucets of life - work, family, friends, bills, health, spiritual things, mental things, etc... But I talked about this already.

I hate affirmations. I already know things can and will be better. I don't need to be affirmed. I want to see and experience it for myself. I already know I am awesome. I just want to feel it. I already know that this post is good or I wouldnt have hit publish. It would be nice to see some evidence of that. It would be nice to get something poured in to pour back out.

So here I address the void. The internet is just that. There are millions if not billions of pages and people and bots and blogs and pictures and posts and thoughts and feelings that create this never-ending bottomless pit of content for any and everybody to wade around in. I imagine if we lived to old testatment level ages, all of that time still wouldn't be enough to see everything. And there is nothing wrong with that. But that is why I call it a void. Because it is. No different than saying sky is the limit. Because it is. Unless you know how to get to space.

So I am trying to believe in the build it and they will come just by doing this. And honestly, none of ths is easy and honestly, it doesn't always feel like any post will float on top of the void. And no, I do not want to risk the expense of fume fueled energy on a real project (I do fiction btw *link to story here https://www.tumblr.com/originalbydondria/631790156302729216/will-they-even-read-it?source=share*) that is just going to drop off into nothing. But I press on because in that cloud of fumes and exhaustion is just enough residue, that stubborn inexhaustible drop of fuel that I can only call purpose, that keeps my dumbass coming back here to the silence of the posted piece.

D. Ondria

08172023 (originally written. Remembered to post 09172023)

#ecosystem of creatives #african american writers #blackgirlmagic #african american authors #originalbydondria #black writers #creative writing #black creatives #black women writers #original by d ondria

[originalbydondria]

Believe

I had a write it and they would come view of blogging. I still do simply because I do not know how to market or so called convince people of anything. This space is what it is and it is clear to me reading isn't a high priority task for many. The desire for the quick and loud, wrong or otherwise, outweighs a lot. Comprehension, included. So it is hard to feel encouraged or to believe like any of this matters. To feel the push or purpose when it all seems so futile.

And yet, here I am again.

Bu there was another piece. Believing. If I posted something on this or my other blog spaces, it was because I believed in it. And some.spaces perhaps lend itself to seeing signs of that more than others. Nevertheless, the discovery of needing to believe in myself and my writing has been a heavy one. One I take to heart. More than any likes. More than the lack of comments or tangible feedback can tell me...or isn't telling me.

I can only hope it will work. Or I can choose to believe it will and wait for it.

D. Ondria

08052023

#ecosystem of creatives #african american writers #blackgirlmagic #african american authors #originalbydondria #black writers #creative writing #black creatives #black women writers #original by d ondria #writing community

[originalbydondria]

Honestly

Honestly, I am tired. I am in limbo between giving up and pressing on. I am running on my own fumes and have been for years...decades. but I am not fully sure I'd know fuel if I had it.

Honestly, it would have been nice is Covid ended all the world. And quarantine, was both horrible and beautiful. The planet was healing but the humans were breaking. Hmmm...

Honestly, I write and post these kinds of things because there are too many people that will give you the 5 and 10 points to making it or finding whatever and never once mention the steps in between or the reality of the mass amounts of people and money and shielding and relief they had along the way. I can't lie like that.

Honestly, writing IS easy. Having the brain space, the peace, the energy to do it is hard. Trying to squeeze out a minute when the only one doing anything is you is hard. Not having the means to outsource draining tasks is hard. Already ignoring yourself so you can just keep going is hard.

Honestly, schedules are easy. But exhausting. And when the only control you have is none, finding time that is very much so right there in the midst of a ready to burn forest full of exhaustion is hard.

Honestly.

Honestly, I could follow those steps. I could come up with my own based on those moments from day long to months long and spew them here as if it was all so easy and YOU CAN DO IT TOO.

But honestly, all we can, any of us, do is try.

I am trying.

That once a week thing was flowing until it wasn't. I was going to finally post a story but I just couldn't. Too much pain. Too much fear. Too little energy. Too many steps and no guard rails.

Honestly.

D. Ondria

08062023

#ecosystem of creatives #african american writers #blackgirlmagic #african american authors #originalbydondria #black writers #creative writing #black creatives #black women writers #original by d ondria #support anyone? #hi #help #idkwtfiad

[originalbydondria]

Idfk

I was watching something about spirituality and tuning in to that parts of ourselves and it made me think about a bunch of things. What I am unhiatus'ing for is to speak on imagining life to be.

I'm going to be honest and say as a Black woman in America of particular life/LIVED experience that it is hard to imagine a beautiful life here. A life that FEELS great or at least real to who I am as a person. Society here is thick. It is a thick, dense oily cloud of shit constantly speaking on what one must have to be happy or successful or comfortable and creating systems that put us in constant pursuit of that thing and moving the 'mission accomplished' sign further and further back as we try to move forward.

I say it is oily because even when you rise above the damn thing, the residue lingers. Sure, you might not give an actual damn about name brands, but life here definitely has a price and the prices gatekeep the quality and the quality matters, sometimes.

The bills, the care and products to uphold care, the debt, fun of going here and there all has a price tag. Nothing wrong with that but how does it really feel? Will it still be good after the experience is over? When the food is digested? The product is discontinued? The clothes dont fit? The shoes are worn?

Does it still FEEL good when things that made it look good fade away and leave you in its wake?

But it is hard to imagine a life that FEELS good in a space that seems stubbornly fixed on making sure certain people dont get to feel good in the ways they exist. A place that refuses to acknowledge it creates and upholds things that harm a lot of people for NO REAL REASON. Where the consequence of exisiting no more or less than how and who you really are can result in being denied safety or advancement or peace or acceptance or the basic respect or consideration that certain others would never have to think about NOT having.

The point of this is I want to imagine and create a life that feels right the same way I can on paper but reality feels...sticky. It feels permeable and yet...like trying to get water through concrete... And I am tried of being in a water drop situation where it will take millennia to make a dent. I want pressure washer, no, water cutter levels - a free and unencumbered flow through my tiny little presence in this big world, carving away.

I don't know.

D. Ondria

07082023

#ecosystem of creatives #african american writers #blackgirlmagic #african american authors #originalbydondria #black writers #creative writing #black creatives #black women writers #original by d ondria