Ennard: Hey Wake up! I just murdered your entire family!
Michael: But I live alone.
E: H~uh? Then who are these people in your house?
M: There's people in my house?
E: Weell NOT ANYMORE, dumb bitch! You could have died! You're welcome!
Fritz: *turning in bed* Jeremy?
Jeremy: *sleepily* Uh-h yeah?
F: If there was a zombie apocalypse and I got bit, would you shoot me?
J: Oh babe, no, I'd let you bite me so we could be zombies together.
F: *laughs* That's fuckin' stupid, I would blow your fuckin' head off in a heartbeat! You would not survive!
Golden Freddy: Could you give me some of your political beliefs?
Springtrap: Kill everyone now!
S: Condone first degree murder!
S: Advocate cannibalism!
S: EAT SHIT!
Bonnie: Hi, welcome to Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria! Would you like the pizza or the bears?
Mike: B-bears?
Chica: HE HAS SELECTED THE BEAR!!!
Mike: W-wait-
*Freddy begins to advance towards Mike, blaring Toreador March*
Mike: WAIT-
Michael: Do not come over to my house. If the house is on fire you may knock once, if I don’t answer assume I set the fire and I want to burn to death.
Freddy: *Obnoxiously blasts Toreador March at full volume*
Mike, from the security office: WHO THE F*CK IS BLASTING MUSIC AT THREE IN THE MORNING?
Freddy: It's 3 am in the morning.
Toy Chica: The best part of an oreo is the cookie part, not the frosting. Deal with it.
Withered Foxy: Darkness without light is an abyss. Light without darkness be blindin'. Ye cannot have a doubloon with one side.
Withered Bonnie: YO SOCRATES! IT'S A FUCKING COOKIE!
Springtrap: I came out here to attack people and I'm honestly having such a good time right now.
Nightmare Bonnie, talking to C.C.'s Fredbear plush: Do you know that we are made out of atoms?
N. Bon: And atoms never touch each other.
N. Bon: So in my defense, Mr. Bear. *Points at C.C.* I did not punch this child.
Circus Baby: *sharpens knife* We've got ways of making people talk.
CB: *cuts piece of cake*
Michael: ...Can I have some?
CB: Cake is for talkers.
Henry: Why would you think any of this was a good idea?
Scraptrap: Probably because I’m a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence.
Henry: ...
Scraptrap: I don’t know how you keep forgetting this.
Dreadbear: Self care is actually getting into fights with random punks in dark alleys.
Vanessa: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap!
Grim Foxy: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!!
Glitchtrap: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting.
Tape Girl: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.
Glamrock Chica, very tired: Can I sleep in your bed?
Roxanne: *half asleep* Chica, this is a queen-sized bed. That means it’s for *gestures vaguely to herself* the Queen.