neurotickittymeow

[neurotickittymeow]

Catch-22

I stepped out, then stepped back in

to what feels like

the most menacing boomerang in space

But I still couldn’t seem to get the pace

I’m not alone

We’re not alone

A lone mission

to explode and implode

Trapped in a bubble

Yet with no selective barrier

How do I escape this reality

Agora-claustrophobia

My perpetual intrapsychic conflict.

[neurotickittymeow]

I know some people don‘t like me and that‘s okay. Duh, like they matter. But what pains me is the fact that I have to be mannerly around them despite their stench of fakeness. I abhor overly religious people; the kind that constantly post bible verses, having a god quote as their cover photo on facebook (just how pathetic is that?) above all, the seemingly „goody two shoes“ who think they are better than others. Most of these people aren‘t actually who they „post“ to be.

I, for one, have a heightened sense of bullshit and weird vibes. I know when I am being talked about or disparaged. And this is why I don‘t trust anyone. This is why I am careful because some people, even if you have been good to them, are just straight up shitty.

By that I meant, they, too should be careful of me.

[neurotickittymeow]

• Vapor •

just like fog

you dissipate after sunrise

but it doesn‘t matter

it ain‘t such a surprise

(you) vanishing into vapor

faint structures, obscure resolve

you think you can do no wrong?

you are nothing but a slave

of your own hypocrisy.

10.09.2021 ©️beautifulbruises

#hypocrisy #poem #literature #religious #fuckers

[neurotickittymeow]

On Billie Eilish‘s „Xanny“

Depression is different for everyone. There are commonalities associated with depression and anxiety but we all still have our unique experiences within that. And communicating how we think and feel can be difficult for other people to grasp.

Most of the people who are really afflicted conceal it. You see, wounds are not something we are open about.

Some people need „Xanny“ to feel better because depression and anxiety aren‘t just a fleeting mood or a state of mind. It is a clinical disease and it‘s real.

„They just keep doing nothing. Don‘t give me a Xanny now or never.“

Some of you must not have heard of PDD (Persistent Depressive Disorder) or high functioning depression. This allows the person to be able to function mostly normally, going to work or school, performing well, keeping up with responsibilities at home, and engaging in most social activities. But internally, that person is struggling, imploding.

Sometimes I write to get the wuss out of my system, in an attempt to create something beautiful out the darkness that consumes me.

So, yeah Billie. You are missing something. You don‘t suffer from mental illness. You‘re just cashing out on it because it‘s a trend. Talk about being a sellout.

Just where do you draw the line between raising awareness and romanticizing mental illness?

#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #FridayDiatribe

[neurotickittymeow]

polarities part deux

i post memes and funny shit

but i couldn’t write happy things to save my life

i have the attention span of a toddler

yet i also find some habits hard to break

i am a big fidget

but i am also a slacker

i know all these sound cliché

i guess i‘m a cliché poet.

i couldn‘t figure myself out

what a major bummer.

[neurotickittymeow]

I‘m a big dreamer and this ongoing poetry anthology project is my bold attempt at realizing one of my dreams. I am all of 39. I have been this and that and all other sorta things but one thing remained absolute to me, I am being my most authentic self when I’m writing poetry. My poetry is my voice. Whatever you‘re into, give it your all. Find your true north. 💜

If you‘re into dark and twisted stuff, follow me on Wattpad and Poetizer. ☺️😊

“If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery--isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you'll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is.”

― Charles Bukowski, Factotum

[neurotickittymeow]

Catching Vibes

Why are you mad, sad and lonely?

Take out the trash in your head

The toxic pacifists say it like

It‘s just a casual party

You can pop by and leave anytime

Why are you mad, sad and lonely?

Aggression, melancholy and apathy

in a turbulent alternating cycle

How is my long term engagement with volatility hard to understand?

You‘ll never fathom the dynamics

When you‘re just catching vibes.

#mood disorders #depression #anxiety

[neurotickittymeow]

Pseudo Philosopher

sitting out on the porch

in hopes of stopping

a deluge...

(nah, not exactly)

just a little too...

sophomoric (rather foolish!) to question

life and its purpose

betting my life away

on an afterlife

where my doubts rest upon

endless and empty

like a vast galaxy

pulsating in nothingness.

we can always argue

on the path analysis

of X, Y and Z

fully grasp

the law of causality

science, humanities and theology

methinks, can never suffice

our insatiable whys.

[neurotickittymeow]

Hypergraphia

i do not write because i love to write

i do not write

thinking i have anything new to say.

i do not write for fame or

pats on my lonely back.

i do not write to heal

the self-diagnosed

incurable empty,

nor to fool myself into feeling my words matter.

no…

i only write to distract myself

from my overly distracted self.

[neurotickittymeow]

Sad Girl

How did you let him

mess you up so much?

Mistook shared trauma

for compatibility

Popping Oxys and Vikes

Trying to make sense of

your misery;

Codependency.

It’s warm and comforting

Until you set yourself on fire.

How did you fuck yourself up so much?

#shared trauma #depression #pain pills #codependency

[neurotickittymeow]

On Billie Eilish‘s „Xanny“

Depression is different for everyone. There are commonalities associated with depression and anxiety but we all still have our unique experiences within that. And communicating how we think and feel can be difficult for other people to grasp.

Most of the people who are really afflicted conceal it. You see, wounds are not something we are open about.

Some people need „Xanny“ to feel better because depression and anxiety aren‘t just a fleeting mood or a state of mind. It is a clinical disease and it‘s real.

„They just keep doing nothing. Don‘t give me a Xanny now or never.“

Some of you must not have heard of PDD (Persistent Depressive Disorder) or high functioning depression. This allows the person to be able to function mostly normally, going to work or school, performing well, keeping up with responsibilities at home, and engaging in most social activities. But internally, that person is struggling, imploding.

Sometimes I write to get the wuss out of my system, in an attempt to create something beautiful out the darkness that consumes me.

So, yeah Billie. You are missing something. You don‘t suffer from mental illness. You‘re just cashing out on it because it‘s a trend. Talk about being a sellout.

Just where do you draw the line between raising awareness and romanticizing mental illness?

#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #FridayDiatribe

[neurotickittymeow]

~ Emily ~

her short, succinct aphorisms

lacking titles, slant rhymes

"ambitiously classical for a Victorian girl"

reclused and reluctant

white clothing, somewhat a decided penchant

unorthodox

maybe a little deviant

she is my passion

a lifetime solace

my Emily Dickinson.

~ Rochelle Villaflor ©️2012

*An ode to my favorite poet.

#emily dickinson #female poets

[neurotickittymeow]

The Great Escape

Your own flesh and blood

She's got your eyes, you see

But she got her mum's stare

Methamphetamine robbed you off your senses

Turned you into Beelzebub

Slithered like serpent

Revelled in voyeurism

As she shivered in loathing

Slept with knives

Under her pillow

Confined in hysteria

Doodling ghastly images

Plotting her revenge

She murmured,

"To take you down

Or cut my wrist..."

That was her last resort.

#high on drugs #cry of fear #predator

[neurotickittymeow]

“Romanticisation of an illness. Please get qualified help if you are not already getting it.”

This was one of the comments I got when I posted this on Allpoetry. Sometimes I hate my thoughts and when that happens, I’m glad I’m able to write them down. And writing them down meant I am fighting not to be self-destructive.

[neurotickittymeow]

Hollow

Grandma

had the settled tendency of

offering more love

than I could carry

probably because mom and dad were MIA

still, I was a war

with too much and too little

now

I am all of 38

with grown up issues and childhood fears

I am waging a war against myself, for myself.

“I guess I never had enough parents to make me whole.”

#depression #mood disorders #anxiety

[neurotickittymeow]

why am I always inclined

to repairing broken men;

mothering boyfriends

that end up draining

and breaking me

“i put his broken pieces back together

yet still i’m the one being too much”

maybe things got a little too close for comfort;

weekends and getting same tattooes together

it’s weighing on my chest

i wish we can just go back to

how it all started;

video games, netflix and memes

or better yet;

just IM hi’s and hellos

or just nothing at all.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

It’s the human condition.

[neurotickittymeow]

Sometimes

sometimes I feel so nauseous

thinking about

all the sweet nothings

I know will eventually

end up in nothing sweet

sometimes I feel like my mum

so hardcore

a very self reliant career woman

who passed around men

like a karaoke microphone

smart, twisted and dark.

sometimes I feel like my dad

the emotionally crippled

who couldn't drive

without asking for directions

insecure, fidgety, temperamental.

sometimes I feel like a child

without a care in the world

who doesn't like to be told but doesn't

know what to do

hyperactive, innocent, reckless.

sometimes I feel like a man

shallow and easy

who desires without the ball and chain

get laid, wake up

get up and leave

an animal, simple.

©️Rochelle Villaflor

#lovenumbs #poetry #thoughts #feelings #sweet nothings