January, 2024
I feel rejected from my community,
It's a horrid feeling, to palpably perceive you don't belong.
There's that and there's truth -
If I don't feel accepted and embraced by my community, they're not mine.
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january is one of those months where you experience every feeling on the human spectrum and you just have to go about your day like that isn't happening
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We’re all small and stupid,
Yet from the perspective of our eyes, everything seems so large and gravely important. I can keep repeating how insignificant everything is, I can practice nihilism and taoism and try my best to be like a flowing river, but in the end, I can’t help but care.
And that’s a tragedy.
I wish I could just be a rock.
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december 2021
on auto-pilot, just existing from day to day instead of living, until one day you wake up and find yourself dissatisfied with the life that has been created for you by your passiveness.
take back your power, feel uncomfortable for a bit if you have to, actively work towards recreating your life in your own image.
if you fail, it can’t be worse than where you began, can’t be worse than not trying
if you succeed, you will be reborn
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Not because it was all in vain, but because change is always possible and it’s always in our hands and I refuse to breathe life into it.
We aren’t going anywhere from here because we are already where we need to be.
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leave your heart at the door
you dont want to need it here
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All my life, one of my biggest fears has been the fear of abandonment. I feared that one little mistake could result in my friends leaving me behind. I shaped and formed myself to be docile, I put up a mirror and hid my true self behind it. I no longer existed, I was only what people wanted me to be. I abandoned myself.
I no longer fear abandonment, I grew past that as a person.
But now I am afraid...
What if I can’t find myself again?
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