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mysterioussoul16 · 1 year
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Who am I?
Dancing leaves, falling into place
My memories in a box with no face
Look at my eyes, my legs, what I can’t erase
Find the truth between the blue and gray
It doesn’t matter, I’m someone you can replace
My letters and the spaces between who I am and what I say
What I miss and what I never learned
I hope you decipher what I can’t, I wish, I could say
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mysterioussoul16 · 1 year
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What if nobody misses me?
What if I’ve become a silhouette,
just a pale color that once formed part of the bigger picture?
What if I’ve become the warm breath that fogs the window and then simply disappears once everything’s cold again?
Am I still in their mind? Even if as a a thought that suddenly crosses your mind and then gets lost in all the sea of all the emotions, colors, that really matter?
How can only air fill up the space i used to be mine, so quickly?
What if they just pretended I was singing in the right key, and I just never really blended in with them?
Was it all an illusion I made up in my head?
Anxiety becomes my favorite meal, it smeared everything I think
How am I supposed to be calm, when I cannot answers all of this?
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mysterioussoul16 · 1 year
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I can’t make art
I hate how I can’t write anything that’ll get to people’s hearts, I can’t make art
There’s so much in my head, so much I wanna say, yet I can’t get it out
How I do best when I’m at my worst
How I’m not enough, how candles are never enough to find the way to my own heart
I make my best effort, I try till my sweat turns into blood
Till my tears are the only sign of life left in me
Till the only shine left in me is my teary eyes
How I can’t even do my pain good
When I push myself to find love in places I don’t like, because in my head things are usually the wrong way ‘round
How I’m never satisfied, I’m always searching (for the wrong things?)
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mysterioussoul16 · 1 year
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Stars
People showing just to look and laugh
In a play pretend nothing’s made to last
A thousand candles lit to light your way in the dark
A star for each thought, a breeze of air for each word
A leaf falling into the dirt for every tear you couldn’t hold,
As salt is in the sea, salt in every heartbeat
Human being, human doing
Just don’t hurt me
It’s not hard to find a diamond in the shining sun, but, can you count every star in the sky?
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mysterioussoul16 · 1 year
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It flows
Emptiness comes back to me like waves to the shore,
I’m unsure, what i feel, what I’ve been, what I’ll be
I’ve been everywhere, yet nowhere, at the same time
A color palette, made a bad decision, I’m tired of lies
Explanations need two feet and a heart, the mind can only go so far, I’ve seen more than I’d like
If I could go back in time, would I?
I made my bed, a bed of pearls (my dreams suffocate me sometimes), i filled it with roses, but it still wasn’t enough
Riding, looking out the window, I’ve seen the rising sun smile, clouds just pass me by
Sometimes eyes are just a trap diamonds in a lock, snowflakes as lies
I tasted your lips, and I’ve done things, now they’ve worn off
Excitement only happens sometimes,
Skies, skies full of lust, lies.
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mysterioussoul16 · 2 years
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Alone with people
From childhood I have thought that I shouldn’t be,
I shall not speak my tongue, because they want me gone
I tried to learn their prayer, but we don’t know the same god
Should I still pretend that I’m just like them?,
I don’t know their names and they forget my face
I don’t want to pretend that I know their ways,
I wish I could dance with the stars,
and I want to run away, I’ll become the moonlight
I’m so homesick for a place I’m not even sure exists;
Why did I make it through all these years?
I really don’t want to stay here as me.
I can’t make my feelings make sense and my creativity is fading away,
reading my poems feels like hearing that song that makes you cry over and over again.
How am I supposed to live if I can’t handle my dreams?
People never understand the things I say or who I’m supposed to be, maybe my sadness is the light’s fault.
I guess I’d rather be on my own.
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mysterioussoul16 · 2 years
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Eat me
And I’ve consumed evil
Since I tasted evil in my mother’s womb
My illness has burnt my blood,
My nails are all chipped from the knife that cuts me off
My lips cleaned my feet,
my feet marked down my will
My tongue’s full of trash
Broken glass to save myself
Clean my hands
Eat my insides
And then sell my heart
Stab a needle inside of my brain,
Burn my rosy cheeks with cigarettes
And buy me those heart glasses so I can seem wiser
but I’m dumber,
And I promise I’ll drink you up
I’ll suck you all
And I’ll hurt you like no one ever before
And I’ll cut your hair off with the pieces of my broken glass,
And I’ll stab your belly
Because there is no more reasons to be beautiful
I’m not smarting
I don’t want to breed,
Love makes me fat and I don’t want to see
Because I’m dirty and I’m a slut
And I shall never fuck
Because I want to be pure,
But in dirty and I’m damned
And I’m fucked to the core.
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mysterioussoul16 · 2 years
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I wish I was pretty
I look around and I think
Everything’s beautiful in its own way,
From the rain falling down
like kisses that go down
from a lover to other, from dusk till dawn
Or when a cat stares at you
And I can’t help but wish I could see
What they see
The real, objective existence between all worlds
The beauty of the tears
I wish I could cry
whenever I feel like I’ve done enough
They do a never ending ballet
inside of my heart
But maybe my heart has gone dry
Maybe all those ex lovers didn’t lie
And I never had a heart
Because I have never loved anyone
like I should have
Though there might be one
who doesn’t hate me as much
I wish I were as wise
as the trees that surround me
for they’ve seen everyone, and everything
I guess they’d know what to think
Because I get lost in everyone’s thoughts and mine
what’s mine and what’s yours
What they lied to me about
and what I lied about
I’ve drank up all their thoughts
And they put a rope around my neck
And a price to my head
And my hands were full
of what they said I did
And I did no longer have consciousness
of the fact that I exist
I wish I could make a metaphor out of me
Or that I could make me as special
as a poem written in the loneliest night
But I’ve never been as pretty as the night
and I try
And I try
And I try
But I can’t see what they say I am
Because I was told otherwise before
I wish I had the beauty, of it all
I wish I could see myself as I see everything else.
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mysterioussoul16 · 2 years
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That song
I heard that song
You played to me as a surprise
I never told you that I felt so happy that I got scared
I made a playlist of all the songs you sent me
and sometimes
I listen to it
And I wonder “what if?”
I thought you were too clingy and too emotional
You had what I lack
Yet all I did was judge you
And I’m sorry I broke your heart
Those people were right
That you shouldn’t fall for a girl like me
Because I’ll end up tearing you apart
Unless you’re as bad as I can be
I always choose the wrong people
And I told you that
I let you know how scared I was
And why I thought we could never work
Now I see you
And you’ve changed
You seem happier, I hope you are
You deserve a girl who can love you as you are
I still keep every letter you wrote to me
And I promise I’ll never forget
I’m sorry I went with the one who treated me like you never would’ve
And I didn’t love him either
I never could
I’m sorry I liked to feel bad
I’m sorry I broke your heart
I’m sorry I broke your heart.
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mysterioussoul16 · 2 years
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A different girl
Maybe if I had been a different girl,
You would’ve wanted me
Maybe if I had blonde hair
and a striking smile
you would’ve felt the same way I did,
Maybe if I had been popular
And taller
And prettier
You wouldn’t have played me like you did
Maybe if I had been more touchy,
and i would’ve given you what you want
I could’ve convinced you I’m worthy
But my lips are sealed
And my eyes are as dark as a new moon night
So you’ll never know what I’m thinking about
Maybe my freckles freaked you out
because i had been star kissed in my dreams
I never told you about my past
I never said a word
I couldn’t handle the pressure I felt whenever I was thinking about you
And all the things you said that you wished for
I always thought that if you had had a prettier girl
you would’ve never said any of those things
Although I’m sure you didn’t mean them
Maybe you were as confused as I was
and how do you expect a lock to open up
In the cold?
I’ll confess that
I lied to you
I never wanted any of those things you said you did
but you didn’t seem like the type
who’d understand the simple things I would’ve liked
Maybe I didn’t want to be myself
I never am
That would mean giving people the key to that lock
and they’d burn me like the summer sun
That hurts my skin
The things I hate make me prettier
lighter
maybe i seem happier
Or maybe I just am happier
I’m so confused
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mysterioussoul16 · 2 years
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Little announcement:
I’ve made an Instagram account where I’ll post my poems, @nighttimepoems._, follow if you’d like.
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mysterioussoul16 · 2 years
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I wish I were a wire girl
I look at their pearls and notice how they can make anyone blush with just a smile,
How they carry their tall, skinny bodies
If I had longer legs, I could try to convince my mind that I might deserve to feel love
Maybe if I were a wire girl, people would appreciate or care more about me
If I looked as beautiful as a dark night in a clear night, full of all stars -that they are- I would have a full heart.
If I looked as beautiful as the girls I’ve seen in my dreams my life could have been much easier,
maybe the one person who was supposed to love me before anyone, would’ve done it.
I wouldn’t waste so much time thinking about whether I’m enough or not,
For everyone would have reassured me that since I was born,
If we can reflect our inside beauty in our bodies, does that mean I have an empty, joyless and pessimistic soul?
Is my body all that I mean? Is it all that I’m worth?
Will I be forever empty?
But what is life but a body made of out meat, lended to you for a couple of years, that will rot to be forgotten forever?
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mysterioussoul16 · 2 years
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Flawed
Roosters are singing, it’s 1:26 am
my nails’ color is fading, following the course of my thoughts
Now time is going backwards, and at night I feel at peace
I’ve always had this feeling that I shouldn’t be here
because everything I am is flawed
The flowers on my body didn’t blossom well, and all I am is thorns
The color of my blood shouldn’t be this dark, my shoes don’t fit me anymore
My legs and arms are getting longer, yet I still can’t reach whatever’s next
I can’t speak in a language people understand, for I’ve never experienced freedom or loss
I try but I can never be, I can never exist when I’m supposed to be in here
I easily lose track of time and my consciousness can fade away like a candle’s flame,
I wish I made better decisions,
for I try to back away from people but I’m always carried back by my own feet, against my will
I still fear what I know, for I wish I could escape what I hate, I wish I could leave this place.
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mysterioussoul16 · 2 years
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Nakedness
I should’ve been dead a long time ago,
I haven’t changed my clothes in a year
But my bones are still here.
Can you see me?
Haven’t I faked my love enough for you to hear me?
I never liked you touching me
Because I knew you’d try to erase me
And you kept on cutting, burning my skin
I can no longer feel anything,
Because you took everything away from me.
I’ve always hated nakedness
But when have my thoughts brought something to life?
What would be the use in screaming if my voice can’t handle rejection?
Could my back carry another misconception?
I can never finish what I start, so what’s the use in being alive?
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mysterioussoul16 · 2 years
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Am I your little game?
Was I just a game?
Was I just a bet you made with yourself?
Did you try to suck up all of the air I still had left?,
Am I addicted to the feeling of being wanted?
Maybe your touch was all I needed to be haunted,
You hurt me and maybe that’s what I wanted
Did you ever see me?, was I invisible to you?
When you said you loved me, did you mean it?
Will I ever get to know whether I was real, or if I was just a pale ghost hanging onto your bones?
Sometimes I still want you by my side, yet you really made me hurt inside
could I forgive the past?
Maybe you think I’m just your little game,
And maybe that’s why even after a year you still text me
without knowing that you can’t fix anything, yet you still don’t even try
Feelings fade and times have changed, I guess now I’m more myself
maybe you just kept me tied onto your feet, begging you for a little of peace
i made a lot of mistakes, yet something I’d never regret is walking away.
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mysterioussoul16 · 2 years
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Will it be?
It’s been a couple of days, yet it feels like a hundred years
can my heart be consumed by the vast thought of time?
Will my hands ever bloom?
Will the sky become more blue?
Will my life become full?
full of hope,
liveliness,
nothing but only things that are true
I wish I could find the answer inside of all this gloom
But maybe there’s not enough room
to contain all of my youth
Yet my life seems to have no route
they say that “all roads lead to Rome”,
But I think I got it wrong
Maybe I clasped my hands too tight,
And I’ve let go of the rope
Could I still be saved?
Maybe I’m just a person with no youth,
because my heart has never felt full
so maybe I was born to be aloof,
maybe something took the place of all my emotions
and they placed a vast, deep black hole
Instead of a route.
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mysterioussoul16 · 3 years
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I’ve been revisiting the same old place again,
my rotten yearnings have no end
my plan was to pretend,
but these streets were never meant to be here
I act so vain, yet my head is still in pain
Life has gotten sad again, and my will is fading away
I’ll try to capture my amends,
and I’ll eat whatever’s left of what I said
Maybe if I can’t scape, I might just sleep everything away
I can’t even say what I was meant to feel,
my hands have become useless, and they do not longer feel
i wish I’d have the power to write, yet my mind doesn’t find time
All I seem to do is pretend, cry and think about all the scapes i might create
Am I late?, can i still be fixed?
Will I always be trapped inside of this labyrinth?
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