mydialect - Tumblr blog

mydialect · 4 months

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I can’t go home.

There’s not space for me there.

There’s not space for me anywhere.

#3am poetry #3am poet #fullyalive #poem #short poem

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mydialect · 11 months

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i. gustav vigeland eros and psyche / auguste rodin ii. triton and nereid, iii. the kiss, vi. eternal idol / iv. miklós ligeti / v. stephen sinding the mennesker

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mydialect · 1 year

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How to Write a Suicide Note

Step 1: Get a piece of paper, or a note book, depending on how much you have to say.

Step 2: Grab your writing instrument. I don’t recommend markers, crayons or colored pencils.

Step 3: Pour your hearts out. Let everyone know what has been happening in your head and everything you feel is wrong in your life.

Step 4: Think about their faces while they read it.

Will your dad be able to survive this heartache? Can he identify your face without crying?

What about your cat? She will have no where to go. No one who knows her favorite food and when she gets fed. What will she do immediately after your death? Will cats actually eat their owners?

Your parents have been divorced for 10 years this will be the third time they have been in the same room since then. First was for your suicide attempt, second was for your hospitalization, last will be your success.

Do you dress nice for it? Make sure your body is pretty one last time? Don’t wear that dress that your step sister likes, you want to keep it safe enough to give it to her after. What about your birthday dress? You won’t live to see it anyways so whats the issue. Or do you want to be comfortable? Pjs and a hoodie. But what if blood covers the matching hoodie that you and your friend have?

How are you gonna do it? You're too hesitant with a knife. And you don’t want to make a big mess for whoever finds you to deal with. Too scared that taking pills is going to fail and you will just wake up again and have to keep moving forward. A noose would require you to get rope. What rope would you even use? Do you splurge for nylon or get the cheap inexpensive rope that makes your skin crawl?

Does your comfort even matter here? Its not like your whole life hasnt been hell anyways, why would you care about your own feelings now?

Is suicide the time to be selfish? Do you finally have permission to worry only about yourself? Or should you keep caring about others even while begging for deaths door?

Step 5: Fail again, give up or wake up the next morning covered in your own bodily fluids.

Step 6: Cry. Whether for yourself or others, you will cry.

Step 7: Go to class, or work, or home. Just keep moving on.

Step 8: Go to step 1 next time it is needed.

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mydialect · 2 years

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Sam’s Two Liners

God either keeps trying to kill me or keeps bringing me back

I cannot tell you which is worse.

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mydialect · 2 years

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I never thought I’d live past 11.

Watching my happiness click off with the TV after a late night episode of Scooby Doo hurt me in a way I have yet to recover from.

Having to tell my parents that their baby girl tried to kill herself forced everyone to be sad with me.

That was never the goal.

Growing out of that was so incredibly hard.

None of my peers understood what it was like to feel absolutely disgusted with yourself but never having the energy to do something about it.

Most of them still don’t know the sheer desperation of doing your best to have it be the bare minimum for everyone else.

I’m 18 now.

My happiness is not compared to that of a normal person.

When your whole life is shaped by childhood depression you never really learn how to function.

At my best, I cannot make my bed, nor brush my teeth every day, or sit in a room of people and simply exist.

Learning to take care of myself the best I can still elicits comments asking when the last time I had showered was,

Or why I sleep in my makeup.

The only thing driving me forwards is structure, I cannot give up on everything I am working towards.

Even though the thoughts of never being the age to reap those benefits haunts me.

I don’t think I’ll make it past 25.

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mydialect · 2 years

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My Familiar

Once upon a midnight lonely,

I and a sweet pea only.

Praying for the company of my pretty flower once more.

I was a witch and you were a santolina.

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mydialect · 2 years

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Bottle It Up

By the grave I saw the storms.

That rainfall, that dear rainfall.

The echo murmurs of floods.

Flooding over the hills.

The dams left as dust.

Cascading over the walls that have been built.

All at once,

I am flowing with the water,

The floods don't stop, and stop, and stop.

Among the swells, there are corpses

Of old and new.

None have been grieved, the water takes them too quick.

Overflow through the stones

Carved and broken.

Drownage slows,

The water flows out once more.

Yet again, I am sitting by the grave.

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mydialect · 2 years

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Scrapbooking

I can’t put a sticker on a page until I’m certain it’s perfect.

Never before the page is full.

Not where I imagine a better sticker yet to be obtained could go.

By the time I put a sticker down the time has passed.

The pages are old are faded.

Wrinkled with age.

The messy penmanship from years before.

But I cannot commit, until the sticker is perfect.

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mydialect · 2 years

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Drowning

That feeling of sinking below the waves.

But its not of terror, its of comfort.

The weightlessness of it all,

Like you can feel the sky pushing down upon you yet taking you and giving protection within its arms.

Allowing you into a space where you can feel.

in the soft pressure that suspends you,

Keeping you in a feeling of above yet below everything.

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mydialect · 2 years

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I have been in love four times in my life.

First with the world,

It was bright, shiny and new.

Every step I took showed me something new,

Never was I disappointed.

The color would fill my lungs and I felt whole.

I felt home.

My second time was with a boy,

The feeling of friendliness and warmth filled me up with every movement.

When he held my hand it was soft.

I trusted that I wouldn't feel hurt,

A feeling so smothering the effects lasted longer than you.

The third time was with myself.

The waves of softness would pass over me,

Every thought of future lead to growth.

Filling myself with the kindness that I deserved.

I know I deserved.

The fourth time was with the world once more,

While not new,

A bit less shiny,

It was mine.

I am loved and love in a space occupied as my own,

Existence in this state is that of calm.

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mydialect · 3 years

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Sam’s Two Liners

My sleeping routine is messed up because yours is too.

But baby I’ll watch movies whenever you’d like, caffeine exists for a reason.

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mydialect · 3 years

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I met a lovely man today.

Not often are men lovely,

Boy do I promise you he was.

Raised right.

You could tell.

Momma had a harsh hand but it came with results.

Within his silence was a cacophony of voices,

Ones yelling,

A few small whispers,

But the loudest was the one saying to keep quiet.

I wish I could hear those words so fighting to get out, alas I have been denied the sweet song of his innermost thoughts.

We talked.

And laughed.

With the promise of another time we went upon our merry ways.

I can swear on the stars above,

That there will be another moment we get to encapsulate in our minds.

And that will be my most cherished of memories.

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mydialect · 3 years

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Pseudo Alcoholic

I don’t drink.

When you gave me a kiss and handed me the bottle

I was like an addict waiting for its next hit.

The air left my lungs and my body froze, I didn’t know what to do so I went with the flow of you against me.

You asked me to drink with you so you wouldn’t be the only one wasted,

I tried babes,

Cross my heart I tried to get more than a swig of your stuff down.

Calling me a lightweight was in character for you.

The night went on,

We got closer,

Got warmer,

And I still didn’t have the heart to tell you

I don’t drink.

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mydialect · 3 years

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The heat,

The flame it produces,

Its a small little spark that starts it all

Red,

Red is the color of desire.

But the color of beauty as well.

#poetry #poem #poet #poetry on tumblr #poems on tumblr #short poem #poetry prompt #daily poem #FullyAlive #3am poet #3am poem #3am poetry #original writer #original writing #original poem #original poetry #small blog #small poetry blog #small writing blog

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mydialect · 3 years

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Sam’s Two Liners

You’re worth picking the petals off flowers for.

Whether they tell me what I want to hear is a different story.

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mydialect · 3 years

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Vict(I)m

I’d have way more friends if people weren’t friends with you.

Although I can’t blame them,

I was your victim once too.

My warnings never come quick enough.

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mydialect · 3 years

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Bearded Dragon Blues

I met someone with a bearded dragon today.

It was odd.

The last time I saw one you were threatening to toss it in the fire if I didn’t let you touch me.

You say it was a joke but god did it not feel like one.

I was able to look at his lizard and smile at its cuteness, be able to laugh at the stupid look on its face.

Reveling in the majesty of the creature in front of me like I had never gotten to before.

Four years.

Four years is how long it took me to be able to sit next to a lizard.

To be able to enjoy its presence.

They looked like yours too.

A bit bigger.

But hey that's what happens when you actually take care of your pets like you’re supposed to, not just use them as your flightless wing man.

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