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It's a Wonderful Life (1946)

My rating: 8/10

I do like how the thing that pushes him into a full on panic attack is his wife being (GASP!) a librarian.

No but seriously, this is a great movie, and my cockles were quite thoroughly warmed.

#It's a Wonderful Life #Frank Capra #Frances Goodrich #Albert Hackett #James Stewart #Donna Reed #Lionel Barrymore #Youtube

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East Is East (1999)

My rating: 5/10

Look, I get that it's culturally significant and all, and it's pretty well put together, but man, is it not for me at all.

#East Is East #Damien O'Donnell #Ayub Khan-Din #Om Puri #Linda Bassett #Jordan Routledge #Youtube

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Riders (2002)

My rating: 4/10

Your garden variety of early 2000s douches (Frosted Tips, The Scruffy One, The Black Guy and, of course, The Girl) do X-TREME HEISTS and fuck around a lot, which leads to some finding out and various shenanigans, all of them desaturated because The Matrix had just come out a few years earlier and it was the style at the time. Bleh.

#Riders #Gérard Pirès #Mark Ezra #Natasha Henstridge #Stephen Dorff #Bruce Payne #Youtube

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Delgo (2008)

My rating: 5/10

Honestly not that bad. Sure, it's very generic, and I could've done without the christuckerian comedy sidekick, but there's a serviceable plot there, the whole thing is fairly competently produced and animated, and I don't hate the creature and character designs - they're a bit odd, but not entirely unpleasantly so.

#Delgo #Marc F. Adler #Jason Maurer #Patrick J. Cowan #Carl Dream #Jennifer Jones-Mitchell #Freddie Prinze Jr. #Val Kilmer #Anne Bancroft #Youtube

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King of the Lost World (2004)

My rating: 3/10

The people in this movie always refer to the big monkey as "Him", once outright stating "We cannot speak his name" - you could almost hear the "for legal reasons" at the end of that sentence.

Anyway, this is The Asylum's take on King Kong, and it is, of course, terrible and boring. Bruce Boxleitner does get to tell a guy to nuke King Legally Distinct From Kong, though, so that was probably kind of fun.

#King of the Lost World #Stuart Gillard #Leigh Scott #Arthur Conan Doyle #Carlos De Los Rios #David Michael Latt #Bruce Boxleitner #Jeff Denton #Rhett Giles #Youtube

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Tai Chi Hero (2012)

My rating: 6/10

Much like the first movie, a solid bit of steampunk wuxia silliness. I like how the colonizing bastard with the bad accent is revealed to be living in a giant clockwork skeleton in the end, that's very subtle.

#Tai ji 2: Ying xiong jue qi #Stephen Fung #Chia-Lu Chang #Kuo-Fu Chen #Hsiao-tse Cheng #Daniel Wu #Shu Qi #Tony Ka Fai Leung #Youtube

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Fateful Findings (2013)

My rating: 3/10

When I started this, I had a mild headache. By the time it was over, I had a full grown migraine, with flop sweats and severe nausea. Now, I cannot prove that this movie caused that, but man...

#Fateful Findings #Neil Breen #Klara Landrat #Jennifer Autry #Youtube

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Chicken People (2016)

My rating: 5/10

Competently made, but I gotta say, the way those people were manhandling their birds while discussing all the perceived imperfections they needed to breed out... kind of made me uncomfortable. Also the inbreeding. That was definitely a squick moment for me.

#Chicken People #Nicole Lucas Haimes #Youtube

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Star Wreck: In the Pirkinning (2005)

My rating: 6/10

Boy, in retrospect you can really tell that this was made by the same people as Iron Sky - it has the same mix of crude political humor, shoddy parody, and space battles. I really used to love this one as a kid, and I gotta say, it doesn't hold up nearly as poorly as I thought it would - it's still not great, but for what it is, not half bad either.

#Star Wreck: In the Pirkinning #Timo Vuorensola #Rudi Airisto #Samuli Torssonen #Jarmo Puskala #Antti Satama #Tiina Routamaa #Youtube

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The Puppetoon Movie (1987)

My rating: 4/10

So yeah, this is basically an anthology of old cartoons. The framing device is nonsensical and saccharine in a way that would make Disney blush (culminating in a bizarre bit where various advertising mascots appear out of nowhere to go "thank you, George Pal" into the camera), and while the shorts themselves are technically extremely impressive, most of them are also incredibly racist, even for the time.

#The Puppetoon Movie #Arnold Leibovit #Paul Frees #Dal McKennon #Art Clokey #Youtube

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Dragon Crusaders (2011)

My rating: 4/10

Probably not the worst dragon movie The Asylum has ever churned out, and churned out it has many. In fact, this one may well be one of the better ones, though of course it's still boring rubbish.

#Dragon Crusaders #Mark Atkins #Dylan Jones #Cecily Fay #Feth Greenwood #Youtube

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Crimson Tide (1995)

My rating: 7/10

I mean, it's basically "Dr. Strangelove played straight", but damn if it ain't entertaining.

#Crimson Tide #Tony Scott #Michael Schiffer #Richard P. Henrick #Gene Hackman #Denzel Washington #Matt Craven #Youtube

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I... For Icarus (1979)

My rating: 6/10

Pretty good overall, though I question some of their choices - like putting a whole ass Milgram Experiment smack in the middle of the movie. Didn't seem particularly necessary, and did nothing for the pacing.

#I... comme Icare #Henri Verneuil #Didier Decoin #Yves Montand #Michel Albertini #Roland Amstutz #Youtube

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Tunnel Rats (2008)

My rating: 4/10

I mean, for what it is (Uwe Boll doing namsploitation), this is actually pretty decent, and some of the underground bits are rather unpleasantly claustrophobic (though I am an easy mark for that kind of stuff, since I seem to have actually developed a mild case of claustrophobia), but it's still mostly quite dull, and bleak to the point of self-parody.

#Tunnel Rats #Uwe Boll #Dan Clarke #Michael Paré #Wilson Bethel #Mitch Eakins #Youtube

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The Mask of Zorro (1998)

My rating: 5/10

#The Mask of Zorro #Martin Campbell #Johnston McCulley #Ted Elliott #Terry Rossio #Antonio Banderas #Anthony Hopkins #Catherine Zeta-Jones #Youtube

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I Am Here....Now (2009)

My rating: 3/10

So, Neil. Actually playing god this time, huh?

#I Am Here....Now #Neil Breen #Joy Senn #Elizabeth Sekora #Youtube

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Deceived (2002)

My rating: 3/10

I mean, the whole "eldritch signal that makes you evil" thing is a cosmic horror staple, and I assume it can be done well (though no examples spring to mind), but boy do the people who made this overestimate how much atheists care, and talk, about Christianity.

#Deceived #André van Heerden #John Patus #Paul Lalonde #Judd Nelson #Michelle Nolden #Stewart Bick #Youtube