moonly-bitch

[moonly-bitch]

“communication is key” i say, as i ghost all the people i care about because i cannot express my feelings due to trauma

[moonly-bitch]

I’m so tired. I’m completely drained and can never be filled up again. I just want to go to sleep forever.

[moonly-bitch]

So... what do you do when your mother says that you talking yt's like a dog barking like hell.

At this point I just don't know, this is a new one for sure

#bipolar things #bipolarthoughts #bipolar mania #bipolar tag #lol send help #bipolar stuff #help? maybe? #idk anymore #toxic mother #toxic family

[moonly-bitch]

Why do people make it so hard for me to want to live

[moonly-bitch]

I have two methods of self harm, fire and cutting, and I realised that when I burn myself it's mostly when I'm having a panic attack or when I'm in really like idk how to describe it, it's like chaotic situations, and I feel like fire is suiting for the situation. Cutting on the other hand, is more emotionless, I do it when I don't feel anything and I need to feel something, but unlike fire which it's kinda more messy, cutting for me feels like Something that's like routine, more "clean" and surgically for me.

I don't know, it's weird or maybe not

#bipolar things #bipolarthoughts #bipolar mania #bipolar tag #lol send help #bipolar stuff #idk anymore #help? maybe? #toxic mother

[moonly-bitch]

i'm so so fucking tired, so SO fucking tired, nobody listen to me, everybody in this fuckng hell of a house talks oer me, all the time if i talk they don't listen to me and if they hear me, which is NOT the same, they say I talk too much, to loudly, and then, if I dont talk they say "is everything okay? you´ve been so quite latetly" .

I'm tired I so desperately want to leave, it'sjust one ore year but sometimes i'm not so sure I will make it, I don´t now I can make ir.

I'm tired

#bipolar things #bipolarthoughts #bipolar mania #bipolar tag #lol send help #bipolar stuff #help? maybe? #idk anymore #toxic mother #i hate it here #toxic family #i want to die #i want to leave #i cant do this #im tired

[moonly-bitch]

Tryed to get a job, second day of my formation thingy I had a panic attack the saw a man masturbating on the train, took it as the univers sending me really strong signals and left

#oh how i love being a woman #i want to kill myself #i hate it here #please help #i just dont know what to do #i just wanted a job #gonna go cry now

[moonly-bitch]

[moonly-bitch]

I hate it when people think (hypo)mania is just having a ton of energy to do all the chores you have when in reality it is

not being able to sleep because you can't, meaning you get up in the middle of the night to go to cycling or for a drive

not finishing your actual chores because you need to write a book, learn how to play violin, or solve world hunger

spending money you don't have in things you don't need, like a pony or a new car or fifteen pairs of shoes

having to take medical leave from work so you can focus on your current project, such as writing a book or solving the world hunger

having rage towards other people because no one but you is competent enough, smart enough, or fast enough

your thoughts going so fast you can't really do anything because your mind can't process anything but your racing thoughts

[moonly-bitch]

People don't realize how much strength it takes to pull yourself out of that dark place. If you've done that, be proud of yourself. You've managed to accomplish what I haven't yet.

[moonly-bitch]

Yet again, I'm at my lowest, can't even fucking speak because I keep crying and crying and screaming and crying and my mum KNOWS that this is happening because my little brother (bless his heart is been the only one that's worried about me) told her and what did she do?

Did she come see me? No. Did she call? No. Did she text? No

SHE TOLD MY BROTHER TO LEAVE ME ALONE BECAUSE, AND I QUOTE, "THAT'S WHAT I DO" AND THE SAID DON'T WAIT FOR ME IM GOING OUT WITH MY FRIENDS

Like I'm here thinking of ways to kill myself and she is having a day with the girls 🤪

A fucking text would've done it for me

I'm not asking for much, am I?????

I'm tired

#bipolar things #bipolarthoughts #bipolar mania #bipolar tag #lol send help #bipolar stuff #help? maybe? #idk anymore #toxic mother #suicidal? #i don't know if i want to be alive anymore #i hate it here

[moonly-bitch]

Joke's on me I've just been ALSO diagnosed with autism life isn't really looking right now

So, fucking lately I've been checking off things in my mental illnesses list because on top of bipolar and bpd I've also been told that I'll have to reduce my antipsychotics (which not only help me sleep but also Keep in check) because there's a high risk of them giving me depression.

[moonly-bitch]

Does every 20 year old mentally ill girly have a bad relationship with their mother or is it just me that has a mom that says mean shit to me🤪

#bipolar things #bipolarthoughts #bipolar mania #bipolar tag #lol send help #bipolar stuff #help? maybe? #idk anymore #toxic mother #like i literally can't stand her anymore

[moonly-bitch]

Just pulled an all nighter and read a 500 pages book in like 24hs

This might be the hypomania kicking in but I might do it again

#bipolar things #bipolarthoughts #bipolar mania #bipolar tag #lol send help #bipolar stuff #help? maybe? #idk anymore

[moonly-bitch]

I never thought that I would ever be a drifter, I mean, I know that I didn't get the best grades in school but the plan was always set. Graduating high school and moving away from home straight after then law school (preferably in another country but law school nonetheless) the graduating that, then working at a big firm and making my way up to the top to kinda prove everyone my family, my parents, the people I used to know but more than everything to prove myself that I could fucking do it.

And the plan is still the same but at the same time it's not, I didn't expect all this bumps in the fucking road I wasn't ready wasn't prepared and I lost two years and a half and yes part of it was justified because it was the reality and yes in theory the rest was also justified but I was because all the shit tha there is going on in my head and although I know I can't control it and it's totally okay to take a breake when shit is too much I can't stop kicking myself for it, I swore I would never let the shiv in my head get in between me and the future I know I deserve but I did it anyways and I would never not hate myself for it

#bipolar things #bipolarthoughts #bipolar mania #bipolar tag #lol send help #bipolar stuff #help? maybe? #idk anymore #autism in women

[moonly-bitch]

I was 103 days self harm free, 103 fucking days, and it only took one conversation with my mother for me to end up holding a lighter up to my skin until I the pain made me numb.

103 days

#bipolar things #bipolarthoughts #bipolar mania #bipolar tag #lol send help #bipolar stuff #help? maybe? #idk anymore #borderline personality disorder #toxic mother #selfharm #burning myself #i really fucking want to die

[moonly-bitch]

I think my stupid sister gave me covid again and the last time I had covid my dad died so it's safe to say I'm freaking out a bit right now