mo1284

[mo1284]

Sometimes i get upset my bsf chooses her bf over me, but then I realize i'd choose anyone else over me too.

#self hate #self loathing #self harrrm #kinda depressing #sorry for being depressing #depressing post #anxious #anxi4ty #anxeity

[mo1284]

I wish I didnt hate myself, but I also wish I wasnt a person worth hating.

#self hate #self harrrm #self loathing #kinda depressing #sorry for being depressing #anxious #anxi4ty #anxeity #tired of living

[mo1284]

6/1/21

ED Trigger Warning

Keep reading

[mo1284]

Is it even weight fluctuation if I just keep gaining and losing the same 20 pounds?

#proana #anorexia #anorexcya #anorexjc #ed #ed trigger #ed restriction #restrictive ed #ana #binge #ed tingz #just ed shit #just ed thoughts #just ed stuff #binge purge #bulimia #diabulimia

[mo1284]

6.14.21

ED Trigger Warning

Day 15

Binged all day again, to the point i’m in extreme stomach pain. I hate myself and my lack of self control. Gonna try and get my shit together tomorrow, but I have to go out for lunch for my moms birthday. I’ll probably just get a salad and fast for the rest of the day, and i’ll get a lot of steps in at work. Don’t think I can keep restricting at 500-600 calories a day, considering I have had 4 binge days in 2 weeks, all those post saying ‘you will binge if you eat under 1000cals a  day’, might not be wrong. Gonna try high cal restriction, thats if I can even get my shit together tomorrow. 

#proana #ana #anorexia #anorexcya #anorexjc #ed #ed trigger #ed tingz #just ed shit #just ed thoughts #just ed stuff #ed restriction #restrictive ed #binge

[mo1284]

6.13.21

ED Trigger Warning

Day 14

5′7

SW:158

CW:144

GW1:140

GW2:120

UGW:110

Fucking binged again. Let myself chew and spit my favorite meal and it just went to shit after that. At least I figured out my trigger food is cheese? I fucking hate myself. 

#proana #anorexia #anorexcya #anorexjc #binge #ed trigger #ed restriction #restrictive ed #just ed shit #just ed thoughts #just ed stuff #ed tingz #ana

[mo1284]

Just chewed and spit. What a waste of fucking calories!

#proana #ed #ed trigger #just ed shit #just ed thoughts #ed tingz #anorexia #anorexcya #anorexjc

[mo1284]

6.12.21

ED Trigger Warning

Day 13

5′7

SW:158

CW:144

GW1:140

GW2:120

UGW:110

Food Log

Breakfast: Skipped

Lunch

1 Cup Watermelon- 50Kcals 

1 Cup Honeydew- 70Kcals

Lots of baby carrots- 200ishKcals

Dinner

Apple- 120Kcals

1 can olives- 200Kcals

Total- 650ishKcals

Felt really slugish, and slept most of the day. Ate more then I wanted as well, but pretty happy to have went down two pounds yesterday. Only 4 pounds til I reach my first goal weight. Got my new shein bathing suit today, and probably won’t dare wear it in public til I reach 130.

#proana #ana #anorexcya #anorexia #anorexjc #restrictive ed #ed restriction #ed tingz #ed trigger #trigger warning #just ed shit #just ed thoughts

[mo1284]

6.11.21

ED Trigger Warning

Day 12

SW:158

CW:146

GW1:140

GW2:120

UGW:110

Food Log

Breakfast: Skipped

Lunch:

1 cup watermelon- 50Kcals

1 Cup Honeydew- 70Kcals

3 Cups Carrots- 180Kcals

1 Apple- 120Kcals

2 drink flavor packets- 20Kcals

Dinner: Skipped

Total: 450ishKcals

Restricting is really catching up with me. Tired and lethargic all the time. On the bright side was on my feet for four hours straight today at work, and likely burned off all my calories.

#proana #just ed shit #just ed thoughts #just ed stuff #ana #anorexia #anorexcya #anorexjc #ed restriction #restrictive ed #ed trigger #ed tingz

[mo1284]

6.10.21

ED Trigger Warning

Day 11

5′7

SW:158

CW:147

GW1:140

GW2:120

UGW:110

Ate roughly 600 calories. Hoping to be back down to 145 again tomorrow, but that might be a little optimistic, as was my goal of 135 by next Friday. Quite honestly just hoping to be at my GW1 by then. Really active today at work at least. Feel like i’m failing at my ED.

#proana #just ed thoughts #just ed shit #just ed stuff #ed tingz #ed trigger #ed restriction #restrictive ed #anorexia #anorexcya #anorexjc #ana

[mo1284]

6.9.21

ED Trigger Warning

Day 10

5′7

SW:158

CW:145

GW1:140

GW2:120

UGW:110

The day started off good, but I was having really bad cravings. I decided to let myself have a vary small portion of what I was craving to make it go away, but I just ended up in a binge. Ate well over 2500 calories, but hopefully I won’t feel the need to binge again for a while. Might either water fast tomorrow, or keep it under 200 calories, because I don’t want low blood sugar during work. On the bright side it might have sped up my metabolism a bit?

#proana #ed trigger #trigger warning #restrictive ed #ed restriction #anorexia #binge #anorexcya #anorexjc #just ed shit #ed tingz #ed stuff

[mo1284]

6.8.21

Day 9

ED Trigger Warning

Height: 5′7

SW:158

CW:146

GW1:140

GW2:120

UGW:110

Food Log

Breakfast: 2 Cups Watermelon- 94Kcals

Water Flavoring- 5Kcals

Lunch: Nectarine-70

1 Cup Watermelon- 47Kcals

1 cup Carrots- 55Kcals

Apple- 100Kcals

2 Glucose Tablets- 30Kcals

Gum- 5kcals

Dinner: Skipped

Total: 354Kcals but I for sure feel like I ate way more then that. I can only get so accurate without a kitchen scale.

Making good progress I guess. Ate more at lunch then I should have. Started my new job today, and now I can tell my parents I ate dinner there. Setting a goal for myself to be at 135 by my birthday next Friday. 10 days to lose 10 pounds. I think I can do it since I lost 12 in 9 days. Don’t think i’m gonna stress it too much though. Trying to be more patient with my weight.

#proana #just ed shit #ed trigger #ed #ed restriction #ana #anorexia #anorexcya #anorexjc #restrictive ed #ed tingz

[mo1284]

6.7.21

Day 8

ED Trigger Warning

SW:158

CW:147

GW1:140

GW2:120

UGW:110

Food log

Breakfast: 1 egg- 70Kcals

Low Carb Wrap- 45Kcals

Lunch: Oatmeal- 188Kcals

Drink packet- 10Kcals

Dinner: Campbell’s broccoli cheddar soup- 255Kcals

Dink Packet- 10 Kcals

Total- 578Kcals

Lost 2 pounds in between yesterday morning and this morning, 11 pounds total. I feel really motivated. Probably gonna plan a binge for when I make it to the 130′s. Went to the store with my mom and was able to buy all my safe foods. Kinda worried about my parents catching on to this though. My dad noticed I pretty much only eat soup now, and asked me how much weight I’d lost. 

#proana #ed tingz #ed #ed restriction #anorexia #anorexcya #ed trigger #ana

[mo1284]

WHAT PERCENTAGE OF CALORIES DO YOU ABSORB FROM CHEW AND SPIT???

#proana #ed #ed restriction #ed tingz #anorexcya #anorexjc #bulimia #miia #ana

[mo1284]

6.6.21

Day 7

ED Trigger Warning

SW:158

CW:149

GW1:140 

UGW:120

Food Log

Breakfast: skipped

Lunch: Oats with raspberries- 220Kcals

Dinner:Tomato Soup- 255Kcals

4 Baby Carrots- 30ishKcals

2 drink flavoring packets- 20Kcals

Total: 525Kcals

Feeling pretty good about today. Lost 9 pounds this week, so i’m finally in the 140′s. I think I’m going to drop my UGW to 110. IDK. I’ll sleep on it.

[mo1284]

My ED has literally made me afraid of water. Terrified of seeing the scale go up even if it’s just water weight

#anorexia #anorexcya #proana #ed trigger #calorie restriction #ed restriction

[mo1284]

6.5.21

Day 6

ED Trigger Warning

SW:158

CW:150

GW1:140

UGW:120

Food Log

Breakfast: Carrots- 150Kcals

Lunch: Oats w Rasberries- 220Kcals

Dinner: More Carrots- 150

Total: 520Kcals 

8lbs in 6 days yall! really happy to be 10 pounds away from my first goal weight, but this is typically the part where things go down hill. usually as soon as i make it to the 140′s i’ll go on a week long binge and gain it all back. for some reason as soon as i start to make progress subconsciously my mind is like ‘yeah time to binge. it’s happened to many times for me to trust myself.

#proana #binge #ed restriction #ugw #gw1 #trigger warning #ed