22. sometimes i write.
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Fun Fact
Furby, that creepy 1990's doll, has a tumblr page.
mishalnasir · 5 days ago
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It’s strange. Sometimes you’re the one who doesn’t feel alive —handling all your emotional dump.
But then there are times, when you’re asked to feel low. To not smile. To not laugh. You’re asked to feel less of you. You are expected to die as someone else is dying.
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mishalnasir · a month ago
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I cannot finish telling you how my mind works and how my heart breaks over things nobody thinks about. Most of the days, I make it. But there are days when it gets hard to breathe and I suffocate on one smoky breath, saying things I shouldn’t, doing things I shouldn’t.
Now I know —you cannot really save someone.
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mishalnasir · a month ago
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You know you’ve felt like this before -so you flinch before you’re touched. You skip a breath before you speak. But that look in your eyes, that says it all. They speak of stories and tales you never told anyone. But I see you. And I hear you.
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mishalnasir · a month ago
Monotony or diversity?
Your preference?
Depends.
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mishalnasir · a month ago
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🦢
“You, the most forbidden of roses,”
— Anna Akhmatova, from The Complete Poems; “Fragment”.
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mishalnasir · a month ago
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If you don’t have a lover, you still have the moon.
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mishalnasir · 2 months ago
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The ceiling keeps coming down. The walls are pushing in. The floor is a disaster. And I —I no longer exist.
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mishalnasir · 2 months ago
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Leave me alone, will you?
I cannot imagine myself living past this year. Soon I’ll be gone and then you’ll have to start over.
My dear, you ought to be happy.
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mishalnasir · 2 months ago
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Here I am again,
Wearing my torn heart on my sleeves.
I offer you what I don’t have for myself.
I am a fool —I run and I fall. And I run and I fall.
Every lit corner, breathing its last.
How does happiness fade so fast?
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mishalnasir · 2 months ago
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Do I deliberately ruin everything I have? Does it scare me to actually feel something?
silent but loud.
Do I talk myself out of embracing the pleasure? Do I let my demons take over my sunshine —just like that? Am I, like a papercut, there, but not really?
All the good but I paint it black? Feels like a milestone but I keep being the only one to bring despair.
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mishalnasir · 3 months ago
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Haiku
Here comes New Year’s Eve and all of the loneliness it has always brought 2:24 AM 13/12/20
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mishalnasir · 3 months ago
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You don’t want them to see, you don’t want them to know. You bawl your eyes out to hide what they cannot see anyway. You’ld rather die than tell them how broken you feel —how much of a fool you are, how much you ruin yourself only to hate yourself later, how much you feel trying not to feel.
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mishalnasir · 3 months ago
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I talk to you like a child. Like a joker I make you all laugh and smile because it feels nice. But when I am in my room, I think about death —something I fear the most. But to end the suffering, I must. I must call it upon myself.
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mishalnasir · 4 months ago
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🖤
“Behold the stallions of my madness, are they not beautiful?”
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mishalnasir · 4 months ago
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THE MAN.
I’ld rather be a man. Wear those shiny bright boots. Sit in a car with my friends, with a lit cigarette between my carefree, rough fingers. Not be judged for it even though its equally dangerous for all but being a man, I won’t have any eyes on me. Car horns distancing, flickering lights and my glasses blurred with December fog. A curve on my lips because I am happy and safe. I carve my own destiny. I am not always told how to behave, how to laugh, how to live.
But I would not call it a privilege because when the night falls and my demons show up, I’ld not be the man that the world sees.
At night, I am too, weak.
I like to shed a tear or two.
My life is equally damaged and my shoulders are much more burdened.
I am buried under responsibilities I don’t talk about. My heart is heavy and if I tell, they’ld laugh.
At night, I won’t be the man they think I am.
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mishalnasir · 4 months ago
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Oh how you think I am this perfect character right out of your naive imagination.
But how flawed I am. How damaged —right back to staying high just as you leave. Because I am nothing but a wreck. How good I am though –you have no clue that I’m dead inside. This, the tragedy of life. Beautiful.
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mishalnasir · 4 months ago
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I am starting to realise you cannot really get out of addiction. Once you’re an addict, it’s going to stay with you for as long as you live. You fall out of one to get into another. But it doesn’t end.
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mishalnasir · 5 months ago
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“to ease a lone heart / into winter emptiness, / November’s reason”
— Greg Sellers, haiku journal entry, 9 November 2020 (via memoryslandscape)
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mishalnasir · 5 months ago
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I don’t have an idea about where I am right now. I see lights flickering –a distant light of hope. All around me is a plateau, lacking the possibilities. I know I have done everything to keep my mind numb. Swallowing a pill just to take another. It is making me question everything. What really is the point? Of anything? Or everything? What if I blend in with the sand, 6 feet down, rest well and never wake up. What if I am already there? What if, nothing is an illusion but life itself? What if, out of all honesty, every truthful uttering is nothing but a lie, fabricated in better words and a promising smile? What if —everything I am looking at, doesn’t exist but only in my mind? But then again, what would I see if I go beyond? If I take a different path tonight, lingering amidst the unknown formula we have never tried before? What if everything that has never made sense, does. For once. And maybe then forever?
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