melodies-forthesoul

[melodies-forthesoul]

Spoonfuls of Honey

Sowed tapestry and fairy lights adorn us In a basement sits a glorious pillow fort Amongst friends I’ve never felt so alone The last rally before what summer will bring In my distress, you take your place next to me 

Stoic mystery takes pity on my self loathing So I tell you all the worst parts of me  And wonder how can you be so accepting For doing nothing meant everything to me How can your touch be so comforting?

Under squares of rainbow we eat spoonfuls of honey  Our laughter is richer as our mouths become sticky I want your idea of me to be truer than I believe   In the best time of our lives I take myself too seriously  When I’m lost, you tease out the best parts of me 

I’ve felt like an outsider since I can remember  But being with you feels different from the others  You say all you want is my love and affection  How are you so dense to my unwavering attention? So I roll my eyes at your constant deflection 

You lay a kiss on my cheek as we head off to sleep Where my mind will go off wandering Lie next to me this summer night Because who knows what will happen in our lives And I want to remember this moment tonight

In my dreams, storm clouds hold my gaze When we awake we lay face to face  And I love you in the most profound way Melt in your embrace, let you in through the gates  And I think we were always meant to be this way

#spoonfuls of honey #poem #poetry #prose #slumber party #melodies for the soul

[melodies-forthesoul]

Forever

I’m trying to enjoy the present

But I can feel your resentment

When I pull away from commitments

You know I can’t help it

Hold me in your warm embrace

Keep this for when I am far away

Even now that I am your lover

I used to think it would be with another

Right now I’m craving your touch

You question if this is all too much

In truth, it’s too soon to know what I want

I’m too full of pride to give it up.

#poetry #spilled ink #melodies-forthesoul #prose #relationships #forever

[melodies-forthesoul]

Letters

They say I’m hard to read

You want something to keep

But I think I’m rather boring

Weave my thoughts into a story

You can’t see me in the footnotes

And it doesn’t matter if you don’t

Who would pursue a fickle heart?

It doesn’t know what it wants.

It takes no prisoners.

Doesn’t care who it hurts.

Brush you off with a careless remark

I’ll protect you, until I am sure.

Emotions flooding into letters.

A demeanor you can’t decipher.

Can I fold an envelope for you?

Seal my sweets in a note or two

Draw on the phases of the moon

You’ll see all my sides in full view

Give you letters you can’t read

But it’s something for you to keep

Melting in my wax design

Rip me open with a knife

Do it because I’m terrified

To accept your love into my life

#poetry #spilled ink #melodies-forthesoul #prose #relationships #love #acceptance #questioning #dating #letters

[melodies-forthesoul]

Abandonment Issues

Pack up your lives to start fresh

Said you wanna escape your parents

That you need wide open spaces

Why change for small progress

But I want you to thrive with this

Don’t leave me behind in the process

Don’t throw yourself away to a lover

To escape the oppression of your mother

They’re not a problem that can fix you

Losing yourself to their issues

I wish you were strong enough

Not to rely on a broken love

Crashed into my life with no restraint

My heart filled with the scars you gave

Winter has me lonely for your rose colored burn

I wait every summer for the embrace of your return

But like the wind you come and go as you please

And I’m left wallowing at the wake of your leave

Your shadow dwells in the corners of my dreams

I’m still tortured by the phantom it seems

I have known you yet I don’t at all

Shame on me for expecting you to fall

As life pulls us away again maybe I’ll feel

Relief from you and all the years

Illusions prevent me from facing reality

Bonds are weak and break so easily

Why do I keep losing everybody

only to keep some hazy memories

I’ll say I enjoy my own company

So I don’t feel the emptiness swallowing me

#abandoment issues #poetry #spilled ink #melodies-forthesoul #prose #change #friendship #growing pains

[melodies-forthesoul]

The Sparrow

I heard a jigsaw falling into place My eyes heavy from the rain April showers drowned the summer I was resentful of June again

With matters of the heart Found it hard to fight its nature Impulsiveness growing stronger As it all seemed to falter

I was walking in a daze A sparrow knocking at my door Placing fresh flowers on graves Picking myself off the floor

Painting my anger on the black Tell me all about the rainbow I long for something I can’t get back Afraid to see colors and shadows

My greetings to your indifference Repeated wore you down easy All I was seeking was your friendship Is it a mistake to want to please you?

In love with the idea of the chase It’s nice to feel desired String along whoever takes the bait But it always backfires

The sparrow nesting at my door Though I have waited many years Maybe it’s time to let it all go And leap first with my fears

Everything is where it’s meant to be It’s what I tell myself What I’ve denied has found me There is no escaping this

#poetry #spilled ink #melodies-forthesoul #prose #relationships #change #the sparrow #love #death #grief #self acceptance

[melodies-forthesoul]

You’re not yourself

I see you changing yourself again

Molded to whoever you’re with

Someone you think you need to be

So you can keep them interested

Wish you’d just be yourself

But you don’t know who that is

A committed idealist

At least you stick to it

Teasing out a new side of you

Amplified into full view

Perhaps it was always there

And I dared not see it

It’s something I’m angry about

How can you choose to lose yourself?

Cast aside and locked away to bury

All in the name of vulnerability

Guess you could say worse of me

My indifference all consuming

What seems as individuality

Is born from fear actually

Of leaving myself behind

Changing to fit a type

All to sustain society’s gripe

Never cared for the arm carcass

Dragged around like a ragged doll

What’s an empty shell to the literal sea?

Blind to beauty and your depth

Rather drown yourself in the darkness

Than face what’s at the surface

It’s not all that bad I promise

Can’t you put your trust in friendship?

It’s the same argument on repeat

Take turns hurting each others feelings

We’re not the center of each others world

Breaking promises we made as little girls

Attentions split while she’s off in her head

And you say it’s all of what I started

But your hardly present anymore

Have to drag around that damn corpse

You say it makes you happier

I take your word for what it is

Guess there could be some fun to it

But that’s the big difference

Between us, I’d rather have you

Not a new person every year

But I’ll hear all your joys and fears

And comfort you and your tears

When you finally let the dead weight go

My hope is for you to stand on your own

We are a constant and much like before

We will find our way back to the shore

Through thick and thin and times of blue

Remember that I will always love you

No matter how much I want to yell

That you’re not yourself.

#poetry #spilled ink #melodies-forthesoul #prose #friendship #relationships #change

[melodies-forthesoul]

What friends are for

Wouldn’t accept your apology

This was how it had to be

And you come back to me like nothings changed

Just when I began to feel like myself again

Couldn’t bring myself to say it

I’m used to being the scapegoat

And I’m nowhere close to perfect

But next time give me warning

Guess it couldn’t be helped

She buried herself in another

And I could see the old pattern appear

Wasted progress after a year

Shouldn’t have bottled it up

I’m carving faces out of soot

And it helps make sense of my anger

Putting it all down on paper

Don’t feel bad about it

I’ll take all your aches and pains

And when you get weary as I complain

Remember who’s the one to blame

Can’t undo what’s set our pace

Why would we ever think to change?

I’ll spend my time reaping what I’ve sowed

Because that's what are friends for

#poetry #spoken word #spilled ink #friendship #relationships #melodies for the soul

[melodies-forthesoul]

Bad Joke

You’re still making that bad joke

But we’re on the right trajectory

Won’t brand myself with your crest

Unless I see a diamond ring

The trombone player’s sequent loafers

Mister Cartoon sat on a coaster

There’s no line in hockey

I see your glances at me

You can have your Art Deco

I don’t care, Tiffany’s is fine

You say it’s all a tax write off

I haven’t changed my mind

The trombone player’s sequent vest

Three wolves on a family crest

There’s no crying in baseball

You’re all I’ve ever wanted

We’re laughing too hard at ourselves

Something about a 2-for-1 sale

I can’t tell if you’re joking or not

You bring it up every time we talk

The trombone player’s patched cast

Funk music from a twenty person band

Dragging our favorite sports teams

Never getting a good nights sleep

Again

Never getting a good nights sleep

Again

Can’t believe you made that bad joke again!

Are you even joking anymore?

#poetry #spilled ink #prose #poem #melodies-forthesoul #bad joke

[melodies-forthesoul]

Father

I asked for your favorite album and you told me your life’s story

So I committed all the lyrics to my better memories

Un puño de tierra, I know someday I’ll need it,

Like when I left a sinking ship to sail a titanic.

As we drowned, I sang some melancholy blues,

For I didn’t know what else I could do.

Bitterness corroded my heart and veins,

But I was glad to talk with you again.

We’re watching the world come to an end

So I laid on a black hole to stare at an ancient oak

When I asked you to wake up

Wake up

Wake up

Wake up!

You weren’t the same anymore

But my knuckles were stroked

Turning me into a waterfall

So I stopped trying to find meaning in it all

I told the Evangelical to fuck off

Their god had no power to this chaos

But it makes her calm,

So I played along

And sang to Our Father at the church.

Maybe he heard me,

Or you got lucky,

But when we brought you home,

You sat there as you had before,

Counting your days until eternal slumber.

It’s not time though you feel they’re numbered.

And I pray that day won’t come for a while

Holding you close like a weeping child,

Won’t you tell me your life’s story once more?

Before you’re called back to the earth,

And all I’m left with is a fistful of dirt.

#poetry #melodies-forthesoul #spilled ink #prose #poem #father

[melodies-forthesoul]

Ode to Portland

Temperamental rains hundred degree weather

It’s our winter at the start of the summer

I keep dotting the design of infrastructure

You are directing us to the place of another

Deciding if I like the tall trees and landscape

Noticing brooding palettes and urban decay

Where would you take me on a free Saturday?

While she was thousands of miles away?

I guess I’ll never know your intentions for that day.

My body can’t withstand the cold and rain

Your heads telling lies that this was all in vain

Wipe your tears away with a watercolor jacket

I let them drown down all the water fountains

Humming a tune stuck in my head

You fill my mouth with egg tarts instead

Steep hills from rose buds pricked me

Laid in the room all afternoon with chronic fatigue

Watched pasta sculpted in the pouring rain

“We love your space buns!”, stuffing our face

Hid in neon clubs with torched marshmallows

Spent hours lost in bookcases at Powells

We are the ones who know each other best

Breathing in the Pacific Northwest

#poetry #melodies-forthesoul #spilled ink #prose #poem #portland

[melodies-forthesoul]

Impressions

I’ve been seeing impressions of you in polaroid dreams, Through masks of queens kissing my lips how I like it, I wave color stains all in vain to find grounded reality, But I’m a casualty to vanishing captures of memories.

She was a source of pain until we made out in that bar, Upon wake, I realized all my supposed hate was confusion. I was angry at your intrusion until you kissed my fears away, Now I’m left with waning impressions from that day.

My body is a temple that answers peoples prayers, It’s a simple gesture that shows I seem to care. But I can’t take another hit, they just take and leave, Their memory impressions taking residence in dreams.

So I tend to burn bridges as I’m working to build them. Sealed in red stains crumbling without solid foundations. Though it’s left me with charred piles of heart rubble, Kicking bitter pebbles towards a never-breaking horizon.

I’ve been gluing my perception together in a craze, It’s been dizzying flipping through all the pages saved, Cultivating impressions of someone who doesn’t exist, A flash of a phantom from an incinerated wish.

I’ve been clearing the smoke and ashes of the past, I think at last I can shed this prison of false existence, Though the impression of your touch stakes its company,  With it in my possession its haunting keeps me lonely.

#impressions #poetry #prose #spilled ink

[melodies-forthesoul]

Reaping

Ain’t life a bitch when the seeds sowed, Bloom to prick you with their thorns? It’s the curse of a dead woman’s scorn. It’s the reaping of lives that are mourned.

#poetry #prose #spilled ink

[melodies-forthesoul]

27

I’m a college graduate. I’m a working woman. I’m a home owner. I’m a dog mom. I’m independent.

This is 27.

I’m the fun aunt. I’m a baby cousin. I’m a daughter. I’m a sister. I’m a friend.

This is 27.

I’m queer. I’m a person of color. I’m an artist and I am poet. I’m a creative.

This is 27.

I’m jealous. I’m selfish. I’m zealous and I am restless. I have a chronic illness.

This is 27.

I’m content. I’m grieving. I’m calm yet I am angry. I’m still growing.

This is 27.

#27 #birthday #growing pains #melodies-forthesoul #poetry #prose #spilled ink #spoken word

[melodies-forthesoul]

Enough love

Bite my tongue at those who claim to know the love I need.

How “innocent” and “carefree” I must be.

My indifference to a partner is met with hearty laughter,

And you think your pity is well received.

I may be trenching through the gray trying to articulate the way I feel,

But there’s no repressing or attempt to conceal,

How I love, who I choose to open up and sink into,

Isn’t fear, matter of person or preference,

Quite content with my presence and self serving interest.

And I don’t need a ring or a half-baked promise.

So I ask why is romantic love placed above all else.

Can there be enough love to just be myself?

#self love #for valentine’s day

[melodies-forthesoul]

Good Intentions

Dreams of bodies bloating and bones cracking,

You are a welcome shadow that's distracting,

Dragging my legs through a heavy daze,

Denying all the little aches and pains,

And trying to sing my cares away,

For they are another year’s solemn fate.

Staring into the darkness of a long alley,

Trying to make sense of what’s happening,

It’s a joyous occasion outside my head,

But I’m choking on the future ahead,

Your good intentions are a curse to me,

Because I want to leave more than memories,

Trying to save face in front of them,

Avoid becoming an interrogation subject,

They see right through me plain as day,

They say my body’s rotting away,

A dormant beast waits to prey on,

A ticking time bomb waiting to go off.

Prickling fingers and snapping knee caps,

Doctors tell me to cut out the meat fat,

Guess that solves the pains in my chest,

Being knocked out after some footsteps,

The red butterfly blooming on my cheeks,

Or crumbling under the sun bright beams.

Be as easy as the wind that blows, 

Well I don’t care what direction it goes,

For I’m grieving the person who I was, 

Frightened of what my body will become,

Of adding another pill to the armory, 

For your words of prayer to save me.

#good intentions #poem #poetry #spilled ink #spoken word #chronic illness #melodies-forthesoul

[melodies-forthesoul]

Enough love

Bite my tongue at those who claim to know the love I need. How “innocent” and “carefree” I must be. My indifference to a partner is met with hearty laughter, And you think your pity is well received. I may be trenching through the gray trying to articulate the way I feel, But there’s no repressing or attempt to conceal, How I love, who I choose to open up and sink into, Isn’t fear, matter of person or preference, Quite content with my presence and self serving interest. And I don’t need a ring or a half-baked promise. So I ask why is romantic love placed above all else. Can there be enough love to just be myself?

#love #questioning #poetry #poem #prose #self love #melodies-forthesoul #spilled ink #spoken word

[melodies-forthesoul]

Midnight Waltz

My living room is a stage. My broom is the microphone. My voice echoes the hallways of a lit dance floor. My feet kick to the imaginary beat and when I look up you are there laughing. Spin me around the clock and at midnight when the firecrackers pop, I realize it’s been a dreadful year. But here, I am happy in our little waltz. The way my head fits in the comfort of your chest. And the way your hand clasps mine. You are here with me and it feels like home.

#this started as a tweet and then quickly spiraled… #midnight waltz #poetry #melodies-forthesoul #spilled ink #prose #spoken word