melancholy-discord

[melancholy-discord]

“Who has not asked himself at some time or other: am I a monster or is this what it means to be a person?”

— Clarice Lispector, A Hora da Estrela

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“More than anything, I search for myself in my great void.”

— Clarice Lispector

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I know it probably hurt but the best thing I could do was leave you, atleast when I finally die you won't be there to know, you won't be hurt by my suicide because you won't be aware of it, atleast there's that, maybe it'll make up for all the pain I caused you.

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People keep trying to stop me from drinking or doing drugs and they just don't get it, I need to be drunk or high, I can't live with myself otherwise, being sober is just way too painful.

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I am one minor inconvenience away from downing a bottle of rubbing alcohol.

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i know we’re both just messing around pretending to be whole but look at me. if the train was coming would you move. if the ground was falling from under your feet would you even notice or would it just be another tuesday for you. if somebody stabbed you could it hurt worse than you already do. what i’m saying is that i love you but i think we both drive over the speed limit when it’s raining. what i’m saying is that i want to hold your hand and i understand about how you sometimes have to sit down in the shower. what i’m saying is that i’m here for you and if the train comes please move.

[melancholy-discord]

i love when words fit right. seize was always supposed to be that word, and so was jester. tuesday isn't quite right but thursday should be thursday, that's a good word for it. daisy has the perfect shape to it, almost like you're laughing when you say it; and tulip is correct most of the time. while keynote is fun to say, it's super wrong - i think they have to change the label for that one. but fox is spot-on.

most words are just, like, good enough, even if what they are describing is lovely. the night sky is a fine term for it but it isn't perfect the way november is the correct term for that month.

it's not just in english because in spanish the phrase eso si que es is correct, it should be that. sometimes other languages are also better than the english words, like how blue is sloped too far downwards but azul is perfect and hangs in the air like glitter. while butterfly is sweet, i think probably papillion is more correct, although for some butterflies féileacán is much better. year is fine but bliain is better. sometimes multiple languages got it right though, like how jueves and Πέμπτη are also the right names for thursday. maybe we as a species are just really good at naming thursdays.

and if we were really bored and had a moment and a picnic to split we could all sit down for a moment and sort out all the words that exist and find all the perfect words in every language. i would show you that while i like the word tree (it makes you smile to say it), i think arbor is correct. you could teach me from your language what words fit the right way, and that would be very exciting (exciting is not correct, it's just fine).

i think probably this is what was happening at the tower of babel, before the languages all got shifted across the world and smudged by the hand of god. by the way, hand isn't quite right, but i do like that the word god is only 3 letters, and that it is shaped like it is reflecting into itself, and that it kind of makes your mouth move into an echoing chapel when you cluck it. but the word god could also fit really well with a coathanger, and i can't explain that. i think donut has (weirdly) the same shape as a toothbrush, but we really got bagel right and i am really grateful for that.

grateful is close, but not like thunder. hopefully one day i am going to figure out how to shape the way i love my friends into a little ceramic (ceramic is very good, almost perfect) pot and when they hold it they can feel the weight of my care for them. they can put a plant in there. maybe a daisy.

[melancholy-discord]

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Friendly reminder: don't take 600mg of diazepam and then down a whole bottle of Baileys unless you want to end up in the hospital or dead.

Thankfully I was somehow left with no permanent damage, my brain was kinda fucked for a bit, for a good few days my short term memory was completely shot and I was slurring my speech and wobbling all over the place but apart from being very tired and still groggy at times, I'm pretty much fine now.

#overdose #don't mix benzos and alcohol #i got very lucky i could have ended up going into liver or kidney failure end up with serious brain damage #honestly it's a miracle that I'm not dead

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Commission for @orionpolanosnox <3

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Do not forget what you are

[melancholy-discord]

Sangre de Vida Corazón Blanco y Reposado Tequila

[melancholy-discord]

[melancholy-discord]

fugking love it here!!!!!!!!!