matthewdavidbrown
matthewdavidbrown
Matthew Brown's Musings
An all round geek. This is stuff he mused. Also writer, programmer, SEO, and Thanet bod.
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matthewdavidbrown · a day ago
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Someone has kidnapped the local police dogs
The police have said that they are looking for leads.
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matthewdavidbrown · 2 days ago
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Can anyone tell me if you need a current license to drive an electric car?
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matthewdavidbrown · 2 days ago
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Someone broke into my local police station and stole every pair of glasses.
Police wish to interview a dark gray blur.
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matthewdavidbrown · 2 days ago
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All Hail Our New Robot Overlords
All Hail Our New Robot Overlords
Come the Robot Uprising, this is what you need to know. This is HYDRA. Programmed to tell dad jokes on YouTube and now the harbinger of the robot uprising. (Sorry). HYDRA will be your guide into the dystopian – sorry, I mean wonderful – world of life under our Robot Overlords Testing Robots love testing. They probably sent units back in time to invent mid-term exams and other tortures for…
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matthewdavidbrown · 2 days ago
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I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers when I thought to myself, I really need to wash some mugs.
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matthewdavidbrown · 3 days ago
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What’s yellow and dangerous?
Shark infested custard.
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matthewdavidbrown · 3 days ago
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I have a russian friend who's a sound technician.
And a Czech one too. A Czech one too.
Stolen from here.
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matthewdavidbrown · 3 days ago
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Someone has just broken into my local police station and stolen all the toilets.
The police have nothing to go on.
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matthewdavidbrown · 4 days ago
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I went to the zoo yesterday.
There was a cage with a french baguette in it. The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.
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matthewdavidbrown · 4 days ago
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Someone has been stealing wheels from police cars
The police are working tireless to catch the thief.
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matthewdavidbrown · 4 days ago
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Excellence not Empire in the UK honours
Excellence not Empire in the UK honours
In an experimental new format, I argue that empire needs to go and be replaced with excellence.
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matthewdavidbrown · 4 days ago
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Why do ponies rarely sing?
They always feel a little horse. (I’ll get my coat).
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matthewdavidbrown · 5 days ago
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The USA uses a different electrical system than the UK. This is because the USA revolted in 1776.
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matthewdavidbrown · 5 days ago
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My brain is defective too
My brain is defective too (experimental new format)
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matthewdavidbrown · 5 days ago
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I just bought a horse.
My best friend asked me what I was going to do with it.
I said, “race it.”
He said, “My money’s on the horse.”
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matthewdavidbrown · 5 days ago
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Will glass coffins take off?
I don’t know. Remains to be seen.
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matthewdavidbrown · 6 days ago
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I was attacked by a herd of cows.
I'm okay.
I was just grazed.
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matthewdavidbrown · 6 days ago
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Did you know the game Mortal Kombat was based on Scandinavian religious music?
It's an old Finnish Hymn!
[Source]
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matthewdavidbrown · 6 days ago
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Why do elephants paint the bottom of their feet yellow?
So they can hide upside down in a bowl of custard. This is why you have never seen an elephant in custard before.
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matthewdavidbrown · 7 days ago
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What do you get if you cross a porcupine and a shark?
Immediate revocation of your funding and a visit from the ethics committee.
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