marauders-evans

[marauders-evans]

Sirius: *enters the room calmly*

Lily: hey Sirius

Sirius: that's not my name

Lily:

James *lowers his glasses*: come again?

Sirius: say goodbye to the chilldlish careless Sirius because today the responsible mature Sirius is born [opens arms dramatically]

Lily:

Remus: who put mr. Flitwick on fire?

Sirius: in my defense, the old Sirius did.

#harry potter #hogwarts #james potter #lily evens #marauders #remus lupin #remus x sirius #funny #follow #explore page

[marauders-evans]

Peter: *gets a dessert in a restaurant*

Peter: So sorry to ask but can you please remove the nuts if its no trouble? I'm highly allergic I could die, I'm so sorry to inconvenience you. Actually nevermind, keep the nuts that's okay, so so sorry for bothering you sir, i believe in reincarnation anyways. Sorry for the trouble, feel free to put extra nuts if you want.

*****

James: *gets a dessert*

James: Take the fucking nuts away you fucked up motherfucker.

#harry potter #hogwarts #james potter #lily evens #marauders #remus lupin #remus x sirius #funny #follow #explore page

[marauders-evans]

Remus: *wears dark gray*

Sirius: aww, I see you're breaking out the spring colours

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[marauders-evans]

James: Lily babe, how long does it take before you start hallucinating from sleep deprivation?

Lily: I think-

Remus: 72 hours

Lily: how do you-

Remus: there is clown behind you. Run.

#harry potter #hogwarts #james potter #lily evens #marauders #remus lupin #funny #remus x sirius #follow #explore page

[marauders-evans]

[in a Muggle restaurant]

Waiter: sorry, may I take your order?

James: no it's ours.

Waiter: but, sir-

James: YOU WANT TO TAKE MY ORDER MOTHERFUCKER?! THIEF! THIEF!

Lily: James-

James: HE WANTS TO TAKE MY ORDER! SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE JUSTICE SYSTEM HERE-

Lily: JAMES!

Lily: no one's gonna steal your order babe. Put the fucking chair down❤️

#harry potter #hogwarts #james potter #lily evens #marauders #remus lupin #remus x sirius #funny #follow #explore page

[marauders-evans]

*James and Sirius digging in the forest at the middle of the night*

James: faster mate faster!

Remus: what excatly are you digging for?

Sirius: graves. we're digging graves.

Remus: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? WHO THE FUCK HAVE YOU KILLED??

Sirius: don't tell him James, hold it. Be the man I know you are.

James: WE KILLED TWO FUCKING SQUIRRELS. TWO LITTLE UGLY HORRIBLE SELF-CENTERED SQUIRRELS! PLAESE DON'T REPORT US!!

Remus:

Remus: I'll think about it

#harry potter #hogwarts #james potter #lily evens #marauders #remus lupin #remus x sirius #funny #follow #explore page

[marauders-evans]

*marauders at war*

Sirius: *shoots someone on the leg*

Sirius: HAH MOTHERFUCKER!

Remus: shoot the enemy you idiot, not our companions!

Peter: we're not going to jail for this are we?

James: sooo what if we die here?

Remus: think positively. Lily's going to come to your funeral.

James: true🥰❤️💞🥰❤️

Sirius: *shoots a bird*

Remus: AIM FOR THE FREAKING ENEMY!

#harry potter #hogwarts #james potter #lily evens #marauders #remus lupin #remus x sirius #funny #follow #explore page

[marauders-evans]

*on Halloween night*

James: someone is betraying us as we speak.

Sirius: is it me James?

James: no, it's not you.

Remus: is it me?

James: it's not you either.

Peter: is it me, James?

James:

James: *mockingly* is it me, James?

#harry potter #hogwarts #james potter #lily evens #marauders #remus lupin #remus x sirius #funny #follow #explore page

[marauders-evans]

*in an ambulance*

Patient: is it bad?

James: no, it's just a scratch on your leg.

Patient: can I see it?

Sirius: sorry ma'am, the leg is in the other ambulance.

Sirius: but we can assure you, it's just a scratch.

Patient:

#harry potter #hogwarts #james potter #lily evens #marauders #remus lupin #remus x sirius #explore page #funny #follow

[marauders-evans]

[Sirius as a doctor]

Sirius: what's your problem?

Patient: my chest hurts really bad when I breathe

Sirius:

Sirius: so don't breathe

#harry potter #hogwarts #james potter #lily evens #marauders #remus lupin #funny #remus x sirius #follow #explore page

[marauders-evans]

The judge: do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

Sirius: no.

The judge: [covers mic] what do I do now?

#harry potter #hogwarts #james potter #lily evens #marauders #remus lupin #remus x sirius #explore page #funny #follow

[marauders-evans]

Sirius: ...maybe I overreacted... a bit...

Remus: a bit? that's like Napoleon saying "ohh I just meant to go for a little walk, but then I accidentally invaded Australia".

Sirius:

Sirius: I don't understand historic jokes.

#harry potter #hogwarts #james potter #lily evens #marauders #remus lupin #remus x sirius #funny #follow #explore page

[marauders-evans]

[Sirius and James at the police station]

Officer: have you ever been handcuffed before?

Sirius: sexually or by law enforcement?

Officer:

James: *chokes*

#harry potter #hogwarts #james potter #lily evens #marauders #remus lupin #remus x sirius #funny #follow #explore page

[marauders-evans]

Remus: I'm going to play a song for you

Remus: it's called "my life so far"

Remus: *takes a deep breath*

Remus: *screams*

#harry potter #hogwarts #james potter #lily evens #marauders #remus lupin #remus x sirius #explore page #funny #follow

[marauders-evans]

Sirius: fuckkk this is horrible!

Lily: not in front of Harry you dumbass.

Sirius: shit. Harry I'm so fucking sorry.

Sirius: I shouldn't have said that.

Sirius: fuck is a bad word

Sirius: don't you ever say fuck in your life

Sirius: don't you fucking say that

Lily: you're doing it again, Sirius

Sirius: I am not a role model. respect that.

#harry potter #hogwarts #james potter #lily evens #marauders #remus lupin #remus x sirius #funny #follow #explore page

[marauders-evans]

Sirius: it's going to work, trust me.

Remus: trust you?

Sirius: ...trust Lily?

Remus: Lily I trust.

#harry potter #hogwarts #james potter #lily evens #marauders #remus lupin #remus x sirius #funny #follow #explore page

[marauders-evans]

[Voldemort coming to Hogwarts]

Voldemort, fighting: oh, crap

James: look, I understand this is a tense situation but let's watch the fucking language. We're still in a fucking school here.

#harry potter #hogwarts #james potter #lily evens #marauders #remus lupin #remus x sirius #funny #follow #explore page