loveletterstotheliving

[loveletterstotheliving]

the feeling of you breathing against my chest haunts me in the middle of the night when i'm alone

i’m drowning in thoughts of missing you

#ms #love letters to the living #love letters #Letters #writing #writings #prose #poetry #spiel #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #Thoughts #haunting #drowning #thoughts of missing you #thoughts of you #feel you breathe #breathe #i miss you

[loveletterstotheliving]

you left for seven weeks, i got you back for eight, when will this never-ending game you play with my heart end in resolution?

you left again, this time there was not a hint of a warning 

#ms #love letters to the living #love letters #letters #leaving #writing #writings #poetry #prose #spiel #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #thoughts #games #why do you always leave #why can't you just stay

[loveletterstotheliving]

you came back. after seven weeks, you came back. but i still don't know what to do with this mess we're creating

35 days and counting

#ms #love letters to the living #love letters #letters #writing #writings #spiel #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #thoughts #poetry #prose #you came back #mess #we're a mess

[loveletterstotheliving]

i keep trying to tell myself that one day i'll see it. one day, in the distant future, i will see that we were never meant to make it past october. and every single moment we stole after then was simply just borrowed time. but the problem is, is that because we borrowed so much time, seventeen months worth, you are far more embedded into my soul. and scraping you out will take substantially more time than any of us realized.

instead i just keep hoping you come back before i see it 

#ms #love letters to the living #love letters #letters #spiel #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #thoughts #writing #writings #prose #poetry #i miss you #come back #please #you are embedded in my soul #october #borrowed time #false hope

[loveletterstotheliving]

i am finally learning how to breathe without you. although i never wanted this, i'm realizing that to you this was inevitable and clearly not as suffocating. i hope you know that i will love you forever.

544 days since our last kiss, 80 days since you whispered “text me when you get home”, 15 days since you said we can never speak again

#ms #love letters to the living #love letters #Letters #spiel #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #thoughts #i miss you #i will love you forever #the after #i will always be counting the days #i hope one day i'll be okay again #inevitable #writing #writings #please come back

[loveletterstotheliving]

yet again i have been reminded that the choice to leave me behind is so effortlessly simple and that i will never emanate reasons to stay.

your lessons are still hurting

#ms #love letters to the living #love letters #Letters #spiel #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #thoughts #writing #writings #you left #when all i wanted was for you to stay #please come back #i miss you #hurting

[loveletterstotheliving]

i am the added weight to the baggage you already carry

and you are mine, but i will never leave our memories behind whereas you discarded them the second you could 

#ms #love letters to the living #love letters #Letters #writing #writings #spiel #spilled thoughts #spilled ink #thoughts #i miss you #why did you leave #memories #left behind #baggage

[loveletterstotheliving]

happy birthday

i guess this was your final act of denouncing my worth even though you know i’ll still love you every single day for the rest of my life from afar

#ms #love letters to the living #love letters #Letters #spiel #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #thoughts #writing #writings #happy birthday #i miss you #my heart is breaking #afar #i love you #how could you do this

[loveletterstotheliving]

the air in my lungs feels foreign, as if i'm finally breathing in whatever the after is composed of. the after, where i haven't made peace with your decision to forsake your feelings for me. the after, where i have yet to scrape you out of my bones, out of my soul. the after, where i've learned that loving someone doesn't always mean choosing them. the after, where i'm frozen in october of 2020 as if my life depends on clinging to the hope you haven't endorsed for over a year. and finally breathing it all in is what's going to make me cough it all out.

coming to terms with losing you after 499 days apart

#ms #love letters to the living #love letters #Letters #prose #poetry #spiel #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #Thoughts #writing #writings #musings #i miss you #i love you #feelings #the after #october #losing you #why did i have to lose you

[loveletterstotheliving]

maybe getting out of october will allow for more room to breathe in a world where october meant you left

october’s closing and november’s opening 

#ms #love letters to the living #love letters #letters #writing #writings #prose #poetry #spiel #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #thoughts #i miss you #october #you left #closing #opening #breathe #room to breathe #i don't know how to do this #without you

[loveletterstotheliving]

october 13th. it's been one year since you kissed me goodbye and left for work. one year since i walked out of your apartment for the last time, without realizing it would be the last time. my heart is still mourning. but yours doesn't even remember why i could still possibly be holding on.

i don’t know how to move passed this

#ms #love letters to the living #love letters #spiel #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #thoughts #writing #writings #letters #i miss you #why don't you miss me too #mourning #goodbye #holding on #letting go

[loveletterstotheliving]

i shove down all of my hurt feelings when you talk about other women and remind myself softly, 'you knew he didn't want you, why is this still such a shock to your nervous system?'

i am still struggling with the notion that you are perfectly fine without me 

#ms #love letters to the living #love letters #Letters #writing #writings #prose #poetry #musings #spiel #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #Thoughts #i miss you #feelings #struggling

[loveletterstotheliving]

i think about my future and how i will be living in a skeleton of an apartment during residency. the furniture will be scarce, the decorations nonexistent, the lived in feeling just a dream that will never come true. i think about the pictures i take with me everywhere, and how your face will be missing. because you will be missing. because you were always just my 'almost'

i almost got over you

#ms #love letters to the living #love letters #spiel #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #thoughts #writing #writings #musings #poetry #prose #my future #residency #lonely #almost #i miss you so much it hurts #i miss you

[loveletterstotheliving]

even the thought of moving on tastes like war in my mouth

but the only war going on is the one in my head

#ms #love letters to the living #love letters #Letters #spiel #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #Thoughts #writing #writings #prose #poetry #moving on #war #in my head #i miss you #so much #why can't you just come back

[loveletterstotheliving]

i sit here and most every waking thought that consumes me is about you. but with every breath, i remind myself that you've become a forbidden topic of conversation.

no one pities the girl who keeps going back

#ms #love letters to the living #love letters #Letters #writing #writings #prose #poetry #musings #spiel #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #Thoughts #forbidden #topic of conversation #conversation #pity #i miss you #even if you're not the one #all i do is think about you #destructive

[loveletterstotheliving]

i think i forwent any closure the moment i asked you to stay, even if that meant just your words

i’d make all of the same mistakes again if that meant i got to know you like this

#ms #love letters to the living #love letters #Letters #spiel #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #thoughts #writing #writings #closure #stay #mistakes #words #please stay #i miss you #prose #poetry

[loveletterstotheliving]

knowing i'm nothing you could ever want will be what sets me free

my sacrifice will be letting you go

#ms #love letters to the living #love letters #Letters #prose #poetry #writing #writings #musings #spiel #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #thoughts #set me free #sacrifice #let you go #let go #i'll never be what you want #heartbreak