lotchairy

[lotchairy]

this is what i was waiting for. being so distracted with a busy schedule that i don’t eat much and then i run and have a lot net :)

i needed some motivation after feeling fat in class for the first day and seeing some guys i’m interested in. a lot of this i do for myself, but the extra motivation of looking good for others is making it easy to stay on track

#tw ed #ed #ana #mia #eating disorder thoughts #i’m honestly so hyped #it sounds so easy to starve for the rest of the week i can’t wait to see some progress again #an0rexya #an0rex1c #an0rex1a #bulimxa #bulimik #bulimina

[lotchairy]

rant after disappearing for a bit :/

pretty sure i’ve gained weight and if i go to check the scale i’ll lose my mind

ive definitely gotten worse at only focusing on the fat parts of my body…but it really sucks when those areas feel bigger

i was actually doing well restricting today and of course it’s family pizza night that i couldn’t get out of. and since i’m me, that made me think “fuck it” and eat some extra like binge food

only good thing is i was able to purge super well, my family went on a late night walk and i was able to purge until i was dry heaving :) i wish i was free to do that every time i overeat

my cousin is sleeping over tomorrow and i’m hoping i’ll be able to avoid some bad food and start restricting well again. classes start monday and i’m upset that i didn’t get even close to my gw

well…cheers to letting school take over my life and “forgetting” to eat meals

#tw ed #ed rant #eating disorder rant #ed things #ed tingz #ana #mia #an0rexya #an0rex1c #an0rex1a #bulimxa #bulimik #bulimina #eating disorder thoughts #i hate f00d

[lotchairy]

wtf!!!! i can’t eat less than like 1,400 the last few days. i’m still in a small deficit but it’s still making me feel like a failure

#tw ed #ed #eating disorder thoughts #ana #mia #an0rexya #an0rex1c #an0rexx #bulimxa #bulimik #bulimina

[lotchairy]

i came back to work after vacation and heard 4 different people say i’m “small”, “tiny”, tell me good job on losing weight, and a joke about how i don’t eat …and i was over here panicking about how i thought i gained

is this validation?

#tw ed #ed #i don’t believe people calling me small but man it feels good #ana #mia #eating disorder thoughts #an0rexya #an0rex1c #an0r3xia #bulimja #bulimxa #bulimik #bulimina

[lotchairy]

really hard to keep trying to convince yourself you don’t have an ed when you weigh everything you eat and seriously consider packing your scale to avoid not having one on vacation….

#tw ed #ed #ana #mia #or just almost losing it over eating over the limit but still in a deficit… #an0rexx #an0r3xia #an0rexya #bulimja #bulimina #bulimik

[lotchairy]

ed crisis/rant

guys i’m losing my mind, i keep binging the last 3 days and i need to stop this, help!!!! today i was doing well and then just spiraled out of control and just ate like another 700 calories….so i’m probably at 1,400 right now and omfg i’m panicking i’m going to gain weight and lose all my progress with how these days have been going

i cant even purge well because my dad is always around and i already think he’s heard me before. our relationship isn’t good though so he hasn’t brought it up (i just hope he doesn’t say anything to my mom)

i’m at such a breaking point i’m tempted to tell either my bsf or doctor. both would be so hard though… my bsf would tell me how bad and serious this is and how i need help, not see me the same, and prob force me to eat every time i see her… and it would crush me if my doc said it wasn’t super serious bc i’m average weight, like not even close to being underweight or anything (even tho i’ve lost a lot in the last year). the worst is that a big part of me doesn’t even want the help. i just want someone real to rant to and to just stop the binging and have a body i like. i’m already going to bring up anxiety and probably depression but i still want to keep ana. but just ana without any binge/purge cycle

#tw ed #ed #ana #mia #anamia #an0r3xia #an0rexya #an0rexx #bulimja #bulimik #bulimxa #bulimina #binge eating #eating disorder rant #ed things

[lotchairy]

i added up how much i probably ended up eating and it’s even worse than i thought :(

i tried to run a mile and almost passed out soo looks like i’ll just have to go back to restricting really well tomorrow

i will do better. i’m not losing my progress.

[lotchairy]

i overate/binged today more than i have in awhile and i’m so panicked over gaining weight that i’ll probably break my streak and go purge. i have 1 week to starve and then i’ll be visiting grandparents for over a week (then like less than 2 weeks after classes will start). i NEED to get my weight down before classes start

god is it too much to ask to be 120 for a new semester???

#tw ed #ed #ana #mia #eating disorder rant #binge eating #ed tingz #an0rex1a #an0rexya #an0rex1c #an0r3xia #bulimja #bulimik #bulimxa #bulimina

[lotchairy]

i still have to eat dinner with my family and i’m over a thousand calories now because i can’t stop snacking

incoming panic attack besties

#tw ed #ed #ana #mia #an0rex1a #an0rexya #an0rex1c #bulimik #bulimja #bulimxa #fml i’m considering purging but… #i will go on a run later #hopefully burn some of this off

[lotchairy]

nothing quite like making food and then getting into fights and losing your appetite

#tw ed #ed #ana #mia #eating disorder thoughts #ed tingz #an0rex1a #an0rexya #an0rex1c #bulimja #bulimik

[lotchairy]

i cannot believe i spent this whole day with my bsf and ended up only drinking like 300cal worth of coffee!!! :)

i lied and said i didn’t want pizza when she got it and talked about getting something else (we decided on pretzels and said we’d get them like right when we were leaving) and then it ended up being out of the way and i had chugged a cold brew and it made me feel a little sick so no pretzels hell yesss

a small dinner and i can actually stay on track :D

#tw ed #ed #eating disorder thoughts #ana #mia #ednos #i’m so glad my stomach didn’t growl loud #today has been such a win im proud #i even bought a size SMALL in 2 things like wow #an0rex1a #an0rexya #an0rex1c #bulimxa #bulimja #bulimik #bulimina

[lotchairy]

frustrated ed rant!!

i hadn’t really purged in weeks and just binged and purged… i’m so surprised how easy it is after you stop for awhile

also kinda surprised and scared just how much i missed purging until you get that light headed “omg too much” feeling. i hate how that feeling makes me less panicked about just how much shit i just ate

just trying to do some math and calm down: i’m gonna guess (maybe overestimate) i binged on about 1,100 calories, and after being at 650, that would put me at 1,750. i ran earlier and burned 240, and purging i’ll low-ball it and just say 200. that puts me at 1,350 and my fitness app says i burned a little over 2k today overall. so i should be fine. theoretically.

i’m just sososo panicked about gaining because i worked so hard to break the cycle of gaining and losing the same like 5 pounds. i’ll probably do some extra exercises tonight before i sleep and do extra good tomorrow. i’m so thankful for an 8hr shift walking around the whole time

#tw ed #ed rant #ed #ana #mia #not pro anything #just having those ed panic attacks #my anxiety over gaining got so bad #an0rex1a #an0rexya #an0rex1c #bulimik #bulimxa #bulimina #bulimja #ednos #why cant i just be good at ana

[lotchairy]

snapchat is suddenly my favorite motivator. 2yrs ago i bought a swimsuit and took some pics… trying it on again and that shit is h a n g i n g off my body

also holy shit my tits got so much smaller

#that was an amazing feeling #i now have some comparison pics #but dunno if i’ll post them bc i still hate how i look #tw ed #ed #eating disorder rant #eating disorder thoughts #ed tingz #an0rex1a #an0rexya #an0rex1c #bulimik #bulimxa #bulimina #ednos

[lotchairy]

the ravioli my mom made almost gave me a nervous breakdown, thankfully i got away with only eating one with some carrots and then making soup

i want to rant so hard about calories so bad but the most i can do is kinda go “oh that’s a little brutal” to nutrition labels because i know she’s trying to lose weight too (just healthily)

#tw ed #ed #ed rant #eating disorder thoughts #eating disorder rant #ana #mia #ednos #bulimik #bulimxa #bulimina #an0rexya #an0rex1c #an0rex1a

[lotchairy]

i sorta binged last night and i still hate myself so much for it

#tw ed #ed #ana #mia #an0rexya #an0rex1c #bulimxa #bulimina #bulimik #ednos #b/p cycle #bingepurge

[lotchairy]

anyone else feel like their ed convinced you that you’re in a transition period and therefore can’t enjoy life? like no i can’t buy new clothes because i’m not thin yet, no i can’t hang with new people or date because i’m not good enough yet, no i can’t try new hair because i don’t have a good body to go with it…

it just feels like i’m losing time in the static waiting for perfection

#ed #tw ed #ana #mia #eating disorder thoughts #an0rexya #an0rex1c #bulimik #bulimina #bulimxa #ednos

[lotchairy]

i haven’t weighed myself since tuesday because i refuse to do it at 5am or after work, and i’ve been pretty good at restricting this week. just gotta avoid some fast food this weekend and hopefully monday i’ll see a lower number on the scale again

#i cant wait #i really wanna see that number drop #tw ed #ed #ana #mia #endos #an0rexya #an0rex1c #bulimik #bulimina #bulimxa