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lostsoul06princess · 3 years

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To my THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY,

his the love of my life I chose to let go... And letting go was not the best choice for me.

I met him when I was 18 years old. I was trying to mend my half broken heart and convince my young self that I loved my ex boyfriend. But I'm not. Anyway I met this guy older than me, we exchanged number then we became friends. This guy was new to me because I never dated someone older than me. And he just got out of a serious relationship by the way. I got curious about him. Is he the Right guy for me? Is he? Or Im just dreaming? Later on I fell in love with him. I thought the feelings was mutual.. hello!!! We're doing this like we're bf and gf.. but for him I'm not good enough. On one of our dates he told me that if his given a choice to have a girl friend it would be me! But why now?? He told me that his wasn't yet ready and let's enjoy what we have. When I went home I realized that this is not what I signed for infact this is not what I want. I started questioning myself, what's wrong with me? Am I not pretty? What's wrong?! Then I erased his number and move on. Like I always do. I didn't text him or even look at him. Then I started dating other guy. The new guy was so good to me.. he likes me, he love me, he adores me. Our relationship was okey! I love him.. then one night when I got home I saw him again.. he said he wanted to talk. I said okey I can do that. He begun saying sorry to me. That after I move on he told his mom about me. That he and I had something and he wanted to make it right.. he wanted me. He wanted me to be his girlfriend. I told him that it was nice to know that he told his mom about me but... I'm with someone else... He told me to leave my boyfriend for him so we can finally have our love story. Then with out saying anything I went home.. first thing that came into my mind was my boyfriend I don't what to hurt him. He gave me that one thing that my old guy didn't gave me.. what should I do? I love them both. Then my best friend told me that I can love them both but one is more than the other. Then my boyfriend texted me. That his letting go of me. And he doesn't want to give me a burden of choosing because I might end up not choosing him. I cried! Because I'm trying to convince my self that I really move on and that I love him. Then my old guy and I are officially on a relationship. Everything was alright. Everyday we see each other, we talked, we laughed.. he became the center of my world. Then issues begun to surfaces. He wanted me to change for him, he wanted me to follow every rules, I have to be home on time, call him on time... Our ages difference was the big factor of most of our fights. But I love him so much that I still hold on to him.. because I want what we have. I want this... I want this to work. He stared giving me cold shoulders. He doesn't talk to me. He started making plans for him self. Then one day.. I was talking to his cousin. She told me that I should let go.. I asked why?? She said that he started seeing this girl and his family knew about her. What???? What did she say?? Am I hearing this Right?? ..I went home I cry my ass off. It was so painful that I couldn't feel my heart anymore. I love him so much that I even leave the one that loves me. I guess that's karma.

We finally decide to talk. I asked him if it's true about that girl and he said loudly yes!!! I asked him how? Why ? When? And other questions.. but he just tell me to let go and move on. Really?? After all this time!! That the only thing that you can told me you bastard! But I came to realize I lost the fight and his right.. there's nothing left for me but to turn my back and move on. It's hard but I know i can do this.

After 2 months I feel better the pain was definitely there but I can smile now, I can laugh without tears pouring down my face And I can see him everyday with thoughts in my head that I can do this. I know his happy and that's fine. I started seeing this guy. His my friend and he knows me better than myself. He knows what I'm going through. My pain ,my hang ups, my reservation. We came closer and closer. Heloves me more than anyone.

After 5 months I got a message from a familiar person. If he can talk to me. It's important. Then I said yes we can talk.

He told me he was sorry about what happened to us and he doesn't want to hurt me. He still love me. And he want me back. I told him this.. you know I loved you much that I changed myself for you. You know that you are my life and happiness but you choose to hurt me. You chose her because you think that being with her was the right thing to do that I was your mistake. You made me believe that what we had was something I wanted for a long time, that you want to end up with me. You hurt me.. you made me cry.. I still love you that I really want to be with you. I still want you .. I still want this.. but I love myself.. I want to be there for you Everytime you want to comeback.. but until when? Until you met the right one? Until you hurt me that I can survive from the pain? Until when... You can love me the way I love you because you wanted more than I can give. You're asking to much from me and I can't give you more because I already given you everything. I have nothing left for myself because Everytime you asked for one thing you expect me to give 100 things and I can deal with that anymore. I want you to be happy and at the same time I also want to be happy. So I'm saying no this time.. I'm letting you go.

Then that's it!!

But until now that Im have my own family I still feel the pain.. I still feel the love. Because his the only person that hurt me the most but teach me the most. That I cant always have what I want. I love him because he let me feel good.. and he makes me happy. And I wouldnt asked for more. I might not have him for the rest of my life but I can treasure all the memories we once shared. All the lesson and learning that I learn from him.

To you, you know who you are.. I want to say thank you for making me strong. For teaching me about life and love. For introducing god to me. And for making me happy . I know we have our differences .. we hurt each other .. we made mistake but it doesn't define how special you are to me and how special our past was. I'm happy for you and I will continue to remember all the happy memories we had. Thank you!

#love #breakup #goodbyes

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