lone-traveler95

[lone-traveler95]

Today I don't feel like talking

I feel like feeling

I feel like finding myself

A private and sacred space

For healing

I feel quiet and low

While my love vibrates high

I'm quietly orchestrating

A home in my heart

With each day

And in small pockets

Of time

Infrequently granting myself

The permission

to stay.

To feel

To attempt to grasp

Each sensation

As it passes

I am not perfect

I am not made of gold

My heart is not solid

Like steel

I am like liquid.

I try to fit around you

To make you stay

And just as easily

Fall away

I am like liquid in that

I flow around you

And sometimes near you

I fall apart yet remain together

I transform readily

I will not wait for you

And I am everywhere

I can be contained

And just as easily set free

I melt out of your hands

If you're not careful to hold me

I forget what it's like

To not speak

To not exert energy towards

Trying to be understood

It is often in the quiet

Where I feel most understood

[lone-traveler95]

Love is opening yourself to the present moment. Breathing into the joy or discomfort simply embracing how it feels to be human. It is an act of love in that we're honoring ourselves and our true experience.

[lone-traveler95]

What is life if not filled with love? I argue it is the precursor to all emotions. It is because of love that we feel loss so intensely. It is because of love why we feel anger and betrayal. It is because of love why we feel fear. It is love that fills us and feeds our soul and just as much exposes who we are and how we can get hurt. Yet we have this extraordinary ability to love through pain. I think our pain makes love grow stronger.

[lone-traveler95]

This has been a beautiful summer so far. Full of new places, so much growth in myself and in my relationships, heartbreak and healing. Moments of clarity and sheer loss. The universe is abundant with love and connection. I don't worry about finding it.

Today encompassed all that it is to be human. I felt pure bliss watching the sunset on my way home driving with the windows down smelling the warm air, I felt deep pain in my tears and in my loss, I felt anxious to get to and from work, I practiced patience and openness, I closed myself occasionally, I felt joy playing volleyball, I felt deep love for myself and my friends. Today I was human. I felt it all. I allowed myself to cry. I allowed myself to smile.

By having this day I gave myself the gift of remembering what it's like to be human. To continuously fluctuate between chaos and peace. An exhausting yet beautiful and confusing experience. I am reminded that heartbreak splits us open so we can see more of ourselves, in our most vulnerable yet beautiful state.

- Journal entry June 21, 2022

[lone-traveler95]

“Most of the time the universe speaks to us very quietly in pockets of silence, in coincidences, in nature, in forgotten memories, in the shape of clouds, in moments of solitude, in small tugs at our hearts.”

— Yumi Sakugawa, “Your Illustrated Guide to Becoming One with the Universe” (AdamsMedia, October 31, 2014)

[lone-traveler95]

"Feeling secure means knowing your worth. It's simply knowing that no one can add or take away from something that was already there and will always be there."

-Journal entry 4/14/2022

[lone-traveler95]

I remember a time when the pain felt like it would last forever. But now I am happy. I hope you experience love because I know I have it. I'm grateful to know how it feels sitting in my chest and in my gut. I have the love I always wanted. I feel it in my heart when I think of myself. To think of all she has been through and all she has helped me through. I love her, I love who she's becoming, her smile and light, her kindness. Some may take advantage of her, she will get hurt and she will be in pain but will simply grow in her ability to love even when it's hard. Some may try to tell her if she's worthy and she'll know she's never had to prove it and never will. It's those who feel as though they must prove their worth that will judge the worth of others. I hope they find they have always been worthy. I hope they find that unconditional love inside them. Everyone deserves to feel the feeling of true love for themselves.

[lone-traveler95]

First hike with the pup in Colorado

[lone-traveler95]

We were meant to break

Constantly

Over and over

We wonder why pain feels

Like it's forever

Life will feel burdensome

Loneliness will consume us

We will build walls

We will hurt

We will rush to feel better

We will forget to eat

To drink

To live

Yet the river flows

In one direction

We were meant to keep moving

Keep loving

Keep singing

Keep hoping through the tears

Cry tears of pain

And tears of joy

The music was meant to carry us

Through deep labored breaths

Between tears

My fear is you'll forget

You shine

Undeniably

A light never to be dimmed

A force of love

You'll be tested everyday

And wonder, "was I meant to be loved?"

And know the answer has

And always will be

Yes.

[lone-traveler95]

"Yet our love lingers

in the leaves of the trees that line

the paths they have yet to take

There's no knowing who will go where

Yet we can go knowing

Our love helped guide someone home"

[lone-traveler95]

"Lasting transformation occurs when we honor ourselves as the source of wisdom and compassion."

p.24 from The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron

[lone-traveler95]

"None of it has or ever will belong to me. Everything in life belongs to change."

- Journal entry June 8, 2021

[lone-traveler95]

Running through wildflowers with the pup

[lone-traveler95]

Camping trip with Luca 5/12-5/14

#camping #roadtrip

[lone-traveler95]

Sunrise at yosemite

#half dome #yosemite #national park

[lone-traveler95]

We were left to focus on what makes us whole. It wasn't our jobs or hobbies or where we went to school or how much money we make. It was us. Our love, our worth, our wholeness has and always will be constant and unchanging regardless of what's happening. We have always been whole and it was an illusion that anything outside of us made it that way.

Journal entry April 21, 2021

[lone-traveler95]

Love is so much deeper when you release others of the responsibility to fill voids we were never taught we could fill ourselves.

- Journal entry from March 20, 2021