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llilactrash · 3 years
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d e s t r u c t i o n
But I am just putting that towards watching The Queen's Gambit on Netflix while crocheting my blanket i started in like march/April. I am bad
Bad thoughts of being a bad person and it's making me feel so emoty
What if I do leave
I am not a good girlfriend
I'm not a good person
I don't deserve to go to a doctor
I deserve this
I deserve this
I deserve worse
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llilactrash · 3 years
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Oh
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llilactrash · 3 years
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I am slipping
dissolving
and there is nothing I can do
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llilactrash · 3 years
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I feel my body slowly shutting down....
everything so heavy
I feel exhausted
I want to disappear from everything and everyone
I am not in a good mentality right now
I need to not message or work out serious topics right now
everything is clouded
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llilactrash · 4 years
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I feel so fucking empty
this is ALWAYS what happens
get it through your fucking head that it's just never meant to be
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llilactrash · 4 years
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I'm sinking again
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llilactrash · 4 years
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idk what I'm feeling exactly, but it's not good. I... painfully empty...
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llilactrash · 4 years
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my heart hurts.
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llilactrash · 4 years
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my legs have been scratched to mild irritation
I need to stop before it's my throat
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llilactrash · 4 years
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why can't I just be normal
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llilactrash · 4 years
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did I take a shower roughly from 3:15-3:40am? yes
BUT
it was the first actual shower I have taken in almost 2 weeks :) 12 days
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llilactrash · 4 years
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it's not you dumbass
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llilactrash · 4 years
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/// tw: suicidal thoughts ///
you can’t kill yourself in a dorm room
you can’t kill yourself in a dorm
you can’t kill yourself in your dorm 
you don’t even have enough medicine or resources to do anything anyway
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llilactrash · 4 years
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time to sleep with the hope of never waking up <3
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llilactrash · 4 years
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I really fucking need to take a shower
but I also want to throw up
vddbdjfssv
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llilactrash · 4 years
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spiders crawling through my head 
mangling and tangling their webs through my ribcage 
trapping every thought with dread
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llilactrash · 4 years
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I feel as if I am drenched in gasoline gallons upon gallons seeping into my pores the overpowering stench has burned my senses into oblivion numbing waves until the only thing left is the crave of a match
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