lilienmaedchen

[lilienmaedchen]

Hey mum, hey dad...

I'm writing this 'cause I know I can't tell it face to face.

Hey mum, I don't understand why you are so jealous about me being finally happy after a long dark time. I don't understand why you judge me for starting my own life, for having a loving boyfriend and a job i love. Im happy, for the first time...

Hey mum, i know you're having a hard time and you struggle sometimes but did you ever had the idea that i have problems too? That im struggling sometimes? That i could need a shoulder to cry on like a daughter wants to break down in the arms of her mother?

Hey mum, yes I'm the oldest child but im not perfect. Please understand that i had to fight for a lot of things that are now standart for my siblings and im mad about this sometimes.

Hey dad, why did you do all this bad things, so i can no longer hug you like a daughter wants to hug her dad?

Hey mum, hey dad, why couldnt you both heal from your traumas before having kids or letting them be your punching ball?

Hey mum, Hey dad, please understand why I want to move out...

#family #toxic parents #toxic home #toxic #broken family #broken #sad #depression #excerpts from my mind #thoughts #tw #deep #writers #mum #dad #hug #cry #move out #boyfriend #happy

[lilienmaedchen]

“A year ago, you did not know today. You did not know how you’d make it here. But you made it here. By grace, you made it here.”

— Morgan Harper Nichols

[lilienmaedchen]

I can be totally concentrated in the middle of something, but sometimes.... I just fall out of it. It comes out of nowhere, and i fall out of the thing I'm doing, out of the conversation, out of the world.

Then I just sit there, trying to reconnect without showing anybody and without breaking down.

Today, such a situation happened. I was in the middle of reading, being calm and focused...and then - boom - nothing. My brain started to tumble...down and down. I feel nothing but this horrible, big depressed thing deep down, in the darkest corner of my soul. In this moment this chunk is everything i notice, I can't feel anything, I don't have control over my thoughts, my eyes wander aimless around, searching for something to bring me back to reality.

I think "is it bad again?", i read that this question itself tells you it is. Normally you don't think this, normal, healthy people don't ask themself this question.

I feel dizzy, hardly remembering the knock out, but knowing it was bad. I still struggle to formulate any straight thought. I'm trying to focus back to reality, knowing it's back...again.

#depression #depressed #tw depressing thoughts #wandering thoughts #tumbling #deep #excerpts from my mind #mind #tw #thoughts #dark #dark thoughts #darkness #numb #focus #reality #bad #bad mental health #bad mental state #writers #tell no one #think #thinking #break down #dark souls #secret

[lilienmaedchen]

Did you know you cannot fold a paper in half more than seven times? Even if you try again...over and over...

Sometimes in life it's similar, you're stuck somewhere and don't have a solution for a problem that doesn't seem to be that difficult.

Then you simply have to unfold, smooth the wrinkles carefully - like they we're scars - and start again.

#fold #paper #writing #creative #creator #exerpt from a story i'll never write #excerpts from my mind #thoughts #mind #wandering thoughts #try #over and over #overthinking #similar #problem #difficult #wrinkles #scars #heal #help #depression #sad #start again #restart

[lilienmaedchen]

"Don't let your worst day be your last."

#worth #worst #worst day of my life #last #depression #excerpts from my mind #quote #sad #tw

[lilienmaedchen]

You know something is wrong... again ....... when you need the water in the shower to burn your skin to get the ice cold feeling out of your body and to shut your thoughts down.

#wrong #mind #burn #shower #icecold #ice #feeling #feelings #excerpts from my mind #my feels #shut down #drowning in my thoughts #wandering thoughts #thoughts #depression #sad #night #alone #break down #tw

[lilienmaedchen]

“If you see beauty in something, don’t wait for others to agree.”

— Sherihan Gamal

[lilienmaedchen]

“No matter how honestly you open up to someone, there are still things you cannot reveal.”

— Haruki Murakami, Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage

[lilienmaedchen]

I'm not unsure about you, I'm unsure about myself

#questions #questioning #wandering thoughts #excerpts from my mind #couple #love #him #writers #thinking #mental health #mental illness #mental instability #perfect person #unsure #realtionship #reality

[lilienmaedchen]

“Loving someone is giving them the power to hurt you, but trusting them not to.”

— Tommy Brown (Criminal Minds)

[lilienmaedchen]

I just realized you can't have platonic, romantic and sexual love at once. A person can only fulfill two of them.

#love #platonic #romantic #sexual #person #soulmate #i love you #lovers #relationship #excerpts from my mind #thoughts

[lilienmaedchen]

I have tattoos. Tattoos are art ... so I'm art ❤️

#tattoos #tatto design #tattoo #art #skin #ink #inked #inked goddess #design

[lilienmaedchen]

Do you know this feeling, getting woked up at 7am on a sunday morning from the screams of your parents while they arguing? I tell you... it's absolutely terrible

#Home #nohome #toxic home #parents #scream #fighting #arguing #waking up #sad #depressed #excerpts from my mind #mood #wandering thoughts #overthinking

[lilienmaedchen]

“I’ve wanted to kill myself a hundred times, but somehow I am still in love with life.”

— Voltaire, Candide

[lilienmaedchen]

"I think sometimes we aren't keeping secrets to hide from other people. I think sometimes we're keeping them to protect those people."

Manchmal behalten wir Geheimnisse nicht für uns, um sie vor anderen Leuten zu verstecken. Manchmal bewahren wir sie um diese Leute zu beschützen.

- 13 reasons why (Staffel 2, Episode 2)

#13 reasons why #show #secret #people #protect #sad #broken #tote mädchen lügen nicht #tot #sv #sh #movie #dark #depression #anxitey

[lilienmaedchen]

"Manche sagen gerne 'Ich liebe Dich', aber was sie meinen ist, dass sie nur das eigene Gefühl lieben, jemand anderen zu lieben."

-To the Bone

[lilienmaedchen]

I know my brain is toxic to myself, I know I should seek for help, I know these thoughts are bad, I know I shouldn't hurt myself, I know I'm sick.

But I'm afraid, I'm so scared about the reaction of my family and friends if I tell them I need a psychologist.

I know, If I don't ask for help ist only get worse but I'm so afraid to tell anyone....

#depression #depressed #sad #toxic #pls help #drowning in my thoughts #thinking #overthinking #i can't sleep #hurt #broken #sick #mental illness #scared #ask for help #worse #afraid