lifeonhardmode

[lifeonhardmode]

math

Idk what I did but I can't deal with this many numbers. My new recalculation for how I did in the year of 2023:

Rent & utilities: 28%

Spent: 28%

Tax: 22%

Saved: 22%

I can't be completely sure that this is accurate either but I tried.

In 2024, I plan to keep careful track of my savings and net worth every month. I want to be more aware of what's happening with my retirement accounts. I have been in the habit of carefully tracking my spending, but I need to count how much is being saved too.

My spreadsheet is currently telling me that if I can survive on $168/month (after tax, rent, utilities), then I will reach my savings goal in 13 months. Yeahhhh. Not possible, considering that my average monthly grocery bill alone is $240. I need to eat a lot more rice.

[lifeonhardmode]

Hello again

So I obviously didn't complete the last challenge I did. It became too overwhelming to keep up with, then there was some confusion/arguments about the actual plans that I was preparing for. Somehow, thinking all the time about saving money triggered me to spend $1K on tattoos, and thinking all the time about losing a couple pounds triggered me to binge eat.

Sooooo anyway. Yes, we did go on that trip and yes it was beautiful, though we have a lot of stuff to work through/unpack now, and I don't mean unpacking the luggage.

The reason I'm posting again now is because I've finished looking at all my spending over the last year and I'd like to set some spending goals for 2024.

Overall, 29% went to rent & utilities, 29% to other spending, I saved 23%, and paid 19% in tax. Not bad, really. Except that my savings accounts are behind because of complicated life stuff. So I'm still worrying about increasing my savings as much as possible. Let's take a look at the "29% other spending" category because that's the only one I can really do anything about, unless I want to move in with roommates (ugh).

23% groceries

22% personal

10% household

9% travel

7% cat

6% entertainment

5% drugs

4% health/meds

3% restaurants

3% hobby

3% clothes

2% gifts/donations

1% or less: transportation, city tax, stuff for my office, amazon prime

Groceries:

23% protein (powder/bars)

20% fruit (fresh/frozen/dried/canned)

13% snacks (also things like butter & sugar)

12% vegetables

8% prepared (like sandwiches)

6% beverages (tea bags, almond milk etc)

5% grains (bread, flour, crackers etc)

5% beans (dry, canned, or hummus)

5% condiments

3% nuts & seeds (dry or buttered)

less than 1%: gum & mints

So it's clear that I can stand to cut down on snacks and prepared foods. It's hard because my life is so busy and boring and frugal that I don't feel like I have anything happy or different in my life, so I'll buy myself a bag of chips or a chocolate bar for a boost. But I guess I can just eat a lot more rice this year instead.

The beverages section has a lot of milk because I was baking a lot of soda bread to use up my flour. I don't currently have any flour so I don't expect to waste money on milk for a while. Most of that category is tea bags, I use 1 or 2 every day. It works out to $1.76 per week, which is a lot less than some people spend on coffee/juice/milk etc, but still I suppose I could just drink water... but I probably won't. Tea makes me happy and keeps me motivated to stay hydrated.

Vegetables. I was eating a lot of salad and veggies in the summer and fall in my efforts to lose some weight, but ohhh man it adds up. I've already cut way down on veggies, now approximately 3 vegetables per week. Obviously not ideal for health but I can't afford that many vegetables.

Fruit. I typically eat 1 thing of berries per week and 1 other fruit each day. Again, for my health I would prefer a lot more of this, but dang it's expensive. Again, because I was making a lot of soda bread, this category has a lot more dried fruit than I typically buy. I don't really want to cut down on my 1 fruit per day/1 berry per week routine. But maybe I can try to prefer frozen fruits instead of fresh? IDK.

Protein... yeah that's a big category. I knew that protein powder and bars are expensive, but I justified it because they are so rich in nutrients and protein and calories. My problem is that I tend to binge eat on protein bars. Horrible habit. I will probably continue my habit of 1 serving of protein per day, but I'll try really hard to never binge on those things again. It's a very expensive mistake.

Personal:

44% tattoos

12% jewelry

9% piercings

5% salon

5% tens unit

4% skincare

4% makeup

3% bath

2% vanity

2% hair products

2% bed pillows

2% art

1% or less: tattoo machine, therapy light, mosquito net, nail products, sunscreen, lube, candle, deodorant, water purifier tablets, bug spray.

Yes I know I spent a lot on tattoos. God damnit they make me happy. I know I need to cut back on tattoos. But OMG I really want more tattoos. Ugh.

Jewelry and piercings; makeup and vanity: My collections are nearly complete. I don't anticipate these to be large categories in 2024.

Salon: I really want to be able to go to salons sometimes but I just can't afford it. Sad sad.

Tens unit: I thought I would give it a try to see if it helps. Unfortunately, it doesn't. I wouldn't have known that if I hadn't bought it though, so IDK if I can really say I regret this cost but yeah I wish I hadn't bought it.

Household:

31% storage (meaning, drawers and shelves and stuff in my apartment)

21% laundry (just the cost to use the machines)

11% rental insurance

7% furnishings (couch slipcover, new toilet seat etc)

6% paper products (paper towels, TP, tissues)

6% computer accessories (cables, laptop case, etc)

5% cleaning supplies (laundry soap etc)

4% kitchen supplies (plastic wrap, new measuring cup etc)

4% tape (why is tape so expensive)

2% batteries

1% or less: printing and shredding, hand towels, garbage bags

Laundry and rental insurance are pretty much unavoidable. That works out to an average of 1.3 laundry loads per week. I guess I could try to cut down but the machines are small, and I do need clean clothes.

Storage and furnishings are generally one-time purchases, from setting up my new apartment. The other stuff... idk. I've already stopped buying Kleenex, just using a handkerchief now. There's not a lot that I can really cut down on.

I will probably need to buy a scanner this year. I'm really not excited about that because it will cost a lot, but I really do need one.

Travel:

83% plane (one round trip)

11% taxi (3 rides)

6% train (one round trip)

Out of the 3 taxi trips, 1 was necessary (taking the cat to the kennel-- I can't take him on the bus). 2nd one was mostly necessary (going back to work after dropping off the cat -- I guess I could have used PTO to spend an hour or two taking the bus but that didn't seem practical). The 3rd was wholly unnecessary (going to the airport -- I woke up too late to take the bus! D:) I don't normally use taxi or ride shares, but every once in a while an urgent or unusual circumstance comes up.

The plane trip was not strictly necessary for survival, I suppose, but Bae and I decided to do it together, which meant a lot to me. The train trip was not strictly necessary either but it meant I got to spend a week with a dear friend.

Lucky for me, my work pays for my bus fare. And I definitely can't afford a car.

Cat:

57% boarding (for while I was traveling. Not totally sure if I should count this as a cat cost or a travel cost)

27% litter

7% food

4% treats

3% toys

2% new cat bed

1% or less: litter box liners, microchip fee

Clearly boarding is the big expense here. If I can stay in town and not go anywhere this year, then I can cut down on that cost. Boarding and cat sitting cost about the same, and I prefer not to have a stranger come into my apartment if I can help it. I guess it would cut out my taxi costs though.

Litter and food are pretty unavoidable. Can't starve the cat. The treats are so he will let me cut his nails. I could cut down and give him less treats. He doesn't really play with cat toys so I guess I can stop trying to buy them for him.

Since I'm technically just fostering the cat, his vet bills are covered by the actual owner. So that's great.

Entertainment:

81% opera tickets

9% tv streaming

4% concert ticket (one concert)

3% movie rentals

2% museum entry

1% summer fair entry

Back in the day I used to go to concerts a lot, but it's an extremely expensive habit. I only went to one this year but it wasn't a big stadium show or anything, just the small east side theater. The streaming is pricier than I'd like it to be. I need to watch more TV so I can finish the shows and cancel that sub.

But the big one... opera... UGGGGH the thought of giving up opera for the year pains me. It pains me. Ugh. But it's SO FREAKING EXPENSIVE. I guess I could start going to operas alone? It's a lot less fun. But it would cut this cost in half. Maybe next year they'll do a bunch of operas I don't like, then I won't be upset about skipping them.

Drugs:

39% alcohol from the grocery store

22% vape

22% alcohol while dining out

14% CBD

2% new herb grinder

1% cigarettes

The vape and grinder were one-time purchases, no associated ongoing costs until I run out of weed, which will definitely not happen this year.

CBD is my fav, it makes me feel so good. But it's pricey. I do have a tendency to take more than I really need, so I'll try better to limit myself there.

Getting drinks out is clearly a big drain. I only went out in two months out of twelve this year. It's a really nice way to socialize but maybe I should buy a flask instead.

But the big one is almost entirely 12-packs of beer from the grocery store. I love beer, but it's expensive. I did buy a bottle of booze from the liquor store so it would be cheaper than buying beer. It's not nearly as enjoyable as having a nice cold beer, so it definitely has helped me cut those costs. I think my goal for this year is to favor hard drinks from the liquor store over beer or bars.

Health/meds:

68% doctors (copays and treatments)

12% topical medication (just one)

10% melatonin

6% cold meds

3% vitamins

1% physical therapy supplies

I hate how expensive it is to see doctors. I really need to get to a GYN, a dentist, and a dermatologist, but I just can't afford it. It would be amazing if I could also go to therapy someday. Bah. Of course, I don't pay a monthly cost for health insurance thanks to my job, so that is a huge thing to be thankful for. But it means that it's in my best financial interest to ignore my health interests and try not to see doctors.

The topical med didn't work so that was a disappointing cost. I don't take melatonin every day but it does help sometimes when I do. The cold meds were for when I had covid and was just trying to get through it. Cold meds are expensive. But fortunately I haven't been sick in a long while. I don't socialize a lot, I don't work in a germy environment, I live alone, I get my shots, and I wear a mask.

Restaurants:

3% of my spending went to restaurants... I didn't even go out that much but dang. More rice at home, less eating out.

Hobby:

50% plants

11% shrimps

10% grow lights

9% plant shelves

5% aquarium chemicals

4% plant poles

4% acclimator

4% snail

3% aquarium heater

1% hydroponic cups

Yeah so I clearly spent too much on plants this year. The lights, shelves, poles, acllimator, heater, and cups are one-time purchases. I could stand to replace my chemicals but I probably won't. The snail died. :( Most of the shrimps died too. I might buy more plants, shrimps, and snails this year, but then again maybe not.

Clothes:

30% shoes for work

14% blazers for work

13% shoes (not for work)

9% bras

7% undershirts

6% leggings

6% socks for work

5% dresses for work

5% new purse

4% swimsuit

1% dress (not for work)

Strictly speaking, none of the work clothes are necessary because our dress code is casual and I really only need one nice outfit for work, on those rare days when we are asked to dress formally. But personally I like to have a separate professional wardrobe for the office. My work wardrobe is pretty complete now, and I don't foresee work clothes to be a major category this year.

I had to replace my purse because it fell apart. Won't be buying more bags anytime soon. Same with the swimsuits. I think my shoe collection is finished until anything falls apart, but I do kinda want to replace my Vans because they're quite old. Base items like bras, undershirts, leggings do need to be replaced every once in a while, but right now I'm not in need of any new clothes.

Gifts/donations:

2% is a bit high I guess. I feel pretty guilty that I don't have time for activism or volunteering, so I like to donate to charity. Similarly, I don't have time to hang out with my friends so I like to buy them gifts. I tried to become a blood donor but they don't like my blood. If I cut down on this category, what good will I be doing for the world? Maybe taking care of my own needs and my savings account is a higher priority and I'll know that I'll do my part later on.

CONCLUSIONS

Should I move to a shittier place with roommates? Moving itself is really expensive, but maybe overall my savings would be enough to justify the worse living conditions and worse location in the city? I don't want to though.

Try to base most of my diet on grains.

Continue to not buy clothes unless I really need them.

$1300: Try to avoid tattoos and salons. :(

$900: Be more aware of how many fruits and vegetables I'm consuming.

$700: No bingeing on protein bars!

$600: Buy less snacks and prepared foods. I can still treat myself sometimes but I need to be a lot more intentional about it.

$600: Less opera? :(

$400: If I drink, prefer hard drinks from the liquor store.

$400: Avoid restaurants.

$200: Stop buying plants?

$200: No more charity donations. Limit gifts for friends.

$100: Ration my CBD use.

$100: Continue avoiding ride shares as much as possible. Continue riding the bus as much as possible.

$100: Finish watching my shows and cancel my streaming service.

$50: Less cat treats and cat toys.

Big costs coming up: rent, rental insurance, utilities, tax, buying a scanner, probably 3 doctors appointments, opera tickets for the following year, probably another train trip (train tickets, cat boarding, and taxi), maybe another plane trip (plane tickets, cat boarding, and taxi).

[lifeonhardmode]

day 36

Did work1 and work2, laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaned cat litter boxes, showered, etc. Still feel like I barely got anything done today. I wish I didn't have to spend so much time working. B- today.

[lifeonhardmode]

day 35

First day of week 6. I worked hard today. B-. Missed workout again. I think my distaste for working out becomes exaggerated when I'm restricting calories. Yet I'm not losing weight. I only wanted to lose 2 pounds. Might have to go to 1100.

[lifeonhardmode]

day 34

I did good today, working hard all day and doing the things. Until Bae called in the evening, and then the rest of my list went out the window and I stayed up toooooo late. D- for today, which means I missed 2 of my 5 daily goals: didn't work out, and didn't save money (it was only $3 for a movie, but still, rules is rules). Did not shower either but that's fine because I'm wfh tomorrow. Ok time to get ready for bed, I'm tired. I believe this week has been F overall.

[lifeonhardmode]

day 33

I believe I promised to work hard all weekend. Things I did today: got up early, went grocery shopping, took a shower, got a tattoo, came home. F for today. IDK man, I'm tired. I'll try to focus tomorrow. And I'm going to try not to sleep in tomorrow morning, because if I do I won't be able to get to sleep on Sunday night.

At least my saving for trip fund is still in the positives. That might not be the case after I pay rent in a couple of weeks. I think I need more attention from my BF then I won't feel the need to get so many tattoos. Yes, yes... it's not my own fault... JK. But I do need more tattoos though??

Point for me: I really wanted to binge but I did not. I still want to.

[lifeonhardmode]

day 32

I was very tired but I worked hard today... at work1. I've only done a little cooking and stuff after work. At least I didn't just totally collapse. F for today. I haven't spent any money this week so far. Which is good, but that as well as the fact that I haven't worked out this week either are both indicators that I've just been too tired to do anything.

[lifeonhardmode]

day 32

I was really really tired. I didn't sleep well due to the binge the day before. But I still forced myself up and to side job early in the morning. I got all my stuff done, then did my main job. I didn't bring any food with me to side job because of the binge yesterday. But I was quite hungry by 1pm. So I went home during my lunch break... and binged. WTF, self? I was just so hungry, and relieved to be back in my warm comfortable home with my snacks.

I did work hard at main job, then I cleaned up my place and did dishes. Still an F for today. bleh.

So it seems I do well on the diet when I bring my whole day's worth to the office; and when I work at home all day and carefully space out my snacks. Interruptions to the routine make it harder.

I'm going to work in the office tomorrow and I will try to just be chill and consistent, and get in some work2 after work1. I haven't spent any money this week, which is great (because I will prooooobably get another little tattoo on Saturday oops I suck oops)

[lifeonhardmode]

day 31

Yeah... I guess on the plus side, I didn't eat most of the food I brought with me to work. I had plenty of snacks at work. Then I got home and could not muster the energy to do anything at all. So I didn't do any side job or workout. And also I binged. Am I creating a self-fulfilling prophesy by submitting to my prediction that happy hour would be a trigger? Or am I learning self-awareness by identifying my triggers? If the latter, then what is the next step after identifying them? How do I resist them. I'm not saying I binged because of happy hour; I binged because of my inability to resist. But happy hour was the trigger. F for today.

[lifeonhardmode]

day 30

Wow, 30 days. I don't feel like I've made much progress. My current running score is 84%, a solid B. I've saved almost $700 for plane tickets (getting close to the price of one ticket... but I will have to pay rent again in 2 weeks).

Today was basically the same as yesterday: I met my goals for diet, saving money, practicing Spanish, and I went up to side job in person after work this evening. I worked long hours today because I just had a lot to do. I did not work out.

I did get up a little earlier this morning, but it turns out that I kind of prefer to just start getting ready for work earlier rather than doing side job before work, because it lessens the feeling of the rush to get out the door. IDK I'm probably wasting time by spending so much time making my lunch, doing my hair, etc. But my morning feels so much more peaceful and organized that way. I did do dishes at least.

I've realized that I need a restructuring of my diet policy. Since I'm working with a pretty small amount of calories here, I really do need to track everything carefully. Refresher: my rule has been that I bring a lunch to work, however many cals that may be, and if I DO eat snacks at the office, then I don't eat dinner; if I DON'T eat snacks at the office, then I eat dinner up to 1200 exactly. This plan is not working because the variation is too wide. If I eat a small snack at the office, then I'm not supposed to eat dinner, but it may be the case that I only had 700 calories that day, which leaves me quite hungry (this scenario was a trigger for a binge).

It's a pain but I really need to track every single thing when I'm cutting. The last couple days I've measured out my entire day's worth of food in the morning, brought most of it with me to the office, and saved 1 or 2 snacks for the evening. It's really time-consuming in the morning, but it makes my day a lot easier and I haven't had as many urges to binge.

Tomorrow is snacks at work day. That was a trigger for another binge. Snacks at work day makes it very hard to count cals. I'll decide for sure in the morning but I think my game plan will be to bring my beans/veg meal prep, and 1 or 2 other things like a pear, and then I'll fill up with anything I want at happy hour. Of course, the evening after happy hour is always challenging. After snacking and drinking a beer, I have no desire to go to the gym, do side job, or skip late night snacks.

That will be my challenge for tomorrow. Maintain discipline, go easy on myself but no bingeing. On Thursday I have to leave extra early to go to side job. Then back to a normal office day on Friday.

[lifeonhardmode]

day 29

I didn't wake up early but I worked hard at the office all day, talked to Bae and did side job. Did not work out, so today's score is 80%. Tomorrow will probably be about the same but I'll try to work out before bedtime. I think I will have to work remote from side job on Thursday. I am now enjoying the benefit of not binging, which is that I'm allowed to have tasty snacks in the house again. I'll see how long I can maintain a binge-free streak, then I can keep my snack privilege :)

I don't have time to do week 4 in review tonight either. I need to go to bed.

This is awful but I seriously might go get another tattoo this weekend. Other than that I probably won't spend money on anything other than groceries and laundry this week. And SRSLY we have to buy plane tickets. I am dreading it and I'll be paying it off for a while, but it's better to do it sooner than later.

[lifeonhardmode]

day 28

Mostly focused and worked hard all day. I did take a break because my cat was feeling needy because he was upset about some noise so we cuddled and watched tv for half an hour. Went to the store, did some side job, did yoga and gym. I still need to go to side job in person at some point. I will need to do my end of week review tomorrow because it's too late and I haven't put in the groceries I got today yet. But it looks like this week's score is B- overall, did great on working out and the diet (no binging yayyy) , but I failed big time on saving money because I went and got a big tattoo. I'm going to work in the office all week so I will need to take care of my sleep and focus to be able to reach my goals.

[lifeonhardmode]

day 27

I slept a long time but after that I was focused all day and worked hard all day. A+ today. Worked out extra time so I brought my weekly average back up to a 70%. Not my best week but all I can do is carry on and try hard.

My biggest weakness is insomnia. It leads to this routine where I sleep 1 hour one night, and 12 hours the next night. Repeat. Not great. I wish I could just reliably do 8 hours but sometimes I just can't fall asleep and I'm awake all night. Next week I'll try to prioritize bedtime.

This past week I either worked from home or I took the day off, and next week I'll go into the office each day. Should be easier to fall asleep? But harder to get stuff done. I will really need to stay disciplined in order to get exercise and side job done each day in addition to main job.

Another weekend day tomorrow, which I hope will be similar to today.

[lifeonhardmode]

day 26

Couldn't sleep, got up early anyway, so tired but I did some work, went grocery shopping, made lunch, took a shower, and went to go get tattooed. I should not be spending this much money. But I did anyway. wheeeeeeeee

I also practiced Spanish and followed my diet. Another F for today. I promise I will work hard tomorrow, though I might not be able to work out because I'm sore from today.

[lifeonhardmode]

day 25

I did not get it together. I stayed up so late last night listening to podcasts and playing Tetris. Dumbest activity for a Wednesday night but that's what it was. I worked hard at work all day today, to make up for the day I took off yesterday and the day I'm taking off tomorrow. I will need to log in early tomorrow morning to do some stuff before I leave to go get a tattoo lol I'm the woooooorst. Life on Hard Mode and I don't follow any of my rules. Amazing. At least I'm not slacking off at my actual income-generating activities.

Today's score is 40% again, a nice fat F. I know I might not be feeling amazing after getting tattooed tomorrow, but I will try to focus this weekend and get shit done. Including BUYING TICKETS OMG that needs to get done.

I did actually get a bunch of household chores and stuff done today, and I'm all done with computer stuff so as soon as I feed the cat and brush my teeth I'm going to bed. Hopefully will get some sleep because I'll need to do some work early in the morning before leaving around 8:30.

[lifeonhardmode]

day 24

Surprise... I did not get up early and do side job. I did have a nice relaxing day anyway. I did some cleaning and stuff in the morning, checked in at work1 to send reminders and get things straightened out for my day off, hung out with BF all day, came home and ate dinner and did some more work1, did some more cleaning and whatnot. Nice day does not equal winning on my LOHM goals, however. Today's score is 40%. I did no side job, no workout, no saving money -- I bought a blazer for work at the thrift store. It's work clothes and I was needing one, but... still not strictly necessary for survival.

I'm going to work1 from home all day tomorrow, then ... I'm going to be bad and go get a tattoo on Friday. I should not be spending money right now. I'm going to do it anyway. They are both true.

My main laptop seems to be heading downhill. For the last couple of days it's been refusing to charge from certain outlets (or maybe that's my pattern-seeking ape brain?), but today I can't get it to charge at all.

This same symptom has been the kiss of death for all my past Chromebooks. I love Chromebooks very much but computer repair guys don't repair them; they say I should just replace them when they die. And they do inevitably die. However, all computers inevitably die so you might as well buy computers that are cheap (aka Chromebooks) or the ones that you love (aka Chromebooks) -- oh wait those two things are the same thing.

Anyway, as soon as I realized it wasn't charging at all, I backed it up onto a hard drive and logged into my personal accounts on my work laptop. Which means I might have to actually learn how to use Mac. Ugh. (I VPN to a windows on my Mac, I don't ever actually use it in Mac mode, so I am still unfamiliar with the ecosystem and keyboard shortcuts. In case anyone was wondering how I use this laptop for work every day yet don't know how to use it. lol.)

Using such an expensive computer for my own all-day-every-day YouTube & spreadsheets bullshit makes me nervous. I will probably end up buying another Chromebook. Can't really afford that either.

Anyway... tomorrow is focus work1, focus work2, workout, go to bed early. I will probably work long hours at work1 in order to make sure I can take Friday off. I have no plans for this weekend so I shall plan on putting in a lot of hours at work2 and workouts. Goodnight.

[lifeonhardmode]

day 23

The unfortunate fact that I've tried to ignore ever since I started working 2 jobs again (4 years ago) is that I need more than 8 hours of sleep. Unfortunate because I don't have more than 8 hours to spare. I will continue to try to cap it at 8 but mornings are so hard.

The other thing is that I've been good at going to bed on time, but then I have computer stuff and updating this blog, so I end up going to sleep quite a bit later than "bedtime". I am going to have to try to do my evening computer routine earlier, but then I lose time I could do other things.

SO ANYWAY MY POINT is that I was up late last night even though I went to bed on time, so I wasn't able to wake up early this morning, and I didn't get any side job done before work. I did start work1 a bit early, and I stayed about an hour late to make sure things are pretty set for me to take the day off tomorrow.

I did some cleaning and cooking, but... I have not done any side job nor workout. Boooo. It's weird to update this blog before my day is actually finished. IDK i'm working out the details.

I did call the dentist today. They said it would be $450 if I have only one cavity that needs filling. I can't afford it, ugh. Maybe in December?? Or if it starts really bothering me.

Well anyway. I need to get up early in the morning so I can do side job and stuff before going to see BF.