LotR shitposter. Tauriel kinnie. Belladonna stan. Legolas fucker. Gigolas shipper. Sauron apologist. Orc rights activist. Big fan of when women are in things. My lawyers advise me that I can neither confirm nor deny that I am a servant of Morgoth. (he/they, 25)
We looked inside some of the posts by legally-not-mairon and here's what we found interesting.
This is right after Gandalf says, “A balrog. A demon of the ancient world.”
I just love how PJ chose to cut to Legolas’ face because he is exactly who you should cut to at this moment. You need an elf to show what it really means. Other than Gandalf, the rest of the Fellowship can sense something is gravely wrong, but they don’t understand just how grave. Like Gandalf, Legolas knows the terror. He understands the gravity of what lies around that corner. He’s got a piddly little bow and he is mere steps away from a demon of the ancient world. This frame shows a kid coming to the realisation that he is way out of his depth, that this mission will take him to places he only knew to exist in legends of the Elder Days, a time long gone, barely history.
He’s probably one of the youngest elves in Middle Earth at this point. He probably grew up on stories of the balrogs, slaying the ancient High Kings of the Eldar and tearing Middle Earth apart, thousands and thousands of years ago. They are legends in old crumbling books, read illicitly by a little elfling who was kept up at night by the terrible tales.They are the monsters under the bed and the shadows in the heart of the forest. They are the beasts behind the winged hordes of hell, that older elves, who’ve seen the worst that Arda has to offer, always assured him were no more than distant nightmares, stories relegated to dust and ancient memory. Except now they are real. They are here. They are coming.
Eowyn: But no living man am I! You are looking upon a woman. Eowyn am I, Eomund’s daughter. You stand between me and my lord and kin. Begone, if you be not deathless! For living or dark undead, I will smite you, if you touch him.“
The winged creature screamed at her, but then the Ringwraith was silent, as if in sudden doubt.
Witch King: *internally* The prophecy said no living man can kill me…that probably means women, too, right? Like, she’s a ‘man’ in a general sense. I wish I had thought about this scenario earlier, there are so many women around here. I’ll probably be fine. I can take her. I mean, the word woman has ‘man’ in it, there’s no way the prophecy was saying a girl can kill me. I got this.
Everybody who wears The One Ring in LOTR starts to refer to it as ‘My Precious,’ and Tolkien’s right that is super creepy, but what I really love is that everybody does it, which says to me that this super powerful scary evil sentient ring has a favorite pet name and just, like, will not respond to anything else.
April illustration for my Lord of the Rings personal challenge. This is Goldberry, the River-Woman’s daughter, wife to the elusive Tom Bombadil, and a forest spirit / goddess like figure for the Hobbits at the start of their troubles. I based on her physical appearance on Sophie Okonedo because … well, Sophie Okonedo is a goddess. ‘Nough said!
Pitch: Muppet Lord of the Rings. Miss Piggy as Eowyn. Imagine her just throwing herself at a human man playing Aragorn. Imagine her defeating the Witch-King of Angmar by going “HI-YA!” and karate chopping him.
the funniest fuckin part of the whole hobbit film trilogy is when they get to erebor and bilbo’s like “hey what’s that a picture of” and they’re like “what you came to steal. the arkenstone” and he’s like “…which is?” and they have to be like “it’s a gem lad” like that boy followed these dwarves 750 miles on foot chased by orcs and didn’t even know what he was supposed to do when he got there. have you ever wanted to be dicked down by a richard armitage character so hard you walked 750 miles on the off chance that stealing something would get you into his pants without even knowing what you were supposed to steal. and he didn’t even get dicked down in the end. a real tragedy
I used to make jokes imagining what kinds of embarrassing things I would have done if TikTok had been around when I was a teenager. However, it turns out I don’t actually have to imagine what I would have done, because, now that I have a TikTok, I know EXACTLY what kinds of embarrassing things I would have done, and they are exactly this