lancetucker-anon
God Of Gymnastics
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(Long Post)
The holidays are something I’ve not put a lot of emphasis on in my adult years. As a child I looked forward to Thanksgiving. The food was plenty and time with family meant I could impress everyone with my latest gymnastics routine. I can’t tell you how many times I smugly did the splits for my cousins while they watched on with disgust and envy, doing nothing to conceal their dislike for me. Truth be told, I relished in the not so subtle looks and jealousy. It helped mold me into the man that gave no fucks and has zero filter. Best thing my extended family ever did for me. How will I ever repay them?
Thanksgiving also meant the official start of the Christmas season. My mom loved to decorate for the holiday. The weekend proceeding turkey day, she’d break out the decorations and turn our house and yard into a winter wonderland. Inside and out, my mom went overboard and each year became a bigger spectacle than the previous one, just about every surface displaying some of her holiday spirit. The Tucker home was known as a colorful attraction, sparking some neighborly competition for the best display. Ever wonder where I get my competitive nature from? Look no further than my mom. Whoville had nothing on a determined Mrs. Tucker.
When I became a young Olympic Gold Medalist, everything changed. I became an overnight celebrity. My status came with endorsements and expectations, fame and money, socialites and lavish parties, all the things I’d dreamed of, but never thought could be obtained without a college education. The life I’d known was gone, replaced one of excess and I couldn’t get enough. I was hooked. Fame had become my drug of choice and I was always searching for my next high.
The lifestyle I was living left no room for the traditions I’d become accustomed to growing up. Yeah, I had a gigantic house I could decorate, but I’m Lance Tucker! Why would I maim a multi million dollar home with cheap lights and ridiculous decorations?! Santa wasn’t stopping at the home of a man who had everything he’d ever wanted, so why play the part of a festive fool? That’s what my mom was for, and she did not disappoint no matter her years. Don’t believe me? I’ll give you her address and you can drive by and see for yourself. Make sure you bring sunglasses. It’s so bright, you’ll need shades.
When I wasn’t training I came home for the holidays, but not in the way you think. I was there in body, but no longer cared for excessive displays and holiday lights. Ironic, huh?! Lance Tucker doesn’t like excess? Shocker, I know, but I didn’t want to be bothered with calorie loaded food or envious family members who are only there to claim a piece of me. And if anyone asked me to do the splits, I’d tell them to fuck off in the worst way possible. No amount of expensive gifts could wipe away the disappointment on my moms face staring me down. I’m a man of many talents, but I must’ve been absent the day the face off talent was distributed. Mrs. Tucker won her gold that day, knocking me down to a bronze. Needless to say, I stopped attending the holidays and chose to do whatever the hell I wanted. The gifts I purchased were delivered ahead of time, and on Christmas Day a phone call with a fake apology was placed to my mom with a meaningless promise to attend next year. I know it hurt her, but what did I care? As long as I was living life on my terms, the feelings of others didn’t matter to me. It was me against the world, and by my count I was winning on the daily. Nothing was gonna change me, many have tried and failed. You either take me as I am or walk away, and rest assured I’ll hold the door for you on your way out.
Years passed, everything remaining the same until something happened when I least expected. I met a guy who walked in with an attitude, but later brightened my cold heart, changing my life for the better and awakening something inside me I’d lost so long ago. Marrying him was the best decision I ever made, and his love and affection has touched me in ways I thought I didn’t deserve. I’d do anything to make him happy and I never want to live a day without him, celebrating just what he means to me. Which leads me to the here and now.
This is all new for me, but I wouldn’t change a thing. @andy-barber-anon watched in silence as I carried in newly purchased Christmas decorations, determined to start our own holiday traditions. I set them on the floor in front of him and asked what he thought. Without a word, he began sifting through the bags in silence, the occasional hum and scrunching of his lips, but he couldn’t be bothered to speak. After he’d come to the end of my haul, Andy sat back and exhaled. His face gave nothing away and I couldn’t get a read on him. I truly thought my husband was less than impressed and would tell me to take it all back, all the elation and new found feelings quickly dissolving. The silence was deafening and I could feel myself slipping into a panic at the thought I’d made a horrible error in judgment, but then his unreadable blue eyes became soft. His mouth turned upward, and the love of my life who shall forever be known as a little shit, grinned at me like a sly fox. Andy fucking Barber used his lawyer poker face to fool my ever softening heart. So many emotions were displayed in a matter of seconds and my husband laughed his ass off from the comfort of our couch, dodging the pillows I’d thrown in his direction. The little shit waited until I was no longer armed and moved from the couch, wrapping his large arms around me and peppering my face in apology kisses. His tomfoolery had him agreeing to join me outside to decorate our home for the holiday, and he bundled himself in preparation for spending the rest of the day outdoors, playfully teasing me while gathering his things.
The above picture is the end result. It’s not the exuberant display I was subjected to growing up, but it’s a start and we had so much fun decorating our home. This is ours. We’ll make our own traditions and memories for years to come, maybe adding more with each passing Christmas season. I have every intention of embracing the holiday spirit I’d given up on, and I owe it all to my amazing husband. Who knows what the rest of the season will bring, but I’m ready for it. Maybe I’ll even send out Christmas cards. There’s a first time for everything, so I’ve been told, and I could never pass up an opportunity to sign my new married name; Lance Tucker-Barber.
#lance tucker#god of gymnastics#holiday season#mention of personal high but no use of drugs#landy❤️#andy barber
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(Long post)
To be honest, I can’t remember the last time I went out the day after Thanksgiving just to shop. I understand it’s the start of the holiday season and you can find some of the best deals today, but checking out the ads am I really buying a 75” television for my loved one or myself? Seems outrageous to shell out so much money on one item for crazy grandpa Joe. Poor guy’s bifocals can’t handle the pixel count or the size. Geez! A purchase like that is not in the spirit of giving, unless you’re treating yourself. Kudos to you for self care! Grandpa Joe probably just wanted a candy bar or even the motivation to get outta bed anyway.
Getting up early has never been a problem for me, I’m an early riser with years of experience. Today, however, I found it more difficult and really wanted to stay in bed. It was heavenly waking up, surrounded by warmth and wrapped up in muscular arms and a solid chest. The prickly beard on the back of my neck was comforting, despite the irritation and need to itch. It’s not often we get moments like this with our busy schedules and numerous commitments, so I was finding it hard to extract myself from cocoon Andy just to hit some stores in search of a good deal.
Leaving the house, I was in good spirits. I successfully snuck out of bed without disturbing the counselors slumber, my husband unaware of my absence. Not sure if my career in gymnastics was pivotal to my silent escape or if it has anything to do with the crazy dreams I’ve been experiencing lately of familiar features and body type, longer dark hair, black tactical gear, and several weapons hidden all over his body. I have a feeling he’s a master assassin, but I always wake up before I can get confirmation and clear look at his face. Oh, well. Whichever one it is, I’ll take it! I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth and as long as Andy can catch up on sleep, all is right with the world.
I stopped to grab an expensive overrated cup of coffee and a scone to assist me in today’s task, not having started the coffee maker at home knowing it would draw Andy out of bed. The barista kept batting her eyes at me and blushing, while attempting to make small talk. Ugh! Guess she missed the ring on my finger when I handed her my card to pay. In a past life I might’ve entertained her, flirting shamelessly and maybe handing over my number with zero thoughts of a date. Those days have passed and I’m no longer persuaded by a cute face. I’m committed to one man and one man only and he’s got my undivided attention until forever. Thanks anyway…Heather?! for writing your name and number on the cup. Think you’ll ever get off the naughty list? Yeah, I didn’t think so, Vixen.
The sidewalks are relatively busy, but not too crowded as I walk down them, looking in some windows to see if anything catches my eye. Everyone has a sale or a sign advertising the great deals and savings for shopping their establishment in hopes of enticing people inside. I even got caught up in one as I walked by Bath and Body Works, spotting their buy 3 get 3 sale. The deal was hard to pass up and I entered the store just to buy soaps for the bathrooms. There’s a sucker born every minute and I’d be good to remember that after dropping $200 on soaps, lotions, body spray, and candles. I wonder if Andy’s assistant would appreciate a surprise gift bag for Christmas? Hope she likes Peppermint Twist and Vanilla Bean.
After my expenditure in a store heavily catered to women, I decide to take my time to search for the perfect gift for my husband. I really have no idea what to get him for Christmas. I could go with the options that don’t take much thought, a tie, socks, even a new suit. It’s a no brainer and you can’t go wrong. Of course, I’m getting him those exact items because he does in fact need them for his job, but it seems so impersonal. I might as well get him a new pen set too, for good measure.
Several hours and many shopping bags later, I’ve pretty much tapped out. I’m no closer to finding the perfect gift than I was when I woke with this ridiculous idea to venture out into the world today. Ready to give up, I head back in the direction of my vehicle so I can head home and see my husband, when something catches my eye. It’s not what I was expecting or what I was thinking about, but seeing it, everything started to click. Maybe I can tweak this idea to make it work for Andy… for us! I think I may have found him the perfect Christmas gift! Two tickets to paradise, first class please! All it took was faith and trust… and little bit of something else we definitely won’t call pixie dust.
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Today marks our first Thanksgiving holiday together, but it’s not the only thing we’re celebrating. Two months ago, Andy and I said our vows in front of a small circle of friends, marking the beginning of a wonderful journey together. Two months may not be a major milestone, but there isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not thankful for this man, so why not put some emphasis on our marriage.
After yesterday’s pie fiasco, my amazing husband came to my aid, offering to help clean up the hazard of our kitchen and suggested we go search for a pie. There was no anger or hostility. He laughed and smiled. Did you know my husband likes to grab his boob when he finds something ridiculously funny?! I was the something funny. I wish I could be mad, but I’m certain there’s nothing this man could do that would bring out the worst in me. Andy is just an amazing person with the kindest soul. Often imitated, never duplicated. My husband is one in a billion.
I bet there’s something else you didn’t know about @andy-barber-anon … did you know he can cook? I did because I live with him, but you may not know just how spectacular his culinary skills are. Andy put together our entire meal today, and every time I tried to help, my ass was stung by a utensil. I wasn’t aware we had that many spatulas or things that could leave a welt, but awareness is key and some of those items may be relocating from the kitchen. I won’t disclose the whereabouts, but I’m sure your imagination can help you figure out where they’re going.
Anyway, Andy and I are about to sit down and enjoy our meal. This Thanksgiving I’m spending the day with my person and I’m eternally grateful to know him. Thank you, Andy, for making this holiday together unforgettable. I hope you enjoy your pie… the whipped cream we’re saving for later though!
Happy Thanksgiving!!!
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Sounds like we’re about to brave the crowds in search of pie. Jesus, pray for us! I’ll go shower and get ready, then we can head out. Maybe we can even stop and get a couple drinks for a pre-holiday celebration? I hear it’s the biggest bar night of the year.
I’m a gold medalist, not a pie maker, okay?! I had an idea. Why not make my amazing husband a pie for the holiday? Never actually wanted to do anything domestic like this, that’s what a bakery is for! However, my husband makes me want to do better and be that stellar spouse worthy of such a spectacular guy. So, I asked @andy-barber-anon pumpkin or pecan? Both options didn’t come off as in depth and neither required a masters degree or pastry chef status to complete. Easy, right? Wrong! The daily training I put in at the gym nor the Wheaties cereal I eat regularly prepared me for the difficulty of the task at hand, and the above pic is the culmination of my attempt to make Andy a pecan pie. EPIC FAIL! I’d like to thank the internet for the numerous recipes in my search for a simplistic, easy to make pie. The disaster that is NOW our kitchen will require a deep cleansing and should probably come with a biohazard warning. Anyone know any hazmat places that’ll come today to contain the spread? No?! Well, fuck! Alexa… where can I get a pecan pie? Bitch, I refuse to go to Walmart! I will not become internet fodder just for a ready made pie! People of Walmart my ass. *sighs* Proof, you can’t turn the God of Gymnastics into a house husband. Back to the drawing board I go. Wish me luck! Enjoy Thanksgiving Eve, and have a drink for me.
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I’m a gold medalist, not a pie maker, okay?! I had an idea. Why not make my amazing husband a pie for the holiday? Never actually wanted to do anything domestic like this, that’s what a bakery is for! However, my husband makes me want to do better and be that stellar spouse worthy of such a spectacular guy. So, I asked @andy-barber-anon pumpkin or pecan? Both options didn’t come off as in depth and neither required a masters degree or pastry chef status to complete. Easy, right? Wrong! The daily training I put in at the gym nor the Wheaties cereal I eat regularly prepared me for the difficulty of the task at hand, and the above pic is the culmination of my attempt to make Andy a pecan pie. EPIC FAIL! I’d like to thank the internet for the numerous recipes in my search for a simplistic, easy to make pie. The disaster that is NOW our kitchen will require a deep cleansing and should probably come with a biohazard warning. Anyone know any hazmat places that’ll come today to contain the spread? No?! Well, fuck! Alexa… where can I get a pecan pie? Bitch, I refuse to go to Walmart! I will not become internet fodder just for a ready made pie! People of Walmart my ass. *sighs* Proof, you can’t turn the God of Gymnastics into a house husband. Back to the drawing board I go. Wish me luck! Enjoy Thanksgiving Eve, and have a drink for me.
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What are you thankful for this holiday? As I take a look back at the past eleven months there are a lot of things I’ve been blessed with and couldn’t see not having in my life. I’ve made many new friends and met the love of my life, @andy-barber-anon. It’s been an amazing journey; getting to know each other, late night talks lasting into the morning, the laughs, the tears, our quick engagement followed by our perfect wedding surrounded by all our friends. This year has brought so much love and joy to my life and I’m eternally grateful for all of it. Andy and I will be spending the holiday together celebrating and probably being disgustingly cute, so stay tuned to see what we get up to over the rest of the week. Cherish all the moments you have and make it count! If you celebrate the holiday, enjoy. To those who don’t, treat yourself to something special. Much love to you all and stay safe!!
Lance Tucker-Barber
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I’ve missed you too, baby. Maybe we can discuss some vacation time or taking that honeymoon we never went on. Sound like good dinner conversation?
Hey husband, I picked up some dinner and your favorite wine.
Are you up for a night in with yours truly?
@andy-barber-anon
Dinner, wine, and alone time with my husband? Sounds like a perfect night.
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Baby, you never have to fight with anyone for my attention. You always have me to yourself.
Hey husband, I picked up some dinner and your favorite wine.
Are you up for a night in with yours truly?
@andy-barber-anon
Dinner, wine, and alone time with my husband? Sounds like a perfect night.
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Hey husband, I picked up some dinner and your favorite wine.
Are you up for a night in with yours truly?
@andy-barber-anon
Dinner, wine, and alone time with my husband? Sounds like a perfect night.
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*I walk around to your backside and assess your posture, checking to see if your weight is equally distributed* Hmmm… you may be able to break down a metal door, but it appears your right side sags just a little. It’s not much, but could become an issue in the future. Just something to think about.
Heya Lance, how are ya ?
Well, hello and how are you...Bucky? Buckster? Bucky Buccaneer? Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice. Yeah? Am I close?
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https://matias.ma/nsfw/
The gymnast in me loved this and was dancing through the entire thing. Thanks for sharing this with me. Much love ❤️
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If you’re brave enough… I’m game!
My asks are open and anonymous is on. I invite you to come say some of that hateful, homophobic, stupid, ignorant ass shit to me. I would invite you to talk without the anonymous button but I already know you won't.
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Gayness. I sprinkle it everywhere! Better be careful before you catch it 🏳️🌈
you guys are actually insane
it makes me laugh but like, get help. actual genuine help. get a job, go to therapy, i don’t care as long at you get the fuck away from me
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You don’t like a gay storyline? Keep on scrolling. Fun fact: we don’t do this for you! We do as we want and don’t need your approval. If we want to be gay, pan, ace, etc. that’s OUR choice. What you’re not about to do is send hate criticizing OUR choice. If you’re looking for straight relationships, go to AO3 and filter it out. Don’t come around bitching cause we ain’t doing shit your way. News flash: The world doesn’t revolve around you. I’d say your parents should’ve taught you that, but I’m positive they’re the reason you feel entitled to fictional characters. Please take your banjo and crawl back to where you’ve come from.
Nat Mod Chat Time
If you don't support the Alphabet community and the multiple combinations of pairings that occur within that community, go the fuck away.
And while I'm at it, stop sending hate saying that a fictional character isn't a certain sexual orientation. They're fake. We can do whatever the fuck we want with our characters and their story on our blogs.
Stop being so pressed about fiction, your psychosis is showing.
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I’m not Bucky’s Lance, but really anon?! How do you know they don’t talk? Seems a bit presumptuous, really. You have no idea what’s going on and by your ask, there’s a good reason you’re in the dark. Since you don’t care about how your ask comes across as accusatory and condescending, let me enlighten you. Not everything is done for public eye and no one owes you an explanation. Bucky’s life with Lance or Steve is really none of your concern and isn’t a factor in your day to day life. Instead of sending an ask that is meant to attack, why don’t you sit back and appreciate what they do share with you. If you can’t do that, then piss off! You ain’t special and no one will lose sleep if you unfollow any of us. ✌🏼
you married lance first. why don’t you care or talk to him anymore?
suck my dick
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I could’ve, but where’s the fun in that?
Hello there, Mr. Tucker!
Hello, back!
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