ladyandromache

[ladyandromache]

love that i'm literally in crisis right now but i can't tell any of my family because it'll just come off as annoying, melodramatic, absurd, drama queen, selfish, and probably emotionally manipulative

And I have no friends within a thousand miles or so

#tears and cries to the unfeeling void #cw mental health #cw suicidal thoughts #cw sh

[ladyandromache]

okie dokie. it’s sad news bears time because I need an outlet before I explode and I can’t do it in the server because i don’t wanna cause a catestropic meltdown from my venting in the midst of feelings I always have too many emotions. My emotions are too loud, too much, overwhelming, constant, constantly. but, yk, i’ve lived with it all my life, I can deal with it. But it feels so impossible to deal with when everything I do, when my emotions, upset my friend. Because what do you do with that? How do you cope with or process that? What do you do when your presence and your emotions and your interests and your existence hurt and upset your friend? I don’t know, and I really don’t know what to do. Execpt maybe cry more, but that’s not really a solution.

but my chest hurts and my stomach hurts because I’m a threat and a problem even though logically we all know I’m not, but emotions aren’t logical and so I am. And I miss when it was easier, when I was just a friend and I wasn’t a threat or a competition, when I was just there. I love my game, I love my friends, but I can’t help but wondering if they would all be much happier if I left the game and barely existed in the wider circle? It’s hard for me to be a giant problem if I’m not there to be a problem, you know?

and it isn’t just paranoia, I’m not just imagining it, because I’ve been told directly that im a problem, that i’m upsetting. it was a conversation, it happened, and I don’t know how to be myself while not being a problem. I don’t know how to play my character like she’s evolved herself to be and not be a problem.

I rarely talk verbally in our game anymore because every time I do I end up being a problem, and at least if I type, it’s slower and i can correct or edit, so I’m less of a problem.

[ladyandromache]

FIRST KILL + text posts

[ladyandromache]

👗😊

#oh what a mood #this is also me #i have ao much clothing #honestly too much clothing #because i make a lot of it and now my closet is overflowing and i dont have space

[ladyandromache]

I fucked up and would very much rather just be dead, ngl

Instead of facing it, i should just be unalive. It's easier. I got to see a fox in the park and I'd rather just sit in the park instead of being here.

I'm never doing anything and I'm not leaving this room until I physically cannot stay in here. Can I stay until Friday night when I have to be a person? Possibly.

However, I would like to be not alive, ngl

#tears and cries to the unfeeling void #cw suicidal thoughts

[ladyandromache]

Am I crying because my friends are doing d&d I wasn't invited to without me? Yes

Is that both pathetic and stupid, because I had d&d with them last night? Also yes.

#tears and cries to the unfeeling void

[ladyandromache]

Writing period dramas in the discord, lads

[ladyandromache]

Up Close: Reception Dress, 1884 (RISD Museum)

[ladyandromache]

what if vampires are like mosquitoes and only the ladies drink blood

[ladyandromache]

I realized something important:

[ladyandromache]

[ladyandromache]

“X bodily fluid is just filtered blood!” buddy I hate to break it to you but ALL of the fluids in your body are filtered blood. Your circulatory system is how water gets around your body. It all comes out of the blood (or lymph, which is just filtered blood).

[ladyandromache]

actually, still stuck on this, because, like, I really don't know what the solution is

On the surface, it's just "stop being impulsive and causing things that affect everyone else" but, like, I try really hard not to affect everyone else already, and I don't know how to do more of it without just doing nothing

When a god asked to give a boon, I agreed, because I thought they were talking to my character only, not the entire party, or I would have asked everyone's permission

I kept the one weapon because it made so much sense in the evolution of my character. It was a step of "I am willing to take on the curse and uncertain history in order to protect those I care about" not because I was trying to hoard the shiny objects.

It's so exhausting sometimes. Like, nobody gets mad at the character who stabbed our patron god accidentally. No one gets annoyed at them for going off and doing a bunch of side quests.

I'm just so tired of overthinking and hyperanalyzing everything I do. I really want to go poke the hypothetical big dragon next session, but I'm also low-key terrified of doing this side quest during actual game time, because even though some (well, at least one other player for absolutely sure) wants to listen to it because they want to watch the chaos potentially unfold, I'm terrified of annoying the other person even more by taking up yet more time for my side quest. But I also think it would be legitimately useful to do.

I'm so tired. (baby dragon breath weapon-ing us was, in fact, my fault. It did send me into meltdown spiral, but I did dare it to square up, though I expected it to bite me, ngl)

Keep reading

#tears and cries to the unfeeling void

[ladyandromache]

[ladyandromache]

#the irony of seeing this right after waking up from a nap i started at 5pm

[ladyandromache]

vampire hunter? no i said vampire HAUNTER. this jerk sucked all my blood out so now i spend my afterlife knocking over shelves and scaring off potential victims and just making the castle generally pretty cold

[ladyandromache]

Two identical infants lay in the cradle. “One you bore, the other is a Changeling. Choose wisely,” the Fae’s voice echoed from the shadows. “I’m taking both my children,” the mother said defiantly.