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Both were filled at the same time with the same water, only one had oysters.

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when i started my last director job at a university, they told me one of my duties would be to write all the chancellor’s letters. me: “cool. but why though?” them: “English isn’t the chancellor’s first language.” me: “I’m aware of that.” them: “the chancellor likes the suggestions that autocorrect gives him if he misspells something.” me: “Ah.” them: hands me a copy of a letter the chancellor sent to a donor who had just given a million-dollar gift to the university, which includes the following: ‘The profundity of your gift fills us with the greatest horror. In recognition we have prepared a special plague to compromise you and your family’. 

Which is why to this day when I’m struggling to communicate in a different language, i remember the chancellor, who was Doing His Best, and i try to give myself a break.

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my advice to you is to never waste your time trying to fit into a club or hobby or any community who makes you beg for acceptance and approval just to participate when you could do the alternative—get involved in a niche and endangered hobby run primarily by old people.

i wanted to learn how to hunt ruffed grouse and train bird dogs so i sent an email to my local chapter of the ruffed grouse society explaining that getting into wildlife groups is intimidating to me because I’m trans

and all they saw was that someone under 60 wanted to learn to hunt grouse & several months into my mentorship I was told that like 7 old guys argued over me until they had to pick a number between 1 and 100 to decide who got to personally mentor me.

imagine vying for the acceptance of some gatekeeping weirdos when your mere interest could be inciting verbal combat among retirees

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this is the closest you can get to experiencing a jumpscare on social media

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Guy eating pussy but he's got one of those Bluetooth earpieces on and on the other end is a lesbian instructing him how to do it.

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Remember when you were a kid and believed people got high up and powerful positions in law and politics because they were genuinely the smartest and most competent in their field?

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Bikes are cool

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Think I just found @amtrak-official's favorite wrestler

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They’re great!

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I saw someone post about how they hope the writers got rid of Sokkas “stupid humor” for the live action show and like damn I don’t think someone had fundamentally misunderstood a character more.

Sokkas humor is a huge part of his character and shows a major aspect of his growth. At the beginning of the show Sokka is NOT the funny guy. In fact, he’s the most serious dude in his village. In the pilot, Aang and Katara are off playing with penguins while Sokka is literally putting on war paint and preparing to defend the rest of the village from a Fire Nation war ship. He has been the only man in his village for like four years. And he’s only fourteen. Sokka doesn’t make jokes at first, and when he does they’re usually sexist because his whole thing is about how much of a man he is. Sokka developing humor signifies his growth is a thousand ways. How he learns to respect others. How he starts to make friends. And more importantly, how he turns from a man back into a boy.

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so I started a new anxiety medication this past week and so far it’s been going very well except that I have extremely vivid dreams and apparently sleep texting. I seem to have sent this at 3am and i have no memory of it

but i am Right

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my prediction for the fanon interpretations of the agents post-side order

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RIP Tumblr Live, you wont be missed

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this is so fucking funny

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Beautiful Cinnamon Roll Too Good For This World, Too Pure

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