ko-eko-ev-go-ms

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

sometimes im like "wow holy shit im being really fucking annoying. i should stop talking" and then i pull out my magic 8 ball and it says "youve always been annoying and your friends chose to talk you anyways. youll be fine" and im like wow thanks magic 8 ball. and then the ogre attacks me

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

The way you change your immediate reactions to things is that you catch yourself having an uncharitable/bigoted/overly judgmental thought and you catch it and replace it and then you do that a hundred times a day for your whole life and eventually one day like five years later you realize that you think differently now and you’ll always be working on something but that’s how life goes and that’s fine.

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

sorry my family didn’t teach me that i have a place among others so now i’m weird . sorry

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

you ever feel like you were born with something rotten inside you and if people get close enough they’re gonna find out

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

Generally speaking, your parents often owe you a lot more than you’re taught to believe. A lot of people are raised to believe that parents do not really owe you that much beyond food and shelter and that’s not true. In fact, you can have parents who give you food, shelter, patience and kindness and STILL deserve more from them.

By being your parents, they’ve accepted a very special relationship and amount of responsibility for you. Do you know how many people I know whose parents have never genuinely apologized to them? How many people’s parents physically hurt them, how many people’s parents mock their insecurities, how many people’s parents don’t care for their children’s health, how many parents make their children (intentionally or otherwise) want to die? 

And so many people don’t give a fuck. We’re raised in cultures that more often than not treat us to respect our parents in spite of most anything while also teaching everyone that children don’t deserve shit. We’re raised in cultures that more often than not teach us to “respect our parents” in spite of most anything while also teaching everyone that children don’t really deserve shit. It varies but its so common that lots of people don’t even think twice about it. 

But children DO deserve more than they’re generally given. So much more! And so many things that are literally just abusive are considered normal parenting all around the world and that’s vile, especially considering children are the most severely affected by this and have no “societal power” to wield to put a stop to it beyond what they can scramble together through a combination of sheer determination, shock value, strength and fucking luck. 

Not to sound radical, but I think we owe children a fuck ton more than they’re being given now and I think people need to learn so much more about abuse and how that ties into the common underplaying of what we’re owed in parent/child relationships. 

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

The most insidious thing about depression I think is that it makes you believe that it will always be there and nothing will change.

But I promise you,, that's not true.

There are still things in the world that will bring you joy, even if it's just for a moment.

Your favourite parts of the world are still there, even if you can't see them.

There's also a million other parts of life to fall in love with that you haven't met yet.

Collect those things and moments like trinkets as you find them and keep them in reach when you need them. If you can't find them, go looking for more.

I know it seems impossible but I promise you'll feel even the tiniest bit better someday and it's worth everything to hang on for <3

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

Very controversial take but one thing I want people to know is that a lot of therapists are just not good at their job. They’re poorly equipped, they forget most of their training, etc. It’s like all professions, not everyone is excellent. And then sometimes a therapist may be fine but they won’t be a good fit for you. Then there’s a ton of different types of therapy. And this is so essential for the greater public to understand because so many people go to one or three therapy appointments and decide therapy doesn’t work and never go again. The reality is sometimes you’re going to need to go through multiple therapists. And you’re most likely going to need therapy for years! People with some of the best resources have been in therapy since elementary school and they’re like 40 still in therapy. There’s this issue where many people don’t have support systems because people are telling each other to just “go get therapy” like it’s a magic cure that immediately fixes the issue, and even medicine doesn’t do that! There’s multiple layers and feeling better takes so much work and people need to know these things before going into it or else they’re going to think that nothing will ever change and they will give up when the fight has just begun.

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

I'm working on a study right now on depression and the thing that keeps surprising me is how well people can mask.

I go to their house for a study visit and they feel just like anyone else. They smile, introduce themselves, make small talk, seem happy to see us. And sure, it's novel and exciting to have researcher in your house measuring your brainwaves and you want to put your best side forward, but still, I would never suspect they were clinically depressed.

But the thing is, I know that they answered yes to the question, "I felt sad, empty, or hopeless nearly every day for the last two weeks" because they need to answer yes to even be in our study. I know they have depression, so I know it's masking. But it makes me wonder how many friends, relatives, even close family members never suspect. It makes me wonder how many people walk through life like this, never telling anyone that they are falling apart inside.

And these people I meet, they are trying to get help. They are some of the lucky few. The amount of people who never seek help of any kind is terrifying.

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

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[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

What really sucks is when you know you should be doing something but physically/mentally cannot bring yourself to do it no matter how important doing that thing is.

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

It’s easy to feel invisible, but if you disappeared so many people would notice and care. The neighbors who always see you walk by, the shop owner or the cashier at your grocery store, the dog next door that likes to bark at you, the person at work or school who’s still working up the courage to talk to you, the friends you think forgot about you when you lost track of each other, the babysitter you had when you were four. You have touched a million lives in perfect little ways. Do not underestimate your importance in this world, you deserve to be here and you are wanted here.

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

2022 Faves ♥ It’s fun to look back and see all the seasons represented. Which one is your favorite?

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

Self harm doesn’t always happen when a blade touches skin.

It’s skipping meals because you don’t feel like you deserve to eat today. It’s drinking recklessly because you might have the ‘courage’ do something stupid. It’s smoking - not because you need the nicotine - because you know it’s bad for you. It’s banging your head against a wall when you’re angry. It’s crossing the road without looking because you lowkey hope a car might hit you. It’s thinking about all the ways you could break a bone and make it look like an accident. It’s not taking painkillers because you want to suffer. It’s taking painkillers in excess because you know it’s dangerous. It’s walking home the more dangerous way because you’re kind of half hoping you’ll get attacked or raped or stabbed. It’s going for long walks at night and getting chilled to the bone and hoping that you get lost so that you can’t find your way back. It’s seeking out triggering material. It’s all the stupid little ways you punish yourself for existing.

Sometimes self harm happens when you put effort into depriving yourself of things you like or need, and sometimes it happens when you don’t put any effort into doing the things you like or need.

It’s a pattern of self-destructive behaviour, and it doesn’t only happen in one way.

This sort of behavior is classified as “para-suicidal” It’s putting yourself in a situation of danger or destruction with the intention of risking your safety rather than a direct attempt on your life. Kind of, leaving it all to chance? Also doing things to harm yourself or your self worth because you feel you deserve to feel the outcome of those actions.

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

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