kijobaby

[kijobaby]

cheerleader🌈🎀

[kijobaby]

BOLD OF YOU TO THINK THAT I WON’T EAT YOU ALIVE

#y'all know what this is lol #I SWEAR IM DONE REDESIGNING THIS S/I #LIKE FR #I actually have a proper lore and thematic concept for her #mainly Hedonism #more deets to come once i defeat executive dysfunction abt it #kijos art

[kijobaby]

children outside screaming: annoying but ultimately for the greater good. children need Going Outside and Screaming Time for proper emotional development. an auditory burden I am willing to bear

neighbor with his car he made louder on purpose: jail for neighbor. jail for ten thousand years

#fuck u and ur straight pipes #enjoy ur shitty gas mileage

[kijobaby]

Have you ever wondered what flower from Victorian flower language you are? I have! I have a quiz about it! (my credentials are that I have a spreadsheet of over 600 flower meanings)

#I wound to heal #eglantine - #okay call me out why dont you

[kijobaby]

❌Do not repost

Spinnin’ all your silk, and moving all of your eight legs To build a web that’ll spread Through the world

#ooohhh i love this #the coloring #the concept #its so good

[kijobaby]

#hoouughh #babygirl #!!!!!

[kijobaby]

❌Do not repost

He’s allowed to cause a lil mayhem for his birthday. Yknow, as a treat.

#THATS MY BESTIE #LET HIM PARTAKE IN ENTROPY

[kijobaby]

#wow #the coloring on this is insane

[kijobaby]

trying to decide on a consistent art style is a fucking nightmare and its just not gonna happen with me

#i disappeared bc i had a crisis abt being an artist and now!!!! #i am just giving up and drawing whatever

[kijobaby]

I know deja vu is supposed to just be the brain erroneously interpreting new events as memories but dawg I’ve been here before and nobody can tell me otherwise. I’m def time travelling. I’m different

#kinda weird that ive been getting deja vu all day and then log on and see this post #science side of tumblr explain

[kijobaby]

- slithers back on to tumblr like a hammerhead worm - whats up guys 

[kijobaby]

Fell in love with the deluxe cover DeathByRomy did with Pap Magazine and decided to do a study of it.

#if any of you wonder what my o.g. style looks like #here it is!!! #also follow this account if you wanna see non fandom art #i also have a dA now #kijos art

[kijobaby]

Alastor’s skull hearts and… what I can only imagine is blood 💀🤣

[kijobaby]

this is so well written and summarizes why i intermittently take unannounced hiatuses. While I've always been paranoid abt my presence on the internet because I unfortunately have an abusive ex I'm hiding from, I was able to create a small group of friends on here that I cherish deeply and am always so thrilled to interact with or even just stare at when I don't have the space or spoons for conversation (one of which is u!) the house was damned when it was dubbed a “community”. the term “community” perpetuates a need for rules and structures and everyone just began making up how tf to behave. the focus on creating “safe spaces” instead turned into a need to control how others shape your internet experience (speaking vaguely here not directly about you <3 ) instead of realizing that responsibility is yours and yours alone. Internet spaces have and always will be nothing but ego satellites, and whether anyone likes to admit it or not i think a vast majority of folks can easily get roped into witch hunts because “its better them than me “ mentality. i know i definitely felt that pressure in the past when i was younger which was a big reason i left tumblr several years ago. i mainly came back because i just wanted somewhere to post my silly little stories and drawings lol

Interesting to come back here after a nice break focusing on other things just to find people scrambling to glue back together what was essentially a burning house of straw that is this “community”. When I first joined a few years back then yeah, sure, I could consider this little corner of the internet a community. But eventually “community” dwindled down to “I can only trust this handful of people to not prematurely judge and shoot me in the back”.

Initially, I started out hopeful, wanting to share my art, interact with new people. But I’ve experienced several mental breakdowns and manic episodes over the course of the last ¾ years thanks to this “community” alone. Watching judgey “rules” build up, followed by even more predictable demanding behavior to uphold some sort of paragon of non-existent virtue, and eventually reaching a pinnacle of lies, slander, and witch hunts before we all wind down and wait for the cycle to start up again. I can barely even bring myself to tag things in the self ship tags anymore because of how willing people are to go for blood via misunderstandings or even just a straight up refusal to consider the other person’s side.

That kind of cycle leaves me feeling like I’m walking on eggshells, makes me unreasonably paranoid, even though I know I’m not doing anything wrong, for something that’s supposed to be considered a “safe space”. And do you know what all of this reminds me of? It reminds me of having to watch what I said so I didn’t accidentally set my dad off into an accusation filled rage. Chew on that for a minute: This “community” has gotten so bad that it has, time and again, reminded me of my own father’s cycles of domestic abuse.

Like, genuinely, what in the actual fuck?

And this isn’t even getting into how much this “community” preaches about give and take, but only by and large demonstrates― No, demands ― the Take aspect of things. That leads into a larger problem surrounding the demand of instant consumption that’s been plaguing the internet for the last decade, but the base line of this problem is that this “community” gets so nasty demanding that people pay attention to their things, yet don’t reciprocate by giving attention back to others. I’m not really much of a saint either; there’ve been plenty of times where I’ve gotten upset at how things I’ve worked hard on would barely even break ten notes, especially when I did properly tag them. It’s hard to look at popular blogs get tons of attention when you get nothing, I get it, really. But with the way everything gets handled around here, it just feeds back into that horrible cycle.

It’s exhausting, being in this “community” most of the time. The things that are supposed to make me happy and bring me comfort don’t bring those sorts of “rewards” to me anymore unless I keep them within a small circle. Which sucks because I do want to share with a larger audience. I do want to get people excited for my things and to hype them up for theirs in turn.

Just not in this hostile environment.

And while it’s admirable that people want to better this “community”, it’s just another cog in the damning cycle because nothing ever actually gets done. It’s always just talk before we wind up to the big pitch that is infighting and self righteous judgement and witch hunts. Over. And over. And over again.

I always say that the “dead from the beginning” is one of my favorite tropes, never really thought I’d be experiencing the irony of living it with this “community”.

The straw house is already burned down, there is no building it back up again.

#if u ever wanna talk on my discord please send me a pm and i'll give you my info! #this is an invitation to all #even if sometimes i just ghost for like months #u bet ur ass i'll just materialize in your messages screaming abt something #only to disappear off into the night again

[kijobaby]

Blood red moonlight Gaining ‘til you’re over me Beautiful as everything is crumbling The flames dance off your eyes

don’t talk to me until I’m done obsessively listening to PtV’s new album and drawing my HannibalNBC!s/i to all of their songs–

#bing bong self reblog

[kijobaby]

Blood red moonlight Gaining 'til you're over me Beautiful as everything is crumbling The flames dance off your eyes

don’t talk to me until I’m done obsessively listening to PtV’s new album and drawing my HannibalNBC!s/i to all of their songs--

#kijos art

[kijobaby]

My arms belong around you.

#pining #ugh