keepgoingmerry

[keepgoingmerry]

Alam ko na bat inaatake nnaman ako ng anxiety hahaha everyone around me is pressuring me to be someone I am not.. they’re pushing me to do and decide things that will give them great benefits.. and it’s exhausting me haha i want to live this life at my own terms, my own phase. I want to discover myself, my capacity so stop pushing me to do things that I cannot

[keepgoingmerry]

I will live my life at my own phase, my own terms.

I will live my life the way I want it to be lived.

Life is a fleeting moment.

I’m gonna do the things that I won’t regret, not the things that other people will regret for me.

I’m gonna do the things that I like to do.

I’m going to live this life.

[keepgoingmerry]

“A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not in the branch but in her own wings. Always believe in yourself.”

— Unknown

[keepgoingmerry]

Heyyy.. otoke @ 1:30 am?

Feel ko I need to see a psychiatrist na talaga. Nahihirapan na ako huminga sa pressure ng mga tao sa paligid ko. They’re not telling it to me directly pero the subtle expectations from them is too much. I feel like everyone’s using me. This is bad. This is really really bad. I am feeling so confused the past few days. Everyone’s been telling me to prioritize my well being but how can I really do that? Please tell me. I can literally feel this burden on my shoulders. Otoke

[keepgoingmerry]

I’d rather let you see me in a bad light than see me on weakest point

[keepgoingmerry]

Tbh natatakot ako sa mental state ko now, sa capability kong gumawa ng maling desisyon any moment. I had breakdowns last week— magkakasunod na araw actually, but when I have to go out and face people, or to work, face my computer— all the heavy feelings in my chest are automatically compressed. I can feel it hanging, I can feel it wanting to break free.. I want to cry but I can’t cause I have responsibilities. I want to be weak but I can’t be weak all the time and that’s why I’m so scared. I’ve heard a lot of people being the sunshine to a crowd but attempts suicide once the doors are closed. I can’t be like that. I’m scared.

[keepgoingmerry]

For the first time in my life.. I asked for help. And I was called selfish. How sad is that?

[keepgoingmerry]

People are so selfish. Bakit hindi ko kaya maging ganon?

[keepgoingmerry]

I feel tired. I feel lazy.

I always have this season of laziness talaga. And I feel guilty about it. The work is easy. The environment is okay. But still I am not okay. Para akong wala sa hulog. Kailangan ko ng bakasyon. I keep on thinking na kailangan ko ng bakasyon. Naddrain ako and I honestly don’t know why kasi ang dali lang naman ng trabaho. Gusto ko ilabas yung sentiments ko sa co-sup ko pero it might seem like I’m making excuses. Pero that’s the real reason why I keep on making mistakes the past few days. I cannot think straight. I cannot focus. I don’t know what to do.

[keepgoingmerry]

Can’t even describe what im feeling rn

Ha

I’m lost

[keepgoingmerry]

Hey.. I’m not okay. I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to be sad. I want to grieve. But I can’t. Ne.. I’m not okay.

[keepgoingmerry]

hey. don’t cry. crush two cloves of garlic into a pot with a dollop of olive oil and stir until golden then add one can of crushed tomatoes a bit of balsamic vinegar half a tablespoon of brown sugar half a cup of grated parmesan cheese and stir for a few minutes adding a handful of fresh spinach until wilted and mix in pasta of your choice ok?

[keepgoingmerry]

People get hurt because they put meaning to things that mean nothing.

[keepgoingmerry]

“Maybe love is a fairytale, and i’m only just a reader.”

[keepgoingmerry]

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

— H. Jackson Brown Jr.

[keepgoingmerry]

I am broken but not because of you.

You’re just the trigger. It’s not about you not loving me back. It’s about you and everyone who cannot see my worth. From my parents to friends to guys I loved. All of you. I am broken because of everyone. And I hate myself for thinking like this. I’ve always been the one to see or look for the brighter sides but now.. now all I can see are the shadows. That dark part of everything, everyone. And I hate myself for that. I’m not supposed to feel this way. I’m not supposed to feel ungrateful.

I am broken and I hate myself for being broken.

I hate myself for not being enough.

I hate myself for being so unlovable.

I know I know it’s not their fault. I know that.

I’m not blaming anyone.

It’s not their fault that I am so hard to love.

But why is it like that?

Why is it hard for them to love me?

Why is my presence not enough?

[keepgoingmerry]

“Who you were, who you are, and who you will be are three different people.”

— Unknown