jue-nuit-grace - Tumblr blog

jue-nuit-grace · 5 months

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Yeah I thought I was a cis girl who just really liked gay ships until the bubble burst when I found out that most of the women in those spaces were projecting onto the more feminine bottom characters. Truly had no idea that ppl were thirsting over the tops. I thought it was common to want to be the big macho man lol

So true! Personally, I was never into the stereotypical BL/yaoi. But I was extremely invested in my gay ships and fascinated by men loving other men

It's funny that this sort of thing seems to be common amongst trans men/transmascs though. I have heard many people talk about how they used to obsess over BL/yaoi/gay men only to discover that they were Not Women after all 😅

#hey! that's like me too #can't have one unique experience in thjs world

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jue-nuit-grace · 5 months

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Being in a universe that doesn't allow for husband Neuvillette with a pet otter is gonna make me cry

#neuvillette

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jue-nuit-grace · 8 months

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I have Dazai smut in my drafts. that's it. that's all i'd like to share. First thing I write for this fandom and it's SMUT.

should i like... post? it's a Dazai x fem!reader

#smut is always welcomed lol

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jue-nuit-grace · 8 months

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➽ 𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐒𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐇𝐄𝐑 (𝐈𝐈)

☁ Pairing: Dazai Osamu x gn!reader

☁ Category: Angst

☁ Synopsis: Every time he holds you closer, he can’t help but think of his previous love. You left the agency in order to move on and recover, leaving Dazai in pain.

☁ Note: A continuation of Part 1 of Glimpse of Her. Originally, I didn't plan on making a second part for this since I'm out of ideas, but some of you insisted, so here you go. This story sounds so much better in my head. ;// 08/16/2023

Part 1

Since then, a week has gone by without your presence at the agency. Others started to worry and tried contacting you. They knew what had happened and were utterly disappointed with Dazai. Of course, he received tons of smacking from Kunikida for being such an idiot.

Dazai sat at his desk, staring into the distance. He absentmindedly fiddled with the slack bandage covering his arm, almost ripping it out. Normally, he would replace them with new ones, but does that really matter right now? He couldn’t think of anything other than you circling his mind.

It was unusual, to say the least, for the Agency to be so quiet.

He signed softly and leaned his head on his desk. The pain, guilt, and regret have been weighing heavily on his mind. He despised himself for how he exploited you for his own pleasure; how he only loved you because you reminded him so much of her, yet despite everything he had done to you, you continued to love him dearly, and that made him feel extremely guilty.

What good would it do, he thought, to apologize when he knew it wouldn't repair the pain he had caused?

Honestly, even if he knows he's done something wrong, he's not the type to apologize, but to you? He's unbelievably tender, almost making Kunikida choke and die with the change of Dazai’s personality around you.

He thought about what might possibly happen if you hadn't accepted his feelings in the first place. Will you both be content with your lives as friends or just happy as companions?

He doesn’t know the answer to that.

He sighed and stood up, proceeding towards the exit. This is something he always does to clear his mind. He'll go somewhere where he can be alone and think without being interrupted by people.

He twisted the doorknob, ignoring Kunikida's exasperated yells. He proceeded through the corridors and down the stairs, ignoring everyone in the agency. He just wants to get out and be by himself right now. Most eager to find you. Yes, he's worried.

As he was ready to leave the building, he was stopped by Ranpo's plaintive voice from the President's room.

“EHH? WHAT? You’re leaving?! (Name), don’t leave me!” was all Dazai heard as he walked back almost immediately and stood in front of the president's office. He grasped the doorknob, hesitant to enter. Dazai knew you didn't want to see him, but it's been a week, so this would be an opportunity to talk to you.

He broke out in a cold sweat as the thought of you leaving passed through his head. This felt like a kick to the gut for Dazai. He doesn’t want you to leave. He’s already lost the people he cared for, and now you? His grip tightened, and a familiar feeling rose up in his chest. He knew he was the reason, yet he ashamedly admits he doesn’t want you to leave. Even if you don’t talk to him, seeing your presence safe in the agency is already enough for him.

But what did he expect? This is clearly the consequence of his foolish actions.

He stood there for a moment, debating whether he should go in or just wait for you to come out. He gritted his teeth as his breath became shallow. His heart was hammering against his ribs. Despite being able to control his heart rate, he couldn’t stop it. Dazai wasn’t familiar with the sensation, as it was the first time he had felt this way, and it left him feeling overwhelmed and out of character, almost making him cringe.

He snapped back to reality when he heard a familiar voice behind the door. "Don't worry, Ranpo-san, I'll still come by and bring you sweets," you muttered as you opened the door, unaware of the person behind it. You collided with something, or more specifically, someone's chest. You looked up to see who it was, making you suck in a breath. You took a step back and instantly adjusted your stance. You silently closed the door behind you while staring at the individual in awkward silence.

Why now?

You thought as you pursed your lips. You were helpless and simply stood there, staring at the man who had broken you. Thoughts of ignoring him and leaving as if you didn't know him crossed your mind, but something inside of you keeps you from doing so. Possibly anxious?

Breathing nervously, you were taken aback by his sudden embrace, causing you to halt in place and your eyes to widen. Dazai didn’t know what pushed him to do that, but he didn’t care; he just felt the need to hold you in his arms.

"(Name), you’re safe. I’ve missed you so much, my bella-"

"-please get off of me." You spoke as you firmly pushed him away. You could have sworn you saw the anguished expression he made, but you were too perplexed to even care about that. Right now, you just want to be eaten by the ground and be alone. Just seeing him makes your heart tighten.

"(Name), belladona, can we talk this out? Please talk to me," He said in a pleading tone, taking a step closer to you, but you were too hurt to even want to hear of any of his pathetic reasons. You didn't want to take a chance of getting hurt again, especially when he made it clear that he took advantage of your feelings.

Sweat began to gather on your forehead as you fought back tears that threatened to form in your eyes. You were at a loss for what to do in this uncomfortable situation. You didn't want to cry in his presence. You just want to be away from him and be alone.

When he didn't hear you respond, his heart tightened, a clear indication to him that you didn't want to talk to him. Normally he would pester the person and force them to speak to him, but this time was different. He knew you didn’t want to, so he had no choice but to let you go.

You muttered a low ‘excuse me’ as you walked past Dazai, leaving a pit inside of his stomach. You surpassed the impulse to cry as you exited the building. It's probably the last time you'll ever set foot on it. As much as Dazai wanted to hold your wrist to stop you, he just can’t bring himself to do it. But if he can, he will, even if it means screaming at him, just for you to stay.

His heart sank when you disappeared from his sight. The person he loved was leaving him again, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Even if he wanted to, he just couldn’t. In that moment, everything seemed to slow down as he watched the person who had made him feel understood disappear from his life forever.

Ranpo knew it was coming as he walked out of the President's office, peering at the man's amber eyes with his emerald ones in disappointment.

"Honestly, did you love them? Or was it simply the way they treated and loved you that made you love them?" Ranpo inquired solemnly, already knowing the answer to his question. Despite Ranpo's childish demeanor, he becomes serious in circumstances like this if you’re involved. You were like a sister to Ranpo, and watching you leave the agency sent thousands of knives through his chest. He couldn't help but blame the brunette for your departure.

Dazai turned his gaze to where you had left. He did love you. He loves you with all his heart. But there were times that he'd see you as her, and he couldn’t help but miss her solace. But of course, that is no excuse for him to make you stay.

He didn’t immediately respond, but after a moment of silence, he replied, “With all my heart.”

“How can you say that? You broke their heart.”

He sighed deeply and said, “I know, and for that, I'm forever sorry. But I want you to know that I never meant to hurt them. I loved them more than anything in the world. I still do.”

‘Never meant? that’s bullshit.’ Ranpo thought to himself. Although Ranpo isn’t the type of person to curse, what Dazai said made him look at him in disbelief.

After a long pause, Dazai continued, “I know how much pain I caused them, and I don’t expect them to forgive me. But I want them to know that they’ll always have a place in my heart.”

If he hadn't messed up in the first place, surely your relationship would not have ended up this way.

But his actions were a choice, not a mistake, right?

Right.

Before turning around, Ranpo took a final look at the brunette and then closed his eyes.

“The hardest part of love isn’t falling in or out of it. It’s learning how to pick yourself up and move on.” and with that, Ranpo left the brunette dumbfounded.

As he stood there dumbfounded, a sudden realization slowly began to dawn on Dazai. He was coming to understand something he had never quite fully realized before. He blinked a few times as he breathed out a breath he was holding before starting to move again.

Maybe… Just maybe one day he'll find a glimpse of us.

Part 1

Bonus part: It's been 6 years since you last visited the agency, and you're now blissfully engaged to someone amazing. You haven't seen or heard from your old employees in a long time, so inviting them to your wedding would be a fantastic idea.

And what about Dazai? He hasn't changed since you left. Consider his distress when he receives your wedding invitation. To be honest, he deserves it. That was something he did to himself. But part of him is relieved that you've found happiness.

He was hesitant to attend your wedding, but Ranpo persuaded him to do so. (Lmao He wanted him to feel your anguish 6 years ago.)

#the way i got dizzy after reading this is just funny #dazai osamu #dazai osamu x reader #angst

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jue-nuit-grace · 9 months

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Me (sometimes in denial about myself): I'm not trans. I'm too effeminate for that.

Also me: *starts crying everytime I see two guys kiss*

#i dont know #im just sad and lonely lol #i wanted to be wanted #and i desire to be desired #but i dont think that its for me honestly...#i feel pathetic #yes this is because i keep seeing gifs from rwrb #sue me

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jue-nuit-grace · 9 months

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I need to rewatch Barbie just to watch how Barbie's face becomes less perfect and more human over the course of the two hours. I noticed it at like the final moments of the movie and now I need to rewatch the movie to check if I'm gaslighting myself.

#barbie

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jue-nuit-grace · 9 months

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old man yaoi in bungou stray dogs season 5

#dad your public divorce is so embarrassing #wtf #bungou stray dogs

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jue-nuit-grace · 9 months

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I'm so glad that lady Dazai is canon. I wanna hug her. Plz.

#dazai osamu #bsd #bungou stray dogs #lgbtq #plz

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jue-nuit-grace · 9 months

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I feel so dumb for developing an anxiety thing over being cheated on just because of Osamu angst fics... I wanna explode...

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #dazai osamu #dumb bitch syndrome go brrrr

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jue-nuit-grace · 10 months

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#just lemme give him one kiss #half a kiss #plz #bungou stray dogs #bsd #dazai osamu

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jue-nuit-grace · 10 months

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post canon

#he's giving husband vibes im gonna cry

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jue-nuit-grace · 10 months

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I wanna be a pretty boy without feeling so anxious that I might give myself a heart attack... I was wearing a he/him and little pride umbrella pins on my coat for like 30 minutes and I felt so self-conscious... I just wanna be a pretty boy! Without anxiety! This sucks!

#lgbtq #trans #transmasc

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jue-nuit-grace · 10 months

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Every now and then my dummy brain just wants to break every rule and swap all the pronouns in the x reader fanfics I read. Just... gimme gimme more good boy instead of girl I-

#dazai osamu x reader #no I'd never actually do it i love every author so much and i'm too lazy...#fanfic is hard to write man...#I write for myself and that's already hard as hell #imagine writing for other people #fuckin nightmare

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jue-nuit-grace · 10 months

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I love Nimona but the only thing that sucks about all the queer stuff is that the more they release movies and TV shows about gay men, the more I get infuriatingly jealous of their relationships... I wanna be a pretty boy with a boyfriend... life sucks man, I hate that the more I try and accept my transness, the more I'm jealous of cis gay men... ugh.

I love Nimona tho. 10/10 flawless movie.

#lgbtq

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jue-nuit-grace · 10 months

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DAZAI OSAMU — NSFW MASTER-LIST