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jasonsthunderthighs · 2 months
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you are SO cared for. I have gone home post-attempt before and it's so shittty - but there is SO much love for you. and I am upset with anons being mean and the world being cruel and I just want to throw some love at you even though we've not spoken. ❤️
Thank you so much, friend. Life is just a mess right now. I'm just so tired of it. But I'll go on till I can't anymore. It's hard to be optimistic bout the world nowadays as I grow older.
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jasonsthunderthighs · 2 months
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You might as well go kill yourself with how much you talk about it.
I've tried. Got sent to the ward. That was last year.
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jasonsthunderthighs · 3 months
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Every time I come back to your blog, I find out some major tragedy happened to you, babe I'm starting to get really worried
I feel like it'll never get better, my love.
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I'm too tired to do this anymore. Nothin good is ever comin my way. I'll never see my twin again. I'll never get this damn property debt bullshit (that's already been paid for and got a letter and receipt for proof) that NOBODY will approve it for me to get a place, cause they want proof the company/business existed, cause it dismantled for whatever reason.
I'm stuck in an expensive place that's bleedin me dry of my money. It's not even worth what the rent is. At all, plus the employees are pullin shady shit over my best friend/neighbour when the county pays for their rent, so basically stealin from the police (long story)
My hours at work are cut, so I'm not makin a lot to even get groceries; starvin myself for days at a time cause of no food in the house.
Every day I think of ways to kill myself. I just want to end it. I'm tired of feelin depressed, starvin myself (on top of havin an ED, so it triggered it), stressin on if I'm goin to get (an) evicted (notice), and so much more.
I just want to take the (20) oxycodone I was given for my pain from gettin ran over almost a year ago (7th of February, I woke up the next day) and just down the pills. I walk the dark streets at night in hopes that someone actually just runs up and shoots me in the head randomly like what you'll see as random ambushes caught on camera.
Most of the stories I've written so far at this point are how I just vaguely get killed or kill myself but shamelessly with either DC characters or my OCs. I don't know. It helps a little. I just never showed it, cause nobody wants to talk bout that. And I've learned to keep that to myself to not hurt others.
I'm sorry for goin on a ramble, my dear Anon. This got a little dark and out of hand for a bit. I'll cut it here.
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Thank you for checkin up on me. I'm still here, just.. rottin away. I feel like my body is actively tryin to kill myself the longer this goes on. (With every photo I send to my twin or they see one of me, they tell me I look like absolute shit and worry so much for me. As I do the same for ‘em)
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jasonsthunderthighs · 4 months
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I hate my twins partner
My twin has been with this bastard child for a year. NOTHIN good came from the relationship and I WISH I didn't take this long for ‘em to see this.
He stole 320$ from ‘em the day they got it from Mum (she sends us money for Christmas, I got my money, but runnin low cause of basically helpin my twin get food since their partner won't and just let my twin starve for days at a time and bills on my end) and gambled it away, not winnin ANY money from it.
He's done SO much more to my twin that I've said on other posts and this REALLY is the icin on the bullshit cake my twin has to deal with.
Also found out that he's now in jail cause he was caught speedin in a parkin lot and also had drugs in the car. That car was my twins car. Their ONLY way to get the fuck out of there.
And now they're stuck.
They can't even make it to Christmas with the family.
Me and others have told ‘em to sell his shit and use the money to get the car out and get the fuck out of there.
They want out. I'm goin to get ‘em out.
I'll do ANYTHIN for my twin. Especially to get back up here.
I just want my twin back up here and not miserable anymore. That's all I want for Christmas. ANYTHIN to get ‘em back up here so they can finally eat normally and do whatever they want.
I'm tired of this guy. My friends REALLY want to fuckin murder him and one of my friends said he's lucky they're on parole, otherwise he'd be FUCKED.
I want him out of my twins life and stop bein a fuckin man child who just steals, cheats, lies and gambles away money from my twin. He even got pissed off that I refused to send him 20$ to gamble it away.
I'd rather get ran over AGAIN than send HIM money that's not goin to help my twin. Fuck him and the couch he sits on.
Anyways, thanks to whoever reads my shit. I know it gets annoyin to read my rants instead of DC posts that I promised. I just can't focus on social media(s) at this point of my life with how shit is goin. My mental health can only take so much nowadays.
Thanks to those who sent me asks to check up on me. I'm tryin to stay afloat, but it's hard.
Thank you, Lyn (@scariusaquarius) for bein there for me and just bein am overall amazin friend and support even if we talk here and there. I hope to see you in the future and hang out like we've planned so long ago 💜
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I hope everybody has a wonderful holiday and happy new year.
May 2024 be kinder to all of us who's struggled for the past three years 🖤
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jasonsthunderthighs · 4 months
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Me: *At work, makin a drink for myself*
Coworker: *Walks up to me to clock in* I abused my partner.
Me: *Still tired from wakin up an hour or so earlier*
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jasonsthunderthighs · 4 months
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Hello
I know I haven't been on here actively for a hot minute
Came to the realisation my twin probably won't ever come back, havin cracked rose tinted glasses for their partner. I can't control or knock some sense into ‘em to change their mind and dumb the trash out.
Seasonal depression is a bitch, on top of all of this is my late bro-bro/roommate (my twins ex) death anniversary next Thursday and his birthday bein yesterday (he would've been 27).
I feel more and more depressed and suicidal as the days past. It's just gettin worse and I just refuse to take pills to help with it, cause I personally don't trust myself with pills at all.
When I went to the psych ward (to, plot twist: tryin to kill myself), I was asked why I don't take any; I looked at ‘em and said, “If you give me pills, I'll down those pills like they're candy, cause I'm tired of this.” They quickly understood that. Along with lettin me leave even though I said I don't feel safe by myself but weren't goin to force me to stay. I wanted to stay but I know my old boss from my last job would definitely fire me cause he was a fuckin asshole.
I do need the help, but I literally can't afford to get it without losin my income and becomin homeless again like I was two years ago. I don't ever want to go through that, especially when it's winter and fuckin cold out there and havin a weak immune system from havin a missin spleen DOESN'T help with this situation. That's a great way to die.
I want to die on my own terms and not against my will
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But if this happens, it happens and I'll accept that. I'm tired of all of this.
I miss my twin
I miss bein financially stable and not struggle this badly. I owe Mum +400$ cause of how many times she's saved my ass from facin eviction and bein homeless.
I don't know where I'm goin with this. Guess just typin what comes to mind on how I feel.
I appreciate the ones who've sent me asks and checkin up on me and how much twin and I are. It really does help me mentally knowin there's a few people here who cares to check up on me 💜
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I'll try to post when I can. I do have ~130 posts in my drafts for when I get the time to. I know you guys want more stories and headcanons, it'll take me a bit to get motivation, inspiration and time to write ‘em. It's honestly a little hard to be original and not accidently copy off someone else's headcanons or story ideas.
Glad that my posts have been gettin love even as I type this and more followers from just my incorrect quotes or comic strip posts, really does give me a smile to see this blog is still alive.
Even though I'm not active at the moment, I can still answer asks to chat bout DC/Jason Todd and headcanons or requests for what I should write.
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jasonsthunderthighs · 5 months
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Warnin’
A/N: Oh, the angst~
Synopsis: You got into a situation to work for The Joker. He wanted the wild second Robin to use against Batman, and decided to give you a warnin when you failed to retrieve Robin. Also sorry for not writin your requests I've been given to write. Life got in the way and I've been depressed and busy.
Words: ~700
Warnin: Gore in a little bit of detail. I was watchin a horror film writin this.
You woke up strapped to a chair in the middle of a dark, cold room. The strap on your neck to keep your head in place isn't givin you any room to move to look ‘round. You tried to free yourself from the restraints keepin you still. This isn't good.
You tried to yell out, only to mumble out words through a cloth tightly tied to your head and in your mouth.
A creepy laughter followed by a voice speaks out, walkin out of the shadows to reveal The Joker, grinnin sadistically at you. “Long time no see.”
“Joker..” you muffled out, glarin at him as you tried to wriggle myself free from the restraints.
“Now, now. Where are your manners? Not a nice way to greet someone, not like THAT. Don't you ‘member our deal? You'll be free from this when you get me that pesky Robin.”
You don't know where he's at. He just wants the Boy Wonder to torture and show Batman what he's done to the sidekick.
“That's all you need to do. He's a smart little Bird.. You just need to do your part.. That's all.” Joker holds up a blade, tappin the tip of the blade with his fingertips.
You squirm in the tight restraints, tryin to get the gag out of your mouth to speak.
“I really don't care what you have to say on this. Just know that you have failed and I'm here to remind you of that.” Joker tells you, gettin closer to you as he flaunts the blade in your face, knowin your fate.
“Please don't. Not again. I don't want to go through this again. Please.” you cried out muffled words through the gag as they fall on deaf ears, feelin the blade against your skin of your neck as he digs deeper in your neck, drawin blood.
“Pretty eyes you have. I'll only take one. Be lucky it wasn't your tongue. As you'll be needin it. You'll get use to your vision. You didn't need two eyes.. Be a good kid and ACTUALLY finish your task. And you'll get your freedom AND full vision back..” He finished, holdin your eye to you.
“No. You need another reminder. Seems like you can't ever learn. Especially with what I give you to even help yourself with this task. You'd rather slow down my progress instead of wantin your freedom. YOU got yourself in this. Don't ever forget that.” He took his fingers to your left eye, fishin out your eye from the socket as you scream out and flail round in your restraints, easily pluckin your eye out completely as you cried out through the gag in agony.
You could barely see with your only workin eye as your left empty socket bleeds out, only makin out a blurry vision of The Joker's twisted grin as he holds up your eye to observe.
Breathin heavily into the gag, visibly shakin from the torture you just went through. “Please.. No more.” your voice hoarse and muffled by the gag, tryin to breathe out normally to get through the pain you're in, feelin so weak as Joker takes the cloth out of your mouth and undoes the restraints, lettin you fall to the cold harsh ground.
“This was just me bein easy on you. Next is your fingers.” He tells you, bendin down to watch you struggle in pain, grabbin a fist full of your hair tightly in his fingers, liftin your head up to him, makin you hiss out in from the harsh movement.
“I'll.. Get him, Joker..” You breathed out slowly and raspy, feelin the blood from your empty socket roll down your cheek, “I-I promise.. This time..”
“Oh, I'm sure you won't fail me again.” He holds your eye that's now in a jar to your face, cacklin out loud from your expression of defeat and pain he inflicted on you. “Right?”
He helps you nod your head ‘yes’, whimperin in pain, afraid of what he's to do next. “Y-yes..” you softly cried out, the intense pain from your missin eye leaves you dizzy and cold, unable to think of what to even do next as your vision goes to black.
“Good.” He smiles, lettin go of you and watchin your face hit the cold hard floor as you laid there weak and unconscious. Cacklin widely as he leaves you alone in the room.
~~~~~~~
This was originally written cause I was bored with my OCs and universe from my book I'm writin. Just decided to word it differently, since it was also in first person and different details were changed and edited. Comment, like and reblog if you want a second part.
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jasonsthunderthighs · 5 months
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What’s a good comic series for Red Hood to start with? I don’t read a lot of comics, but I want to try to see if I like it
Hmm. Depends on who you like that writes it. I personally HATE Scott Lobdell and how he wrote for most of the Red Hood and the Outlaw and Red Hood/Arsenal and just Red Hood in general, before he got fired.
But I loved Red Hood/Arsenal cause of how Dexter Soy drew Jason and everybody. I LOVE his art style so much.
He's also found this blog and tweeted bout it.
There's so many others, with Jason in it for a good second. DC REALLY hates my boy Jason Todd for some reason.
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jasonsthunderthighs · 5 months
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How are you and your twin doing?
Not good in the slightest, Anon.
I miss my twin. I haven't seen ‘em in a whole year and couldn't even celebrate our birthday together this year. Won't be able to see ‘em until the holidays are over. They're drivin back up here when they get their car fixed.
Their stupid ass partner (who I literally want to murder) keeps fuckin gamblin the money they get to try to fix their car, has left my twin to starve for three (3) days, almost sold one of their glasses, locked ‘em out of the house for hours whilst the partner slept on the couch, doesn't give my twin affection and is a shit person in all.
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Me on the other hand have been strugglin so bad and it's not doin good on my mental health. Almost got evicted TWICE cause of rent. Basically starvin myself half to death cause of my financial situation. I'm suicidal and depressed. I just feel so fuckin alone and isolated, mainly cause of how my twin isn't here.
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jasonsthunderthighs · 6 months
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Are you ok, my dear?
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Honestly, I'm not. I'm exhausted and tired of life.
Depressed and stressed out with my housin situation. Not really financially stable or mentally safe right now. Honestly, I've just REALLY suicidal for this past year, especially since I got ran over early this year and had to get surgery cause my spleen ruptured and now I have no immune system, so I get sick easier.
Speakin of sick: my boss and roommate were sick and I ended up gettin sick which lasted for TWO FUCKIN WEEKS and missed SO much work when I JUST started my new job and worked there for THREE DAYS. So I didn't get a good paycheck to help with rent and we were bout to get evicted if it wasn't payed on the 26th.
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But, on the bright side, my twin is comin back. They don't want to be where they're at and just need money to fix their car and get the gas money to drive back here.
I just want my twin back. It's been a year ago on the 26th since they left after a lot of bullshit happened. (There's a post I made bout it on my ‘#personal’ tag if you want to read bout that as well.)
Other than more bullshit that happened in the past three months, and even what's happened in the past two years, I'm just tired and want it to end. Or just be more easier on me.
Lady Life and Lady Karma, PLEASE give me a break. That's all I ask for. And a giant woman, but that's just an after thought.
Sorry for the long post, Anon. I appreciate your ask and concern bout me. I don't really get a lot of asks bout where I'm at when I'm gone for months at a time. I feel like a lot of people really don't care bout me. But I guess that's the depression speakin to me.
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jasonsthunderthighs · 8 months
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so why do you like Jason Todd so much?
I see myself in him in some ways, I suppose. We're a day apart, have daddy issues, got a huge ass scar on their body, green eyes, anger and trust issues with a little dash of trauma.
Honestly,
I'm just weird as fuck. Also, havin imposter syndrome fuckin sucks balls, and seein Jason Todd as me honestly helps with my own confidence in some tiny ways.
(I sound so pathetic typin this out, in all honesty)
I don't like Jason Todd.
I LOVE Jason Todd.
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jasonsthunderthighs · 8 months
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I’m sorry about your dad. Happy birthday! 🎉🎉
I personally think if your dad didn’t care enough to even wish you a happy birthday, you shouldnt care about him. (Although I say that as someone who doesn’t have a good relationship with their parents.)
Hope you and your twin did something fun together, at least
Thank you!
He did text back the next day (yesterday) but I won't lie, I'm still upset and hurt over it. I didn't even call him back and I don't know if I want to at this point.
And I have mixed feelings for him, honestly. I hate him for what he did to my twin and I growin up, but I love him for the little nice things he's done for us.
He's forgotten what he did to us (due to drugs and his mental health) and says that it wasn't ‘that bad’. But I wasn't goin to get into THAT argument with him. Especially over the phone.
And I'm quite upset that my twin wasn't here with me to celebrate
They're back home and I'm stuck where they left me.
I did have fun with my neighbours I befriended and my roommate bought me a cake to eat and share with (which I did for those who wanted some) and got high as fuck and a little drunk (didn't get enough to get drunk drunk like I wanted) then ran from the police cause it was 2 in the mornin the next day 😂
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jasonsthunderthighs · 8 months
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I don’t know how quickly you’ll receive the money after it being sent, but I did send you some. I also suggest that instead of getting burgers, (or maybe in addition to the burgers) maybe buy some non-perishable foods to last for a while.
I just got this and I'm SO sorry for the late reply.
I did get the money and I'm so grateful for the help that it did for me.
I should be gettin a call soon to get an interview for this one warehouse job (even though it's been so damn hot over here that it was hard to breathe) and I'll pay you back as soon as I can!
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jasonsthunderthighs · 8 months
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Do you like fanfiction? And if so, got any good dc fic recs?
I use to. I don't anymore. My ADHD goes everywhere and sometimes, I can't focus on readin it if it's too long.
There was this one fluff and angst fanfic I found for Jason's birthday (August 16th) with Dick I read years ago after my birthday and I did nothin for my birthday the day before.
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jasonsthunderthighs · 8 months
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Honestly, my twin and I are kinda hurt that Tobin (our dad) didn't text or call us to tell us happy birthday.
Nothin all day.
Reminds me when he went to a water park with our brother when I lived literally 30 minutes away from it and he didn't even call to invite me.
We use to go to the same water park for our birthday every year, but stopped a few years ago. It's not that I didn't want to go (I did, actually, it was fuckin HOT that day), I just wanted to see him after a few months of not seein each other when I moved away.
He did call to say happy birthday that day, but it still made me upset he didn't bother to invite me to have fun with him and my brother.
Even his girlfriend thought that was rude as fuck to do.
My twin was PISSED OFF when they found out what he did and chewed him out for it and that's when he called to tell me happy birthday and that he was sorry he didn't invite me.
I'm like Ciel Phantomhive from Black Butler when it comes to my birthday. I never cared for it.
It just hurts, y'know?
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jasonsthunderthighs · 8 months
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jasonsthunderthighs · 9 months
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Update of life, I guess.
Been lookin for a job and tryin to cash out my check to pay rent (that was due two days ago) which I just found out you need a ‘authorisation code’ to fill it out (since I was ALSO given a blank check EVEN THOUGH he told me ‘this is your check’ with NO explanation WHATSOEVER and NO “authorisation code” to fill it in.)
That's ALL I needed to get my money and he told my roommate that he “doesn't know the code”, but he'll “reach out to payroll in order to gain more information.” He “suggested” to call the card company (I was also given a card to activate and set up to get my money, but I don't have an actual bank and didn't want this card for it) or the number that is on the back of the card.
He also said that ‘If I had the card set up in the beginnin of employment they might have set up a code already then.’
BITCH I DIDN'T WANT THAT CARD IN THE FIRST PLACE AND THIS FUCKIN DIDN'T HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS IF YOU JUST KEPT THE DIRECT DEPOSIT FOR MY LAST CHECK IN THE FIRST FUCKIN PLACE
BUT NO, MY LIFE CAN'T BE FUCKIN EASY FOR ME
ON TOP OF THAT
I'm movin at the end of this month, my roommate wants to live by herself and not with me anymore cause of her fuckin bullshit that keeps pissin me off (in other posts like this, just click on the ‘personal’ tag, and you'll see what I mean) cause it's “better off this way”.
I'm basically physically disabled cause of the car crash (not legally, cause it “doesn't count” and it's “not enough” to get on disability for it) who can't do a lot (move quickly, bend down, lift up heavy shit cause of the scar, etc) so I CAN'T financially and physically support myself like that.
PLUS, most of the shit in the house is my twin’s and late roommate's that they left when my twin went back home and late roommate ran off with the girl he chose over my twin. AND both of their cats (we had four, but FINALLY got rid of the two boys that were causin so much damage and shit) that was basically given to me to take care of and my twin’s tarantula (WHICH I'M FUCKIN TERRIFIED OF, CAUSE I HAVE ARACHNOPHOBIA AND THEY KNOW THIS)
So, I might be homeless with two cats and a lot of shit that I have no idea where to put, cause my roommate doesn't want to live with me anymore at the end of this month :))))))))))
I objected to this and told her that she was fuckin me over and that's when the waterworks comes out AGAIN, sayin that she didn't want to fuck me over, but that's EXACTLY what she's fuckin doin.
She's still thinkin bout it and I don't have enough time for that shit, even though I KNOW she's not goin to leave cause of this situation.
I just wanted to be here with my twin, and it turned into this bullshit of two years and continuin. They went back home when I'm now stuck up here full of the mentality of “fight or flight” and “every man for himself”.
On top of all of this shit, there's no food that's mine in the house (all of the food is my roommate's and I'm NOT that type of asshole to eat others foods if I didn't buy it; even though SHE does that with MY food and let's it go to waste if she doesn't put it up, like she NEVER does, but ONLY to HER food. I'm just hungry and waitin to get this damn code for the past two damn days.
I'LL TRY TO PAY BACK AS FAST AS I CAN WHEN I GET A NEW JOB AND PAID
I JUST NEED 10$ FOR FOOD FOR TODAY CAUSE I HAVEN'T LITERALLY EATEN IN TWO DAYS I PROMISE I'LL PAY BACK
$Gerard45 is my Cash App
Even if I don't get any bones for food, I just wanted to rant bout all of this bullshit
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