inthecatacombs

[inthecatacombs]

the degree of restricting may be what is making me so debilitatingly depressed -> if i gain weight i will kill myself. lol

#personal #ed tw #eating disorder tw #suicide tw #suicidal ideation tw

[inthecatacombs]

why am i so so so so so fucking depressed these last few days

#personal #haha

[inthecatacombs]

today was like if everything that could go wrong went wrong and i was already at my wits' end lol

#personal

[inthecatacombs]

they should make a way to kill yourself where it's guaranteed to work and no one will be mad at you or ever think about you again

#personal #suicide tw #suicdal ideation tw

[inthecatacombs]

It is what it is but like. Can it be something else

[inthecatacombs]

saying goodbye | albuquerque, new mexico

ig: phdonohue

[inthecatacombs]

i want to self harm so so fucking bad but also i don't want my hookup/friend/whatever the fuck the situation is to see that. lmao

#personal #self harm tw #self injury tw

[inthecatacombs]

it's awesome having not NOT been significantly and usually kind of debilitatingly depressed for over a decade and never fucking accomplishing anything

#personal

[inthecatacombs]

i'm so terrible i'm such a bad person i'm so stupid i'm such a failure and i'm not good at anything

#personal

[inthecatacombs]

i'm so fucking stupid i'm such a fucking failure and i'm so mad at myself

#personal

[inthecatacombs]

i'm so so so so so fucking stupid

#personal

[inthecatacombs]

too bad i am ugly and terrible and disgusting and stupid and nothing is ever going to work out

#personal

[inthecatacombs]

i have a doctor's appointment on monday i wish i'd rescheduled because i do not want to be weighed i cannot handle people seeing how unbearably not low enough not concerning my weight is it's so fucking embarrassing to exist like this

#personal #ed tw #weight mention tw

[inthecatacombs]

i'm so fucking stupid

#personal

[inthecatacombs]

thought for maybe a week or two "maybe i don't have to kill myself maybe i can figure this out" well that was stupid as fuck and i want to die again and everything is just as wrong as ever

#personal #suicidal ideation tw

[inthecatacombs]

going to type out "my weight fluctuates an absolutely insane amount it bounces up and down like 4 pounds it's absolutely ridiculous" -> realizing that's actually completely within the bounds of normal -> calming down -> freaking out about it again

#personal #weight mention tw #ed tw #weight tw

[inthecatacombs]

i really don't want to grow old

#personal