Vision: [asking about pregnancy symptoms] Are your senses heightened?
Wanda: I think I might be pregnant, not bitten by a radioactive spider.
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Hayward: Wait...you're gay? Why?
Monica: It started off as a seven day free trail, but I forgot to cancel, so here we are.
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Billy and Tommy as babies: [start screaming at 3 AM]
Vision: [half-asleep] Your turn...
Wanda: Ugh, fine...
Wanda: [starts screaming]
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Agnes: Sometimes I like to call people by the wrong name to let them know I don't care about them.
Dottie: That's brilliant.
Agnes: Thank you, Donna.
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Tommy: Do you think different paints have different tastes?
Pietro: They do.
Wanda: ...why did you say that with such certainty?
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Vision: Did none of you think that was a bad idea?
Darcy: [looking at Woo and Monica] Oh no, we all did.
Vision: And you went through with it anyway?
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Wanda: What does it mean when you have a bunch of crows hanging out in your backyard? Asking for a friend.
Agnes: It means you have new friends!
Wanda: Are these good new friends or “death is coming” sort of new friends?
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Woo: I’m not so sure you’re stakeout material.
Darcy: I’m a chronic insomniac, I was born for this.
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Agnes: What goes up, but never comes down?
Wanda: My stress levels.
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Pietro: When have I ever done something irresponsible?
Wanda: Would you like me to go chronologically or in alphabetical order?
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[to Hayward] You’re like the kid at the sleepover who, after midnight, is like, ‘It’s tomorrow now.’ Get out of here with your technicalities. Just because you’re accurate doesn’t mean you’re interesting.
Dr. Darcy Lewis
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Darcy: Vision, you got a plan to get out of here?
Vision: Don't worry, I'm an Avenger.
Darcy: That's not a yes!
Vision: It's not a no!
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I swear to Christ, if this turns out to be an intervention, I will set you all on fire
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Pietro: [trying to cheer up Wanda] You should be out there having a life, doing shots and going dancing. I don't know what kids do these days.
Wanda: Pietro, we're the same age.
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Agnes: If a guy just broke up with his girlfriend, how long do you think is an appropriate time to wait before you... make a move?
Wanda: I'd say about... a month.
Geraldine: Really? I'd say three or four.
Pietro: Half hour.
Agnes: [pointing at Pietro] Interesting.
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Pietro: This is all just a moo point.
Wanda: Huh. A moo point?
Pietro: Yeah, it's like a cow's opinion, you know, it just doesn't matter. It's "moo".
Wanda: [to Vision] Have I been living with him for too long, or did that all just make sense?
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Billy: Mom, what does coffee taste like?
Wanda: unfortunately, not as good as it smells.
Billy: Oh. Like shampoo.
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Wanda: I'm good!
Wanda: Yes, I haven't slept in a solid 83 hours, but I'm good.
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Darcy: Man, this is so great getting to hang out with you. I forgot how cool you were.
Woo: Aw, Darcy. You are so sweet. I love hanging out with you too.
Darcy: Shh, I'm on video chat with Monica.
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I don't hold a grudge. I cradle it. I coddle it. I feed it fine cuts of meat and send it to the best schools. I nurture my grudges, Wanda.
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