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iamvibration · 3 years

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Why am I not happy?

I want to be independent. I want to feel emotionally independent. Is that possible?

I want to not be affected by others. Is that bad? Am I naturally an empath? Are we all naturally empaths?

I feel so stressed and not happy many times. I feel so weak sometimes.

Other people's energy affect mine so many times.

I feel uncomfortable if someone else is uncomfortable.

I don't want to be weak.

I feel like part of me is strong and at the same time part of me is easily taken by other's energies.

I want to be strong. I am strong. I must remain strong. I must stay strong.

I love myself. I love myself.

I feel like no one will love me so I must love my self. And I am strong so I still love myself no matter what.

I will feel sorry for myself when it hurts because I love myself.

I cry in silence. I hurt. And no one knows. No one cares. They just think I'm mad.

Therefore, I must remain strong. I must be there for myself.

I feel alone. And no one is here for me, so I must be here for me.

Or else what is my purpose?

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iamvibration · 3 years

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Feeling sad.

I grew up with a void.

My mother was too busy worrying about herself and her own problems to tend to the emotional needs of her children.

My mother had the need to control everything.

Must be trauma she has suffered that's caused her to behave this way.

My dad was scared of my mom. So much that he never interfered with her parenting style.

My mom used to get so angry that she would call all of us worthless. (Dad, brother, and me)

She never praised my accomplishments.

She never supported my dreams.

She never like children. She told me children ruin your dreams and life goals.

She told me she hated my dad, yet she couldn't leave him and she'd hit him.

She would hit me and my brother and tell me that my older half brother was a terrible son and that's why she abandoned him.

She would threaten that she would abandon me just like my older brother Hugo if I ever did anything disobedient.

She once claimed that she hated her entire family and her own life so much that she was going to shoot all of us and then herself with a gun she kept locked away.

She wanted to be an investor so she used to purchase houses and flip them. It was usually a house that we would live in, fix and either a year or three later she would sell it and we would have to move homes.

We moved so many times growing up. I had to make new friends every other year, or so, at school.

I feel unstable.

I know I have the power to make myself into who I want to be now.

It's not easy.

I want to succeed.

I don't want to be like them.

My mom, a narcissist.

My dad, a coward.

My half brother, dead from alcoholism due to dperession.

I have had to keep myself aware of my own behaviors. Making sure that I don't behave like any of them.

I've had to teach myself how to love myself.

It's been a process.

I love myself so much. Sometimes I feel depressed though.

Why? Because I feel lost. I feel lonely.

I love myself and I want to do the best for me.

It's been such a struggle.

#depression #dysfunctional family #why we need love #healing #self healing #sad thoughts #i love myself #self love #fight for whats right #fight depression

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iamvibration · 3 years

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Time is an imaginary line,

Created by mankind

It's just another fragment of our minds

There is no past, just memories

There is no future, just visions

All that exists is the present

Be in the present

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iamvibration · 3 years

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Sometimes I feel like people suck, but then I remind myself that I suck too. We are all one. We shouldn't take people's actions personally. We all have inner demons. I always try to remind myself that the world needs more love. Let's spread more of it.

#love #hate #innerbattles #poetry #mindfulmoment #mindfulness #spiritualism #selfcare #onelove #weareone #meditation #thoughts #depression #spiritually #self healing #healing #holistichealth

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