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I tried to tighten my bra straps yesterday and couldn't do it with the bra on because my shoulder blades kept getting in the way. It's gave me so much euphoria, like validation that I'm getting skinny

#tw ed stuff #skinny #tw ana stuff

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I don’t feel alive I don’t mind if I died I would much prefer it to this

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Im tempted to stop taking my antidepressants for a week to speed run the inevitable mental breakdown that I know I can't outrun forever

#fuck my life #antidepressants #depressing shit #mental breakdown #mirtazapine

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There is nothing worse than being disgusted by your own body I feel sick just looking at myself

#tw ed stuff

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The serotonin boost I get when I come back from uni and my mum asks if I've lost weight is unparalleled

#tw ed stuff #skinny #thin inspo

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I fucked up a situation with one of my friends this week. I've been an anxious mess since. I started restricting and drinking to help deal with it. I've also so been off my antidepressants. I went to pick up some more today so I'll start taking them tonight. The issue is they make me gain weight, when I'm taking them I can't stop eating I feel disgusting. But without them I want to die. I have to make the decision of being either skinny or suicidal I hate it. I'm gonna try keep below 600 cals for the next few days to try gain some control w/ life

#tw ed stuff #fuck my life #depressing post

[i-am-in-bed]

Just to be festive, we're feeling Extreme Midnight Anxiety!!

For a limited time, you too can be plagued with irrational thoughts and fears when you desperately want to sleep for the low, low price of your sanity.

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I love having conversations with queer people especially when everyone is queer. The like trauma bonding and intense conversions without it feeling heavy or competitive. Conversations with straight people can't compare.

#gay #queer #lesbia #lesbian #lgbtq #lgbt

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My brain feels so fucked right now. I want nothing more than to go on a self destructive drug fueled bender so I can forget what it feels like to be alive for a moment.

#csa #fuck my life #drugs

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if i cried and nobody was there to hear it, was it even real?

i cant even trust my own pain.

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Medication update I'm in mirtazapine. I don't feel any different. I still feel like shit and now I can't stop eating I hate it.

#sad boi hours #fuck my life #mirtazapine #ssri #depressing post

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I'm so envious seeing all my friends getting in to relationships, getting jobs, buying house ect. I feel like these are things I'll never be able to achieve.

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you only tell me I’m important to you when you’re drunk

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things my antidepressants CAN do

give me night sweats

worsen my nausea

trigger my anxiety

make me cry

give brain zaps

worsen insomnia

things my antidepressants CANT do

work

[i-am-in-bed]

gaslight gatekeep girlboss grapefruit

[i-am-in-bed]

So I'm back on the sertraline after a week without. Ivr been back on it for a couple of days and I don't really feel anything. I'm just empty and exhausted. My intrusive thoughts are so strong but it like I don't have the energy to let them affect me. It feels kind of like acceptance. I don't have the energy to fight them. But I don't have the emotional range to let them fully affect me. The main vocal one is "kill yourself you dumb bitch" Its constantly running through my head. Hundreds of times a day. I feel so overwhelmed by it but I physically can't react to it. I can't cry I don't really know how to deal with it. I'm just so empty.

#sertraline #ssri #zoloft #emptiness

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I thought I was doing better turns out I'm not. I'm moving back home from uni for a few days I need to to be with my family right now. I need a reminder for why I'm still hanging on. A positive is I get to see my cats