i-am-bella-donna - Tumblr blog

i-am-bella-donna · 3 months

Text

To Remain in the Sky

AO3

Story Summary:

Emily loved being an angel. However, it took her a long time to realize that “being an angel” and “being good” were far from the same thing.

Pairings: Familial Emily x Sera

Word Count: 1,727

CONTENT WARNINGS: N/A

A/N: I wrote this on a whim. I want to see how many HH fanfics I write before the next two episodes come out.

Because we know so little about Emily and Sera, I did my best with their characterizations. I hope you like it.

~~~

“How long?”

If Sera was surprised to see Emily appear in her bedroom, she did not show it. She had most likely been expecting her—Sera always seemed to know exactly what Emily was thinking, just like Emily always knew what Sera was thinking. They were two peas in a pod, and Emily admired her older sister like she had hung the stars.

She and Sera never kept secrets. Not from each other.

Or so she had thought.

Emily took a deep breath, the unfamiliar sensation of anger overwhelming in her chest. “How long has Heaven been doing this, Sera?”

Sera turned away from the wall mirror, watching in silence as Emily approached. Her expression was unreadable.

“How long ago did you give Adam permission to take our people down to Hell for—” Her voice caught and broke off. She heaved another breath.

Humans died. That was a fact.

But the dead were not supposed to die again.

Emily struggled to keep her own expression neutral, even as her fingers twitched. How much double-death had occurred down in Hell—a cruel fate not even caused by the Sinners themselves, but by her own people?

How did I not know?

“Emily…”

She snapped back to attention.

Sera was watching her with furrowed brows, concern plain in her expression. She opened her arms, and Emily wanted nothing more than to fall into them. To let herself be fussed over like she was a small child again. No matter what was wrong, her older sister had always made everything better.

But Emily was no longer a child, and Sera could no longer placate her with hugs and sweet words.

Shoving the hands away, Emily tried her hardest to ignore the hurt that flashed across her face. “How many human souls have been destroyed because of us?” she exclaimed. The words scraped against her throat as they left, leaving a barely-recognizable metallic taste in her mouth.

In all her years, Emily had rarely seen blood. She had no reason to—blood and injury were rare in Heaven. But what about Charlie? Had her estranged cousin grown up surrounded by the slaughter of her own people? Did she ever have to fall asleep to a lullaby of screams as angels led a massacre all around her? Did the streets flood with red? Did—

“You don’t understand,” Sera began softly. Emily pushed the vivid images out of her mind as quickly as possible. She wanted to focus on this conversation and get answers, but Sera looked so tired and sad—

I bet the Sinners we kill are sad, too.

Fury and betrayal filled her once more.

“What is there to understand?” Emily shot back, cutting her sister off to both of their surprise. She knew she should stop. She should take a few deep breaths so they could talk like reasonable adults—but the emotions swirling around her head and clouding her mind were suffocating in a way she had never felt before. She was left choking on her own thoughts and wanting to throw back her head and scream—not with excitement or laughter, but with confusion and pain.

If every day in Heaven was happy, did every day in Hell feel like this?

If Sinners were already suffering, why did they need to be killed?

Emily could not understand, but the questions were filling her with bitterness.

“Charlie showed us!” she pleaded. “The human souls in Hell—they can be good! That man in the feed from Hell—Angel—he was becoming better! And his friends were getting better, too! They just need some help.”

She and Sera—they were leaders of Heaven. They were supposed to be merciful. They should have been the ones going down to Hell, offering redemption to Sinners who wanted to work for a second chance. Charlie should never have had to claw her way up and beg for an audience—especially not with the way it turned out.

Sera was her older sister. She was an angel, and Emily wanted to believe that she was a good one.

But as chaos and discord unfolded in that courtroom, she had looked at her estranged cousin and seen the kindest soul she had ever met—only to watch that spark get crushed at the hands of Sera and Adam.

As if reading her mind, Sera continued. “The situation is so much more complicated than you could ever know.” Her voice was still gentle. Before, Emily might have found it calming. Right now, it only made her angrier.

“So what?” Emily took another step back and glared up at her sister. “I’m supposed to do nothing? Ignore how our people have been committing annual genocides?”

Emily tried to shove away the images that Adam had accidentally displayed—the screams and blood and fear.

Did it really matter if they were Sinners? The fear in their eyes was human, first and foremost.

How many times had Charlie and Vaggie had that fear in their eyes? What about their beloved friends from the Hotel?

Her heart almost stopped.

The Hotel.

Her stomach twisted as the blood drained from her face. Lightheaded, she stumbled back, barely noticing as Sera extended a worried hand.

“You’re going to stop the next Extermination, right?” she asked desperately. Her vision blurred slightly, but she did not care to understand why.

Sera winced. Pain, shame, guilt—they were all written clearly on her face.

Emily released a shuddering breath.

None of these emotions were supposed to be present on the face of her older sister. Sera was good, and wise, and—

And complicit in millions of deaths.

Sera looked away.

Emily felt her heart fall into her stomach. “Sera?” she asked weakly.

Sera blinked, and it was her turn to step away. She turned back to the wall mirror and stared at her reflection with dull eyes. When she spoke, her voice was heavy with exhaustion. “You’re still so young, Emily.”

“I’m older than any human on Earth—”

“But you aren’t even a millennium old yet!” Sera abruptly spun back to her, her expression pleading. Emily felt her own eyes grow wet in response.

Blood and death and screams and fear—

“There were thousands of years—thousands of catalysts—that built up to the first Extermination. Things were so much more complicated than you could imagine. Than I would even want you to imagine.” Sera started to reach for her, only to drop her hand. She looked as though she was in physical pain. “I never wanted to do this, Emily—but I had to do what was best for us. I had to keep our people safe.”

Sera took a shaky breath, turning away slightly before stepping forward once more. She kneeled and placed her hands gently on her shoulders. “Sometimes…” Her voice was softer than before. Resigned. “Sometimes, being a leader—even a leader of Heaven—means getting blood on your face so no one else has to.”

Emily swallowed. Her mouth was uncomfortably dry.

The Extermination was still going to happen. Adam had planned it—he was proud of it—and Charlie and Vaggie and all of their friends were going to be in danger again—

Her breaths were coming shorter and shorter. Her throat felt tight.

In some ways, Sera was right. Being a leader meant doing the tasks that no one else was willing to do—no matter the cost.

Her blood ran cold.

Sera was beginning to look worried at her lack of response. “Emily?”

Her heart pounded.

“Then…maybe I don’t want to be an angel of Heaven anymore.”

The words loomed in the air. They were out, and they could never be taken back.

Sera froze.

“Emily—”

“Those people—Charlie and her friends—everyone will need all the help they can get.” Emily heard her voice shaking as she spoke—it sounded strange to her own ears. She pressed on, smiling without any humor. “I love being an angel. I used to love watching you—I wanted to be exactly like you.”

Of course, Sera already knew that. Sera knew everything about her.

Her head spun with the memories. Had they really been so recent? This day might as well have lasted several years.

“I loved doing good. I tried to follow your example in any way possible—if I could be even a fraction as compassionate or kind as you were, I would be happy.” Her smile grew brittle. “But I want to keep people safe, too. I’ll do whatever it takes to help those who need it—even if that means walking straight into Hell.”

Sera yanked her hands away as though she had been burned. The terror on her face rivaled the fear in the eyes of Sinners as they were murdered—it was almost enough to make Emily falter.

Almost.

It hurt. It hurt more than Emily had even known was possible—she did not understand how she was not writhing in agony.

But the screams remained locked behind her lips and the smile stayed glued upon her face, and she kept silent as shaking hands reached above her head and snapped her halo in two.

~~~

Sera remembered the night that Lucifer Fell.

She had been there for all of it—from the buildup to the aftermath—and she wanted nothing more than to forget.

The scariest part of the Fall had been its namesake—the horrifying moment when the sacred ground of Heaven gave out and sent her once-best friend plummeting toward Hell. The horrifying moment when she locked eyes with Lucifer just in time to see his fear before he was disappearing through the floor.

She did not get to say goodbye, or to thank him, or to apologize. There was no time for any of it.

Sera had only seen one Fall, but that was more than enough. She was living proof that even Heaven could not keep the nightmares away.

And as her stupid, brave, caring little sister snapped her own halo, Sera watched as her worst nightmare became a reality. The halo had barely hit the ground before Emily was falling.

One second, she was present.

The next, she was gone.

And that was it.

The silence was deafening.

Two broken pieces of a halo—the only indication that Emily had been there at all—lay innocently on the floor. Thoroughly numb, Sera took the pieces into her palms. She could only stare as the jagged edges cut into her skin, smearing her hands with bright angelic blood.

Her head spun.

What have I done?

~~~

A/N: This was fun to write!

I thought that Emily must have been rather horrified to learn about the Exterminations. She spent her whole life in Heaven, where everything is perfect—only to find out that her people have been committing annual mass genocide for centuries.

In this story, I decided to use a slightly more sympathetic portrayal of Sera—she is still awful, but she genuinely believes that the Exterminations are for the best. Do I believe this interpretation will be canon? No. Is it fun to explore? Absolutely.

Also, I considered adding another couple of chapters (about Emily going down to Hell and meeting Charlie at the Hotel). Would anyone be interested in that?

#nightshade writes #to remain in the sky #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel emily #hazbin hotel sera #familial emily x sera #post welcome to heaven #angst #hurt no comfort #family #growing up #running away

18 notes · View notes

i-am-bella-donna · 3 months

Text

This is my favorite post on this website.

glad that im not popular enough to have an evil shadow version of my blog that exists just to make contradictions on my posts

235K notes · View notes

i-am-bella-donna · 4 months

Text

They Took the Stars Chapter 6: Storm

Whumptober 2023 Day 25: Storm

AO3 | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Story Summary:

No one could see the stars anymore. In the metropolis of the Boiling Isles, smoke and smog filled the skies. Acid rain fell to the ground. Towering buildings and neon lights went as far as the eye could see. But every light has a shadow, and the shadows of the Emperor and his Council were very dark indeed…. Luz Noceda used to love her homeland, but she had long-since realized that people were not always what they seemed, and Emperor Belos was no exception. Between herself, Eda, and Raine, surely they would be able to do some good for the city. Right?

Pairings: Romantic Raeda, Familial Eda x Luz

Word Count: 882

CONTENT WARNINGS: N/A

A/N: Don’t Lose Your Heart by Dream on Dreamer

Sorry this took so long! I have no excuse. Hope you enjoy!

~~~

The four of them had terrible luck.

Luz, Amity, Willow, and Gus were on their second mission together when it happened. The plan had been simple enough—copying files from a private history archive, accessible only to members of the Imperial Sector. With the archive located in the basement of a history museum, Eda had labeled the mission as relatively low-risk. The four of them were students—they could always blame their actions on curiosity and ignorance of the rules.

And to her credit, the mission went off without a hitch. Amity distracted the workers and Willow disabled security cameras while Luz and Gus snuck into the basement, copying data onto a flash drive before signaling the other two to get the fuck out.

It was supposed to be an easy mission. It was an easy mission.

But their escape was another story entirely.

Luz barely managed to pull her goggles over her eyes before the acid rain was pouring down in sheets. Her wings whirred audibly as they flapped desperately behind her. Through the heavy rain and wind, she could barely hear her own voice—she could only signal her friends to follow her into an abandoned shop in the Middle Level. An emergency haven Eda had established months ago. A place where they could safely wait out the storm.

With the strong wind, it took the combined efforts of Luz and Willow to close the door behind them as Amity and Gus began to slip out of their protective and flight gear. Luz unbuckled and shrugged off her mechanical wings and Amity switched off her hoverboots. Gus and Willow let their Palismen off their staffs—unlike the AI, the staffs themselves needed to be plugged in and charged.

For a minute, panting breaths and the pattering of rain were the only sounds to fill the air. Finally, Luz caught her breath enough to speak up. “Did any of you get splashed?”

Gus rubbed his arms. “I don’t think so.”

Still, Luz took a minute to survey her friends. As always, Amity was wearing full protective clothing—an ingrained habit from living in the Upper Level. Her white sleeves and leggings were slick with acid, but none appeared to have made contact with her skin. Willow and Gus had thankfully both worn protective black jackets and overpants, stating that it would make the mission more dramatic and fun.

In all fairness, the mission had been rather fun. Until the storm hit.

“Did I miss something?” Luz asked, looking at each of her friends. “Was it supposed to rain today?”

“Not according to the forecast,” Gus said. With the tap of his watch, a hologram of the weather report was projected before them. Gus winced. “Some people in Sector Seven are going to be in big trouble.”

That was an understatement. The Emperor prided the Oracle Industry of Energy on being truthful and efficient—with a forecast this inaccurate, he would be out for blood. Literally.

Sickness churned in her stomach.

Wordlessly, Luz stepped over to the window and watched the raindrops slide down the smudged glass. The wetness distorted the bright lights of the city—she could barely make out the worried face of Perry Porter filling the screens on every building.

Acid storm arriving. Seek immediate shelter.

Arriving? It was far past the point of arriving.

“We should try to contact Eda,” Amity pointed out. “Let her know what happened.”

Luz nodded without looking back, unable to tear her eyes away from the window. She absently ran one hand along the side of her jacket—the small bump that was the flash drive was barely noticeable, but still present. She let out a shuddering breath of relief. She trusted herself not to lose the flash drive, but it was better to be safe than sorry. Especially on a day like this one.

Acid storms always filled her with dread. They had never been so severe when she was a child—back then, she had actually enjoyed them. However—much like the cloud crust—they had grown steadily worse over the years.

Worse, and much more dangerous.

Because of deteriorating infrastructure, the Lower Level was at constant risk of flooding. The Middle and Upper Levels were only slightly better off—the architecture was capable of withstanding most storms, but the strong winds made any and all flight dangerous. When the acid rain started, the city all but shut down.

“Luz?”

Startling, Luz spun around and blinked at Gus. “Wha—where are Amity and Willow?”

Gus was watching her with a furrow between his brows. “They went to look for hidden food. Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Luz said automatically. How did she not notice the other two leaving the room? “I just…have a really bad feeling about the storm.”

Her eyes wandered back to the window, and Gus all but vanished from her periphery as she sank back into her thoughts. It was amazing—and unsettling—how empty the city looked. No one dared to use hovertech during acid storms—it was unsafe at best and absolutely fatal at worst. Even the Sky Rail shut down.

Instead, the air was filled only with lonely lights, cold metal, and the sharp smell of acid.

Luz curled her fingers around the windowsill, iciness bleeding through her gloves.

Even as the thunder crashed, the city was quieter than she could remember.

~~~

A/N: Merry Christmas to all (and to all a good night).

Taglist: @whumptober-archive

#nightshade writes #they took the stars #the owl house #luz noceda #amity blight #willow park #gus porter

0 notes

i-am-bella-donna · 4 months

Text

Such a Promising Young Witch

AO3

Story Summary:

When Lilith Clawthorne was thirteen, she had promise. She had potential. Now, Lilith Clawthorne was thirty, and she was worthless.

Pairings: Platonic Darius x Lilith

Word Count: 4,000

CONTENT WARNINGS: ANXIETY ATTACKS, DISSOCIATION, SELF-HATRED, SUICIDE (SUICIDAL THOUGHTS)

A/N: Story Theme Song: Achilles Come Down (Female Version) by Annapantsu

Be careful, folks. This one is a little heavy.

No one dies or attempts suicide, but Lilith is not having a good time.

~~~

“She’s such a promising young witch.”

Lilith fought back a groan and hunched further over her office desk, a hand coming up to pinch the bridge of her nose as memories interrupted the more productive flow of thought.

“Who?”

“Lilith Clawthorne—that teenager with the dark red hair.”

“The one in the Potions Track?”

“Yeah!”

Her other hand trembled around her pen, sending a wide streak of ink across the page. Through her blurry vision, she could not tell how bad the smear was, but dread settled in her stomach nonetheless. She scrubbed at her eyes.

The Emperor expected—no, deserved perfection.

Her hands were still shaking as she straightened and decided to continue. She wanted to go back and redo the ruined paperwork, but was already running low on time. While she may have been willing to spend as long as necessary on her work, she could not afford to make the Emperor wait for her.

Lilith swallowed. The room was cold. Her head was spinning and her teeth were rattling.

“I bet she’s a shoo-in for the Emperor’s Coven!”

“Well, either her or her sister.”

“Are you kidding? Have you seen how much time Lilith spends studying?”

She had stopped watching the clock a while ago. The numbers were becoming too fuzzy.

“That girl works harder than any other student at Hexside—Edalyn has no idea who she’s up against!”

“Yeah, but we all know Edalyn is stronger. Lilith can study all she wants, but no amount of studying can replace raw power.”

She needed to pull herself together. The Emperor was counting on her. He had seen her for all of her horrible actions—and instead of scorning her, he had offered his hand in support.

“Bring me the Owl Lady, and I will heal the curse with no mention of your involvement. For such a promising young witch as yourself, I doubt it will be an issue.”

Lilith was supposed to capture Eda. She had tried to capture Eda, using the best of her efforts.

And still she failed.

Time and time again, she failed.

She had failed the Emperor.

She had failed herself.

She had failed Eda.

The bells of the clock tower tolled in the distance, ringing softly through her office. She usually found the noise soothing, like a call for sleep. But now it was just another reminder of how much time she was wasting—and how little she was getting done. The noise pounded against her skull and drew a groan from her.

She was twenty-nine years old, and she was even failing at maintaining a proper sleep schedule.

So much for being promising, she thought with a note of bitterness. I think I cursed the wrong witch.

The ink on the page was spreading. Spots of ink were blotting her vision, too.

There was a knock on her office door.

Almost on instinct, Lilith shot to her feet, paying no mind to her chair crashing to the ground behind her. She blinked the dark static out of her vision and gripped the edge of her desk as the room swayed beneath her feet.

Was it the Emperor?

Kikimora?

The Golden Gu—wait, he was dead.

Who in their right mind would still be working—and visiting her office—at such a late hour?

Another knock.

Lilith bit the inside of her cheek, her heartbeat picking up and her grip tightening. Why were they not—

Oh. Right.

“Come in!” she finally called out, her voice like broken glass. Internally, she winced. When was the last time she had spoken? Or drunk water?

I said I would get up for a drink when I finished two more pages of work. That was ten pages ago.

To be fair, water will be a nice reward if—when I am finished.

The door swung open and Lilith stiffened, posture tightening until a bolt of pain shot through her shoulders. She opened her mouth to apologize for her messy office and disheveled appearance, only for her visitor to cut her off.

“Sweet Titan, you should be asleep by now,” Darius scoffed, folding his arms and staring down at her with judgment. “How—actually, why are you still awake?”

Lilith blinked, unsure of how to reply as shame settled over her. Darius rolled his eyes at her lack of response and shut the door behind him, taking a few steps closer and giving her a once-over. He opened his mouth, and Lilith internally braced herself for a scolding.

“Do you even bother to take care of yourself anymore?”

There it was.

She blinked again to clear the blurry sight of his face, digging her nails into her skin as a chill shot down her spine. Darius clicked his tongue, and distantly, Lilith realized she was trembling.

How do I answer that question?

As though sensing her loss for words, Darius lifted his Scroll. There was a bright flash of light before Lilith could react, and then Darius was holding his Scroll out for her to see. It took a few seconds for her to recognize the image as a photograph of herself, and a few more for her breath to catch in her throat.

Titan—she looked awful.

Her skin was bloodless and drained of life, and her eyes were glassy with dark shadows underneath. Her hair was a tangled mess. The edges of her image were blurred slightly, as though even the camera had picked up on her shaking.

Any possible response remained stuck in the back of her throat. Darius nodded as though expecting this reaction, shoving his Scroll back into his pocket. “Being a Coven Head is time consuming, but that’s no excuse for neglecting self-care.” He paused, eyeing her nest of hair. “Or basic hygiene.”

“Easy for you to say,” she grumbled. “You seem to have plenty of spare time on your hands, Coven Head or not.” Her voice carried more of a bitter note than she would have liked, but she did not really care. It was an open secret that Darius and the Golden Guard had a close relationship—even Lilith had noticed. For a while, it had been almost wonderful to watch. Darius gained a lightness that Lilith had not seen since his falling-out with Alador and Odalia.

Then the Golden Guard died.

And everything changed.

“It’s a wonder you’re still standing,” Darius continued as though he had not heard her. “I leave you alone for a few weeks, and this is what you let yourself become?”

A few weeks?

It had been a few years since he had even bothered to have a real conversation with her.

After Hexside, she had found herself losing everyone. Her parents certainly did not care about her—they did not attend her initiation ceremony, or her Coven Head inauguration.

Raine was too close to Eda for Lilith to speak to them without being consumed with guilt. Still, she found that they crossed her mind every time she saw a particularly proficient bard—anyone with enough passion to remind her of the witch who had practically become a second younger sibling. Did they miss her as much as she missed them?

Perry had been one of her favorite study-buddies, but between their respective careers, they were too busy to meet up. Still, she watched his news channel whenever she had the chance.

Odalia and Alador had cut everyone off for reasons she neither knew nor understood. Darius was far more bitter about the situation, but he refused to speak on it. None of them had been invited to the wedding.

Eda and Lilith had not been in the same room for several years. Lilith could not tell whether that choice had been for the best.

But despite everything, she still had Darius by her side. They rose through the ranks together, just like how Lilith had once imagined doing with Eda.

And then Darius stopped talking to her.

She was truly alone.

Lilith had given up her friends, her family, her life—and for what? Her wasted potential?

She had taken a gamble and lost, and now she was forever in the debt of karma.

Failure.

“Sorry…” she forced out. She was not entirely sure why she was apologizing.

“What for?”

Her heart thumped in her chest. The room was spinning slowly. You need to answer. What did you do wrong this time?

“Wasting your time?”

Darius sighed, sending a spike of fear and shame through her body. It was entirely pathetic—how had she even managed to claw her way into becoming a Coven Head?

It should have been Eda.

She was such a promising young witch, but Eda was more than just promising. Eda was powerful.

And I was jealous of her, so I ruined her life.

How long before she managed to disappoint the Emperor, too? How long before he stopped giving her chances, and threw her out of the coven, and—

“Honestly, Lilith,” Darius chided, snapping her back from her thoughts. He crossed his arms. “You need to prioritize yourself more often. Do you think the Emperor wants you wasting away like this?”

He should be disappointed in me.

The words sent another wave of shame through her. She wrapped her arms around her shaking torso. Perhaps if she had been in a normal state of mind, she would have been able to better conceal her reaction.

But as it was, she was exhausted and running on fumes, so she averted her eyes and fought the urge to break down.

The clock ticked.

Darius sighed. He set the forgotten chair upright and guided her to sit down, the gentleness of his hands at odds with the annoyed look on his face. “Wait here,” he instructed before vanishing through the door.

Not entirely sure what was happening, Lilith seized the opportunity of solitude and turned back to the pile of paperwork on her desk. However, she quickly found she could not actually bring herself to work. Her hands were unnaturally heavy, as though there were weights strapped to her limbs. The papers fuzzed so greatly in her vision, she might as well have been reading them underwater—and what little she could make out, she simply could not process. Her teeth were chattering badly, not at all helping matters.

I have to work.

Her eyes burned.

I can’t—

“Am I going to return to an imminent crisis every time I leave you alone?”

Startled, Lilith jerked her head upward. Somehow, Darius had already returned and was towering over her, holding out….

Was that a coven scout mask?

She stared, uncomprehending, until Darius rolled his eyes. “Put the mask on,” he instructed, speaking slowly as though she was stupid. “On the off chance that we run into someone, they’ll think I’m escorting an overworked coven scout back to their quarters. No one will know it’s you.”

Oh. Lilith blinked, trying to wrap her mind around his claim.

“Put the mask on,” she echoed blankly, accepting the cold metal with shaking hands and pressing it to her face. Tired as she was, she was still capable of following a direct order.

Her face tingled slightly as the enchantment adhered the mask to her skin, holding the it in place as Darius lifted her easily into his arms. Lilith yelped in an undignified manner, disoriented by the sudden motion. Her vision briefly spotted out.

She could practically feel Darius rolling his eyes as he carried her out of the room, using a small spell circle to shut off the lights and close the door behind him. “Later, you and I need to have a long discussion,” he said as they made their way through the halls. Lilith suddenly understood why he had insisted she wear a mask, and weak gratitude filled her chest. How oddly…kind of him. “Especially about your complete lack of care toward yourself and your health.”

Yourself and your health.

Lilith frowned slightly behind her mask. Why did that matter?

She had outlived her use. She had once been such a promising young witch.

And now she had failed.

She should have let herself lose, all those years ago.

She wanted Eda here with her.

But it was her own fault that her sister was alone, living in the woods with neither support nor family.

Her self-control slipped and her breath caught slightly, a sharp pain lancing through her chest.

Darius clicked his tongue again. “Titan—you’re so tired, you’re shaking,” he said, his tone filled with disapproval and only loud enough for her to hear. “Lilith, this isn’t healthy.”

I can sleep when I’m worthy of it, she thought but did not say. Her lips were practically glued shut, and Darius already seemed unhappy enough.

Her thoughts were yanked back into her body as Darius stopped short, and Lilith realized that they had somehow already reached her room. She could not understand how he managed to unlock and open her door without placing her down, but the next thing she knew, he was setting her on her bed and locking the door behind him. She bit her lip and let her chin fall into her hands, watching him move through blurred vision.

He still had the key she had once given him.

It should not have surprised her. The key to his room was hidden at the back of her closet, in a box that also contained her Hexside yearbook and old photo album. Despite everything, she just…could not bring herself to get rid of it.

“All right,” Darius muttered to himself as he stepped over to her dresser. “I hope you have clean pajamas to wear.”

Lilith blinked, barely understanding what was happening and wanting nothing more than to fall back onto her bed and sleep—but no, she had more work to do. And she was still shaking—

“Lilith.”

“What?” Her voice was strange, even to her own ears. She might as well have been underwater.

“Your pajamas, Lilith. Do you have a preference?” There was the sound of a drawer opening and closing—wait, when had she closed her eyes? “And take off the mask. You don’t need it anymore.”

Robotically, she lifted a hand to her face and removed the coven scout mask, flinching as it landed on the floor with an audible thud. Her hands fell into her lap and swam before her eyes, mind dull and barely processing her surroundings.

I can’t do this.

Her face was hot. Her throat burned. She could not stop trembling—

“I swear—Lilith, you cannot keep going like this.” Rustling. “You’re going to kill yourself at this rate, and I can’t—”

Darius cut himself off.

Her blood ran cold.

What did I do wrong what did I do wrong what did—

Footsteps hurried as they approached the bed. Lilith became aware of her position—hunched over with her hands now covering her eyes, elbows propped up on her knees. Her hands felt slimy where they touched her face.

“Shit.” Darius spoke unusually softly, his voice filled with concern that Lilith had not heard from anyone in…so long. “What’s wrong?”

The bed dipped slightly as Darius took a seat beside her. His hands were gentle as they pulled her close, warmth all but bleeding through her clothes and somehow making her tremble harder. He let her keep her hands up by her face as she leaned into his chest.

Lilith shrugged loosely, her tongue like lead in her throat.

He shifted her in his grasp, one hand running up and down her back and the other remaining tight around her shoulders. “You’re…” He paused, and Lilith was suddenly struck by dread. “You’re crying.”

What?

Her hands were wet.

She was crying. She was crying in front of someone else, which she had not done since she was a child.

Worse, it was Darius.

Darius, who had once been her best friend.

Who had been the only person by her side as she moved up the ranks of her coven.

Who had laughed with her after her initiation ceremony, and brought her food and water after hard missions.

Who had fallen quickly in love with the Golden Guard, and even more quickly into grief when he was gone.

Who had brushed Lilith off just before everything went wrong, and had stopped answering her calls and messages.

Who now never spoke to her without the clipped tone he used for all the coven heads.

Who, just like her parents, had all but thrown her away.

She wanted to tear herself away and shove him out of the room. She wanted to pull him close and never let him go.

She wanted to fall back asleep and never wake up, because Titan, she could not keep doing this.

Her lungs burned. “I—I c-can’t—I can’t be—”

“Lilith, it’s okay.” His voice was so soft, she wanted to scream.

Lilith could not understand what was happening—why Darius cared, why she was not moving, why her mind was so hazy, why she could not feel her hands or feet or stop fucking shaking—

“I n-n-need to—”

She had to get back to work and be productive and good, or else Belos would—

A gasping sob tore past her lips, and Lilith could no longer hide from the reality of it. She was falling apart like—like a fucking child, and—

I just want to sleep.

I just want to die.

She ducked her head lower, fists moving up to clench in her hair. Darius could not see her face, but he somehow hugged her tighter, hooking his chin over her head. “No. You need to rest, Lilith,” he told her quietly. Solemnly. “You need to eat. You need to—need to stop hurting yourself like this.” His voice was starting to sound just as…wrong as her own. Did she do that?

Maybe that should be her new life philosophy. She needed to stop messing up.

Her head was pounding. Tears stung dry skin as they fell. Lilith just wanted it to stop.

She was supposed to be better than this. The Emperor himself had chosen her.

The Emperor made a mistake.

I just want to be good again.

Breathing was hard. She found herself shaking once more—or had she never stopped?

I can’t do this I can’t do this I can’t do this—

“Lilith, please—” Darius was not supposed to sound so desperate. Lilith could not see his face, or anything else—when had her eyes slipped shut?

Titan, she was so tired.

She could not keep doing this. Not anymore.

I don’t want to live like this.

I have to keep going.

I don’t want to keep going.

She was supposed to be better than this.

I just want to die.

Lilith never knew it was possible to be so exhausted with life—so tired that the thought of waking up in the morning was agony. She never knew what her future had in store for her.

Darius was still talking to her, but Lilith could barely understand what he was saying. Fog clouded her mind and muffled her thoughts. Her breathing still hurt. She did not want to be awake anymore—she just wanted to be away.

How would her younger self view her now? Curled into Darius, crying like an overtired child—they had not been so close in so long.

Briefly, an image flashed in her head—two teenagers hiding in the back corner of the library. They shared so many secrets between those shelves. Darius shared his feelings for Alador, Lilith shared her lack of romantic interest in anyone, and both of them shared their fears and hopes for their futures in their covens. Although they would never admit it to anyone else, they made whispered promises to remain in contact, no matter what happened to the rest of their friends. No matter what their futures held.

And here they were now.

No one else was with them.

They never shared secrets anymore.

A hand on her face snapped her from her stupor and sent a shot of panic down her spine. She had no time to react before Darius pulled away slightly. Lilith blinked through blurry vision, mortified as Darius searched her face, even as tears were still slipping past her lashes.

“Lilith, breathe.”

She tried to listen to him. She tried to catch her breath. He set his hand on her shoulder, one arm still wrapped around her. His expression was dark enough to twist her stomach.

“Listen to me,” he said, quiet and deadly serious. Her teeth chattered and she hugged herself tightly but nodded, biting her lip to stifle her sobs.

It was only when she met his eyes that he continued. “You spent years working for this position. You studied. You trained. And you earned your spot, because the Emperor decided you were worthy.”

No—I got this position because I cursed my own sister.

Even Darius sounded bitter when he spoke, like he was agreeing with her without even knowing.

“But,” he continued, snapping her back to the present. “You…are still just one person.” He paused and cleared his throat, averting his eyes. She fought the urge to rub her own. “You need food, and hygiene, and rest. Taking time for those things isn’t a failure on your part.”

But that wasn’t—

She wasn’t—

He didn’t—

“You don’t get it!” she finally spit out with surprising force. “I—I was s-s-supposed to be better than this—I-I-I’m failing at—at my work, and no matter h-how much time I spend, I’m still just—just—”

I was such a promising young witch.

I had potential.

Now, I am nothing.

I just want to die.

She felt, more than saw, Darius stiffen.

“I…didn’t realize how bad things were,” he said quietly. She was not even sure whether she heard him correctly, but guilt bubbled up inside her nonetheless.

Just another way I fucked up.

The clock ticked on.

Finally, Darius sighed and pulled her back against him. “It’s late, and you’re too tired to understand what I’m saying. You might not even remember this conversation in the morning.”

Screwup.

“Just…get some rest. Please?”

Her head throbbed as cold abomination matter surrounded her, and she was surprised to find the scratchy fabric of her uniform replaced with soft pajamas that she had not worn in…a long time. Warm hands moved her into a reclining position and pulled heavy blankets over her, alleviating the worst of her trembling. Her breathing was heavy but steady, tears slowing as exhaustion took over.

Every sense filled with static, and Lilith realized with distant alarm that she was falling asleep.

But she did not even have the energy to feel ashamed—just a faint pulse of relief.

I can’t do this anymore.

A hand swept the hair away from her forehead, but she was already out.

~~~

Darius let out a heavy sigh as he stepped away, watching Lilith settle into an uneasy sleep. For a moment, he could do nothing more than listen to her heavy breathing soften. Not for the first time, guilt simmered inside him like an open flame.

He and Lilith had been friends. Best friends. They stood by one another as they rose through the ranks.

And then Jasper died.

Darius had never intended to abandon Lilith. But her blind loyalty to Belos put him off, first as he questioned the Emperor and later as the deep chasm of resentment tore open inside him. Lilith continued to obey Belos like a dog trailing after its master, and the idea of someone worshiping that awful man filled him with rage.

It was easier to brush her off. He never actually meant to hurt her.

His intentions did not matter here.

“I just want to die.”

Had she even realized she was talking aloud?

Watching the tears drying on her cheeks, Darius swore to do better. Even if Lilith kneeled before Belos and all but kissed his feet, he would do better. He would be kinder.

Tearing himself away from her bedside, he made his way to the door and threw her one last regretful glance.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “Get some rest, Lilith. Please.”

~~~

A/N: After four months, this is finally complete.

Also—if you are reading this between midnight and six in the morning, take the advice from Darius and go to sleep.

#nightshade writes #such a promising young witch #the owl house #lilith clawthorne #darius deamonne #platonic darius x lilith #pre canon #angst #hurt/comfort #exhaustion #friendship #late night conversations #sleep deprivation #anxiety attacks #dissociation #self hatred #suicide #suicidal thoughts #author is sleep deprived

6 notes · View notes

i-am-bella-donna · 5 months

Text

Thank you for the tag!

Three Ships: Dukeceit (Sanders Sides), Raeda (The Owl House), Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens)

First Ever Ship: Blacksun (RWBY)

Last Song: Either Nightmare by NateWantsToBattle or Ship in a Bottle by Steffan Argus

Last Movie: Three Men and a Baby

Currently Reading: Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett and The Night and Its Moon by Piper CJ

Currently Watching: Good Omens and The Good Place

Currently Consuming: Too Much Chocolate

Currently Craving: Soup

No Pressure Tags: @lost-in-thought-20 @edupunkn00b

Tag nine people to get to know them better

Thanks @brezideje for the tag

Three ships: Twelve/Missy(I don't like the ship name so I don't use it), Militory and patcap

First ever ship: Johnlock (yes, I know)

Last song: Detroya by my chemical romance

Last movie: The doctor who TV movie, I genuinely love it so much

Currently reading: The invisible man by H.G Wells, Southeast Asia an introductory history, The Bolivian diary by Che Guevara and The perks of being a wallflower by Stephen Chbosky (might not be how his last name is written the cover has a weird font)

Currently watching: 60-80's doctor who (It's good once you get past the sexism and racism and low budget.(It's good once you accept it's all abit shit))

Currently consuming: I don't understand what this means

Currently craving: Chips with soy sauce, Greggs vegan sausage roll and an absolutely scalding hot shower

Tagging: @iamhavingamomenthere-crowley @dilfsuzanneyk @circusofcontrition

Apologies if you've already been tagged.

#nightshade reblogs

8 notes · View notes

i-am-bella-donna · 6 months

Text

They Took the Stars Chapter 5: They Don’t Care About You

Whumptober 2023 Day 2: “They Don’t Care About You.”

AO3 | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Story Summary:

Pairings: Romantic Raeda, Familial Eda x Luz

Word Count: 1,237

CONTENT WARNINGS: ARGUING

A/N: Chapter Theme Song: Devil Doesn’t Bargain by Alec Benjamin

Holy shit. This was supposed to be five hundred words.

Anyway, I had some fun with this chapter. I was also going to post Chapter 6 tonight, but I no longer trust myself to stay awake long enough.

~~~

“Why do you even bother?”

Eda set her elbows on the table and clasped her hands together, interlacing her fingers. She and her sister were seated in the back corner of a nondescript Middle Level restaurant—not exactly a place where anyone would expect to find a government leader and the most wanted criminal in the city having a clandestine lunch meeting. Of course, Eda herself was careful enough to wear one of her stolen ID bracelets—a wristband embedded with a fake Identity chip, meant to hide the lack of such a chip beneath her own skin. Not that anyone who recognized Lilith—which was most people—would question her guests. Eda still half-expected their waiter to run away screaming.

Her nonalcoholic Apple Blood was sweet and crispy on her tongue as she continued, pointedly ignoring the glare Lilith was throwing her way. “You work all day. You work all night. Fine. You’re a workaholic. You want a miserable and unhealthy lifestyle? You do you.” She tapped a finger on the table and narrowed her eyes. “But having eyebags bigger than the city chasms is where I draw the line. If I didn’t know any better, I’d assume our monthly lunches were the longest breaks you took!”

For a split second, Lilith broke eye contact. The brief shame that flitted across her face gave Eda all the answers she needed.

“Seriously, Lily?”

“How is your ward—you daughter?” Lilith asked instead, her tone neutral. “And that little dog of yours?”

Eda rolled her eyes but reluctantly accepted the change of topic. “Eh. You know the brats.” She paused briefly and reconsidered. “Actually—I guess not. You’ve only met Luz…four times? In the four years she’s been living with me?” That sounded about right. “Anyway, she’s a good kid. Follows her own heart, stands up for her beliefs and her friends, gets into a whole ton of shit you would disapprove of.” Eda snorted. “You know. Fun stuff. And King is still a little monster—nothing new there.”

“And that charming AI of yours?”

“Yeah, no—I want it on record that your weird friendship with Hooty scares me.” Eda shivered. She was not sure whether to be more concerned that her homemade AI was weirdly close with Lilith, or that Lilith had no friends outside of said AI. Both possibilities were deeply upsetting on a number of levels.

But at least Lilith had some semblance of joy in her otherwise sad life. Eda could put up with their friendship for her sake.

Luckily, their waiter arrived and delivered their food as quickly as possible before scurrying away, and Eda laughed at his retreating form. It never ceased to amaze her how quickly the sight of Lilith could send grown-ass adults running.

“So…” she said as soon as he was out of earshot. “How’s work?”

Right on cue, Lilith groaned. “Eda—”

“Yeah, yeah, I know our deal.” She cut her off with the dismissive wave of her hand. “You don’t have to give me the ‘confidentiality matters’ speech again. I just wanna hear the gossip!” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. “What’s the latest drama?”

After a brief pause of consideration, Lilith shrugged and relaxed slightly. “Nothing has changed. The Golden Guard is still as annoying as ever.” Despite probably trying to keep her tone neutral, contempt bled into her voice. Eda tried not to snicker. “And Kikimora is her usual self.”

“So…annoying and rotten to the core?”

“Precisely.”

At this, Eda really did snicker. It was almost amusing to hear her sister rant about her coworkers like a normal person—even if said coworkers were the most powerful government officials in the city. The Golden Guard was the Third in Command of the Emperor—inferior to only Lilith and the Emperor himself. Kikimora was the Deputy Head of glorious Sector Ten—the Imperial Sector.

And if the stories from Lilith were any indication, both of them were annoying pieces of shit.

“Why does Belos even keep her around?” Eda asked in amusement, leaning back in her seat.

Lilith shrugged, suddenly looked more weary than anyone in their mid-thirties should be. “The Emperor works in mysterious ways.” She took a sip of her coffee. Eda fought the urge to snatch the cup from her hands and replace it with something else—ideally something without an excessive amount of caffeine. And that was coming from her of all people. “Although if it was up to me, I would have chosen someone actually competent as my Deputy Head.”

Oh?

Lilith expressing distaste for her job? That was a first.

Eda scoffed. “Belos didn’t take your feelings into account when he appointed Kiki? Shocker.” In an ideal world, he would allow Lilith to choose her own Deputy Head, just as the Heads of the other nine sectors were allowed to do.

But in an ideal world, Belos would not be in the picture to begin with.

“I—the Emperor knows what is best for these situations!” Lilith immediately insisted, flushing bright red as though caught doing something awful. “I was not—I would never question his judgment—”

“Because that would be such a big deal,” Eda grumbled.

A beat.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Eda was hit with the sudden realization that Lilith was genuinely upset by the issue, and she once again found herself regretful. Maybe poking the sleep-deprived bear was not a good idea. “Just—”

Oh, what the hell.

Maybe Lilith would be receptive to the conversation. After all, they had just been talking about her frustrations with work.

Clearing her throat, Eda intentionally softened her tone and tried to speak with as little venom as possible. “I know you’ve always wanted to work for the Imperial Sector,” she began slowly. The words were like sawdust in her mouth. “And it really is amazing to see how far you’ve come! But…Lilith, being in that damn cult makes you so fucking unhappy. You’re constantly overworked and burned out—when was the last time you even enjoyed your job?”

Eda spoke as quickly as she could, trying to make her point clear before Lilith shut down. Unfortunately, Lilith was already averting her eyes. “Edalyn—”

“No, Lily!” Now that Eda had started, she was unable to stop. She could not handle seeing Lilith in such a state, progressively spiraling into misery and having no one at her side. “Don’t you get it? Belos doesn’t have your best interests in mind! He doesn’t have anyone’s best interests in mind!”

At the mention of the Emperor, Lilith visibly stiffened. “You have no idea what you’re talking about,” she hissed, her voice low. She was starting to look more like the feisty sister Eda had grown up with, and Eda felt a pang of something in her chest.

“Damn it—he doesn’t care about you, Lilith!”

There. She said it.

Lilith stared at her with wide eyes.

Her heart cracked just a little more. Eda watched Lilith process her words and bristle, coiled as tightly as a snake about to strike. Blood boiled in her veins—she almost wanted to see Lilith fight back, if only as proof that there was still some life inside of her.

But as quickly as it appeared, it was gone.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Lilith murmured. She lowered her gaze, her voice suspiciously hollow.

Eda felt her own hopes shatter, resignation cold and heavy in her chest. Not again.

“Right. Yeah. Of course.”

The rest of their lunch was spent in silence.

~~~

A/N: Did this turn out as well as I hoped? Or has the sleep deprivation bled into the writing?

Fun fact: coffee is apparantly a fruit seed soup! This is something I learned while working on this chapter.

Taglist: @whumptober-archive

#whumptober2023 #no.2 #“they don't care about you”#the owl house #fic #arguing #eda clawthorne #lilith clawthorne

0 notes

i-am-bella-donna · 7 months

Text

They Took the Stars Chapter 4: I Don’t Feel So Good

Whumptober 2023 Day 13: “I Don’t Feel So Good.”

AO3 | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Story Summary:

Pairings: Romantic Raeda, Familial Eda x Luz

Word Count: 891

CONTENT WARNINGS: DISSOCIATION

A/N: Chapter Theme Song: Imaginary by Evanescence

This is…significantly later than expected. Sorry!

~~~

Amity stared silently up at the doors of Hexside. Her stomach churned.

She had not wanted to show up today. Even flying to school required more energy and focus than she could give—she had forgone the use of her hoverboots and taken the Sky Rail instead.

Probably for the best. I would have flown into a building. Or fallen from the sky.

Falling from the Middle Level did not seem like a pleasant way to die. The death of losers, Odalia would probably tell her.

At the thought of Odalia, Amity took a deep breath and lifted her wrist to the scanner until it beeped. A Blight is never caught in any state but their best. She stood as straight as she could without wincing and walked through the doors.

She just had to survive a few hours of class. She could do it.

“Amity?”

She immediately jolted and spun around, biting back a sharp cry of pain as she met the familiar pair of green eyes. Amity stared. Willow stared back.

Finally, Willow shut her open mouth. There was a too-long pause before she spoke again, clearly abandoning whatever she had originally meant to say. “Are you okay?”

I don’t feel so good.

“I’m fine.” The words were like sandpaper in her throat.

Unsurprisingly, Willow did not appear to believe her. She started down the empty hall and beckoned for Amity to follow, a forced lightness in her tone as she continued. “How was your weekend?”

Amity blinked. Something tightened in her chest. “Good,” she lied, clasping her hands behind her back and digging her nails into her skin. Her voice sounded fake, even to her own ears. “Yours?”

Willow stiffened, expression somber. “Oh, you know. None of us could reach you yesterday.” Her shattered Scroll crossed her mind. “Did you hear the news?”

Amity blinked again. She had very much not heard the news, but if Willow was this stressed….

“There’s a rumor that Raine Whispers was hurt in a fight against some Unmarked rebels.” Willow wore a deliberately pointed expression. Even in her muddled state, Amity was able to connect the very obvious dots.

Raine Whispers.

Raine.

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

Her heart pounded. Had Luz tried to contact her this weekend? She lowered her voice to a whisper—Hexside was a rare building with no security cameras, but she was not taking any chances. “Is Luz—”

“I visited the Owl House yesterday,” Willow was quick to reassure her. “She’s a little shaken up. So is Eda.” She paused as they walked past a professor, throwing a quick smile their way. Once they were out of earshot, she continued. “But Eda said that Lilith reached out to her. Told her that Raine was alive and healing fine—Lilith doesn’t really know the full story, but she knew Eda would worry.”

Amity swallowed. Her mouth was dry and her head spun.

I don’t feel so good.

She tried to steer her thoughts back to the topic at hand. “What about the…you know…”

Willow picked up on what she meant. “You know—you could just call them the BATs.”

“No. It’s a dumb name.”

“Agree to disagree. Eda said they’re in the Conformatorium.”

That was…not good.

Amity sighed as she scanned the Identity chip in her wrist and pushed open the library doors. At such an early hour, the sky was still dark and the school was practically empty—sitting in the library was significantly less creepy than hanging out in empty hallways. She and Willow took their usual seats. A quick glance around the room confirmed that they were still alone before Amity rested her elbows on her knees, shame bubbling up inside her. “I wish there was something we could do to help the rebellion. I just…hate feeling so useless.”

Willow shot her a look that Amity was too tired to analyze. “What?”

“Apparently, we can help.”

That got her attention.

“Eda won’t let us go on big missions—she said it was still too dangerous—but we aren’t fourteen anymore,” Willow continued. “When they started the rebellion, things were different. Even Luz was only allowed to help because there was literally no way to keep her out of it.”

That story was familiar. Amity remembered the days where Luz would show up to class with unexplained injuries. Her own mind had constantly jumped to the worst possible conclusions until Luz revealed the truth—while the situation was still concerning, it was much better than what Amity had envisioned.

“But we’re eighteen now. Eda gave me a speech about how she knew we would find a way to participate, with or without her help—”

“You and Gus tried to hack into a news channel last week. This isn’t a hypothetical anymore.”

“My point is: Eda agreed to let us help with the rebellion.” Willow gave her a small smile, bright with dangerous fire. “What do you think?”

Amity wanted to help. She really did.

I don’t feel so good.

Had she not already been sitting down, she might have collapsed.

At her lack of reply, Willow blinked. Her smile dimmed into an expression of concern. “Amity?” she asked cautiously. “Are you…sure you’re okay?”

Once again, Amity was yanked from her stupor with a jolt. The world was spinning.

I don’t feel so good.

“I’m fine.”

Willow clearly did not believe her.

Amity did not believe herself, either.

~~~

Taglist: @whumptober-archive

#whumptober2023 #no.13 #“I don't feel so good.”#the owl house #fic #dissociation #amity blight #willow park

1 note · View note

i-am-bella-donna · 7 months

Text

They Took the Stars Chapter 3: Don’t Go Where I Can’t Follow

Whumptober 2023 Day 16: “Don’t Go Where I Can’t Follow.”

AO3 | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Story Summary:

Pairings: Romantic Raeda, Familial Eda x Luz

Word Count: 772

CONTENT WARNINGS: BLOOD

A/N: Chapter Theme Song: Slip Away by Ruelle

Just a heads up: one character (non-lethally) stabs themself as part of a heist. The scene is not graphic.

~~~

Unfortunately, things would probably get worse before they got better.

Gaining access to the data of an entire sector and the official files of the Head Council? It was a dream come true for their little rebellion. With help from the BATs and Luz, Raine and Eda could plan their missions more efficiently. They could free more Unmarked innocents and sabotage more plans for the Day of Unity.

On the other hand, they quickly learned that they only had a few months to get all of this done.

Raine was now regularly sneaking out of the Capital to help Eda, despite her insistence that the risk was too great. Secretly, though, she could not blame them. It seemed the more Raine learned, the more shaken they became.

And so they freed as many prisoners as they could—mostly Unmarked denizens who had not yet been tagged with a signature Identity chip in their wrist. Without the risk of being tracked, Eda and Raine could easily lead them into the Lower Level. The city ground lived up to its reputation as the home of lowlifes and thugs, but it was also the safest place to disappear for those who did not want to be found.

Too bad even the Lower Level did not guarantee safety.

As Eda and Raine sprinted through the winding alleys, she wondered if their luck was finally running out.

After all, Eda knew this area like the back of her metal hand. The Lower Level of Sector Four, primarily known for its work with the Plant Industry of Agriculture. The Sixth Ring from the Capital.

No sewers nearby. No crowds to slip into.

Eda herself could take a few City Guards. However, if Raine was recognized—a Sector Head leading a rebellion mission? All hell would break loose.

The BATs had already been captured. Raine had been forced to watch in stricken horror, and Eda could barely snatch them back from giving their positions away.

Those kids could be rescued. If Raine was discovered, death would be a mercy.

Raine yanked Eda into the narrow gap between two buildings, ducking behind a rusted dumpster just as the Guards raced past. Eda panted, lungs burning too badly to ask Raine exactly what the fuck they were thinking.

Leaning close, Raine cupped her cheek and whispered into her ear. Her eyes blew wide, but she had no time to protest before they stepped around her.

Then they pulled out a knife.

~~~

Eda wanted to rip off her clothes the moment she entered her house. Half-dried blood stuck uncomfortably to her skin. Luz was thankfully outside—Eda did not think she could handle explaining the situation. Not yet.

“Go on without me.”

King was quick to run over and greet, tail wagging madly until he smelled the blood. Like a switch had flipped, he whined and immediately retreated to grab one of his squeaky toys and drop it at her feet. Sweet. Not that it could help her now.

Raine had pulled out a knife.

Raine had pulled out a knife and used it.

Raine had pulled out a knife and used it to stab themself.

The Guards had come running as soon as their scream filled the air. Eda had stood, frozen in her place, until Raine hissed at her to run.

It was a stupid plan. It was also the only plan they had.

No one had discovered the connection between Raine and the BATs. Eda could get away safely. Raine themself would be taken by the Guards to receive top medical attention with no hint of suspicion directed their way. After all—who would possibly be suspicious of sweet Raine Whispers, who simply happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time? Who had tried to help capture some criminals, and quickly gotten in over their head?

Eda was very glad that most parts of the Lower Level had no working security cameras.

Probably. She really needed to remember to look into that.

Regardless—Raine would be fine. They had not stabbed themself deeply enough to do any lasting damage. As a Sector Head, they would be given top security until they were healed.

But Eda would not be able to be at their side.

She could continue the rebellion on her own, of course. However, there was little she could do until she freed the BATs. There was even less she could do without Raine.

When would she be able to see them again?

For the time being, Eda and Luz would be on their own.

Shit. What am I going to say to Luz?

Eda collapsed on the couch and screamed.

~~~

A/N: This was the hardest chapter to write so far (mainly because I had no idea what I was doing).

Taglist: @whumptober-archive

#whumptober2023 #no.16 #“don't go where I can't follow”#the owl house #fic #blood #stabbing #eda clawthorne #raine whispers

0 notes

i-am-bella-donna · 7 months

Text

They Took the Stars Chapter 2: Make It Stop

Whumptober 2023 Day 3: “Make It Stop.”

AO3 | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Pairings: Romantic Raeda, Familial Eda x Luz

Word Count: 864

CONTENT WARNINGS: N/A

A/N: Chapter Theme Song: Just Beneath the Flames by Digital Daggers

I live! Sorry for the late chapter.

~~~

The news broke three weeks later.

Three agonizing weeks of lying restlessly in wait. There was only so much Luz and Eda could do with such limited access to Cyberspace—they could make their best efforts, but for every person they saved, there was another who disappeared. Or worse.

And then everything changed with one simple news broadcast.

News reporter Perry Porter stared out of every screen in the city, warm brown eyes unusually dim as he made the announcement.

Raine Whispers, upcoming Head of Sector One, will be inaugurated within the week.

One week.

Seven days.

A part of Luz felt bad for Raine—a broadcasted inauguration must have been agony for someone with such severe stage fright—but an even greater part of her was ecstatic, practically brimming with anticipation.

Raine was about to become a Sector Head.

Everything was finally falling into place.

~~~

With the haste of ceremonial preparations consuming most of their time, Raine was unable to meet with Eda and Luz until the night after their inauguration. Word from the BATs was that Raine was more stressed with the ceremony itself than the weight of their new position, which Eda did not really find too surprising.

At the request of Raine, Eda and Luz did not watch the live broadcast of their inauguration ceremony. However, their Scrolls still received a barrage of messages from the BATs, who claimed that Cyberspace was practically exploding with activity. Everyone had something to say about Raine Whispers and their new title.

As far as Eda could tell, the ceremony had gone off without a hitch.

Luz had almost been too excited to sleep, eager for their little rebellion to finally take on a larger role. Eda could not blame her—as much as she wanted to assure Luz that they were doing the best they could, even she was growing restless with their lack of progress. But with Raine in power….

As if summoned, a familiar pattern of knocking drew her from her thoughts. Eda practically leapt up from her seat and ran to the door, sending a disgruntled King to the ground with a growl.

“Raine,” she laughed, immediately pulling them inside and locking the door behind them. “I—”

She stopped short.

Two stricken eyes met her own. Raine did not reply.

“Rainestorm?” Eda tried again, speaking a bit more carefully. Her heart pounded in her chest. Something was wrong. “What happened?”

They moved their mouth. No sound came out.

As gently as she could, Eda settled her hands on their shoulders and guided them to sit at the kitchen table, trying to ignore the twisting of her gut. “Raine?” she asked, voice more serious than she would have liked to admit. It was practically unnatural to her ears. “What happened?”

Finally, Raine blinked in recognition. Their teal eyes were glassy, and when they spoke, it was slow.

“I…looked through the files.”

Eda felt her heart skip a beat—and not in a good way. “Already?”

A large part of their plan hinged on Raine gaining access to the more classified files of the Emperor. As a Sector Head, Raine would be in charge of one of the nine sectors of the city, as well as the Bard Industry of Entertainment and Culture. They would have information about everything happening in their sector—and with enough time, possibly the other sectors as well.

“I wanted to see if…” Raine blinked, their voice sounding far away. “Wanted to see…what happened to…you know.” Their voice somehow grew quieter. “The kids who disappeared.”

Eda froze, immediately connecting the dots. Her heart cracked. “Oh, Raine…”

King whimpered in sympathy, his ears flat against his head as he padded over to Raine to rest his head in their lap.

From their expression, Raine might as well have been in physical pain. Their eyes were glazed over, and Eda was not sure she wanted to know what images plagued their mind. “They were—”

“It’s okay,” Eda said in a rush as they cut themself off, despite the fact that it was very much not okay. It was horrible. “I—we can fix this. We just need some time.”

When did she become the most optimistic person in their little group?

She did not know which was worse—watching Belos tear down the city, or watching the light gradually drain from Raine and Luz.

“We need to make it stop,” Raine bit out in a strangled whisper, eyes bright with cold fire. An improvement from the hollow fog, at least. “We need to do it now.”

Eda did not disagree. But it was the middle of the night. Raine was exhausted, Luz had school the next day, and Eda wanted nothing more than to shut her eyes and pretend, just once, that she could look up and see stars instead of the usual crust of acidic clouds.

“You can stay here for the night, okay?” she said instead. “Get some rest.”

As Raine accepted her hand, she knew they understood. And she made a silent promise of her own.

Things would get better. They had to.

None of them—Eda or Luz or Raine or the Boiling Isles itself—could keep going like this.

They had to make it stop.

~~~

A/N: It seems like most chapters will be posted closer to evening/night. Still, I do plan on updating daily.

Taglist: @whumptober-archive

#whumptober2023 #no.3 #“make it stop”#the owl house #fic #eda clawthorne #raine whispers

2 notes · View notes

i-am-bella-donna · 7 months

Text

They Took the Stars Chapter 1: Vows

Whumptober 2023 Day 21: Vows

AO3 | Next Chapter

Story Summary:

Pairings: Romantic Raeda, Familial Eda x Luz

Word Count: 789

CONTENT WARNINGS: N/A

A/N: Chapter Theme Song: World So Cold by 12 Stones

This story was written for Whumptober 2023 and will (most likely) update daily. I hope you all enjoy it!

Also, although the prompts are used out of order, the story itself is chronological.

~~~

Fourteen more had died this week.

Not officially, of course. The report stated that ten of the fourteen were missing, three were victims of an unfortunate tragedy, and the last was awaiting a trial.

Eda had known most of them. They had not been close, but they were familiar with one another in the way that all untagged denizens were—just close enough to share nods in the marketplace and corroborate stories with the City Guards. Luz had seen most of them in passing, and while she did not know them particularly well, she knew enough to say that none of them were bad people.

None of them deserved what Emperor Belos had in store for them.

Luz grit her teeth as she rose through the clouds, ignoring the droplets of acid beading on her protective goggles. Her mechanical wings whirred as they flapped behind her. The intricate arrangement of brass, nylon, and rudimentary hover technology glowed faintly in the darkness, thankfully hidden from the streets below by the thick coverage of smog.

Or not so thick anymore, as she was finally emerging from the layer of acidic clouds, their muddy gray replaced by the sharp navy of night. The peaks of lonely, long-abandoned skyscrapers were her only company up here.

She grabbed the controller dangling from her neck and stilled her wings as she reached the landing pad, turning off the hover feature a moment later. As soon as her position was secure, she ripped off her goggles and gloves and unclipped her wings. A moment later, her jacket and overpants joined the pile. Drops of residual acid flew onto her skin as she tossed the clothes aside, but she paid it no mind. She wanted to scream, but even if most drones could not pass the cloud crust, she did not want to take the risk of being noticed. Instead, she fell onto her back and let out a strangled gasp, eyes unseeing as she faced the sky.

Fourteen people were dead.

Fourteen innocents were dead.

Fourteen more innocents were dead.

“Kid?”

Luz startled at her name, jolting up to see Eda standing over her. Her silvery-white prosthetics gleamed in the faint light of the full moon, and she wore a rare expression of solemness.

“What,” Luz said flatly, laying back down.

There was a moment of silence, as though Eda did not know how to react. Finally, she took a seat beside Luz. Her voice was soft as she spoke. “Belos really sucks ass, doesn’t he?”

“That doesn’t even begin to describe it. Also, swear jar.”

“I’ll put money in when we get home. And…” Eda took a deep breath. “I know. But that’s where we come in, right? To make a difference.” Luz could hear the faint smile in her voice. “It’s like you always said—‘us weirdos have to stick together.’”

Bullshit.

The wind whistled as it poured through the windows of the abandoned building, long-forgotten to most but them. Then again—not many people dared to venture beyond the city or into the sky, let alone both.

“When I was little,” Luz finally said, “there would be nights when the cloud crust would get thin. Maybe…once a month? Mamí and I would sit on the rooftops and try to spot the moon, or even a constellation. We could only see a little bit, but it was fun.” A bitter laugh. “And now, I’m eighteen, and I have to break the law just to see the sky again.”

Abruptly, she sat up and turned to Eda, who was watching her with sadness that looked out of place on her. “The city is getting worse and worse, and—and Eda, there’s nothing we can do about it.”

“Oh, Luz…” Eda moved closer, and Luz rested her head on her shoulder. She felt, more than heard, Eda sigh. “Look…I know things are bad. I know. I see Lilith falling apart to obey Belos, I see Raine constantly stressing about their work, and I hate it. But…everything is finally falling into place.” She pulled back slightly, her eyes glittering in the amber light of dusk. “We are going to make a difference, we just…need to hold on a little longer.”

Luz stared out into the stars. It was poetically horrifying—under the right circumstances, any force of nature, no matter how bright or powerful, could be reduced to nothingness. “I wish we could hurry up and get started. I wish we could help people.”

“We will, kid. I promise.”

“You better be right.”

High above the city and high above the clouds, the two sat on the edge of a forgotten building and tried to make peace with the knowledge that they were the only people who could still see the stars.

~~~

A/N: This is my fourth year attempting Whumptober. Emphasis on attempting. My previous tries had…no success.

Wish me luck!

Taglist: @whumptober-archive

#whumptober2023 #no.21 #vows #the owl house #fic #luz noceda #eda clawthorne

1 note · View note

i-am-bella-donna · 8 months

Text

Thank you for the tag!

Running From Your Past You have a past you'd prefer not to think about, but boy oh boy does it like to think about you. A bad parent, an old enemy, a job that ended in disaster. No matter how far your run or how well you hide, it will find you eventually.

No Pressure Tags: @lost-in-thought-20 @edupunkn00b (and anyone else who wants to join!)

was tagged by @jcbowerssmile (x)

take this quiz

create your own avatar here

I think my results are somewhat accurate actually…

no pressure tags: @foodiewithdahoodie @queereldritch @ohfallingdisco @elsbianism @josephfakingquinn @1tgetsbetter @scarie-carrie @harringroveera @mysticcollectionbee @red-in-revenge @stopitbehaveyourself @counterfeit-bower-26 @josephquinnsfreckles @avabower @deliaqbower @onesmainbitch @mirilyawrites @highwarlockofphilly @chaos-monkeyy @trekkitkat @loki-is-my-kink-awakening @lokisgoodgirl @bylertruther & anyone else who’d love to join

#nightshade reblogs #challenge #picrew challenge #quiz challenge

1K notes · View notes

i-am-bella-donna · 8 months

Text

House of Horrors

AO3

Story Summary:

Katya was excited to move into an apartment with Derwin and Amber. Raine was out of town, so this was an opportunity for her and her friends to prove their capabilities as responsible adults. Of course, maybe they should not have started their debut into adulthood by moving into a dangerously haunted apartment. Rule #1: Always lock the front door.

Pairings: Familial Raine x BATs

Word Count: 2,651

CONTENT WARNINGS: BLOOD

A/N: This is both my first attempt at writing horror and my first attempt at writing fanfiction for The Owl House. I really hope you like it.

~~~

The sun was hanging low in the sky by the time Katya had finally shut and locked the apartment door behind her.

Derwin and Amber set the last of their boxes on the floor and collapsed like puppets with their strings cut as Katya stumbled over to the counter, her hands supporting most of her weight as she leaned over it. The three of them had begun the move-in several hours ago, not even taking a break to eat—Katya would be more surprised if they did not look dead on their feet.

With a heavy sigh, she surveyed their new apartment and, at last, broke into a weary smile. The condition was not perfect, but it was significantly better than any of them had expected to find within their budget.

Besides—Katya was fortunate enough to be renting an apartment with her two best friends.

She finally had a home. A family.

A few loose floorboards and stained walls were nothing in comparison.

“Any word from Raine?” Amber spoke up, breaking the comfortable silence. She peeled her arm away from her face and shifted into a more comfortable position on her chair.

Derwin did not open his eyes, sitting on the ground with his back against the wall. “Nothing since their last letter. But I already gave them our address, so any new messages will be sent here.”

Raine and a few other high-ranking members of the Bard Coven were spending a few weeks at the Toes for “official coven business.” Although Raine had been tight-lipped on the details of their trip—which Katya understood, as much as she hated the secrecy—they had apologized profusely for not being able to help the trio with move-in, and promised to come visit as soon as they were back in town.

But it was no issue.

As much as the three of them relied on Raine, they were still adults in their own right. Katya was mostly confident in her ability to take care of herself, and she knew the same was true of Derwin and Amber. This apartment was a chance for them to prove it.

What was the worst that could happen?

~~~

Rule #1: Always lock the front door.

Regardless of the time of day.

Regardless of who else is present.

Regardless of how soon you plan to leave.

When you enter the apartment, lock the door behind you.

The building was previously owned by Oracles.

Derwin, ever the voice of reason, had pointed out the obvious red flags of suspiciously cheap rent and a distinct lack of neighbors. However, Katya and Amber pointed out their even more obvious lack of money and subsequent inability to be picky in choosing an apartment.

And so the trio moved in.

They knew the building was inhabited by spirits—ghosts, ghouls, and others. But that was not entirely uncommon in Bonesborough—there had to be another reason why no one else dared to enter the building. A reason why the former tenants had disappeared without a trace, and even their landlord avoided the place like a plague.

They were expecting the situation to be uncomfortable.

But this was not what they had signed up for.

Closing the front door is useless on its own.

The first time, it was an accident. Amber swore she shut the door behind her—Derwin said the wind must have blown it open, and Katya teased her about forgetting to close it and lying to cover her tracks.

Still, it was no matter of concern. They were the only people in the building. Just shut the door again. No issue. Right?

One mistake was far from the end of the world.

But it was not just one mistake.

The door is a piece of wood. How can it possibly keep away spirits, who are not bound by the laws of nature? Even if the building appears empty, invisible intruders are present and waiting to make their way inside every nook and cranny.

As soon as you find yourself complacent, you will hear the door crack open.

Katya was in the kitchen the next time it happened. She was sitting cross-legged on the counter, tapping the back of her pen rhythmically against her notebook, when she heard it. The door opened with a creak, slow and steady, and footsteps filled the air.

She spoke without looking up. “Hey, Amber. You’re back early.”

The footsteps continued. There was no response. No click of the door being shut.

But Katya thought nothing of it. Why would she? “How was your day?”

The footsteps stopped at the edge of the kitchen, replaced by the sound of labored breathing. Katya blinked at the page as the distinct sensation of being watched settled over her.

“Amber?” she called, finally glancing up. “Are you…”

She froze.

Her notebook and pen hit the floor with a clatter.

Katya screamed.

They never forgot to lock the door again.

~~~

Rule #2: Never let go of the house keys.

House keys follow the usual party rules for drinks.

If you put down your drink, consider it sabotaged.

If you put down your keys, consider them cursed.

Despite their mischievous natures—with the exception of Derwin, who was a model of good behavior—the three young witches were surprisingly careful with their house keys. Amber attached her key ring to the Scroll that she rarely put down, and Katya kept hers on a chain around her wrist.

Even more surprisingly, Derwin was the first to actually set down his keys.

Not in his pocket. Not in his backpack.

On the dining room table.

He set his keys on the table while he cleaned a cooking explosion in the kitchen, because why would he need his keys right now?

He set his keys on the table for five minutes, because what could possibly go wrong in five simple minutes?

He set his keys on the table, because what was wrong with that? It was his home. Home was supposed to be safe.

Why bother with locking the door if the keys are in the open, where anyone can take them?

At first, Derwin did not notice anything wrong.

Five minutes passed.

Amber and Katya arrived home, an armful of groceries in tow. They shut the door behind them. Locked it—a new but already strong habit.

Another ten minutes.

Finally, the lock clicked.

Katya and Derwin did not pick up on the faint sound. Amber barely twitched.

But all of them heard the door creak as it opened. All three of them heard the footsteps.

The keys can only be used once by uninvited guests—immediately afterward, they disintegrate in the keyhole.

The shattering of glass filled the air.

When silence fell at last, Amber set a reminder to replace half of their groceries in the morning, her fingers shaking almost too badly to type on her Scroll.

But once is enough.

By some miracle, they were able to avoid permanent damage. Their landlord was even generous enough to provide a new key without extra charge—although her demeanor made the three suspect that she had expected this outcome.

They were not sure how to react to that possibility.

The next day, Derwin went out and bought them all lanyards for their keys. Just to be safe.

~~~

Rule #3: Stay in a bedroom at night.

The bedroom does not have to be yours. The bathroom—or even a closet—will also suffice.

Between Katya and Amber, their apartment was surprisingly active at night.

As a bat demon, Amber was usually awake for several hours after dark, passing out just hours before sunrise.

As a vampire, Katya was the opposite, usually falling asleep before sunset and waking up after midnight.

Still, both girls stayed in their rooms by habit—a habit that would end up being their saving grace.

In the middle of the night, being out in the open is dangerous.

It started off small. A horrifying glimpse of a silhouette on the way back from the bathroom. A terrifying flash of a monstrous face while getting a drink of water.

Both girls initially thought they were seeing nonsense. They were on edge after recent events—of course their imaginations were running wild.

Besides—everything they saw was silent.

If it made no noise, how could it be real?

If you truly have to leave your room at night, carrying a weapon is advised.

Amber was the first to be ambushed—she was only lucky it had taken as long as it did. She was on a trip back from the bathroom when she walked a little too close to one of the figures.

So slowly she almost failed to notice, their head turned to face her. Their eyes were bulging and bloodshot, blood leaking from their mouth like drool and razor claws reaching toward her.

Amber yelped and jumped back…

The spirits you encounter will show you no mercy.

…but not fast enough.

The claws closed around her arm.

Her cry of pain had Katya and Derwin running.

You will have to fight back.

The three of them all slept in Katya’s room that night.

And no matter what you see or experience, be sure to trust your mind.

You are awake. This battle is not a dream. And the consequences are very real.

The gashes were still there when they woke up.

~~~

Rule #4: Never draw runes with water.

Setting runes is always useful as a secondary protective measure.

While they are no replacement for locking the front door and holding onto your keys, runes are a great way to minimize possible damage.

“Are you sure this will work?” Amber asked hesitantly. She had been unusually subdued after her encounter a few nights ago. Not only had she refused to be in the hallway alone after dark, but she found herself sleeping on the floor in Katya’s room, too afraid to even be embarrassed.

“It has to work,” Katya reassured her friend, fiddling with the key bracelet around her wrist. “This was the best book on runes I could find.”

Runes are usually considered an outdated form of magic. While some people still use and study runes, even more consider them to be unnecessary or even dangerous. They say that the use of runes comes dangerously close to mixing magic—clearly against the will of the Titan.

Schools no longer teach the art of setting runes, so many do not learn that the material used to draw a rune is just as important as the rune itself.

Derwin and Amber held their breaths as Katya used water to draw the first rune on the door. A beat passed. Another.

The basin of water hit the ground with a splash and a clatter.

For some reason, it was boiling when it made contact with their skin.

It is always better to forgo drawing runes than to risk drawing them with water.

This time, Amber was the first to snap out of her stupor and chuck a bottle of apple blood at Katya.

The doors and windows were all warded with apple blood by the end of the day.

~~~

Rule #5: Check the freshness of your food before you eat.

Do not eat rotting food. It should be common sense. Right?

Amber groaned and tossed the box of boo-berries into the trash.

If something is old and moldy, do not eat it.

Katya narrowed her eyes in suspicion as she opened the smilk carton, only to find the liquid inside already curdling.

Sometimes, you will be unlucky enough to find new food already rotting in its container.

Do not eat it, no matter how fresh or tempting it may seem.

Derwin stumbled back in shock as the fresh slices of meat shriveled up in the pan. They turned gray before his very eyes, a putrid stench beginning to fill the air.

In this apartment, the food might even rot as you cook it.

This is normal.

Do not eat it, either.

~~~

Rule #6: Ignore the disembodied laughter.

Disembodied laughter is actually quite harmless.

With the three friends being bards, disembodied laughter was the scariest discovery of their new home.

How dangerous can a little noise be?

As powerful as Bard Magic can be, the cackling that filled their apartment was surprisingly benign. Derwin was the first to realize that, horrifying as it may sound, it would be the easiest threat to deal with.

Just ignore any side effects of the laughter. You know—slamming doors, levitating objects, and flickering lights.

Ignore all of it. If you are nervous, leave the apartment. If you are terrified, leave the building.

The three of them had grown familiar with the way their apartment operated. They no longer even panicked at the laughter—instead, they walked out of the building and returned a few hours later.

Everything will be fine.

~~~

Rule #7: Never let the water run cold.

This rule has obvious exceptions—for example, the water temperature of the sink does not matter.

Katya was taking a shower when it happened.

Amber had showered just minutes before, and Derwin had done the same before Amber, so Katya was unsurprised when the hot water ran out. After all—this was the first instance of the trio taking consecutive showers, and while their supply of hot water had always seemed endless, it was bound to run out eventually

Katya was fully prepared to shower in cold water.

But showers and baths are a different story entirely.

She was not prepared for the water to thicken, rising like abomination matter and wrapping around her ankles and wrists.

When the water runs cold, well…you do not want to find out.

By the time Amber managed to break down the door, blood was mixing with the icy water as it swirled down the drain.

They really needed to resupply their first-aid kit.

~~~

Rule #8: Ignore the shadows.

Many people claim to see dark shadows in the corners of old houses.

At this point, the trio was not even surprised to find motionless silhouettes watching them from hidden spots in the apartment.

Pay it no mind.

Like with the disembodied laughter, they ignored any suspicious shadows—continued moving, talking, and working as though nothing was there.

Shadows only hurt you if you meet their eyes.

~~~

Rule #9: Never stay home alone.

There is no official reason not to be at home by yourself.

But can you honestly imagine staying alone in this house of horrors?

~~~

“…Which is why we now use the buddy system!” Katya finished with a smile, gesturing to the last point on her list. “And there you have it—the list of rules for our apartment!”

Beside her, Amber was grinning like a madwoman. Derwin sent her a supportive smile from his place behind Raine, holding up his Scroll with a message typed for her to see. Good job.

Katya gave Derwin a nod and turned back to Raine, straightening as she eagerly awaited their reply.

Finally, Raine gave a heavy sigh and pinched the bridge of their nose.

“All right. You three aren’t staying here.”

Wait.

What?

The three young witches jolted in unison, their expressions filled with varying degrees of shock and confusion. They shared an expression of confusion before Derwin spoke up. “Why not?”

Raine surveyed their apprentices, incredulous. “Can you honestly tell me you feel safe in this apartment?” Without waiting for a reply, they continued with surprising authority, “You can stay with me for now, and I’ll help you find a decent—and safe—place within your price range. But for now, pack your bags.”

“C’mon,” Amber whined, crossing her arms and giving Raine a pleading look. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

As if on cue, a cupboard door slammed open and hit Katya in the back. She toppled forward with a yelp, and Raine lunged, barely managing to catch her before she hit the floor.

“Are you okay?” they asked, setting her back on her feet and giving her a concerned once-over.

There was a long pause before Katya sighed. “We can be ready in ten minutes.”

~~~

A/N: The format of this story was experimental—I just wanted to write a rules horror story (if you have never heard of rules horror, I highly advise you to look it up). Also, I am curious to know what you thought about it. Was it easy to read? Hard? Interesting? Boring?

#nightshade writes #house of horrors #the owl house #raine whispers #toh katya #toh derwin #toh amber #familial raine x bats #pre canon #horror #humor #light angst #family #growing up #late night conversations #supernatural elements #blood #the author regrets nothing #my first work in this fandom

4 notes · View notes

i-am-bella-donna · 11 months

Text

Violated

AO3

Story Summary:

Janus had not planned to flee to the Light Mindscape in the middle of the night. He had not planned to tremble so badly he could barely stay upright, or to lose his voice before he could tell Roman what Wrath had done to him.

He had not planned for any of this.

But here he was.

Pairings: Platonic Roceit, Platonic Dukeceit

Word Count: 3,417

CONTENT WARNINGS: ABUSE (IMPLIED/REFERENCED ABUSE), ANXIETY ATTACKS, DISSOCIATION, SELF-HATRED, SUICIDE (SUICIDAL THOUGHTS)

A/N: Story Theme Song: My Little Secret by Citizen Solider

Just to give you all a warning—the beginning of this story may read like the aftermath of sexual assault. I want to clarify that Janus was not sexually assaulted at any point (although his bodily autonomy was severely violated).

I have been working on this story since the beginning of February 2022, and I am so glad that it is finally complete. This story has been one of the most difficult for me to write.

~~~

His eyes were watering.

It was the first thing Janus noticed—the blurriness in his vision and the stickiness on his cheeks. The obtrusive feeling of a jagged rock in the back of his throat and the sudden difficulty with breathing through his nose.

The next thing he noticed was the violent series of tremors flashing through his nerves—the nonstop shaking that had him digging his fingers into the carpet, gripping the fibers in weak fists as though the floor was capable of providing emotional support.

Janus tried to unclench his jaw—how long have I been grinding my teeth?—with no success. He should have been able to force it open. Just like he should have been able to force out a choked goodbye instead of the pathetic wave he had given Remy before scurrying away.

But the words had gotten trapped in his throat.

I could speak to Wrath.

Barely.

His fists tightened as he let out a breath. The idea of making any noise sent a spike of panicky sickness through his stomach, and the fogginess of his mind was making it difficult for him to move—he could barely even focus his vision. Too exhausted to fight his mind and body, he allowed himself to lay sideways on the ground.

His eyes burned. He let them slip shut.

The light was too bright.

That was the moment he had started to clench his jaw—when the ceiling lights had become too bright to handle, even with his eyes squeezed shut. He had fought the urge to whimper or squeak. His muscles had completely locked up.

Hands were all over his face. His neck.

Time had stopped in his mind. He had been trapped in an eternity of waiting for the agony to be over.

But the at the end—

He remembered Remy and Wrath whispering in hushed tones. Remy had been trying to talk Wrath out of his full plan. Wrath had been adamant about proceeding with said plan. Janus had been trying not to whimper. Or scream.

Please, please, please get away from me!

He had wanted to tell Remy to stop. Had wanted to rip his hands away. Had wanted the mortification and powerlessness to end.

Only the knowledge that Wrath was five feet away had kept Janus from throwing Remy into a wall.

And by the time Remy was finished—Wrath had still found a reason to be angry at Janus.

He had been furious with Janus for not speaking. For not thanking him, of all things.

My voice is gone.

Pressing his palms roughly against his eyes, Janus forced his mouth open. The tentative sound was cracked and choked like radio static, immediately evaporating on his tongue—his beautiful silken words had disappeared.

His mind was blank. His words were gone.

Wrath owned him, and now Janus had nothing.

Not even his own voice.

His bedroom—the gorgeous safe haven that was designed to perfectly complement his personality and purpose as a Side—no longer felt like his. Even lying on the floor made his instincts itch with discomfort, consumed by the thought of being too exposed. Too open.

A shuddering breath escaped him. Way too open.

Peeling his eyes open and blinking the blurriness from his vision, Janus pushed himself up on weak arms and shakily guided himself to lean back against a wall. Moving was hard. Talking was harder. His body was trembling. His words were gone.

He had nothing left.

I want to die.

That was a bad idea. Thomas might react poorly to losing a Side. And Remus would probably be sad. Besides—Sides were unfortunately immortal.

I want to talk to Remus.

The childish thought arrived without warning, but Janus did not mind. At least it was a plan—something to do. He took a shaky breath and shifted onto trembling legs, slowly but surely stumbling toward the door and setting a hand on the knob—

—only to remember that Remus was gone.

He left for the Imagination this morning. Said he would be gone for a week. Remember?

What little hope remained was already crumbling.

He barely noticed the shaking of his hands. What else could he do? Where else could he go?

Virgil hated his guts.

Patton would probably lecture him about forgiveness.

Logan might not understand the emotional turmoil.

But that only left….

~~~

Janus would collapse if Roman did not answer the door.

His legs were ready to give out beneath him and his eyes were still burning. His muscles were aching from the strain of constant tension. Even standing upright required more energy than he currently had.

Luckily, the door opened before he could slump against the cold wood. Janus blinked sluggishly, eyes running over the red silken pajamas and—when he mustered the energy to lift his gaze—an expression of annoyance.

“What do you want?” Roman snapped. He crossed his arms and glared.

Janus swallowed hard, his throat as dry as desert sand. Trembling fingers fidgeted with the hem of his shirt as he forced his mouth open…

…only for nothing to come out.

Shit.

Roman was still watching him expectantly, a raised an eyebrow now joining the obvious judgment. Janus was unable to tear his gaze away, internally hoping—begging—that the other would not refuse him. He could not afford to go back to the Dar—back home. Not right now.

I never want to go back.

His breath hitched at the mere thought of returning—and the sound of his choke was practically a gunshot against the empty silence of the hallway. Roman’s expression did not shift, but his eyes began to glow a deep crimson as though they were boring into his soul. Janus fought the urge to recoil under the withering stare.

This is where he turns me away, his mind hissed. This is where he learns how repulsive I am.

Janus hugged himself and ducked his head as the wave of hopelessness washed over him. He wanted to hide from Roman and the shame of his ridiculous idea. Of course this plan would fail. Roman barely tolerated him as it was. Why would he possibly—

“Come in.”

What?

Roman stepped aside and beckoned Janus into his room. His expression was unreadable, but surprisingly not hostile. Janus obeyed silently and staggered through the doorway. Moving his body was difficult, like waving a hand through tar. Relief and yearning flooded his mind and in equal parts. He wanted…

I want Remus.

…to feel safe again.

Was he really doing this? Was he really here?

Roman shut the door behind himself and waited for Janus to meet his eyes before taking a seat on his rumpled bedspread and patting the space beside him.

Janus followed without a second thought, visibly shaking as he lowered himself onto the bed. His chest hurt. Roman began to extend a hand toward him, but winced and lowered it at the last second. “Can I…touch you?” he asked instead, scratching the back of his head. His voice was unusually quiet.

Yes.

No.

I don’t know.

A distressed hum escaped him as his shoulders slumped. He shrugged weakly. Nothing felt real anymore.

“All right,” Roman responded calmly, taking the response in stride and clasping his hands together in his lap. “You don’t have to answer that. Do you wanna talk about—”

A quick shake of his head, eyes flying wide. Please, please no—

Roman faltered at the vehement reaction, ducking down to properly see his face. Janus immediately recoiled and—much to his mortification—whimpered, realizing a moment too late that the eyes staring back at him were red.

Red. Not orange.

Red should be safe.

His heart pounded erratically as he averted his gaze. He wanted to hide—to go somewhere no one could find him. Or see him.

Roman thankfully pulled away, guilt flashing across his face. “Sorry,” he tried. “I’m not mad.” He chewed his lip and tentatively added, “…I’m not going to hurt you.”

Janus hugged himself and squeezed his eyes shut, clenching his jaw in an effort to keep his teeth from chattering. The fear in his gut had him stuck frozen. The world around him seemed surreal—the screaming of his instincts had blurred into a messy cacophony that his mind was far too hazy to understand.

This was not the Dark Side. He felt noticeably safer.

Just not safe enough.

Damn it.

He could see the unasked questions dancing behind Roman’s eyes. Why are you here? What happened? Are you okay?

How was he supposed to answer any of them when he could barely talk? When he felt disgusting from head to toe and wanted nothing more than to bury himself alive? Why had he even come here? For sympathy? What had he been—

“You can sleep here for the night,” Roman offered after a beat of silence. His voice was unsure, but he gave an outstretched hand and what Janus assumed was supposed to be a smile. “If…it makes you more comfortable, we can talk in the morning. If you want to stay. Or we can do something else for a while…”

Roman continued rambling as Janus cast his gaze downward, guilt still gnawing on his mind.

But the guilt was slowly ebbed away by a wave of relief lapping at the edges of his piercing thoughts.

I can’t go back. Not yet.

Before he could doubt himself, Janus accepted the offered hand.

~~~

Roman allowed Janus to sleep beside him that night.

He peeled back the covers and let Janus crawl in without a second thought. Did not say a word as Janus trembled violently for a lengthy amount of time—saved him the mortification of questions and only acknowledged the predicament by wrapping an arm around Janus and pulling him close. Eventually, the tremors finally faded, and exhaustion settled over him like an oppressive fog.

Janus had no memory of falling asleep.

When he finally awoke, Roman was already dressed and sitting up beside him, typing away on his laptop. Janus blinked to clear his vision and pushed himself up onto his elbows, trying to ignore the routine unease already curdling in his gut.

Roman blinked at the unexpected motion before offering Janus a small smile. “Good morning,” he said. He reached out a hand to brush the hair from his eyes, but thought better of it as Janus pulled away. “How are you feeling?”

Scared.

Hollow.

Dirty.

Exactly the same as last night.

Janus cleared his throat and forced his lips apart, wincing at the raspiness of his voice as he spoke. “Better.”

Roman raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced, but remained silent.

Averting his gaze, Janus rubbed at his upper arm. “Can…” He trailed off with his mouth halfway open. The words stuck in his throat like cloying syrup, and he gulped uncomfortably.

“Yes?”

“Can I…use your shower?” he finally asked, tone more tentative than he would have liked to admit.

Much to his surprise, Roman agreed without a beat of hesitation. He conjured a set of clothes and gestured toward a door in the corner. “The bathroom is right through there, and you can use whichever supplies you want.” A hint of awkwardness hung in the air, but Janus nodded anyway and stood on shaky legs.

He locked the door behind him and undressed in silence, blatantly avoiding his reflection as he allowed his mind to drift. He internally swore not to take too long as he stepped under the warm spray—Roman would probably need to shower afterward.

Luckily, he felt somewhat better by the time he was shutting off the water and drying himself—he was no longer trembling, and he no longer felt like a ghost trying to possess a corpse.

But his voice was still gone.

Janus could force himself to speak, but his voice was choked and hollow. He had to physically rip the words from his throat. He wondered what Roman thought about the situation at hand—he had to have some idea of what had happened. There was no way he could be completely ignorant.

His eyes burned. This is only temporary. Right?

He could not bear to consider the alternative.

Without his voice, he was nothing.

A hand unconsciously came up to brush against his scales. His hand froze before he could make contact.

Too soon.

Tugging his sleeves down, Janus sighed and squared his shoulders. He tried to muster some semblance of emotion or energy—anything to make him appear less dead on his feet.

His hand settled on the knob and he took a deep breath. Time to face the music.

Roman immediately glanced up, breaking into a smile as Janus shut the door behind him. “Hello, darling. Feeling any better?”

Janus gave him a noncommittal shrug in lieu of a response and shuffled forward, unable to look Roman in the eyes. He could see Roman faltering at the blank expression on his face, his smile dimming just a touch. “Would you like to take a seat on the couch?” Roman offered, thankfully sounding patient.

His legs almost gave out beneath him, making the choice for him and forcing him to collapse beside the other. If Roman was unfazed by his sudden lack of coordination, he did not show it.

A beat of silence.

After a few minutes of stumbling over his words, Roman rubbed the back of his neck. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

The confusion must have shown on his face, because Roman huffed a quiet breath and turned his gaze down to his knees. “You came to me of all Sides for help. Me,” he emphasized, lifting his head and staring Janus in the eyes as though trying to force his meaning to sink in. “I know that our relationship has improved, but…we both know you would have to be truly desperate to seek out my help.”

Janus opened his mouth to refute the claim before freezing and swallowing hard. As much as he wanted to deny it, Roman was right. This was not a risk that Janus would have taken under normal circumstances.

But these circumstances were anything but.

“Sorry.” The word was quiet, flying out of his mouth before he could stop it.

“Shit, I—I didn’t mean it like that—”

“No, I understand—”

Roman sighed as Janus trailed off, his cheeks flush with embarrassment. “Really, I apologize. I just meant…you and I are far from close. So—I’m worried.”

Janus blinked.

“I don’t mind you coming to me,” Roman hurried to add before he could reply. “I’m glad that you did, considering how you seemed last night. But…do you think you can handle telling me what happened? Or what I can do to help you?”

Janus did not move a muscle, frozen with shock. Finally, he scrubbed at his eyes and hugged himself tightly. “Can you…”

His voice trailed off.

Just say it.

Thankfully, Roman was more patient than Janus deserved. “Yes?”

He turned his glance to the ground, his heart thumping erratically in his chest. If this conversation was really about to happen, he could not bear to look Roman in the eyes. I think he genuinely wants to help.

One word. He just had to say one word.

Fingers clawed at the base of his throat, voice bubbling up inside him before he choked out—

“Remus.”

The tension left his shoulders as soon as the word left his mouth, and Janus collapsed against the back of the sofa like a puppet with its strings cut.

Roman nodded slowly, his eyes boring holes into the floor. He seemed to be picking up on the desire to avoid eye contact—Janus thanked his lucky stars that Roman was being so considerate. “Okay. I can work with that.” Roman took a deep breath through his nose. “Are you saying that Remus was involved in what happened, or that Remus can help you?”

One more word—not too much harder. “Latter.”

“All right.” Janus caught a flash of surprise on his face, as though Roman could not believe that Remus would be helpful—but any internal conflict appeared to be quickly resolved with a resolute nod. “Would you like me to summon him?”

Yes, but….

Janus licked his lips. “Imagination.”

Roman blinked. “Is that a yes or a no?”

Huh?

Contacting Remus when he was away was impossible. Contacting any Side from the Imagination was impossible. All his late nights spent shuddering and gasping for breath as he called and called for Remus—only to receive radio silence—had taught that to him.

His confusion must have shown on his face, as Roman nodded in understanding and began to explain. “Remus and I can summon each other when both of us are in the Imagination. We never really use the ability, but the process is easy. Would you like me to get him? It would only take a moment.”

Janus could detect the exact moment when his heart froze in his chest. As soon as the words registered, he found himself nodding rapidly enough to make his head pound.

I want Remus back.

Roman smiled sadly at his reaction and rose. “Give me five minutes. I’ll be just through the door if you need me.” He hesitated before giving Janus a light pat on the shoulder, vanishing through the red-and-gold door in the corner before Janus could thank him. The doorway shimmered in his wake.

The clock ticked, thundering against the silence. Janus shifted uncomfortably in his seat and attempted to keep his mind in the present.

I can do this.

Once again, Janus pressed his fingers to the base of his throat. He would have to use his voice if he wanted to speak with Remus.

I trust him.

Janus was unsure how much time had passed before the doorway shimmered once more and a black-and-green blur flew out toward Janus, quickly followed by a frantic Roman. Janus shot to his feet in shock before registering the blur as….

A gasp tore out of him, sending a bolt through his entire body.

“Remus—”

He had no time to react before his friend was colliding with him, the two barely managing to wrap their arms around each other before Remus could knock them both to the floor.

“Oh my god,” Janus managed to choke out with a strangled whisper. “I—” He gulped, burying his face in Remus’s shoulder. His heart was slamming against his ribcage like a fist against a punching bag, hands shaking as they dug into the familiar green sash. Remus reciprocated the tight grip, one arm wrapped around his shoulders and the other hand cupping his head.

“Hiya, Scales,” Remus whispered, his voice raspy with worry. “Roman said you needed me. I’m sorry you had to wait so long.”

Janus forced himself to slow his breathing as he absorbed the fact that his friend—his best friend—was finally here with him. Relief flooded his body with every beat of his heart, almost enough to overwhelm him.

Remus is here.

A hand settled between his shoulder blades as Roman voice spoke up, his voice low. “Would you like me to leave while the two of you talk?”

Janus faltered. On one hand, he knew he could barely handle speaking to Remus about this issue. There was no way he would be able to tell Roman what happened without drowning in his own shame and confusion—the words would get stuck in his throat at best, suffocate him in a panic attack at worst.

On the other hand, Roman was kind enough to have stayed with Janus all night. To have helped Janus as much as he could with this awful situation. He deserved to hear the full story.

Janus wanted to tell him.

“If I…” He licked his lips, throat dry. “If I tell Remus what happened, could he pass it on to you?” His voice wavered against his will. “I…I don’t think I can handle telling both of you at once.”

Janus pulled back from Remus just enough to see the twins share a look of surprise before nodding in unison. Roman gave Janus a final pat on the shoulder before stepping to the door. “I’ll grab us some breakfast.”

As soon as it clicked shut behind him, Remus shifted to wrap an arm around his waist and guided Janus to the sofa. Janus took a deep breath and allowed his eyes to slip shut, brushing his fingers against his forehead. Below his nose. His throat. Beside him, he could feel Remus waiting patiently for him to speak.

Another shaky breath. His voice came out quiet, but strong.

“I need to tell you what Wrath did.”

~~~

A/N: What do you all think happened to Janus? I would be happy to reveal the truth, but I am curious as to what you all initially thought (I am not sure how clear the implications were).

It has been a long year.

12 notes · View notes