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hwangsies · 10 months

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☆°. — doute | hhj

genre: smut, angst

pairing: hyunjin x chubby!fem!reader

wc: 2.2k

warnings: talk of insecurities, implied unprotected sex, implied cumming inside

req!

Perky hill beneath layers, Hyunjin entered the room to a view most pretty – he loved watching you when you thought to be alone, when body and mind were as though floating across the room carelessly, when you believed yourself to be in lonesome. A smile danced across his lips, one of adoration – you looked peaceful, and if he could, if he chose it he would stay watching you an eternity, in secrecy by the frame of the door.

You laid stomach down on the bed, a book propped on the pillow before you. Hyunjin knew your elbows were slightly sore by now, though you loved reading in said position there had never been a day where you haven’t complained about your elbows grazing against the mattress over time, how the material started to get rough beneath your skin, how it called for you to switch to your back, holding book uncomfortably above you. You always complained and never changed ways, and though Hyunjin had to be annoyed by it he never seemed to be. He loved seeing you quarrel, loved your lips pucker up beside the plush of your cheeks, your brows furrow in frustration. It had his mind in laps.

He came closer, quiet steps to not disturb you. Despite the warm temperatures you had draped over a light summer blanket, not as much as transparent silk, over your lower body – Hyunjin loved watching you when you thought to be alone, yet he couldn’t believe your self-consciousness expanded to moments even in lonesome.

Hyunjin would like to believe, would like to make others believe that the first time he had seen you, the first time he had laid eyes on you he had barely taken in your physical appearance, except the way you talked, alluring and soften words jumping off your lips like droplets of rain on a body of water, and your eyes that had looked at his so confidently until they haven’t been, until you’d converted them with a gaze shy, skin blushing. He liked to believe that said shyness, pretentious confidence, giddy nervousness hidden beneath, because you had committed later on that by then you had caught feelings already, and Hyunjin hadn’t been any better, that those things had been the only ones he remembered from first meeting you. From first talking, laughing, spending time with you.

But that would be a lie. The first time you had turned to face away from him, to grab something behind you, or to talk to the person that had entered the room, or for a reason Hyunjin couldn’t all too well remember, his eyes had found your bottom, for only two seconds before he’d noticed he was staring, yet noticing the way the material of your jeans hugged your body in a way that left him dizzy, that left the view of you from behind imprinted within him. Feeling dirty because his mind had started wandering, feeling guilty because after catching glimpse of your behind he had took notice of your body in its’ whole, couldn’t not. The way the materials of your cloths stretched over the expanse of you whenever you stretched, revealing curves barely visible behind shirt, revealing skin so plush it had gotten him blushing. Had only then noticed how your thighs grew in size whenever you sat which got his breath quickening, though noticing, too, how you’d been quick to hide them beneath jacket or sweater – having understood back then already that your body wasn’t a subject comfortable to you, having not understood back then, nor understanding now why, nevertheless. His mind had troubles reciprocating your very own view of yourself, one of frequent negativity, when his entire being feared to implode within each other if he as much as stole a glance of you. He thought you must be crazy for your body was a temple, in his eyes.

He reached you, plopping himself by the edge of the bed, hand on your covered bottom. You jumped in genuine surprise – whenever you read you were worlds away, and it amused Hyunjin anew and anew, making it oh so easy to dote at you, to tease at you. He chuckled at your reaction, making you blush in response – he loved seeing your skin darken at antics his very own; the more mundane the better, knowing it was him responsible for your fluster and shyness. He would never not find it adorable.

“Hi.”

A mumbled greeting before his lips met your temple, mouth pressing against skin and hand squeezing plush flesh – it was a gesture sweet though you jerked at it, hyperly aware of the placement of his hand.

It hasn’t been that long ago when you would have laughed at the idea of being so utterly comfortable with another person touching parts of your body you have deemed to be unworthy of outer attention. Would have laughed at the way Hyunjin would frequently obsesses over said parts, seemingly on purpose – whatever you’ve been most insecure, most conscious about he happened to love most, happened to be needing to touch and caress and dote on most often. Admittedly, his very loving had brought upon your comfort, so more often than not you were thankful.

Hyunjin also seemed to have never-ending knowledge of whenever you did, still, feel self-conscious. Though said times drastically decreased ever since with Hyunjin they yet didn’t cease to exist, much to your dismay – though, whenever Hyunjin sensed such moods, such lows, he was loving on you even harder than he normally was; so maybe your insecurities brought upon something good, after all.

Hyunjin’s lips made their way to your cheek, nearly nibbling at the skin until you protested in giggles, making him snicker and move towards your nape, mouth tracing wet patches across your body from behind. Teeth grazing ear – which you allowed this time around, sighing out at the feeling –, tongue darting out to lick up skin across shoulders, or neck, or upper back. You didn’t protest, let the feeling of his touch engulf you in most silken robes, in most quiet waters. He was determined yet slow, knowing his destination yet waiting to reach it, patient to arrive. Only after felt hours – it must have been two minutes, at best – Hyunjin lifted your shirt, exposing entire back, exposing the lack of a bra, exposing the shivers that had accustomed your body the moment he had touched you. Hyunjin’s lips found your skin as though they were destined to, kissing and tongue grazing against the expanse of it, biting down lovingly at the rolls created by the position you laid in. It alerted you, made you utterly aware of yourself, uncomfortably so – and then Hyunjin kept going, humming the further he went, wet kisses leaving shivering reminders of his love across your skin.

Then he draped the blanket off your lower body, hand finding bum anew, lips moving dangerously close towards it, and you whined out softly at attempted protest. Hyunjin stopped in his tracks, lips yet connected to your skin though eyes shooting up in hopes of finding yours, though you weren’t courageous enough to face him – knowing what he would say if you admitted to self-consciousness, predicting his reaction if you said the words. So you didn’t look at him, waited for him to break the silence.

“What is it?”

Words a whisper and you cringed at them – you hated explaining yourself, which Hyunjin knew yet never spared you; you knew it was for your best. Eyes finding his after all, utterly aware that his hand yet hasn’t left your derriere, nor would in near future – he was determined now more than ever, and a chunk of uncertainty disappeared altogether, merely at the way he looked at you; eyes boring into yours with an expression of thorough disbelief, as if your doubt was the strangest, most outer-wordly thing Hyunjin has ever heard. That alone, his genuine confusion, erased said doubt by ten-fold.

“Nothing, just a weird day. Feeling a bit… a little insecure, that’s it.”

Voice thin though Hyunjin heard you well enough, humming in response. Compassionate gaze holding yours, and you nearly broke apart beneath him, his touch.

“Can I keep going? Make you feel less… insecure, hm?”

Snickering from his side, a shy chuckle from yours, a nod, then. You hummed in agreement and Hyunjin’s lips were back to their antics, caressing the small of your back, biting at extra lush skin, second hand now finding your bottom, giving it a good squeeze before slender fingers hooked into the waistband of your underwear – you rarely wore shorts in summer –, watching as the flesh spilled out of the hem, overripe peach waiting to be devoured, voluptuous fruit hanging off on greenest tree. Though Hyunjin didn’t move further than that. Simply kept his fingers hooked in your panties, palms laying on softest flesh, lips wandering to kiss against the round of hips. His eyes were on you though you weren’t looking at him anymore, and it was clear what his intentions were – he wanted to get you impatient, wanted you to want him as much as he did this very moment. Wanted the need for him to overshadow any uncertainties that buzzed in your head in swarms of bees, wanted to take your mind off them by driving you to a point of desire, and lust. The same his own body was struck with the moment he had entered the room.

Hyunjin’s fingers unhooked themselves from your waistband again and caressed at your flesh instead, decreasing process from his plans before and you started squirming in his hold, impatiently. A dissatisfied whine leaving lips and you pushed back into him subtly, barely noticeable though it didn’t pass Hyunjin, a smile so knowing, so annoying on his face you’d want to smack it off if you only saw it. His hands groped a few more seconds before his lips accompanied them at your bottom, kissing plushest skin before biting down adoringly, eliciting a sigh from you, a hum from him. Fingers hooking into your waistband all anew, sliding off your underwear in one go, being left with the bare sight of you – thinking you must be wholly insane for letting doubt nestle within you for your body was the most beauteous thing Hyunjin had laid eyes upon.

Hushed curse spilling past his lips before his mouth latched against your skin again, teething at your bum, fingers caressing wettened slit, sensitive clit. Slowly, patiently, though you were so far from it yourself – you were squirming, lower body raised to grant better access, back arching into every of Hyunjin’s touches, every of his prodding finger at your entrance, every of his juxta-positioned kiss against the round of your bottom, the following bite as though you were his very own meal, his own to devour.

It had taken a couple minutes and then some when Hyunjin felt he had you where he wanted – you were writhing around almost helplessly, nearly begging if repeating his name frantically counted as such. All inhibitions gone – you were pushing into him, into his touch, asking him to make you feel better, to get you there faster, to give you altogether more than he was giving you now. Another hushed curse from beneath his breath, and he slid his own pants down, exposing hardened erection, prodding it at your entrance, one big hand against the small of your back.

“Can I?”

Voice feverish, and you nodded, head shaking nearly violently that Hyunjin was worried, only for a second, though – you pushed back into him, wetness grazing against him, and his head lulled into his neck, lips catching between his teeth. Sliding into you in one movement, and it was salvation for the both of you. Salvation in every sense the word could mean, like the first bite of a peach so overripe that juices drip down chins at first teething. You grinded back at Hyunjin, doing all the work yourself, so lost in thought, in need and wanting that all your worries from moments before were gone, all insecurities as though wiped clean from the surfaces of your very mind. Grinding back against him in waves of your hips, the dip by the small of your back appearing and disappearing faster than Hyunjin could focus on, before it appeared again, lulling him into its seduction. Flesh so plush it bounced against his body, bum recoiling with every thrust you took against his hips, thighs against his ones, thick and eliciting sounds so sinful you would have grown embarrassed if you had the mind to care.

And Hyunjin nearly smiled down at you. Keeping his hips in place, letting you use him to your liking. Watching your flesh bounce back and forth with every of your movement, a sight favourite of his. Watching you lose yourself in the feeling of him, in the feeling of your closeness, in the feeling of your forgotten doubts, uncertainties; dick twitching within you knowing he drove you to a state of self-enjoyment, that it was due to him you were so eager, chasing your high, letting go of inhibitions. Due to him you whined out when he finally did move against you, meeting you halfway, when back only arched further at rewarding words, repetitions of the same phrase, the same words – “so pretty, so fucking pretty” – falling off his lips. It was due to him your thighs shuddered moments later, your body contracted against his, fell forward to lay lazily, tiredly against dampened mattress, his own following seconds after. If boosting your ego meant this, you would never grow tired of it.

@es-kay-zee @jeyelleohe @angelwonie @lix-ables @yvniek4ng @ppiri-bahng @bintificreads @svintsandghosts @llunapastell @sensitiveandhungry @minniesvenus @junebug032 @noellllslut

#you ate once again #you devoured more like #this was so fucking sweet #LOVED IT SOUWDH UWDH

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hwangsies · 1 year

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I feel so fucking alone bruh

I suck at uni, barely have any friends and have literally not left my house in two weeks. Just now i was talking to my mom abt it but all she had to say was pff i never had many friends either. But then again what did i expect, a hug? right

Last night i was supposed to go out with a friend but she cancelled on me last minute because she was feeling sick, like thats no problem at all, i mean yea i was bummed bc i was excited to get out of the house again but like dont force yourself to go out with me if you feel bad yk?

Anyway i texted my bestfriend, who recently moved a little further away which kinda made it so we cant see each other as much anymore, that said friend had cancelled on me and that i feel shitty bc im hanging around at home again.

I texted her at like 7 pm she answered at 2 am saying „why didnt you say something you could’ve come to my cousins birthday party with me“ which i know she didnt mean maliciously but like,,, i did say something tho?

Maybe im being dramatic, i dont know i just feel left behind.

I know i basically abandoned this account and am a sucky moot but i literally didnt know where else to vent.

Now im sitting on my bed after the interaction above with my mother took place like 15 minutes ago, crying. After her comment i just left for my room again, knowing it wont happen but silently hoping that she maybe realised that what i told her wasnt about her but again, i was disappointed.

I could tell her shes being a narcissist, that she always was one but then i would just get the „yea ur right im such an awful mother“ treatment and i dont trust myself to not chuck a plate at her if i have to hear that again.

You know she has never in my 21 years of life apologised to me, let alone comforted me when i cried alone in my room after a fight, which we regularly had.

Shes not a bad mother though, i relate to her alot and we’re similar in alot of ways shich is probably why we fought so much while i was growing up. Shes fun and chill and mostly uncomplicated, cynical and blunt which i always admired and never held me to weirdly high academic standards.

Im more sensitive than her tho, which i get from my dad, which i dont think she can handle very well, sometimes yes, other times it ends like it did just now; me crying in my room and her being clueless.

Or maybe she isnt clueless and just doesn’t feel like dealing with me. But that would make her seem awful and i don’t want to think of her like that.

My father is sweet, often times oblivious though and not as „life smart“ as my mom, (is that mean to say? Idk) he avoids us on purpose when we got into a fight.

He is extremely non confrontational and never takes sides, if he does its my mothers because he doesn’t want to be her next target probably. He cant stand up to her like me and my brother can.

But i guess thats the only pro of being raised by someone like that. The biggest con however is that i find myself displaying that narcissistic victim mentality sometimes too.

I dont know how that friend cancelling on me yesterday snowballed into this weird lovechild between a whiny complaint and an autobiography lol but i guess i had it pent up.

If you’ve read this far.. lmao why? but thanks for listening i guess <3

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