I thought you'd be sleeping better now
Used me as an excuse I guess, wow
I'm kind of excited to see you awake though
Reminds me you're still the same you, so
I'll keep taking the blame for these small crimes
Don't worry Bae, I won't tell you're still up at these late times...
Cause you know I know and that's enough
Seeing this, I might just call your bluff
Only to myself though, well, and I guess to you
I'll take the satisfaction for what it's worth, does my knowing satisfy you too?
You get off on the twisted and the steady flow
Of getting caught and interrogated a rush a blow
That's okay though, I like this side
A little savage twist, you try to hide
I'm twisted too, that was our biggest flaw
At the end our demise was a sudden quick draw
Sleep
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Tell me down and deep
You don't miss the chase
The way we carried ourselves
Across tear streaked waves
And raw cut chords
Of screaming voices
Tell me darling
That you were never aroused
By the cold impending doom
The unknown destruction
Building up... Anticipation
Tell me sweetheart
You're not playing now still...
If you told me so...
I wouldn't believe you
Because Dear love...
Your two steps ahead and then three steps behind
Whatever comes of this will come of this
So enjoy the twisted chase
For now...
Eventually
We will rise above
Or drag eachother fast and steady down
Only time will tell...
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Your hurt and anger is over riding your accountability.
That's okay, for now.
I was there too...
I come in and out of that storm all day long
Just don't let it suffocate you
Or make you too proud
Your ego too big
You may lose more than I have lost already
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Reaching through the soft of sheets
My fingers bumping over each way too apparent ridge
They found their way to your back
As I thought you slept
I trail from shoulder to hip
Feeling goose bumps rise against my fingers
Listening to your breathing steady
Halted, by a sudden glow
Of forbidden words
Unspoken words with someone else
My fingers froze
My heart broke
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Sweet stillness and screaming quiet
On a day, normally filled to the brim with voices
A day of love and light
Celebrations and balloons
Do you hear the quiet too?
We could be outside together
Hand cupped gently in hand together
Soaking up the sun together
With all of our family together
Here
But instead
We are just two bodies
In different places
Staring at different walls
Realizing how small we've become
And how loud the quiet
Has become
Happy Birthday my love
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Sometimes the break can't be casted
Hair fractures are found to be any which way
So many thin lines of tare and destruction
That your best doctor
Can't save the limb
The wound was left to long
The cut too deep
The break neglected
Neither time nor aid will fix it
Sometimes, it's just too late
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Time
They said.
Time.
One day and the next will be better
These are the promises people make
These are the lies people feed you
The next day I'm always worse
The next day I've lost more hope
I feel a little more abandoned
Time.
I think...
Is solitary confinement
Guilting me to stay
In the barricades of my own misery
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Reach
Your voice wakes me and I find myself drenched in a cold sweat
I used to reach out in these moments in the dark
In these moments of panic and catching my breath
To remind myself
I’m not alone
Yet, now I find myself
Completely alone
Panic sits in, hyperventilating begins
I breathe shallow breaths... in ,out,in,out until
I have to sit and clutch my chest
I wait for the feeling to pass ...and no sooner will it
That I find myself waking in that cold sweat again
I stopped driving
As it tore my heart apart
Each time I’d reach for your hand
And found it vacant in your seat...
I used to worry putting your feet on the dashboard
Would cause an injury to you
Now I worry not telling you to stop
Will cause an injury to me
I walk up to our door
Past gardens of red, purple and blue
Gardens planted with great love
And an attentive you
I hate coming or going I’d rather never move
Not moving hurts just as much though
As I’m surrounded by a void
A hole so deep and infinite
It swallows you whole
With no mercy, thrusting memories
With each look I take
What’s on the tv? I can’t check now without you
Something on the table , made once by you
What’s in the kitchen...
Just the foods that we once shared
I’m shredding into pieces
Sometimes I wish I’d just fall
Fast, quick...straight down the stairs
You won’t speak to me, I guess I understand
But from where I am sitting
Your reaching out would be my mercy
In this dark and blackened land
Just a word here or there
A how are you or hi
Anything to lift me up
From this pending demise
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