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It's important to drink a lot of fluids when you're sick so that your body has the raw materials to generate gallons of snot.

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he gets it he really does

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#Monkey man #Dev Patel #I'm sure someone's already done this

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tmi for those who don't wanna know about my sex and dating life but I'm really past saving at this point. The only person who gets me is Marie de champagne. The only thing I can handle is some courtly love situation where some man, because I'm too intimidated by women to date women right now sorry, shows up every few weeks and debases himself continually for my pleasure and approval, then fucks off to go do good deeds or get himself nearly killed until I see him again and he throws himself at my feet in humiliated devotion. I'm busted, man, it's out.

#Did I have a bad hookup last night yes #Was it entirely my fault it was bad also yes #And he was so lovely I feel so bad

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this is NOT an emergency don't worry

but i have an infected tooth i have to get pulled ASAP (today if I can swing it, maybe tomorrow if I can't) and it's going to wipe out every dollar I have.

If you've been enjoying my art and would like to help cover this and get me out of my excruciating pain faster, I would not say no to a little help, and I have been getting a lot of activity over here so I thought it couldn't hurt to ask for a buck or two. You can send paypal tips to uglymyfanwe (at) gmail (dot com), or venmo me at rejamrejam <3 thank you

is this karma for me finding it attractive when dev patel spit a tooth into a sink in monkey man? MAYBE SO, who knows

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Aaaaand there's the tooth pain

Send help its gonna cost at least 400 bucks to take care of this and I have 23.00 in my bank account

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this is absolutely an ice cold take tho is the thing

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you want another fifty percent, you bleed. that's why it's called a bleed bonus.

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also i'm sorry i had to download the lowest res cam rip in the world to make this comparison but can we talk about this irl spike spiegel proportions bullshit right down to the anime shoes and his pants being too short

#monkey man #dev patel #the whole time i was watching every time it did a full body shot i was going crazy trying to t hink what it reminded me of #did not think it would be an actual fucking anime character but sure why not #we're already here

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also since i'm already out here showing my whole entire fucking ass over monkey man i'm just gonna say there's a part where you think he's got a cigarette at a bar and then you see that he's sucking on a piece of gauze from where he's lost a fuckin tooth/got a mouthful of blood in an earlier scene and i got genuinely lightheaded. actually dizzy.

#monkey man #im bottling it up as best as i can but i have been Not Normal over this for a week now #its wearing on me

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fucking hell this is my comment lmfao THE WAY I LOGGED IN AND SAW MY OWN FUCKING REDDIT COMMENT ON MY DASHBOARD

#I DID THO

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every weapon used in monkey man

the great joy of a martial arts movie with a lot of improvised fighting is the truly ludicrous use of weaponry, both actual and makeshift.

i have made a complete list of everything used as a weapon in monkey man, because i am procrastinating at a level hitherto unknown to mortal men.

did not include body parts (despite the memorable teeth scenes), nor stationary pieces of the environment passively used as weapons by throwing people into them (e.g. a toilet, a sink). also didn't include military-wielded weapons/those wielded by the flashback bad guys, only those used by the protagonist and goons of various types, including cops. had to lump some together. some items are repeated as they are used by different people/swapped off between scenes. items do not have to have a confirmed kill to count as a weapon, just be used in an attack.

in approximate order: .38 revolver powdered bleach cologne bottle toiletry tray toilet chain mirror shard switchblade fire extinguisher various handguns vehicle pry bar (? metal bar of some kind) axe handcuffs sniper rifle knife bat with barbed wire garotte bussing cart saucepan various handguns, again sauce bottle kitchen knife stainless steel kettle oven/microwave/dishwasher (?) door various handguns kitchen knives homemade fireworks table cutlery (fork, steak knives) table leg (?) wine bottles switchblades hook knives metal knuckles short swords homemade fireworks unidentified handgun more liquor bottles chair (not steel) hand scythe (?) unidentified glass object handgun serving tray liquor bottle heeled shoe spike

also, the kid bites at least three (3) people, if you count That One as a bite, and i am not sure, do we? we'll say he uses his teeth to injure at least three people.

#monkey man

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Monkey Man (2024) dir. Dev Patel

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how they could have fixed monkey man, which i loved, but yeah

ok this monkey man review/rant has more spoilers so i'll put it under a cut

so obviously the biggest problem with monkey man is the way the plot/message fails to coalesce, and i think this is incredibly frustrating because the fix is very simple and could have been done by recutting the existing footage.

make all the pre-temple flashbacks focus exclusively on what happened to his mother. they did this a bit but tipped their hand too much by showing what sparked it.

during the obligatory Hero's Journey Epiphany Scene, instead of having a long flashback that just fleshes out what we already knew and slows the entire movie down for no payoff, *recut the flashbacks to show that what happened to his mother was a tiny part of a huge systemic act of violence* that affected and continues to affect thousands. VOCALLY reframe the "finding who you are" angle to "this is not about your personal vengeance, this is about enacting violence against power and becoming the face of resistance."

Again, they TRIED to do this. But they fucked it up. Anyway it would have settled the entire problem with the messy plot.

Also that bit at the end with the return to the ring should have been bleach the mask first (guessing there was some editing/rescripting decisions that prevented that) and they could have dumped the cheering part unless they wanted to find a way to tie it into the above message (like if he got the emcee instead).

#monkey man #monkey man spoilers

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so i went and saw monkey man

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also watching dev patel have the shit beaten out of him for two hours was an experience so decadent that it transcended horniness and became spiritual, in the way that like, medieval nuns would write Jesus poetry and you can't tell if the ecstasy is sexual or religious and probably the nuns couldn't either and didn't care. watching mr patel be transcendently beautiful while bleeding profusely in a suit was a spiritual cattle prod directly to my hind brain. I saw god in that theater and he looked like a beautiful man spitting blood into a sink

still haven't deleted cos I can't get my art blog to download/back up for some reason and keep forgetting to retry

Spoiler free review ahead

Anyway since I'm still here: interesting experience with monkey man where I agree with almost all of the negative reviews but still liked it a lot. I am guessing maybe I just have different priorities from the bad reviewers so what's deal breakers to them were just minor drawbacks to me.

With that said I do get why a lot of people are going to find it frustrating. It really needed a much more brutal editor and maybe a little script doctoring in the back half. It feels a little bit like it knows it's a movie that's more style than substance but it keeps reaching for the substance and falling down (an apt metaphor, if you've seen it). And there's about fifteen minutes in the middle that could have come out entirely to no detriment whatsoever, in what feels like an attempt to bandage two things together that maybe didn't even need it and felt like they were building towards a reveal that, if it came, didn't seem like a reveal to me. There was also a scene near the end that was basically like "`what was even the point of that" that desperately needed cutting imo, it was only about forty seconds but it took me out pretty hard.

I think maybe the movie knows it's trying to do too much in some ways, but also I think it's ok for an action movie to just let things be set dressing. I do get why people are uncomfortable when the set dressing is sociopolitical commentary, but that doesn't bother me so much as the feeling that it knows it's failing to make it more than set dressing, halfheartedly attempting to course correct, and failing. Would have been better to lean in.

With all that said I thoroughly enjoyed it. I'm pretty hard to put off if the experience is mostly enjoyable, and it was to me. I read some people saying the fight scenes were hard to follow in the front half and strongly disagree, though - I normally struggle to follow messy chaotic frenetic fights on screen and I never felt confused. It's also pretty clear to me that the difference in the way the fights were shot and cut from the first half to the second was VERY intentional and in keeping with the movie thematically.