gremlinhourz

[gremlinhourz]

ALSO ALSO THIS IS GOING EVEN MORE INTO THEORY CATEGORY REALLY BUT LIKE HOW SHE OFTEN THINKS OF THINGS AS IF SHES WRITING A STORY,,,, its almost like she uses stories/writing to understand how other people think

i just need to know does anyone else feel like briony from atonement is autistic?? like dgmw i really do get why people dont like her, but that doesnt mean she cant be autistic,,, its like its the way shes gets so caught up in her own thoughts that she fails to recognize other possibilities, like obviously thats not something exclusive to or definitively a part of autism, but i just i feel i definitely do that too,, oh also just adding in there her pride in being tidy and her need for control, and like people always describe her as "pretentious" and "entitled" but like idk i dont see it, like the part where she gets somewhat upset at finding out the twins are wearing her socks, its like idk cecilia didnt ask or let her know that she was letting the twins borrow briony's socks, even though its something small, to someone like briony who seems to value her stuff, i could imagine it would be off putting to find someone had taken/used it without at least letting her have a say in it, like i cant say for sure that she wouldve let them wear the socks if she was asked, but maybe she couldve pointed them to a pair she was more okay with loaning out, like idk, i know in the grand scheme of things and of the story the socks dont matter but i just keep thinking of it,, but also idk i at least have some respect for her because she doesnt try to shift the blame onto anyone else, she even says herself “She would never be able to console herself that she was pressured or bullied. She never was, She trapped herself, she marched into the labyrinth of her own construction, and was too young, too awestruck, too keen to please, to insist on making her own way back.”

[gremlinhourz]

i just need to know does anyone else feel like briony from atonement is autistic?? like dgmw i really do get why people dont like her, but that doesnt mean she cant be autistic,,, its like its the way shes gets so caught up in her own thoughts that she fails to recognize other possibilities, like obviously thats not something exclusive to or definitively a part of autism, but i just i feel i definitely do that too,, oh also just adding in there her pride in being tidy and her need for control, and like people always describe her as "pretentious" and "entitled" but like idk i dont see it, like the part where she gets somewhat upset at finding out the twins are wearing her socks, its like idk cecilia didnt ask or let her know that she was letting the twins borrow briony's socks, even though its something small, to someone like briony who seems to value her stuff, i could imagine it would be off putting to find someone had taken/used it without at least letting her have a say in it, like i cant say for sure that she wouldve let them wear the socks if she was asked, but maybe she couldve pointed them to a pair she was more okay with loaning out, like idk, i know in the grand scheme of things and of the story the socks dont matter but i just keep thinking of it,, but also idk i at least have some respect for her because she doesnt try to shift the blame onto anyone else, she even says herself “She would never be able to console herself that she was pressured or bullied. She never was, She trapped herself, she marched into the labyrinth of her own construction, and was too young, too awestruck, too keen to please, to insist on making her own way back.”

#yeah idfk #but briony just screams autism to me #everyone irl that ive discussed this with have said “well i dont think it was intentional” for some reason #like okay? and? like obviously not to bash them because i dont think they meant anything bad by it #but like literature is meant to be subjective ya know #yes the authors intentions with a piece and a character matter and give insight into why things turned out the way they did #but that doesnt mean the different interpretations cant exist #briony tallis #atonement #OK EDIT: I KNOW ITS STUPID BUT I MADE THIS POST BEFORE READING THE WHOLE SOCK SCENE I HAVE NOW READ IT AND UNDERSTAND WHY CECILIA COULDNT #DIRECTLY ASK BRIONY ABOUT THE SOCKS #(i still think its fair for briony to be initially upset though even thought again it doesnt really matter) #but yeah im actually reading reading the book now and the more i read the more autistic i think briony is

[gremlinhourz]

Quotev used to be a big era for creepypasta and undertale kids. It was like tumblr but easy to access because all you needed was an email and password then BAM you're in the community. 12 year old me thought it was easy because wattpad and amino was STRICTLY only on the app store which SUCKED.

#okay but literally this #my gate way to fanfiction was a minecraft skin making app #but the first fanfic i read after that was on quotev #and like life changing events

[gremlinhourz]

its kinda bullshit that even though i have accommodations i never really get them, like near the end of every school year i have an accommodations meeting thats always hazy and awkward and that is the only time most of my accommodations are acknowledged, and they always ask how its been going with them and i always have to say that i barely use it as if i dont need it but its like literally i dont know how to? like in my 7ish years of having accommodations its never been explained to me how im supposed to use them and i feel so guilty for having them and hate the idea of directly asking the teacher for it because im probably not going to do well anyways so it feels more reasonable for me to turn in an assignment with not alterations late rather than on that the teacher had to take time to organize for me, like obviously i know its mostly my fault that they arent used but still, also like i asked for an accommodation that i really needed and still really need and they said they couldnt give me it because i take high level classes so it would be unfair for me to get it when other students dont, essentially saying that if i cant keep up with the rigorous work load i shouldnt take the class, ignoring the fact that i sored in standard classes so much to the point that my english teacher told me higher level classes would be a better fit for me, like i can do the concepts!! i can learn the course well!!!! its just the fucking work outside of class that kills me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so please can i have an accommodation where i have more class time (or just generally in school time) to work! like very obviously academic success isnt everything, its not bad to be in standard level classes, but it just sounds like fucking bullshit to say i cant have an accommodation because im in a high level class, like you (the school/staff/whatever) literally encourage students to get here and praise me for being here why is it unfair to help me become the best student i can be?

#biggggggggggggggggggg rant #like i know i could take charge go to a library or something but i cant drive and i feel like theres just so much uncertainty in doing that #that i dont even want to try it #like in college i imagine myself living in the library #but as of right now since i cant go there at my own digression and have a buncha control over the situation i cant imagine trying it out

[gremlinhourz]

today just feels so like fall, halloween mcdonalds even, the light air that isnt to humid but also doesnt nip at your skin, early sunsets for longer more enjoyable nights, things are slowing down yet speeding up all at once

#my mom opened the windows today and its just like *halloween mcdonalds reminiscing intensifies* #idk if ive actually mention halloween mcdonalds on here before but like most memorable fall sense for me ig #like standing in the hall way as the garage door squeaks open and my dad walks in holding happy meals in frankie stein and draculaura bucke #that is what halloween mcdonalds is #i also often equate it to a smell specifcally one that a fresh elementary school classroom would have around this time of year #and maybe fall and halloween mcdonalds is a smell #but if it is i cant pinpoint what makes it up

[gremlinhourz]

i was making an about me for a sideblog and like i want to put info about myself like pronouns, mbti type, and whatnot because why not but just the thought of doing that for some reason makes me so uncomfortable,,, like i really cant pin point what it is about it but i think it might just be how reminiscent of twitter it is (ik that stuff is in no way a twitter exclusive thing but the only time ive really created a profile like that for myself was on twitter) like idk i feel like once i put that type of information on about mes it becomes less about me enjoying things and more about the personality i present,, so yeah all that needs to be know about me is my interests

#well figured that one out :3c #but yeah like here and on my other blogs explicitly connected to this one i feel fine being like 'bread | they/them | etc' but when we get #to my more specific sideblogs its just different

[gremlinhourz]

its amazing that when you take care of yourself you feel better

#i know #so unexpected #but like tbh the last couple of days ive been feeling a bit like shit about myself #but today i ate breakfast brushed my teeth washed my face and did my laundry #and i looked in the mirror and im liking the person i see

[gremlinhourz]

im so fucking scared of natural disaster you have no idea like ive luckily never been threw one but just the thought of not only all the pain and damage but also being in it is just terrifying

#like it sounds insignificant and probably a but selfish but im just so attached to all my stuff #the thought of losing my valued possession is anxiety inducing #like im not talking about 'oh the album i bought last week' or 'my expensive console' though it would be sad to loose those they dont really #matter what does matter though is my favorite stuffed animal #im going to be honest im a very whatever that word is that means i have a whole buncha stuff person but i genuinely dont think any of it #matters as much to me as this stuffed animal (and im just assuming my phone would be on me anyways ya know) #i would leave donk (said stuffed animal) if it meant saving any of my family and or pets (obviously) #but like ya know aaaaaaaaa i think its reasonable to not want all your stuff to be destroyed

[gremlinhourz]

i just read a fanfic and so the author of it mentioned that they originally wrote it in spanish and i noticed in the author notes that they would laugh as "jajaja", i mentioned this to my sister who happens to have taken a spanish class and she informed me thats how you laugh in spanish not just an ig quirk of the author and can i just say i love that so much like im sorry to read into this random fanfic writer so much but like yes!!! culture!!! language!!!!!

#me when i love reading and writing and authors and language

[gremlinhourz]

I WAS RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#glad she didnt leave ink theory #yoko and the gold bazookas #idk if the tweet meant there are 7 members or if it took 7 irl people to record but i need to know all them #splatbands #just !!!!!!!!!! right now

[gremlinhourz]

YEA!!!! YOKO SLAY

SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT THE SIZZLE SEASON TRAILER BUT MOST IMMEDIATELY FOCUSED ON THIS

YOKO & THE GOLD BAZOOKA!!?!? LIKE YOKO FROM INK THEORY?!??!!!? WHAT HAPPENED TO INK THEORY OR DOES YOKO JUST ALSO DO SOLO STUFF NOW?!!?

[gremlinhourz]

SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT THE SIZZLE SEASON TRAILER BUT MOST IMMEDIATELY FOCUSED ON THIS

YOKO & THE GOLD BAZOOKA!!?!? LIKE YOKO FROM INK THEORY?!??!!!? WHAT HAPPENED TO INK THEORY OR DOES YOKO JUST ALSO DO SOLO STUFF NOW?!!?

#splatoon #splatoon 3 #splatbands #splatooon sizzle season

[gremlinhourz]

the endless cycle of i cant do work i dread so i put on music but i cant fully focus while listening to music so i cant do work but doing work is so hard so i want to listen to music but i cant foucs--

#pain #hell #everything sucks #adhd momence

[gremlinhourz]

i have so so so so so so so so soo so much work to do but i dont have the motivation? attention? focus? ability? discipline?? to do any of it like im just sitting hear with it open staring at me and even worse i dont want to do anything that would normally 'cheer me up' besides things that i will for sure not stop? put down? listen to a time limit for? just to do work

#yeah just gotta find some more sources then put together a good script and refine #my slides to match and bam! the projects almost done #its just its so hard to think #like when i was doing this project at school i was like #but now that im home i just cant think #i know what i have to do but everything that was so clear i didnt even need to think about it before is now a jumbled buzzing mess #i dont want to give into my habits because i know this wont end well i give in now i dont do the project at all this weekend #but i feel so bad #im on the verge of tears because im stressed im stressed because i cant get work done i cant get work done because im on the verge of tears

[gremlinhourz]

i dont think id ever have the actual guts to harm myself, like i am so scared of pain and death so i (luckly) dont think id ever do it, but god do i want to smash a hammer through my skull right now no one that can possibly do anything to help me understands and no matter where they actually stand on the matter it feels like they dont care enough too like please just listen to me let me speak tell me its okay even if its not i want to explode i want to yell i want to scream i want you to understand but i can never have this conversation with you because you wont let me speak i stumble over words and you take it upon yourself to finish my sentence i make clarifications about something before i say it and you start talking assuming thats all i have to say i know that its on me to tell you "hey im not done" but you cutting me off just feel like you dont care what i have to say anyways why bother correcting you and i cant tell you any of this because youll get mad annoyed at me for accusing you of such things when im not i know that you care but doesnt mean it feels like it please listen to me i cant even beginning to verbalize why i am struggling so much but i am i know i know i know i know i look lazy and selfish and you only want to help you only want to see me succeed but if you leave it at saying youll never understand then youll never be able to help hell you dont even have to understand completely i sure as hell dont but if you could at least be more forgiving i dont think i can ever change how you think and that hurts alot

[gremlinhourz]

unlike you innovative people who know how to change their text color i dont! i am simply skilled and god please tumblr fix this i just want to post i know i can just change my palette or whatever but i choose not to <3

#i normally wouldve put half of that in the tags but i felt the need to type a lot there to show i am good #(writing these before posting i very well could he making a complete fool of myself #but the only red underline in where i have dont and thats just because i dont use apostrophes)

[gremlinhourz]

#👍👍👍👍