ghostlywritten

[ghostlywritten]

If Only I Had Stayed In The Shadows - Chapter Thirteen

James Potter x OC

A/N: This is more of a short interlude to explain James' thought on everything and a quick pre-taste on Cec's state of mind. I hope, you enjoy. Thank you for all your reviews and thoughts on it.

Words: 2k

Prologue  Chapter One   Chapter Two  Chapter Three  Chapter Four  Chapter Five  Chapter Six  Chapter Seven  Chapter Eight  Chapter Nine  Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve

James Potter was restless. He was giddy, he was elated, he was happy. The love of his life had said 'yes' to him! Or would have said 'yes' to him! Same difference. His brown eyes stared wide and awake at burgundy red canopy of his bed. He couldn't find any sleep within him. Not with the amazing revelation that he had discovered no longer than a few hours ago. Or was it only an hour ago?

He had lost any sense of time.

'It did not get me to say yes back then, but...'

'If I had known this side of you before, I might have agreed.'

'To- you know.'

'To going out with me', James thought, smiling as his heart burst in happiness. 'It worked exactly as I had planned. No, as Sirius had planned.' He remembered the party back then, when he tried the new tactic of 'being civil' and Sirius had suggested to take it up a notch. 'He was right all along.' The messy-haired boy turned his head towards the bed, where his best mate's form was sleeping peacefully and jumped up, promptly throwing himself on him.

"What-where-who?!" Sirius spluttered, drool dripping from the corner of his mouth. James couldn't even think about how disgusting that was as he took his head and started planting multiple kisses wherever he could reach. "Oi Prongs, what-"

"Pads, you are the bestest mate any mate could ever ask for," James said word for word between every kiss. Sirius laughed, a smile reaching his eyes as he noticed how happy his brother in all but blood was.

"Of course I am," he boasted, "What made you finally realise it though?" James dropped himself down next to him, facing him with a blissful sigh. "Did you dream about me saving your life or something?"

"Yeah, something like that," James grinned, his eyes lit up and Sirius' smile widened, appreciating how infectious his good mood was. "You won't believe what happened today."

"Have you finally realised that I'm the better Quidditch player than you and are here to congratulate me?" Sirius guessed jokingly.

"Wha- no! Be sirius!" Sirius opened his mouth. "No, don't go there!"

"Wow," the grey-eyed boy chuckled, "you won't even let me do my signature joke. This must be big."

"It is," James looked at him with wide excited eyes, "You won't believe what Lily said to me today!"

Sirius blinked at him. "Evans?"

"Yes, Lily Evans," James replied impatiently, wondering if his best mate got hit on the head whilst Sirius wondered when the last time had been that he had mentioned her. "We talked today after studying and she literally told me that she would say 'yes' to me asking her out!"

Sirius' mouth opened but he was speechless. "What?" he cleared his throat, feeling dread creep up on him.

James giggled - actually giggled - in delight. "She said, if she had known this side of me that I've been showing her lately she would have said 'yes', Sirius! How bloody amazing is that!"

"Yeah, really amazing," Sirius said half-heartedly before looking at his mate grinning to himself in bliss, "But I mean, it doesn't matter anymore anyways, right?"

"Why? What do you mean?" James asked him confused and Sirius stared at him as if he were crazy. "Because you are with Cec now? You know, your girlfriend?!"

James' smile faded as he thought of his current girlfriend. "Yeah, Cec is the only hindrance right now. Lily will surely say yes when I'm not taken anymore."

Sirius stared at him in disbelief. "So, you're just gonna disregard her like that? Throw her away now that the red-head has finally decided to pay attention to you?"

James furrowed his eyebrows. "I don't understand why you are so surprised. This was the plan all along. Your plan, Pads." Sirius' heart dropped as he realised what his mate meant. 'I'm just saying that if you want this new tactic to work and make it actually believable you will have to go out with someone else. You know, make her see what she is missing and what she could have had…make her come to you.' "I thought you would be happy about this," James continued to ramble, feeling his elation deflate the more he thought about Cec himself. 'She will understand.'

"That- bloody hell, James," Sirius said, frustration clear in his voice, "I only said that so you would finally get your head out of Evan's ass and move on."

James frowned. "How would that have happened with that plan in mind?"

"I don't know, I thought you would bloody forget about the plan," Sirius sat, sitting up as he got more agitated, "Hell, I forgot about it long ago." James raised himself up as well, opening his mouth but his best mate cut him off, "I didn't think you would go along with the relationship for so long just for the slightest possibility that Evans would say yes to you. You were freaking together for almost a year."

"Eight months," James corrected, causing him to roll his eyes, "And of course, I didn't forget about the plan. It was the reason why I got together with Cec in the first place."

"Yeah, but I didn't think you were faking it this whole time."

"I wasn't faking it!" Sirius raised an eyebrow and James shook his head, confused why that had been his immediate reaction to the accusation, "I mean, I wasn't really faking it. I like Cec, but as a friend."

Sirius snorted, "Sure, your snogging sessions in every corner in this school was just friendly."

"That was just...practice-"

"Sure, it was."

"-for when I'm finally with Lily."

"James, you sound like a real dick right now," Sirius said deadpanned. James sighed frustrated, all the happiness gone. "I don't get it. You were all for it at first. Even came up with the bloody plan." He stilled as he watched his grey eyes flash with guilt and calmed down. "What changed your mind now?"

"Just...Cec is a great girl. And she made you great, too," Sirius said simply and he shot him a surprised look, "She made you reflect on everything more, think more about your future and what you're gonna do. We all started talking more about serious stuff and not just about who we are going to prank next."

"We didn't only do that!" James protested and Sirius sighed tiredly, "No, of course not. But most of the time."

James stayed quiet for a thoughtful second before remarked, "She is a good listener."

"And good with advices," Sirius added.

"And good in comforting."

"Definitely."

"And good in lightening up the mood...conversations are always easy with her," James continued and Sirius watched him silently as he noted his chocolate brown eyes glaze over as he remembered all the times with her, "Even silences are comfortable with her. And she is a bloody good Quidditch player. I bet you my life that the Montrose Magpies will recruit her some day...," James trailed off, her smiling face clear in his mind, "...yeah, she is great friend." Sirius groaned, hitting his face with his palm.

"What?" James asked, blinking.

"How can you still consider her with all the things you've just listed?" Sirius said exasperated.

"Sirius, I would bloody say all that about you as well," James countered back, causing his grey eyes to soften, "Except for the thing with the Montrose Magpies. You are not that good of a Quidditch player." Sirius scoffed, punching his arm lightly and they chuckled quietly together. "But you see what I mean. I consider Cec as a friend, a very good friend."

Sirius sighed in defeat. "And Lily," James continued, a besotted smile gracing his features, "She's just the light of my life. She is so beautiful and smart and always knows what to say. And she is funny-"

"Alright, alright. I get it," Sirius cut him off, dreading his long-ass speeches about Evans that he had not missed at all in the past months. "So, what are you gonna do now?"

"Well, explain everything to Cec, break up and then ask Lily out. Duh."

"She's so going to hate you for this," Sirius remarked. 'And me, too,' he thought, feeling his heart clench at the thought.

"Who? Lily?"

"No, Cec."

"No," James declined easily, settling back on the mattress with his arms behind his head, "She might get angry, but she will understand." 'She will.' "She always understands me."

"If you say so," Sirius said doubtfully, lying down next to him.

James listened to the breaths of his friends in the silent night, thoughts racing through his mind. Of all the times they had sat together in front of the fireplace in the common room, talking for hours on end. Of the dates they had in Hogsmeade, in the kitchens, anywhere on the Hogwarts grounds. Of her warm and loving gaze only directed at him, making him feel at peace and appreciated. Yeah...she will understand.

...

I sat, staring blankly into the darkness. It was probably way past midnight, maybe even the early morning. Or maybe just an hour had passed since I was hit with the crushing revelation.

I had lost any sense of time.

'It was just an act.'

'We look like we are besotted with each other.'

'James, you dumb asshole,' I thought numbly, only just realising the tears that had welled up and spilled over my cheeks, now that I was engulfed in darkness. I sniffed. 'You stupid, bloody asshole.'

Taking a shuddering breath I thought back on every single moment, wondering if there had been any sign - just a little one - that could have warned me. The sudden interest in me perhaps? I mean, I had been suspicious in his sudden disregard in Lily, but somewhere along the line I had let myself fall into the trap and started dating him. 'I should have persisted more. Maybe he would have told me of this blasted plan and spared me of what I'm feeling right now.' I closed my eyes, pressing a hand against my chest in hopes that it would somehow shield the hurting, beating organ from feeling any pain. An overwhelming pain that was starting to constrict my throat.

Opening my eyes, I desperately looked for any kind of distraction, seeing only a bed, dark tall walls and a few windows in the wish room Sirius had shown me not long ago.

'Sirius!' I bit the inside of my cheek as another painful wave hit me. Had he known about James' plan to use my oblivious self for his own selfish reasons, regardless of what would happen to me?

They were best friends, I would be surprised if he hadn't known.

A whimper escaped me as I staggered up and trudged towards the bed, dropping myself on it and curling up into the ball as tight as I could.

How life-changing a few seconds could be..

#james potter x oc #james potter x reader #james potter imagine #james potter fanfiction #James Potter #sirius black imagine #marauders imagine #marauders era #marauders fanfiction #Marauders #marauders fic #Lily Evans #Sirius Black #marlene mckinnon #harry potter imagine #harry potter fanfiction #Harry Potter #OC #original character

[ghostlywritten]

If Only I Had Stayed In The Shadows - Chapter Twelve

James Potter x OC

A/N: At last, the long awaited chapter. Sorry for the wait, my laptop has been failing on me. Hope you enjoy.

Words: 3,8k

Prologue  Chapter One   Chapter Two  Chapter Three  Chapter Four  Chapter Five  Chapter Six  Chapter Seven  Chapter Eight  Chapter Nine  Chapter Ten  Chapter Eleven

It was the last weekend before the beginning of the exams for literally everybody. The library was packed with not a single seat unoccupied as well as the common room, where people had even taken to sitting on the floor to study, the dorms being too sitfling.

I had been one of the lucky ones to get a seat at a table, revising my notes with James next to me.

"How do you brew the Elixir to Induce Euphoria?"

"You add shrivelfig, porcupine quills and stir four times anti-clockwise. Then you add a sprig of peppermint, Sopophorous beans and wormwood and stir six times anti-clockwise," James recited, twirling a strand of my hair between his fingers.

"That is correct."

"Yes!"

"Alright, your turn-"

"Hey, what about my reward?" James asked and I looked at him questioningly, "My kiss?" He pouted and I gave in almost immediately, not being able to resist his big earth-coloured eyes as I leant forward to press my lips against his.

"Hmm, that's it," he hummed approvingly and it made my face grow as I thought of him saying it during certain other circumstances. I was a girl, a sixteen year old girl, and of bloody course my mind would wander towards certain things that I could be doing instead of studying, now that I had a boyfriend...things, that I couldn't have had managed before on my own. And with a boyfriend as hot as mine I couldn't help but let my gaze linger whenever he stretched himself during Quidditch warm-ups, causing his shirt to deliciously rile up and reveal his abs, or watching him bite his lips whenever he concentrated hard on something, wishing he would bite me-

"Love? Cec? Hellooo?" James snapped his fingers in front of my face and I blinked. "Are you spacing out on me? Siriusly? After you dragged my ass to sit and study with you? Jeez, then ungratefulness stinks," he huffed in mock-annoyance and I shook my head to get the thoughts out.

"Sorry. What were you saying?"

"It's my turn. What colour does the Potion have and what is it for?"

"The colour should be a bright yellow and as the name implies, it's supposed to induce the drinker in a sudden euphoria."

"That is absolutely correct!"

"Of course it is," I replied arrogantly, flinging my hair before giggling. James smirked, leaning forward. "Come and get your reward then." My heart leaped in my chest but I managed to stop him with a hand on his chest. "Nah, I'm good," I teased with a shrug, briefly wondering where Marlene was. She would have been so proud of me right now. James frowned for a second before promptly throwing himself on me. "Uff, James!" I exclaimed, pearls of laughter escaping as he snuck his arms around me to lessen the blow of landing on the hard floor, pinning me down effectively with his body.

"How dare you reject my generous offer of rewarding you with a kiss?" James said gravely, chuckles drifting through his words, "You shall be punished with more rewards."

"Bite me!"

"Gladly!" I squealed as he started attacking my neck, nipping playfully at the sensitive skin.

"Can you stop with your childish antics?!” Lily's voice ripped through our laughter. She stood up with a peeved look, gathering her things. "Some people are actually trying to study!" She stormed off before any of us could form an answer.

James sprang up, adjusting his glasses as he held out a hand for me whilst looking after her. I brushed off any dirt from my clothes and went to sit down.

"I should probably go and check on her," he suggested and I wanted to ask why when he was already taking off.

"Alright," I said lamely to his back, watching until he disappeared through the portrait hole. I plopped back down on my seat, glancing at Alice, who was completely immersed in her notes, not even aware her best friend's departure. Looking down at my own notes, I tried to focus but my eyes kept drifting from word to word without taking anything in as my mind kept replaying the way James ran after Lily with little to no hesitation. 

'You're thinking too much into it...

...I wonder what they are doing right now...'

I sighed loudly, frustrated that I couldn't let it go. Peeking at the only studious girl at the table, I stood up. "I'm...gonna go to the loo," I excused myself and left when I received no response.

Walking out of the common room, I promptly slapped myself on the forehead.

Was I really going to follow them like a creepy, insecure girlfriend? Obviously.

Was I going to find them with the head start they had now? Obviously not. Dumbass.

Glancing back at the portrait of the Fat Lady guarding our entrance, I pondered whether to go back inside or try looking for them. Lily was most likely heading to the library to join Remus at his study table that he had occupied since this morning. I cringed at my own behaviour when I decided to look for them. 'Im just making sure she's fine so I can focus back on my exams,' I reassured myself, 'Nothing creepy about tha-'

"Ow-!"

"Oi, Cec," Sirius greeted me gruffly, holding onto my arm until I steadied myself as he had bumped against me quite strongly, "Sorry about that. Didn't see you from the corner."

"It's all good," I replied, glad for the distraction as I straightened my robe and looked up at him. He seemed distraught, his hair unkempt and his tie hanging loosely around his neck. I would have guessed he had a good snogging session if it weren't for the sad glistening in his eyes. "Hey Sirius," I called softly as he fidgeted, already turning away, "Is everything alright?"

"Hm?" he looked over his shoulder, his expression carefully blank, "Yeah, of course. Everything is fine. Why?"

I shrugged, not wanting to point out how he seemed less than his usual joyful facade. "Just asking. Where you've been anyway? I thought we would study together in the common room?"

His face twisted into something akin to anguish and I furrowed my eyebrows. "I was with Reg..ulus," he said, turning away.

"Did som-"

"Look, I don't wanna talk about it," he snapped.

"Sirius..." He stormed off towards the portrait hole and I was left staring after a back for the second time this day. I felt the worry built up, sensing that something bad must have happened. Because, no matter how hurt or angry Sirius was, he was always very good at hiding it. Unless he was drunk or something major had happened. And since he didn't seem drunk right now...my feet started moving before my mind had been made up, walking back towards the Fat Lady and pushing every thought of James and Lily into the back of my mind. This was urgent, my platonic soulmate was in pain after all.

Stepping into the common room, I spotted the black-haired boy rush up the boys dormitory and steeled myself before following him upstairs, hoping nobody saw me step to left instead of the right passage towards the rooms. I tentatively walked down the small hallway I had never dared to step in in all my six years before, searching the signs on the doors for the Sixth Year's dormitories. Pressing an ear on one of the doors, I listened for any sound. Fortunately, there were some shuffles and the familiar voice of my friend cursing as he dropped something heavy. Just as I contemplated on whether to knock, the door swung up revealing Sirius, who had rid himself of his robe and jumper, holding a bottle of Firewhiskey in his hand and the other tightly wound around the door handle.

"What are you doing?" he asked, narrowing his shining eyes.

"I-"

"Just leave," he grumbled, his voice tense as he was holding back the tears that hadn't fallen yet. Dread filled me now as he rushed past me to the bathroom, shutting the door soundly behind him. Something was seriously wrong. This time, I didn't hesitate to follow him, pushing back the cringe at opening a boy's bathroom and peeking in. The room was empty except for one shower cabinet in the far back where the water was turned on, running at full blast.

"Sirius, I hope you are not naked, because I'm coming in," I warned, giving him a second before I opened the cabinet to find him sitting on the floor, drinking from the bottle of Firewhiskey as the water pattered down on him.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" he mumbled, his voice thick and croaky from the burn of the alcohol, "I don't want to talk about it." He leaned his head back, closing his eyes as the water trickled down on his face and further, drenching his clothes.

"We don't need to talk," I said quietly, hoping he could hear me over the water, "I just wanna be here for you." And with that, I stepped in fully-clothed and closed the cabinet door behind me, sliding down next to him as I proceeded to get completely wet in a less than a few seconds. Sirius kept quiet, only raising his bottle to me before pressing it against his own lips when I shook my head, wondering which of the drops trailing down his face were from the shower head and which from his sorrowful eyes.

I wasn't sure how long we sat there but Sirius got up after what seemed like hours, clearing his throat as he lowered the water volume. "I'm...gonna get you the Invisibility Cloak so you can sneak out. Wait here." I nodded. "And don't turn the water off or someone might come in." I nodded again and he stepped over me, pushing the door open and disappearing from sight. I sighed as he left, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling of my clothes sticking to my skin. He came back after a few minutes with cloak and wand in hand, casting a Hot Air Charm over me as I got up and turned off the shower head. It was completely silent, but somber in some way as we proceeded to walk out of the bathroom with me under the cloak and him at the front. He held the door open, squinting to see if I had passed and I mumbled a quiet 'thanks' when I was out.

Nodding, he stepped out as well, shoving his hands into his pockets, having dried himself as well. "I will...see you around," he said, a softness in his voice and slightly slurring, "I'm just gonna head to bed."

I nodded before realising he couldn't see me. "Okay. Sleep well, Sirius."

"You too."

Turning away, I took a few steps when I heard Sirius whisper my name. "Cec, I- thank you. For being there," he stammered, seeming uncharacteristically unsure of himself. I wondered then, how many people he had shown his emotional side before. Guessing from what I knew about him, I would say it dwindled down to the four people he kept the closest plus maybe Regulus. It warmed me, that he now included me into that circle as well even if I kind of forced him to as I had followed him around. "Cec?" he called out questioningly, his grey eyes flittering around as he pondered whether I was still there or not. I quickly stepped back towards him, carefully taking his hand and squeezing it slightly. "You're more than welcome, Sirius," I whispered and his eyes softened when I raised my cloak to let him see me for a split second. "Good night."

"Good night."

Walking down to the common room, I noticed a considerably less amount of people were gathered around to study, mostly Fifth and Seventh Years. But Alice was still there and even Marlene had joined her, though her face rested on her notes as she drooled on them, fast asleep. Glancing at the clock on the wall, I noticed it was past nine o'clock. The thoughts of Lily and James that I had pushed into the back of my mind resurfaced and I swept the room with my eyes in search of either of them. There was no way Lily would have gone to bed so early on the last days before the exam and I briefly remembered all the times we had together to study until past midnight for our O.W.L.'s last year. 'Was she still at the library?' But the library had been closed for an hour now.

My stomach grumbled in that moment and the sound resonated throughout the otherwise quiet room. I blushed, despite the fact that no one could see me under the cloak, as a few heads raised in confusion. Only now did I realise how hungry I was since I had missed dinner and also skipped lunch earlier this day. 'A quick snack from the kitchen it is,' I decided, walking towards the entrance and out of the common room. 'And on my way I can make a short detour to see if Lily actually managed to convince Madam Pince to let her stay past the closing hours to study. Wouldn't put it past her to play the Prefect Card for this.'

Skipping down the stairs, I took the corridor to the library and found it entirely deserted. I sighed relieved, not knowing what exactly I was relieved for, as I turned away to head towards the kitchen. The halls were empty and dark, with the occasional light of the half-moon breaking through the tall windows and I breathed in the fresh air of a summer night, enjoying the peaceful silence as I strolled towards the kitchen.

But the peace would only last for so long.

I reached the corridor with the painting of the fruit bowl, fastening my steps as my stomach gave another protesting growl. Just when I was about to tickle the pear in the painting, anticipating all the good food the elves would cook in a matter of minutes, the door opened from the inside, nearly banging against my forehead. I stumbled back as the door swung to the side, revealing James. My heart skipped a beat in surprise but also at the sight of twinkling eyes that seemed unnaturally light in all the darkness surrounding us. Grinning, I grasped at the hem of the cloak, ready to spook him when he turned back towards the kitchens, engulfing his face in a warm glow of light coming from the big room.

A shadow crossed his features and he held his hand out for Lily, who was laughing softly as she took it, letting him help her out of the hole. "Thanks," she said.

"You are very welcome," James replied with a grin as the door shut close, engulfing us all in a sudden darkness. I blinked, squinting in hopes to see better as my eyes adjusted. For a second everything was silent before the two started walking. Biting my lip, I followed them before I could think about what I was doing. 'We are all headed to the same direction, I can't help it that I need to walk behind them. And since I'm not hungry anymore- oh, who am I kidding, I'm starving,' I complained to myself, cursing my brain for having the urge to spy on the two in all my insecure glory.

They walked in silence for a while before standing on the staircase.

"Thanks for the food," Lily spoke up as they waited for the stairs to stop moving, "I really needed it."

"Figures. You didn't eat anything today," James replied.

"How do you know that?"

"Eh," I could practically feel him blush as he stammered for an answer. "I just saw you and Cec studying all day, so I guessed that you hadn't eaten anything yet. Cec hasn't at least."

"Right," Lily said quietly, walking up the stairs as they stopped moving. I followed silently, watching the moon reflect on her brilliant red hair and noticing James did, too. "You know, I was surprised how you two suddenly got together."

"Hm?" James hummed, looking at his shoes as he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his robes.

"I mean, one day you were asking me out and the other you were suddenly hanging around with her and started dating," Lily said in joking manner and James chuckled along, though I couldn't grasp the joke in it. "It was...surprising, yeah," she ended awkwardly and the mood turned somber.

"Well, I guess it surprised a lot of people," James chuckled again, seemingly nervous as he ran a hand through his messy mop of hair. "But, Cec is great. She is amazing, really," he added, his voice turning steady and gentle, tugging at my heart strings. I felt a smile form on my face.

"She is quite great, yeah," Lily agreed softly. Now I felt bad for eavesdropping. 'You're siriusly messed up, dumbass,' I scolded myself. But I didn't stop. "I'm happy for you guys. It's nice to see Cec so happy and seeing a normal side of you."

James scoffed, "Normal?"

"What?" Lily giggled.

"What side of me has not been normal before?"

"I'm just saying, it's refreshing to know a side of you that wouldn't enchant cupids to read me sappy poems and throw pink glitter all over me," Lily recalled, laughing to herself as James blushed beet-red.

"Well, normal is overrated anyway," he muttered into his tie, smiling as Lily bumped her fist against his arms.

"I kinda miss it," she said and I noticed her eyes widen as soon as the sentence left her mouth. James' lips quirked up, his eyes shining. "Do you now?" he asked smugly, laughing as she slapped his arm.

"I mean," she started but paused. The mood turned slightly somber as she fiddled with her sleeve.

"You mean?" James prompted almost eagerly and I bit my lip, the tugging in my heart strings turning to harsh pulls.

Lily sighed, "It's nothing. Just, now that I know the 'normal' side of you, the one, you probably show to your friends and Cec...I think, all the stuff you used to do was quite endearing."

James kept quiet for a second. "You mean, when I endlessly chased after you?"

"All the things you did to ask me out. The cupids, the flowers, the sweets...," I distinctly heard Lily gulp as she stopped and turned towards him, causing him to falter in his steps, too. "I didn't recognise it back then, but it must have cost you a lot of effort and I think that's sweet..." James held his breath. "...and a little bit excessive." They both chuckled lightly before turning quiet, staring at the other.

"So, it was not for nothing after all," James muttered softly, almost as if he were dazed as he stared into her eyes. I clutched at the cloak tightly, feeling cold all of a sudden.

Lily cocked her head to the side, strands of red hair gliding over her shoulder like ocean waves. "Yeah. It did not get me to say yes back then, but..."

"But?" James pressed, taking a step forward.

Lily took a deep breath as if she were preparing herself for something, "But...if I had known this side of you before, I might have agreed. To- you know." I stilled, my tight grip on the cloak loosening slightly. James' eyes widened and I could see the elation spread through his face even if he didn't smile.

"To going out with me?" he asked breathlessly. Lily hesitated before she nodded. For a minute, we all stood in silence as James stared at her, dumbfounded. Lily's eyes flickered around as if she were scared to get caught. "Anyway, it doesn't matter!" she stated, too loudly for the quiet atmosphere, "I mean, you are with Cec now and you guys are happy."

"Yeah...yeah we are," James said, still in stupor.

"Yeah, so..." Lily gestured forward, turning to start walking again.

"But what if we aren't?" James spoke up, causing her to halt in her footsteps. My heart stopped.

"What?" she asked, looking at him over her shoulder.

It was James' turn to take a deep breath as if he were preparing himself for something, "What if Cec and I weren't happy?"

Lily furrowed her eyebrows. "What do you mean? You guys look besotted with each other."

"Yeah, that's the thing," James said firmly, determination flooding his features. "We look like we are besotted with each other. It was an act." I swayed slightly as if I had been punched in the chest. "It was just an act." It was just an act. The words seemed to echo in the hallway, pounding relentlessly into my eardrums as I stood frozen, staring the bespectacled boy.

"It was an act?" Lily asked incredulously. James nodded. She turned towards him fully in disbelief. "You were acting like you were together?!" James nodded again. "Why?"

"I was trying to show you a more civil side of me," he said and my eyes widened. 'Be civil' I heard my own voice resonate through my mind. I tried to keep my breathing even as my chin trembled. "I wanted you to see what kind of guy I am since you wouldn't go out with me. I wanted you to see the real me. How I would be if we were together."

Lily stared at him. "I don't even know what to say...," she trailed off.

"Since you appreciated all the efforts I put into asking you out, you could appreciate this as well?" James asked hopefully and I was starting to feel sick. It was just an act. Something in me shattered. I turned away, trying to shield the little, constricting organ in my chest from his words.

"But wait, is Cec part of this? How is she managing to pretend this whole time?" she pondered and James' face fell. Noticing this, she narrowed her eyes at him. "Is she pretending, James? Does she know about your relationship being an act?"

James tensed up, biting his lip as he glanced away and it was all the answer that Lily needed. Her emerald green eyes widened. "James...," she breathed in disbelief, "How could you do this to her?"

"Listen, Cec won't take it too hard," James tried as Lily shook her head in disbelief, "She knows it's nothing serious. We've grown closer, yes, as friends."

"I don't think she sees it like that," Lily responded and I chose that moment to walk away. Because she was absolutely right.

Chapter Thirteen

#james potter x reader #james potter x oc #James Potter #james potter fanfiction #Sirius Black #marauders imagine #marauders fanfiction #marauders era #Remus Lupin #Lily Evans #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter imagine #marlene mckinnon #harry potter #marauders

[ghostlywritten]

If Only I Had Stayed In The Shadows - Chapter Eleven

James Potter x OC

Words: 3,6k

Prologue  Chapter One   Chapter Two  Chapter Three  Chapter Four  Chapter Five  Chapter Six  Chapter Seven  Chapter Eight  Chapter Nine  Chapter Ten

It was a peaceful Saturday, sunny with a light breeze rushing over the Hogwarts grounds. I was sitting against the trunk of a tree close to the lake, enjoying the rays of sunshine on my skin as I lazily skimmed the pages of my Potions book with tired eyes. The end of the year exam for Potions was coming up in two weeks and there was rarely a Sixth Year seen without this book in hand, either studying during breakfast, lunch and dinner or in the library inbetween free periods and after classes. Usually I would be among them, ripping the last few good strands of my hair in stress but today I felt unbelievably lazy, feeling too heavy and tired to do anything. 'Stupid period,' I thought grumpily, tilting my head up to the sky as if the sun could help me feel better. Which it did, until-

"Oi, Cec!" Sirius called out, jogging up towards where I was sat, interrupting the peaceful silence. I briefly thought back on the last time he had interrupted something several days ago and felt myself go red once again.

"Hey Sirius, what's up?" I greeted him, closing my book. He glanced down at it, grimacing. "Potions, eh? What a waste of time."

"Don't you need it to become an Auror?" I asked him amused and he simply waved me off. "Yeah, whatever. You got some time? I wanted to show you something."

I raised an eyebrow. "And what is that exactly?"

"Just come and see?" he nudged my leg with his foot, impatiently.

"The last time you wanted me to see something, a mass of dungbombs exploded on me," I recalled, scrunching my nose. The smell wouldn't get off for a week.

Sirius burst out in laughter, "Merlin, I completely forgot about that! What a brilliant idea!"

"Sure, you call it brilliant," I muttered to myself.

"Oh come on. It was a little fun, admit it," he grinned cheekily and I simply rolled my eyes at him. "You are not really doing yourself a favour right now if you still wanted to show me something."

"Yes, right!" he snapped back to attention, clearing his throat, "I wanna show you something. In fact, it's something really cool that could be useful for you as well."

"And why would you want to show it to me?" I asked, still suspicious.

"Because you're my friend and I wanna share my joy with you?!" As much as the thought of Sirius Black calling me his friend warmed my heart, who - despite his open and social character - rarely considered anyone a friend besides his tight inner circle, I couldn't help but think what a good strategy it would be to trick me.

Sirius sighed, giving in at my silence, "And maybe I want to know your opinion on something, too."

"There is the truth," I said, grinning widely as he gave me an annoyed look. Kneeling down, he tried to widen his eyes in a puppy look, "Are you going to come now?"

I cringed, "Alright, but don't try that look on me again." I got up swiftly, brushing a few strands of grass off my skirt as Sirius sprang up as well with a fist pump in the air. "It siriusly weirded me out."

"Really? Usually it works on the ladies," he pondered before giving me devilish smile, "Don't try to deny it. It did get you to come with me."

"Sure, it did, Sirius," I said, patting his head like a dog, "Sure it did."

We headed into the castle and I prodded him with questions of where we were going the entire way up to the seventh floor but the black-haired boy wouldn't budge until we reached a deserted hallway. I could safely I had never been in this hallway before, seeing as there was nothing but a weird tapestry of a man trying to teach trolls ballet and a vase in a way too big size to be considered normal across from it. And a window.

"So...it's a hallway," I concluded slowly, watching as Sirius traipsed around back and forth, his face set deep in concentration, "You wanted to show me a hallway."

Sirius snorted, stopping his movements as the wall behind was starting to ripple. My eyes widened in astonishment as a door materialised itself where stone had previously been. "No, I wanted to show you this," Sirius replied, smirking at my comically shocked expression. He went to the door, opening it. "My lady." He bowed formally, his smirk giving space for an uptight look and I snorted but eagerly walked over and through the door, curious on what would be behind it. And my jaw promptly dropped down once more.

Inside was a small, cozy room. The walls were completely covered in shelves filled to the brim with books and the floor adorned a thick carpet in a rich burgundy colour with intricate, golden-coloured details woven in. A large fireplace was carved inbetween the shelves in the wall across the door, an inviting fire crackling in it with two, dark green armchairs and a silver side table in front of it.

"Wow," was all I could say, letting Sirius push me inside and staring open-mouthed up at the walls, "This must be heaven for all the bookworms out there."

"Yeah? I thought it would be," Sirius said, a nervous edge on his tone. It broke me out of my stupor and I immediately bombarded him with questions, "How the hell did you find this place? Is this a mini library for nerds? In that case, how come you of all people have found it? And why didn't you show me this earlier, this was a way better place to hide from all the gossiping people than the actual library," I whined at the end. Sirius held up his hands in a placating manner, "Calm down, woman. Take a seat and we shall talk about my awesomeness that made me find this place."

I took the right armchair, relishing in how I sunk a bit into the leather and briefly thought about taking a nap right then and there.

"Chocolate?" Sirius offered, having taken out a bar from his bag. I nodded, catching the half he threw my way and munching on a piece.

"So first of, this place is super duper secret," Sirius started, holding up a finger, "No one that I know of knows about this place besides you now."

"What an honor," I said and it wasn't even sarcasm.

The boy grinned, making himself more comfortable. "As to how I found this place; It was a few years ago where my mates and I had a...a little dispute and weren't on talking terms."

"You guys not talking to each other?" I rose an eyebrow, "That sounds nearly impossible."

"Right?" Sirius grinned, but I could see an underlined pain in his eyes, "However, we did have a fight but got over it." He brushed it off, taking a bite of his chocolate. I cringed, "Can't you break off the pieces like every other sane person?" He looked down at his half of the bar before toothily taking another bite. "Why? Does it bother you?"

"Very."

"Good."

"Ugh, go on."

"Yeah, so anyway. During my dispute with the mates I was very much on my own in setting up pranks and stuff. One night, when I was out after curfew, Filch's blasted cat found me. I didn't have the Invisibility Cloak with me so I had to make a run for it, because wherever the cat is, our dear caretaker is close by as well. I got into this hallway, which was obviously a dead end and whilst I was pacing around thinking about where to hide, this mysterious door suddenly appeared on the blank wall just like it had right now."

"And it brought you to this library?"

"No, it was just a bathroom since I also had to pee very badly." I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, looking around the room. "How-"

"How is that possible, you ask? Well dear, I was wondering that, too because as soon as I got back out, the door disappeard and I couldn't get back in. So the next day, after I successfully escaped Filch and his cat, I went to this hallway and stood in front of this particular blank wall once more, trying to get back into the bathroom. Only, it wouldn't work. I tried everything, recalling every step I made that made the door appear, thinking I need to find this secret place and boom! The door appeared again!" he threw his arms up in emphasis and I would have laughed at his dramatic antics if I hadn't been so intrigued. No one could say Sirius wasn't a good storyteller. "But, it wasn't the bathroom I had seen last time. It was a much bigger room with millions of things scattered and piled up everywhere."

"What?" I asked, flabbergasted, "The room changed?!"

"The room changed!" he exclaimed, pointing a finger at me with a proud look, "It's a wish room! A room that can transfigure itself in whatever you need it to be." I dropped back against the chair in shock. "That...is...bloody brilliant!" I breathed out, staring once more around the room in amazment.

"It bloody is, right?" Sirius agreed giddily.

"So, if I wanted a place to hide-"

"You get your personal hiding place."

"And if I want a Quidditch field to practice on whilst the other teams are occupying the field outside-"

"You get your personal Quidditch field."

"And if I wanted my own sleeping space to get away from my snoring roommates-"

"You get your own sleeping space to get away from your snoring roomates, when you tell me who it is!"

"This is bloody awesome, Sirius! And no, I won't tell you!"

"Fine, but yes! It bloody is!" I laughed in excitement, thinking about all the great things that this room could be used for. "How come no one knows about this place? James would use it everyday for practicing Quidditch if he knew about it!" My face fell in thought, "Perhaps we shouldn't tell him then. He would train us dead."

Sirius' face also morphed into a somber look. "Yeah, I don't really want him to know or anyone else." I looked him over in surprise, "How come you haven't told him or the others about it? I thought you told each other everything?"

The boy sighed heavily, running a hand through his lucious black hair as he stared into the fire, "I told you, we had a dispute when I discovered the place. I always came here when I needed a bit time for myself to reflect on everything...it was kind of my safe space and also a good sleeping place when the dorm got too suffocating." I bit my lip, seeing the sad expression on his face and wondered just what had been so bad to cause such a bad fight between them. "I always planned to tell them if we were to ever become close again and when we did, it kind of slipped my mind with all the other things that came up. It happened around Fifth Year." I nodded, musing that he probably meant the time he ran away from home. Sirius sighed heavily, "So far, I haven't told them yet because I still sometimes use it as my safe space."

"That's good. You don't need to tell them everything because you are best friends," I said when he almost looked guilty at the prospect of hiding this from his mates.

He looked at me with an almost desperate expression, "Will you not tell anyone about this, please? I don't know how many can occupy this place at the same time since I couldn't test it out yet. And if the mates find out they will know to always look here. And sometimes, I just wanna be alone. You know, when I have to think about stuff they wouldn't understand..."

"It's okay, Sirius," I cut him off with a light laugh and he stared at me with an almost pout, "I won't tell anyone. Of course, I won't if you don't want me to."

He deflated with a relieved sigh before his toothy grin came back up, "I knew I could trust you!" I felt myself go red a bit at this, feeling warmth that he would trust me enough with something he wouldn't even tell his best friends. Come to think of it...

"But why would you tell me about this place anyways?" I wondered, "If you haven't even told James about it...?"

Sirius nodded. "I know, it's confusing. It's just that they - especially James - don't really understand the concept of personal space." I coughed to cover up a laugh, knowing full well what he meant. "I mean, Remus and Peter would actually leave me to myself if I were to ask them but James? Oof, James would immediately cling onto you and ask you what's wrong until you give in."

"I can imagine that all too well," I agreed.

"Right. And don't get me wrong, I love that and I myself am like that, too sometimes."

"Probably all the time."

"Shut it. So, that's why I'm still a bit reluctant to tell them. You, however, know when to drop a topic I don't wanna talk about. You give me the space that I sometimes need from a friend," he stated, growing more serious, "...and you know a lot more about me and a certain brother of mine than the others do." It dawned on me where this conversation was going and my eyes flickered over all the books once more. "I can't really tell the others about Regulus anymore. Ever since I've run away, the others think that the chapter with my family is forever closed and done with. That I'm done with my family. James especially holds quite a grudge against Reggie ever since I told them he said I wasn't his brother anymore. He is determined to fill up that space," Sirius chuckled to himself, "I love that guy." I resisted the urge to scream 'Me, too!'. His smile faded. "I can't give up on Reggie though. Never Reggie. I could never leave him behind, even if I kind of did...," he trailed off, his eyes glassed over as if he were somewhere else with his mind.

"You are trying to rekindle your relationship with him," I decided to speak up when his expression got too pained, assuming he was reliving a bad memory. He broke out of it, shaking his head slightly.

"I am, yes. And this is why we are here." Sirius gestured around the room, "This is my 104th attempt at becoming close to my little brother again. What do you think?"

"You gonna show him this place?"

"Yeah. I figured if we were to spend some time here, undisturbed and away from all the eyes that are preventing Reg from talking to me, we would eventually become close again. And maybe - just maybe - I can finally get him out of our blasted childhood place."

"Well..., I believe this is the perfect place for a bookworm for sure."

Sirius smiled widely, "Then Reggie is going to love it!"

I smiled back at him, "I think, he would love it even if this room turned into that bathroom that you had seen during your first time here." Sirius barked a laugh, "He would be so confused!"

"You might wanna add some snacks though when you meet up with him here. And some tea," I mused, "To make sure you don't get too hungry and have to cut it short."

"Ah, yeah I will have to get that from the kitchen. The room can't produce food." I pouted, "That's too bad." Sirius grinned before it softened into an uncertain smile, "And you really think he is going to like it?"

"With the amount of times we have stalked him in the library compared to any other place, we can safely assume that he feels very comfortable around books at least."

"We weren't stalking! Stop calling it like that!" Sirius complained, cringing. I snickered into my piece of chocolate. The boy relaxed into his seat, shooting me another smile, "Thanks for your help, Cec. I really appreciate it."

I gulped down the chocolate, leaning back against the armchair as well, "You are very welcome, Sirius. When are you going to show him this place?"

Sirius shrugged, trying and failing to appear nonchalant. "Maybe tonight."

I gave him a sympathetic smile. "Good luck. I'm sure it will go well."

"Has anybody seen Padfoot anywhere?" James asked later that night as we lounged around the fireplace in our common room. I smiled a little when everyone declined.

It was the next Friday when the last Quidditch game of the year rolled up: Slythering vs. Hufflepuff. Nearly everyone was there, the last game being the most popular of all since it would determine, who would become first place (either Slytherin or Gryffindor) and who would win third place (Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw). I watched the teams come out of the locker rooms, James booing loudly whilst the members in green were announced by the commentator. I noticed he was especially loud during the announcement of 'Regulus Black' and I nudged him a little. "BOOOO-uff!" Alright, maybe a little hard.

"Sorry, love," I said, rubbing his side soothingly as he complained noisily, "Someone bumped into me."

"S'alright," he mumbled with a pout, pulling me closer and glaring over my shoulder at the non-existent culprit. I shot a wink at Sirius, who was stood next to James, and he smiled gratefully.

"And the game begins! Mulciber has the Quaffle and immediately shoots towards to opponent's goals-!" The game continued with Quaffles and Bludgers being thrown/beaten back and forth between the teams. I watched with rampant attention as the goal difference never seemed to get too high, occasionally glancing at the Seekers to see if they had caught sight of the Snitch. Catching it seemed to be the only way to determine the winner.

"It's to 280 to 270 for Slytherin, ladies and gentlemen, and neither side is showing any sign of fatigue. It's a game of win and lose, of life and death- AND BLACK HAS SPOTTED THE SNITCH!" All eyes snapped towards the small seeker zooming towards the ground near the Hufflepuff's goals, a mere blurred image of green and brown as he flew down in a breakneck speed. I noticed everyone lean forward over the railing to see the exact moment he caught the Snitch, the Hufflepuff seeker being one second too late. "AND BLACK HAS CAUGHT THE SNITCH! SLYTHERIN WINS THE GAME AND THE CUP! OH MY MERLIN!"

The Slytherin stand broke out in an uproar, shooting green and silver lights into the sky as the teams touched down, the green-cladded members jumping on Regulus, who was holding up the Snitch clenched in his fist with a blinding smile. I noticed Sirius biting his lip hard to prevent a wide grin as his grey eyes twinkled with pride whilst James groaned in disappointment but proceeded to clap along with everyone else, knowing they had won fair and square. "Gonna bloody win against them next year," I heard him grumble under his breath and I squeezed his arm with mine as I clapped along, "Definitely." He smiled at me before his eyes flickered towards something over my head. I looked back forwards, sneaking a glance to my side to see Lily and Alice next to Marlene, who was next to me, a pair of green eyes looking in our direction.

My chest constricted once more.

"I'm going to have to schedule more practices," James spoke as we walked back up to the castle after the game, neither of us wanting to stay and see the Slytherins celebrate, no matter how well deserved it was. "Maybe I can even get everyone to train on their own during the summer holidays."

"That's a bit excessive, don't you think?" I remarked, arm hooked around his. All I wanted to do during the holidays was laze around before the N.E.W.T.s came up next year.

"What, you think the Slytherin captain doesn't force his team to?" James pointed out, "And it obviously worked. This way we don't need to get back into the routine after the holidays and can improve our teamwork faster rather than having to train our individual skills back into shape."

"But James, this is our last summer holiday ever. Next year will be our last year in Hogwarts," I pointed out.

"Next year will also be our last chance to impress any recruits that will be there during the last games," James replied and I thought back on the few foreign adults that had occupied some seats in the teacher's stands during this game. The messy-haired grabbed me by the waist, twirling me around as I squealed in surprise. "Think about it, getting recruited by the Chudley Cannons-"

"Montrose Magpies."

"-and becoming the best Chaser and Seeker the Chudley Cannons-"

"Montrose Magpies."

"-ever had in history." He led me down with grin, still holding onto my waist, "We would be the dreamteam." I gazed into his brown eyes that almost had a mahogany hue to it in the current light of the sunset. "Yeah, we probably would..."

"Definitely would!" he exclaimed and I wrapped my arms around his, burying my face in his chest as an uncontrollable smile almost made my cheeks hurt.

I was definitely whipped for this boy. Irrevocably.

Next Chapter

#james potter #james potter x oc #james potter x reader #james potter imagine #james potter fanfiction #marauders imagine #marauders era #marauders fanfiction #harry potter imagine #harry potter fanfiction #Harry Potter #marauders #Lily Evans #Sirius Black #Remus Lupin #marlene mckinnon #OC #original character #fanfiction

[ghostlywritten]

If Only I Had Stayed In The Shadows - Chapter Ten

James Potter x OC

Words: 4,8k

Prologue  Chapter One   Chapter Two  Chapter Three  Chapter Four  Chapter Five  Chapter Six  Chapter Seven  Chapter Eight  Chapter Nine

The break passed and life in Hogwarts continued in blissful peace for the next few months. At least for us students. Outside of the walls and grounds of Hogwarts, the situation was getting darker and darker each day. People went missing or were declared as dead, causing chills down our spines whenever the list grew longer with each newspaper.

I sighed, folding a piece of parchment that contained a letter from my parents about their well being. They were alright but had to take a lot of extra hours, giving how more and more muggleborn or halfblood wizards and witches were registered every day and night with the worst injuries at their hospital. Some - if not many - did not make it by the end of the next dawn. A hand snatched the letter from my hand and I glanced over at the messy-haired boy next to me as he unfolded it again. "Ever heard of privacy?" I asked and his eyes widenend in mock-astonishment, "No, what's that?"

His good mood evaporated slightly though after he skimmed the letter and an usually solemn expression graced his features instead. "Things are really getting worse everyday, aren't they?" he asked quietly, catching Sirius' attention from his other side.

"What's getting worse everyday?" he questioned, joining our conversation. Remus, Peter, Lily and Marlene looked up from their sheets as well. We were gathered together in the Common Room, sitting at one table to 'study'. Some would think it odd since we never usually mingled together, especially with Lily's open hatred towards James and everything the Marauders stood for. But ever since he and I got together, everyone consequently spent more time together as a group, surprisingly getting along...most of the time.

"A lot of people are dying or getting injured," James replied, handing me back my letter.

"Mom says, the hospital is being run down. They won't be able to carry so many patients for long," I added, feeling uneasy, "Apparently the healthcare system is close to collapsing."

"That's bad," Marlene commented, worry creasing her forehead, "What's going to happen if this goes on?" Everyone shrugged, glancing at each other helplessly as no one had an answer.

"The Ministry will figure it out eventually," Remus tried to reassure us all, straightening up in optimism.

"Right, they always do," Lily agreed, causing Sirius to scoff quietly. She gave him a challenging look, raising her eyebrow. "You've got anything to say, Black?"

"There is a lot I could say that would certainly not please you, Evans," Sirius quipped.

"Anyways," James cut in before a bicker session could begin between them, "We shouldn't turn our hair grey because of this. We are young! And still have more than a year left in the safest place in the country."

I nodded in agreement, leaning into him as he threw his arm around me. Lily silently flickered her deep green eyes between us.

"But what happens after we graduate?" Peter spoke up with an almost quivering voice as he still looked worried.

"Let our future selfs worry about that," Sirius dismissed.

"We should still have a plan though," Lily pointed out and I allowed a frown on my face after she finally ripped her intense gaze off. She had been doing that a lot lately, staring at our interactions longer than deemed normal. What was her issue? "You know, the teachers are planning to start sessions for career advice with each of us. Having no plan probably won't look good."

"Oh, I already know what I'm going to do," Sirius shot back immediately, smirking confidently, "Auror sounds pretty enticing, especially during this time, doesn't it?"

"Same," James said and I resisted the urge to raise my eyebrows at his confidence, "That or Quidditch," he added as an afterthought.

"I don't know," Marlene mused, "Auror does have a nice ring to it but I always thought I would do something with Potions...," Stunned silence and a collective jaw drop followed. The brown-haired beauty burst out in laughter at our disbelieved looks, shaking her head, "Just joking. You should see your faces."

I rolled my eyes at her. "You really got us there for a second, Marls," Remus chuckled.

The evening passed and even though I would have liked to say we did a lot of studying...we didn't. "Well, Remus and I gotta go," Lily sighed, getting up, "We're patrolling tonight."

"Uh, sounds fun," Marlene commented sarcastically and the red head shot her a look.

"Right, on it!" Remus got up as well, readying himself, "Boys, don't pull any pranks tonight. It will make me look bad."

"But Moony, now is the best time! With you on patrol, we won't get any punishment!" Sirius stated indignantly.

"That's exactly what I mean with making me look bad," Remus remarked with a sigh, "I'm a prefect, mate. Help me out by not doing anything."

The black-haired boy seemed to contemplate his options before giving in with a pout, "Fine, but you owe me."

"Good boy," Remus said, patting his head like a dog, "I'll see you guys later...ladies, have a good night."

"Night, Remus!"

"So, if no pranks are allowed...how about we get a midnight snack from the kitchen and head to the Astronomy Tower?" James suggested and I gave him an offended look even though my heart fluttered at his romantic suggestion. "I am second to your pranks? Really?"

"Of course you are!" Sirius snickered.

"Of course you are not!" James contradicted and it was his best mate's turn to give him an affronted look. "Really, Prongs? You're giving me up for a lass so easily?"

"...Pretty much, yes," James shrugged, causing me to snort.

Sirius pouted. "Can I at least tag along?"

"Me too?" Peter added himself.

"Sorry mates, this time is only for me and my love," James declined, pulling me closer as we got up and kissing my temple. I blushed slightly at his open affection. Ever since New Year's Eve we had become closer and practically glued to each other. I couldn't believe my luck at this point, wondering how I had managed to capture the attention of this charismatic and sweet boy when I was a rather boring girl with a boring life. Yet, here we were, officially together for about four months in and going strong.

After grabbing a few snacks from the kitchen, we headed up to the highest tower in the school. I sat down at the ledge, leaning against the barrier with my arms and resting my chin on them as I breathed in the fresh night air. James settled down next to me, quietly handing me a sandwich I bit into immediately whilst we enjoyed the peaceful atmosphere and presence of the other. The view was magnificent, moonlight reflecting from the slight waves of the black sea and I imagined the Giant Squid breaking the surface with its tentacles from time to time.

"What are you thinking about?" James eventually asked softly and I glanced over. His cheek rested on his crossed arms, eyes locked on my face. I blushed slightly at his gaze, looking back out at the landscape. A tinge of happiness rose in me as I thought how life was for me at the moment. Despite my parents throwing fits because of my career choices, I had a great boyfriend, who supported me in everything. And as cliché as it sounded, he made me feel safe during the dangerous times of war raging just outside of the Hogwarts grounds. Is that what love makes you feel-? My thoughts came to a screeching halt at the l-word before it started racing uncontrollably fast. Love? Did I love him?

"Cec?" James poked my arm, breaking me out of my reverie and I twitched slightly in surprise, "Are you spacing out on me?"

"N-no, I was just...," my eyes flickered around for an escape, "..daydreaming," I ended lamely, pressing my mouth against my underarm.

"Okay?" James raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing me, "Are you cold? You are twitching like a weirdo."

"Jeez, thanks," I said sarcastically, though immediately blushed when he scooted closer, throwing an arm around me. "It's alright, weirdo," he said with a grin, "I'll be your knight in shining amor once again and keep you warm."

"And once again, I gotta remind you of a little magic trick called Heating Charm," I replied with the same grin, warmth spreading through me at his cute gesture. James was full of cute gestures, it was a miracle no one knew that. Maybe, because he had never been able to show this side of him before. I bit my lip, shyly acknowledging the increase of my heartbeat at his proximity, the realisation of my feelings suddenly becoming clear.

I had fallen for that idiot.

Days had passed and I was mulling over how to tell James about my feelings. Should I tell him at all? Should I wait for him to say it first? Did he feel the same anyway?

There was only one person to ask for love advice. Someone, who had helped me before.

"Marlene, should I tell him?" I asked.

"Absolutely not," the beautiful Gryffindor answered immediately with her eyes wide.

"Why not?"

"The boy has to say it first. That's the rule."

I made a face. "Is that really? Or are you just making it up?"

Marlene sighed, grabbing my shoulders. "Dearest Cec. We girls easily fall in love. And we figure it out quite easily, too. A boy usually needs a while longer and if the girl were to approach him with her feelings, he would immediately feel swamped and make a beeline for the next exit. Until he is not sure of his own feelings, I wouldn't tell him."

I frowned slightly, "That's a bit biased, don't you think? I'm sure not all boys would try to run away."

"Oh believe me, they will," Marlene stated almost darkly. Something told me, she was talking from experience but I was not enough of a Gryffindor to dig deeper. She noticed my gaze though and immediately let go of my shoulders, leaning back in nonchalance. "I mean, you can risk it and tell him or you can wait. Personally, I believe waiting is the best. It doesn't hurt now, does it?"

I pondered over her words whilst wandering the halls in search of the one boy, who kept running through my mind. Sure, it wouldn't hurt to wait for him to say it first, but the question was how long would he need to realise it? Could I perhaps quicken it up by just telling him first, making him notice his own feelings faster? Or would it just pressure him to say it, too even if he doesn't mean it? That thought filled me with horror and I swiftly decided to keep my mouth shut.

Though, when I rounded the corner to the courtyard and saw him standing in all his bespectacled, nut brown messy haired glory I couldn't help but suddenly hear my heartbeat loud and clearly, drumming in my ears in a pace it would usually go after a sprint or a run up of blasted staircases. I couldn't help but stop short in my movements to savour the sight of his smile for a second, the same smile he would direct at his mates and me, all the people he loved (perhaps he did actually love me, too), his teeth shining in the sunlight that would occasionally peak through between the many clouds and I decided to tell him my feelings then and there, head slightly dizzy from the once again quick change of mind. But before I took a step forward, my eyes flickered away from him at the reflection of the sun on shiny red hair, rippled in perfect waves and slightly blinding. And then they flickered towards a pair of glistening, emerald green eyes that were smiling at the exact same boy I wanted to talk and spill my feelings to.

I swiftly stepped back in the shadows, wincing at my own behaviour. Why was I spying on them? They were doing nothing but talking, laughing at each other...something I had never seen Lily do with James before. Ever. Wishing I could hear what they were saying I looked back at James, feeling my chest warm at the sight of his smile but almost burn at the realisation who it was directed to. All the people he loved...

'No,' I shook my head, 'We've talked about this before we got together. He made it clear that he lost interest in her...after pining after her for years.' She clearly never reciprocated his feelings, so their not-lovestory was over when he moved on. But what if she did reciprocate his feelings? I thought back on all the times I caught her staring at us. Could it be that she had been feeling something for him all along and was just hiding it? Or didn't realise it until now?

Marlene's lessons on keeping a boy interested crossed my mind. Would trying hard to get work on girls, too? After all, James had been chasing her for years and suddenly stopped paying attention to her. He was even in a relationship. But would that spark an interest in Lily? Certainly not. She wasn't the type to chase after someone, who was taken, not to mention one, who had been annoying her for years. No, she was just befriending him now that he wasn't pining after her, seeing as they were in the same friendship circles. We were all spending more time together, the girls and the Marauders. And as Marlene, Alice and I were starting to get along more with the boys, so was Lily. It was bound to happen that we all grew closer. If anything, it was a good thing.

I relaxed a bit at that conclusion, smiling slightly as they laughed quite loudly at something James said. Back then, when I was obsessing more over other people's relationships (since I had none of my own), I always thought they would get along really well if James hadn't been chasing her in his boisterous and overly-done way. Him, with his wild and goofy nature that would dare her to many adventures, and her, who would be able to tame him and not take it too far, keeping him on the ground. 

+A perfect friendship. 

A perfect relationship.

My smile faded and I turned around. Despite myself, I didn't dare to reveal my feelings to the boy on that day.

Neither did I on the following days that turned to weeks until we reached the end of the spring and the world slowly turned warmer in the first days of the summer with a turn from April to May. Everything was as normal as it could get when you were friends with the Marauders. Classes were the same, Quidditch practices were the same, we had won the last game against Ravenclaw and were now on first place to win the Cup as long as Slytherin lost against Hufflepuff (which was quite unlikely, but nobody tell James). The Marauders pulled their usual pranks, although they were more tamed than in their previous years and less directed at us girls. James and I were still going to strong...yet none of us had said the l-word even though we had been together for almost eight months by now. And although Marlene kept reassuring me that it was normal for boys to take longer in their admittance for love, all the romantic books that I'd read throughout my teenage years stated otherwise. We should have long since reached that stage to proclaim our love for each other, shouldn't we? Hell, James proclaimed his love for Lily everyday for years ever since he saw her and they weren't even together. It shouldn't be hard for him to realise whether he loved me or not.

This fueled my insecurities more each day that passed without a confession, which caused me to keep my mouth shut about my own feelings, too. Instead I found myself frequently catching James and Lily alone, deep in conversation, whenever I was looking for him after he went missing on all of us. Either at the library, where I had never seen him go as often as now and on his own will, too, or outside at the courtyard or on the Hogwarts grounds with her sitting in the shade of a tree and him dangling from a branch above her, grinning down at her as she laughed whenever his glasses slipped askew from his upside down position. It was practically a picture ripped from the pages of a romance novel. And the burning feeling in my chest would continue.

"Lily and James are getting along pretty well, aren't they?" I commented off-handedly one day. Marlene, Alice and I were sat in the library together, studying for the upcoming exams with Lily having gone to fetch more books. Alice tensed up slightly, her eyes flashing from me to her book whilst Marlene looked up, shrugging nonchalantly. "Guess so. Now that he is not annoying her anymore."

"Right. Good thing," I said, nodding along to her words. Needless to say it was relieving to see that she had the same thoughts as me about this. An expert like her would have caught on if there was something more to their sudden closeness, right? Nonetheless I looked over at Alice, who suddenly seemed very busy with scribbling something down on her parchment. Alice, who out of the three of us was the closest to Lily and who would likely know exactly what was going on. "What do you think, Alice?" I asked her bluntly as she didn't seem to want to join the conversation on her own.

Startled, she looked up and I gave her a tight-lipped smile as I awaited her answer. "Eh, yes. They seem to get along better than before. At least, Lily is not yelling her head off anymore every time she sees him," she replied, laughing albeit nervously. Just then, the aforementioned girl headed back towards our table with four books stacked in her arms. I gnawed on my lip, wondering how to ease the constriction in my chest that had been my constant companion for a while now with the ongoing uncertainty.

"Hey Lily, are you dating someone?" I asked her as she sat down. Her books promptly landed on the table with a bang as she had slackened her grip on them in surprise. I cringed slightly at the glare thrown at us from Madam Pince and Lily mouthed a silent 'sorry' at her.

"What? Why do you ask?" she coughed slightly, glancing at the other girls, who had looked up in interest now.

I shrugged. "Just wondering. You are pretty and someone ought to have to courage to ask you out, now that James is not holding anyone back from it," I laughed slightly at the end, hoping to dissolve the suddenly awkward atmosphere that appeared at my statement.

"She's right, Lils," Marlene thankfully butted in, blissfully unaware, "You are the only single among us and you've been for a while. It's time to get some!" Lily went beet red, reaching over to smack her on the arm as we all snickered slightly. "Jesus, Marlene. That's so inappropiate!"

"What? It's true! You are the only single among us. And someone is bound to have asked you out lately! Right?" the brown-haired beauty pressed on and I had never been more grateful for her noisiness than now.

Lily grumbled under her breath, hesitating slightly before she gave in, "Maybe. Some Ravenclaw perhaps." Our eyes widened and Marlene squealed as quietly as she could. "I'm not interested though!" she quickly added at our excited looks, deflating my relief, "Now drop it. We are here to study." And with that, she successfully ended the topic.

Later at night I met up with James at the Astronomy Tower, our usual spot when we wanted to hang out after curfew. "Hey, how was your day?" he greeted me warmly as I sat down next to him at the edge of the tower, resting my arms against the railing. A cool breezed rushed throughout the tower and James quickly scooted closer to wrap his arms around me before I even started to shiver and I smiled at his sweet gesture.

"Quite well. Studied a lot. And you?"

"Quite well. Pranked a lot," he mimicked, grinning when I laughed slightly. "Which poor soul did you harrass this time?" I asked, resting the side of my head against my arms as I listened attentively to him recounting each prank with great detail, his arm leaving me once in a while to emphasize something but never failing to come back around me. "Sounds like you had a lot of fun today...," I remarked when he ended and he nodded with a beaming grin, "...and when did you study?" His beam deflated into a pout, causing my shoulders to shake in silent laughter.

"I don't need to study," he grumbled nudging me. "Sure, you don't." I nudged him back, slipping to the side and almost under the railing when he nudged me slightly harder. He quickly grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back towards him. "Sorry about that," he apologised embarrassed and I giggled slightly, resting against him. "Don't worry, I don't mind this at all," I replied, snuggling my head against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tightly towards him. "Mhmm, I'm sure you don't," he chuckled into my hair, his lips grazing slightly against my earlobe and causing me to shiver. I could feel his smile as he deliberatly brushed against my ear again and I squirmed slightly, burying my red face in his chest. "Why so shy all of a sudden?" he teased and I stifled a gasp as he playfully nibbed at my ear. "I'm not shy," I protested, voice muffled. "Is that so?" He tried to back away but I tightened my arms around his waist, firmly keeping my face planted against his chest. "Yes!"

He laughed lightly, promptly dropping on his back and pulling me on top of him. I adjusted my position, placing a leg on each side of his hips and resting my ear on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. "I could stay like this for a long while," James commented with a blissful sigh as he wrapped his robes around me for warmth. I raised my head to shoot him a smile and he grinned back at me softly. Craning my neck I placed a kiss against his jaw, unable to resist the urge. He quickly pulled me further up, rising up slightly to capture my mouth with his and my eyes fluttered shut as he held the back of my head, his fingers grasping my hair. I fisted his shirt, a swarm of butterflies causing a wreckage in my stomach as he molded his lips against mine, his tongue peeking out to run across my lower lip when a sudden noise erupted somewhere close.

I pulled away quickly. "Did you hear that?" I asked breathlessly as I looked up.

"Hear you moan for me?" James tugged me back down by the neck. "Not yet," he whispered huskily against my mouth. My eyes widened in surprise, heart pounding against my ribcage at his words. He nipped at my lip with his teeth playfully before fully placing his lips against mine again until I almost forgot what had interrupted us in the first place. But the fear of getting caught outside of curfew broke me out of my daze once more. "Seriously, James," I whispered breathlessly, looking up to squint at the doorway, "I think someone's down there. They might come up." James groaned, tugging at my shirt. "No ones down there."

"And what was that noise? What if we get caught?" I asked, sitting up.

"Probably gonna get detenti- uff," he hissed and I glanced down at him to see him holding his breath. "What's wrong...?" I questioned when I realised I had sat up directly on his groin. 

Oh. 

"Oh, Cec," he breathed out as his eyes darkened, "You really shouldn't have done that." He shot up, crashing his lips against mine before I could get another word out, his hand coming up to entangle in my hair as his other arm wound tightly around my waist, pulling me flush against him. A small moan escaped me when his sudden movement caused his hips to grind against mine as I sat securely between his torso and his slightly raised knees. "There is my moan," he smirked against my lips and I could have sworn my heart stopped at this devilish sight. Breathing out shakily, I took his face between my hands, seeing his eyes soften slightly before I tilted my head to deepen the kiss, unable to restrain myself in any way. He reciprocated eagerly, his hand fisting in my hair as our tongues clashed together. I moved slightly against him, a flash of excitement coursing through me when I heard his breath hitch. "Fuck, Cec," he groaned in my mouth and my eyes almost rolled back in pleasure at the mere sound. He reached down to grasp my thigh tightly, pulling me closer and I gasped against his mouth. His thumb stroke softly over my skin, smiling at the goosebumps erupting everywhere. He let his hand travel up until he reached the end of my skirt. "Can I?" he asked without detaching his lips once and I nodded, resisting the urge to moan when he dug his fingers in the exposed flesh under my skirt. "James," I breathed out as I broke away for air, feeling him shiver. His mouth trailed down to my neck, nibbling on it as I tangled my hand in his hair, his own letting go of my waist and reaching up to undo the buttons of my shirt-

"James and Cec sitting in a tree," an all to familiar voice reached our ears and my eyes snapped open. "K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" James halted his movements, burying his face in my neck with a groan.

"First comes love!" Sirius sang joyfully as he appeared by the doorway, a piece of parchment in one hand and his wind lit up at the tip in the other. "Then comes marr-holy shit!" His eyes widened slightly at our disheveled figures but his smirk came back as soon as it had disappeared. "My my, first come the babies it seems with you two!"

"Fucking hell, Sirius!" James cursed, turning around to glare at his best mate.

"Hi Prongs!" Sirius greeted innocently, waving his parchment.

"Worst timing ever, mate!" I buried my face in my hand in embarrassment, wondering if our compromising position would go unnoticed if I pretended that it wasn't compromising.

"Sorry Prongsie, your babymaking has to wait. We've got a little something going on tonight," Sirius said, not sounding sorry at all as he nodded outside. I peeked a glance between my fingers to see James' eyes widen under his slightly askew glasses. Glancing over my shoulder I caught sight of the full moon, partially obscured by a few clouds.

"Right, give us a minute please," James requested and Sirius disappeared down the stairs again. His hazel eyes appeared startingly lighter under the shine of the full moon as he grasped my hips softly with both hands. "I've got to go," he said quietly and the atmosphere seemed suddenly serene in contrast to a minute ago.

"That's okay," I replied as quietly, adjusting his glasses once again and he smiled that sweet smile, that one damn sweet smile only reserved for his loved ones and my mouth opened before I could stop myself, "James, I l-"

"Prongs! Hurry up already!" Sirius cut me off from down the stairs. James huffed, rolling his eyes at his mate.

"I'm sorry. I really gotta go," he said and I nodded quickly, scrambling to get up and off him. He adjusted his clothes before stepping closer, giving me a sweet kiss. "Good night, love," he said softly as he fastened up the buttons he had undone on my shirt, "I will see you tomorrow?"

"Definitely. Good night."

Unbeknownst to him, to Sirius and to me, Sirius had just saved me from committing the biggest mistake tonight. Twice.

Chapter Eleven

#James Potter #james potter x reader #james potter imagine #james potter x oc #james potter fanfiction #harry potter imagine #marauders imagine #harry potter fanfiction #marauders fanfiction #marauders era #Marauders #sirius black imagine #Sirius Black #Remus Lupin #Lily Evans #marlene mckinnon #marauders fic #Harry Potter

[ghostlywritten]

If Only I Had Stayed In The Shadows - Chapter Nine

James Potter x OC

Words: 5,7k

Prologue  Chapter One   Chapter Two  Chapter Three  Chapter Four  Chapter Five  Chapter Six  Chapter Seven  Chapter Eight

I gnawed on my bottom lip as I stared at the blank piece of parchment placed in front of me. A cool breeze drifted through the half-opened window and I breathed in deeply to calm my inner turmoil.

It was way past midnight and I did feel tired, but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep a wink. Everything that happened from the point I was picked up from Kings Cross' to dinner till now played through my mind on repeat, my stomach churning and my chest constricting to a point I almost felt sick.

Sighing deeply, I watched small droplets sink into the skin of the parchment as I sniffed, wrinkling it slightly. 'I should have stayed at Hogwarts,' I thought, giving up the attempt to write a letter to James or anyone for that matter and throwing myself on my bed.

The days passed by in a blur and with each first light of the day and each sparkle of stars in the night I felt more and more exhausted, barely mustering up the strength to go down and eat, only going when I was required to and otherwise asking the faithful house elf to fetch me something I wouldn't eat anyways.

I wrote half-hearted letters to my friends, packing up their Christmas presents that I had picked long before the first snow had settled on the ground – I mentally patted my past self for this – and sending them over on the respective days. Responses came frequently and I smiled as I read them – the only time I smiled. The letters were mostly from James complaining about the lack of letters even if they were the ones I responded to the most. Besides him, I got a few from Marlene and Alice, one from Lily and even Remus for Christmas – both sending me a huge pile of sweets, mainly Chocolate from the latter.

Marlene sent me a perfume she deemed to be necessary in my daily routine now that I was in a relationship and Alice gifted me a book about the history of the Montrose Magpies. Her thoughtfulness surprised me and simultaneously warmed me inside. I almost felt bad for only getting her a Muggle baking book, having overheard her talking excitedly about wanting to try out baking the Muggle way.

James sent me a pair of warm gloves and new goggles "to be prepared for the upcoming Quidditch matches". I only realised the Heating Charm the gloves had when I put them on, my lips quirking up at that. "You better not doubt my magic skills after this. The Charm is as permanent as my affection for you…"

'That sap,' I thought, feeling uplifted for the first time after almost a whole week. It was simple yet thoughtful gift with a personal insider we shared. Perfectly perfect. And apparently the goggles were from Sirius, which made me glad that I had gotten him a gift after a brief contemplation; a Muggle book called 'Grimm's Fairy Tales'.

Finding gifts for everyone was quite easy but for James' my mind had come up empty-handed. I had wracked my brain for days on end until I chose to use an Extension Charm on a small treasure box and fill it with his favourite sweets and some prank material from Zonko's.

'My dearest Cec,

Just joking (not).

thank you oh so much for your affectionate gift, I shall treasure is forever! Got it? Treasure the treasure box? I'm a genius.

I also hope you've tried on the gloves and trained for the upcoming Quidditch matches because practice starts on the first day

Anyways, how are you doing? I hardly feel like I'm hearing anything from you. All the letters are always about me and my wellbeing and as much as I like talking about myself - because I really do - I'm perhaps slightly concerned about your lack of response on your wellbeing. So, tell me, is everything alright? Do you need me to be your knight in shining armour and whisk you off from any stepmothers? (yes, I read the book you gave Sirius, he's got his nose stuck in it permanently, what have you done to my best mate?!) That aside, I await a full twelve inches report on your current status, or I will personally come over to ensure you are alright.

There is also a New Year's party at my home, my parents always invite a tremendous amount of people I've never seen before so it would be nice to have a familiar face around and definitely nicer than watching Sirius snog some girl's face off. Say yes, I don't accept any other answer. This way you can also see your gift to me in action! And your parents are - of course - invited, too.

I can't wait to see you again! Gotta show off my new gifts!

Love, James'

A smile unconsciously tugged up the corners of my lips as I read through his letter once and twice, relishing in the warmth of his words.

"Ms. Grant," Minzy, the house elf popped into the room, disturbing the somewhat peaceful atmosphere, "Mr. and Mrs. Grant expect you for dinner tonight."

The smile vanished from my face. "Alright, I'll be there soon," I said quietly, sighing after she left with a bow. I quickly combed through my hair with my fingers as I made my way downstairs as slowly as possible.

"Cecily, there you are, dear," Mother greeted me warmly, a usual uneasy smile on her lips.

"Mom, Dad," I said tonelessly, watching her face fall. I didn't even dare looking in the direction of the only male in this room. Thankfully, Minzy popped in to serve the food and successfully break the short yet tense silence.

"Have you done anything nice today?" Mother tried to start a conversation as the only sound were forks and knives scraping over plates.

I shrugged slightly, "Nothing much. Read some letters, sorted out through the Christmas gifts." Her green eyes lit up, "Did you see our gift? A full equipped first aid kit! It's charmed so everything fits in there, from Dragon steak to Bubotuber pus and Skele Gro-"

"Why do you even bother?" Father interrupted her, "She obviously doesn't care anyways." I flinched inwardly at the bitter tone. "Rather be playing Quidditch than doing something useful with her life," he grumbled.

"Love," Mother said quietly, placing a hand on his placatingly.

"It was very nice, thank you," I replied, gritting my teeth, "Very useful when you get hurt during a Quidditch match." I could practically see my mother deflate as her husband sucked in a sharp breath, his face turning red. Turning towards him for the first time I watched him warily, wondering if this was yet another one of those time where I had overstepped an invisible line. He glared at me harshly and the fury behind his dark eyes made physically recoil into my seat, my body fully remembering what usually followed with that look.

"Frank," Mother spoke warningly this time, squeezing his hand. Something in my face - probably the blatant fear - must have stopped him from doing anything as his gaze softened slightly. I almost thought I saw something like regret, but he broke the eye contact, huffing indignantly. "Ungrateful child," he muttered, biting into his steak.

I slowly breathed out, relaxing slightly into my seat.

"I also got an invitation to a New Year's party," I spoke up again after a while, figuring now would be as good as any other time to bring that up, "You are invited."

"Oh really? From whom?" Mother asked pleasantly, taking a sip of her wine.

"The Potter's," I replied, causing her to raise her eyebrows.

"That's nice. We always get an invitation from them," she said to my surprise.

"We never went to any of their parties?" I wondered with furrowed eyebrows.

"Well, obviously we work during New Year's. The accidents are more frequent, and every helping hand is needed," Mother explained and I nodded, "Euphemia and Fleamont always invite us anyways. Though I haven't got an invitation for this year, yet…"

"James wrote me to tell you we are invited," I said as nonchalantly and swiftly as possible, but it caught her attention nonetheless.

"James? Their son?"

"Yup."

"Oh? How nice of him," Mother said, a sly grin spreading on her face. I felt my face burning already as she leant forward interestingly, "Since when are you on writing terms with James Potter?"

"Since...this break," I mumbled into my cup. She raised an eyebrow, the grin never faltering, "I see. Anything I should know as your mother?"

"Or me as your father?" Father piped up, puffing out his chest.

"No, nothing. We are just-" I interrupted myself when I remembered that it was not exactly nothing, "Actually, we are together," I ended lamely.

Mother squealed like a teenage girl whilst Father frowned. "Merlin, how exciting! Your first boyfriend! How dare you not immediately tell me about this!"

"We only got together recently," I explained, sinking into my seat. Merlin, could any other parent be this embarrassing? I was glad no one else was around, "Just before the break officially."

"Oh dear, you have to tell me everything! Your first meeting, your first date, your first kiss!"

"First kiss?!" Father spluttered into his drink, "There is no first kiss! Not until you are thirty!"

I gave him a look. 'No wonder, I've been single for so long.'

"Frank, don't be like that," Mother scolded him, her glee not faltering the least, "She is sixteen, she is allowed to have some fun."

"Ha-have some fun?!" Father stuttered; his eyes wide in panic. He slammed his cutlery down before pointing a wagging finger at me, "Young lady, if I see any grandkids running around before I turn sixty-"

Sweet Merlin..

"Merlin, Frank! I didn't mean that!" Mother giggled, slapping his arm strongly enough to make him yelp. She sobered up slightly, reconsidering, "We should probably talk about that though..."

"Alright, I'm heading to bed!" I announced loudly, standing up before they could embarrass themselves any further.

Mother pouted slightly, "You are leaving already?" I hesitated. She straightened up at the silence, giving me a small but warm smile, "Alright, go ahead. And even if your father and I can't go, feel free to attend the party of that boyfriend of yours." She winked and I nodded, quickly leaving whilst Father started protesting.

Shutting the door to my room behind me, I breathed out in relief before I paused for a minute. 'Huh, that was a surprisingly normal dinner.'

Tugging at the dark blue dress, I adjusted the sleeves slightly as I scrutinised my reflection in the mirror. It was a simple, modest piece - nothing too fancy. My hair was down and straight as usual and I attempted to put on a bit of makeup before giving up quickly in fear of turning myself into a clown.

My parents had long left for work and the party would start in a few minutes. After consulting with Marlene - who was invited as well - I had to wait at least half an hour to be fashionably late. She would also get here with the Floo Network so we could arrive together, and I wouldn't be standing alone. At this point, I was really grateful to have her help me out even though she only started to when James came into the picture.

A loud thump could be heard from downstairs before Minzy popped into the room, announcing, "Ms. Grant, Ms. McKinnon has arrived."

"Merlin, this blasted Floo Network! My dress is ruined!" I heard Marlene curse and grinned.

"I figured," I replied dryly, following her as she traipsed down the stairs. She would be apparating us to the Potter household.

"There you are!" Marlene greeted me, giving me a once over, "You look good-"

"Thanks!"

"-by your standards."

I gave her a look, causing her to laugh and throw an arm around me, "I'm just joking. You look really good. If only you would dress up more often..."

"Jeez, you sound like my mother," I grumbled, taking a hold of Minzy's tiny finger and bracing myself for the spin.

With our stomachs churning and our heads spinning we arrived at the front of the Potter Manor. "I have no idea how I'm going to learn Apparation," Marlene muttered through her hand, her face slightly green.

I thanked Minzy before she disapparated, asking her to get us an hour after midnight just as the door opened behind us.

"There you are!" Sirius' voice bellowed across the Potter's property, causing us to turn towards him and James. My breath hitched slightly upon seeing his handsome features, enhanced in formal attire but still with the ever so messy mop of hair. "About time you get here! Almost everyone else has arrived already!" Sirius commented as we walked up to them, rolling his eyes, "Ladies these days. Taking hours to dress up."

"You needed over an hour," James pointed out as he greeted me with a tight hug and a small whispered 'hello, love'. A smile naturally blossomed on my face and I ignored Sirius' complaining as I held onto the boy just as tightly, relishing in the warm and secure feeling he gave me.

"Everything alright?" he asked, chuckling when I refused to let go, "Come on, we gotta head to the tent in the backyard. It's warmer there." I doubted that anywhere could be warmer than in his embrace but reluctantly dropped my arms, wrapping one around his elbow instead.

"Hello to you too, Ms. Grant," Sirius greeted me obnoxiously when I only gave him a grin and a 'hi', "Nice to feel the fondness you have for me."

"Oh, don't sulk, Sirius. I'm sure, some girl will be happy to shower you with her affection tonight," I responded as i hooked my other arm around Marlene, who shot the handsome boy a dark look when he offered his elbow, "Don't even think for a second, that girl is gonna be me."

"Aw," Sirius simply pouted. We walked across the hallway and the living room, me slightly marvelling at the homely interior, whilst James slid the door open to the large backyard. A tent over ten times larger than normal covered almost the entire land, light flickering from in-between the flaps. As soon as we got inside, we were surrounded by a crowd with loud chatters and music gracing our ears, the atmosphere light and joyful. I smiled when I saw a few people dancing around in front of a band singing on a small stage whilst others clapped along, talked in groups or nibbled on some snacks by the snack table. My mouth watered at all the delicious food displayed and felt James chuckle next to me.

"Just how did I know the food table would be the one thing catching your attention," he said amused as he led us over to it. I smiled sheepishly, "You know me too well."

"It feels like I do," he replied, handing me a plate as he surveyed me almost critically, "But you've gotten thinner."

I almost rolled my eyes, "It's only been a little over a week since you've last seen me."

"All the more alarming why you've obviously lost a lot of weight," he retaliated, piling up my plate with a bit of everything.

"I can get my own food," I protested lightly, feeling like a child but also touched at his caring nature.

"Who says it's only for you?" he grinned with a wink and in that moment, he looked too devilishly handsome for me to handle. I ducked my head, biting my lip harshly to prevent a too wide grin splitting my face at the giddy feeling I had missed during the break.

"Leave some for the rest of us, will you?" a voice called out to us and I turned to see Remus approach us with Peter on his tail, wide smiles present on each face.

"Moony! Wormtail! You made it!" James greeted them joyously, letting go of me to pull them both in a hug.

"Of course, we did. Wouldn't miss this for the world," Remus commented, greeting Marlene and me with a nod after he hugged it out with Sirius, "Potter's New Year's parties are always the best."

" And we would never dare to reject an invitation from Mrs. Potter," Peter added, taking a cup of pumpkin juice from the table, "She can bloody terrifying."

"Oi, that's my mother you are talking about!" James exclaimed, slapping the back of his head. "Ouch!"

"He isn't wrong, though," Sirius mused, barking out a laugh as his best mate's glare turned to him, "Did you forget what happened after we smashed a Bludger through the neighbour's window?"

James' glare faltered as he gulped, obviously reliving the memory. "Yes. Nevermind."

"Why, what happened?" I questioned and he quickly shook his head, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "I will tell you some other. Let's get some food in us first."

The evening passed in joyful chatter, funny stories and delicious food. I managed to not embarrass myself that much, only once when I choke on my Firewhiskey at the unexpected intense burn, not used to the more expensive kind, which got everyone bursting out in laughter. At some point, James managed to convince us all to dance after a song from his favourite band 'The Hobglobins' came up. Everyone groaned but complied and I let him drag me towards the floor with a laugh as he immediately started flailing his limbs around goofily, entertaining not only us but everyone around us. The crowd on the dance floor grew larger throughout the night, the air more humid until it got too tight to actually move properly and I took a hold of Marlene to drag us to the edge of the crowd after losing sight of the boys.

"Merlin, I love this night," Marlene giggled, obviously tipsy as she stumbled on her heels whilst throwing her arm around my shoulders, "I'm glad I came this time. It's so much fun!"

Laughing I nodded, opening my mouth to reply when she cut me off with a groan, "My heels are killing me though. I'm gonna head to our table and get something to drink. You coming?"

I shook my head, "No, I'm gonna get some fresh air, it's so warm in here."

"Agreed, I might do that later," Marlene mumbled, pushing herself off me to stumble towards our table with a wave over her shoulder, "See you!"

"Don't drink anymore of that Firewhiskey," I called out to her, laughing as she flipped me off. Just then a rather slow song came up, causing most people to disperse from the crowd and make space for the couples swaying around.

"There you are!" I heard James's exclaim as I started walking towards a loose flap of the tent to slip out of, "Where are you running of to? You haven't danced with me, yet!"

"You call that dancing?" I teased, causing him to bristle in mock-annoyance. "It was better than Sirius shaking his butt the whole time!"

I laughed out rather loudly at the image, eyes catching said boy. "It at least got a girl's attention though," I pointed out, nodding towards the closely entangled couple swaying to the music on the floor.

James hummed in agreement, "Sirius' love dance works like a charm for sure." He grinned at my laughter, offering me a hand with a soft gaze. "Come on, you owe me a dance."

"I do?" I smiled, taking his hand as he led me slightly inside the floor but still close to the edge.

"Yes, I'm your boyfriend. You will always owe me a dance," he explained like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I see," you nodded, and he gave me a mock-incredulous look, "How could you not know that?"

Giggling slightly, I felt my stomach cramping from all the laughter it had to endure in a span of only a few hours, clearly not used to it. I grinned up at the boy, wondering how it came so easy to him to make people laugh and just...happy. Or maybe it was just me, but I was definitely very happy tonight. Maybe more than I had ever been.

"Thank you," I said quietly as I placed a hand on his shoulder, the other holding onto his. He wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me slightly closer.

"For what?" he questioned, swaying us to the slow music and for a second everything blurred away around us, leaving only him to stand out sharply in contrast. 'Merlin, I'm whipped,' I thought faintly as I wondered about his perfect hazel eyes. In that moment, he looked ethereal.

"Cec?" he asked, snapping me out of it.

"Hm?"

"What are you thanking me for?" 'For being you...'

"Just- for the invitation," I stammered, blushing at the mere thought of blurting out a confession, "I had a really good time."

James grinned cockily, "You say that as if the night is over already. Just wait until you see the fireworks. Dad always goes way overboard with it, it's the best you will ever see!"

I smiled at his enthusiasm, "I don't doubt that."

"James, honey!" A woman's voice called out, causing us to turn over slightly. A petite woman clad in a dark green dress approached us, an arm wrapped around a tall man with the exact same kind of glasses James' head. Upon closer inspection, he looked just like him only slighter older and his hair not as much of a mess.

"Mom. Dad," he greeted them cheerfully as he let go of my hand but kept his arm wrapped around me.

"There you are! I've been trying to get a hold of you all evening," his mother fussed, "There are still so many you have to greet. Grandma Louise, Uncle Claudius-"

James groaned, "Mom. I've greeted them already!"

"A simple 'hello' is not greeting. You talk to them for a little at least," she scolded him as she tried to pat his hair down but there was no heat in her tone.

"Don't even try, Mom," he sighed, grabbing her hand to stop her from messing with his hair, "You will only make it worse."

"I second that," his father replied with a laugh.

"And who is this pretty girl?" his mother asked, turning her startingly blue eyes at me. I felt slightly self-conscious when it suddenly hit me that these two were James' parents. I mentally slapped my head, 'Of course you would meet them here and you are not even close to prepared for it.'

"Hello, I'm Cecily," I introduced myself with a shy smile as James shifted next to me, seeming slightly uncomfortable as well.

"Hello love, I'm Euphemia and this is my husband Fleamont," she introduced herself, giving me a kind and curious smile, "Are you a friend of James? He never told me about you."

James' cleared his throat, answering for me, "Yes. She is in my year and we have a lot of classes together...and she is also in the Quidditch team."

Fleamont's eyes lit up that. "Really? What position?"

"Chaser," I replied, my eyes flickering between James' tense posture as he dropped his arm around me and his parents.

"That was my position, too when I went to Hogwarts," Fleamont said excitedly, "Actually, all the Potter's, who played Quidditch, were Chasers. Only James here decided to break the tradition and become Seeker. A rare and special occurrence in our family, indeed," he chuckled along with Euphemia as if they were sharing an inside joke whilst James' rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"James has always been special!" Euphemia cooed, squishing his cheek lovingly (and painfully).

"Mom, please!" James complained, shaking her off gently as he rubbed his slightly red cheek. I chuckled at his annoyed expression, causing the woman to turn towards me in interest, "Have you been to one of our parties before? I hope you like it so far."

I shook my head, "No, I haven't but I really love it. It's so fun to be here and the band is really good." Euphemia nodded pleased as she smiled but I couldn't help but feel as if she was assessing me whilst she let her eyes flicker between me and her son.

"Just wait until you see the firework!" Fleamont commented cheerfully, "It's the best you will ever see!"

"I said that, too!" James said just as cheerfully, and you could clearly see the relation in that moment as they shared the exact same grin over our heads.

Euphemia paled slightly, turning towards her husband, "What do you mean, Fleamont?"

Fleamont faltered slightly, eyes moving around rapidly, "Eh. Nothing."

"We said, no overboarding this time. Did you forget what happened last year?"

"Oh, right. I'm coming!" Fleamont called out to no one behind his wife, quickly dashing off.

"Fleamont! You get back here!" Euphemia exclaimed, running after him.

"What a joyful pair," I commented with a grin. It faltered though when I looked up at James and remembered when he had introduced me as his friend. Wasn't he the one adamant on labelling us as boyfriend/girlfriend? What changed now? Was he too embarrassed to introduce me to his parents properly? Or was it just too quick for him? If so, why had he invited me in the first place?

"Cec," James called out, placing a hand on my arm.

"Hm?"

"Wanna go back to the table. I could use a drink," he offered, giving me a slightly unsure smile.

"Yeah, sure," I said absently, trying to fight off all the question marks in my head. I didn't know if I should ask, unsure whether I wanted to know the answer so I tried to leave it now and think about it later.

We met up with the others and chatted the rest of the time away until it got close to midnight and Fleamont exclaimed over the noise to head out of the tent for the grand moment. I took James' offered elbow with a small smile, trying to ignore the uneasy clench in my chest as no matter what I tried, my mind kept replaying the scene with his parents, overanalysing his words. Introducing a partner to their parents was a huge deal - at least for me - and if I were honest, I wouldn't have introduced James to my parents this early, either. But I didn't lie about our relationship to them.

Outside, I took a deep breath of fresh air, having missed out on it when James had asked for a dance. It cleared my mind a little bit and I gazed up at the stars that shone brightly enough to sparkle through the clouds.

A dress robe got draped over my shoulders and I didn't have to turn to know it was James, his scent radiating off the smooth cloth. I turned to give him a smile as he stood next to me, the others having gone to investigate the firecrackers and rockets that would hit the sky soon.

"Is everything alright?" James asked and I might have imagined the nervous undertone in his voice, "You've been awfully quiet for the last hour or so.."

"I'm good," I replied vaguely, thinking up an excuse, "Just thinking about the new year."

James sighed as if in relief, his face relaxing into a smile, "Any New Year's resolutions?"

I pursed my lips in thought, "Hm, let's see. Winning the Quidditch Cup, surviving the exams, surviving summer and Seventh Year."

James joked, "It's all about survival, huh?"

I nodded, "It's all about survival." His smile faded, maybe he noticed I wasn't actually joking but I quickly turned it to him, "What about you?"

James sighed, biting his lip as he ran a hand through his hair. "...Winning the Cup. Staying Captain. Survive," he added the last as an afterthought, throwing me a smirk, "I'm not too big on having resolutions. I'd rather take things as they come and go."

"Seems more fun that way," I commented, and he gave me an easy grin. "For sure." It dropped quickly though. "Sirius said he would look for a job in the summer so he could move out. 'Said he doesn't want to bother us much anymore."

"Why would he say that?"

"No idea. My parents never minded him being with us and I certainly don't. That mate is like a brother to me," he said, his eyes furrowing in confusion and frustration. The latter was so unusual on him it seemed almost unnatural and I was tempted to try and stroke the crease between his eyebrows away. The bark of a laughter caused my eyes to turn towards the dark-haired boy with the aristocratic features as he stumbled out of the tent with an arm wrapped around Remus and Peter.

"Have you asked him?" I questioned as I looked back at James, who shrugged.

"He said it was just a feeling. I swear, sometimes he is more confusing than any girl," he mumbled and i slapped his arm slightly.

"We are not confusing. We are mysterious," I joked, causing him to huff out a chuckle.

"Sure, keep sugar-coating it," he said.

"And the countdown begins!" Fleamont's voice reached our ears, "Ten! Nine! Eight!..." James moved behind, placing his hands on my shoulders after he nudged my chin to look up at the sky. "You don't wanna miss this," he whispered in my ear, excited like a child. I chuckled slightly but obeyed, staring up at the night sky in anticipation.

"Seven!"

"Six!"

"Five!"

"Four!"

"Three!"

"Two!"

"One!"

The sky exploded in light, flooding everything in various shades and colours. Fireworks either exploding in red, blue, green or firecrackers swirling around, bursting into tinier forms closer to the ground and on eyelevel whilst firework-dragons flew around us, spewing more and more colourful blow-ups all over. I stared in awe at the beautiful display, my eyes drinking everything in as much as possible. This was truly better than any other firework I had seen.

"Happy New Year," James whispered into my ear, barely audible through the cracks and explosions around us. I probably wouldn't have heard him if he hadn't been so close still. Turning around, I grinned up at him, returning his words, "Happy New Year, James." He grinned, the various colours reflecting in his face and eyes. I stared into them almost unashamedly, wondering how the colours could look even more beautiful in his deep-brown eyes. A soft look caused his grin to drop slightly as he drew me closer by the waist, tilting his head down to inspect my face.

I swallowed at the intense gaze he had pinned on me. "What is it?" I asked.

He shook his head a bit, eyes locking with mine after flickering over all my features, "Just...you are really pretty." I blushed deeply, startled at the sudden compliment but managed a rather awkward smile. "Stop it, you are embarrassing me."

James breathed out laugh, his eyes softening as he brushed a strand of my hair away. "You remarkably suck at accepting compliments, don't you?"

"And you are remarkably good at accepting them," I teased back, and he grinned cockily, "My mom raised a gentleman."

"That doesn't have anything to do with it," I laughed, and he smiled. "I kn,ow."

"You are so weird," I said, shaking my head in amusement.

"You love it," he replied confidently, and my heart skipped a beat. "Do I?"

He tensed up, obviously startled and I didn't dare open my eyes to see his. When he didn't loosen up, I wondered whether it would be less embarrassing if I broke it off before he could. But just as I was going to pull away, he relaxed, tilting his head to respond. I breathed in sharply at the sudden swarm of butterflies erupting in my stomach, fisting his dress shirt on his chest at the sudden burst of emotions; happy, giddy, elated. James smiled into the kiss, tightening his grip around my waist until I was flush against his chest, leaving no space between us.

James hummed, leaning down with a small, affectionate smile. My eyes unconsciously flickered down to his lips, causing my mind to curse at me for being so obvious before it sang in joy when I noticed him mimicking my movement. His lips parted slightly, taking a deeper breath as if he was trying to compose himself. He seemed stuck, closing his eyes tightly as if a war raging inside him and not moving any closer. Was he waiting for me to do a move? I gulped nervously before I placed my hands on his chest and quickly placed my lips on his before I could change my mind and chicken out.

"That was really disgusting to watch!" Marlene commented and I looked up over James' shoulder to see her shit-eating smirk. Sighing exasperatedly, I fought the blush away as James breathed heavily against my ear, his forehead resting against my hair. "Worst bloody timing ever," he groaned and I chuckled, pushing against his chest.

I resisted the urge to squeak in surprise as he asked for access into my mouth, readily allowing him to deepen the kiss as I ran a hand up to his hair, tugging slightly on a few strands, the taste of Firewhiskey on him clouding my mind. A growl vibrated through his chest and his lips crushed against mine as the kiss grew more heated, blissfully unaware of the crowd around and the fireworks over us.

"And then they say I'm the one snogging a girl's face off!" Sirius' loud and obnoxious voice broke through our bubble and I pulled away breathlessly, turning my head when James tried to follow, face burning when I realised what we had just done in a very public place.

"Come on. We shouldn't do this here," I said, my voice slightly hoarse. He let me pull, smirking at my flushed appearance. I bit my lip, forcing myself to stay put despite his irresistible look. "I gather from your words that we will continue this somewhere else then," he grinned, his eyes twinkling mischievously behind his glasses.

'Of course.' "We'll see."

Chapter Ten

#james potter imagine #james potter x oc #james potter x reader #james potter fanfiction #marauders imagine #marauders era #marauders fanfiction #harry potter imagine #harry potter fanfiction #Sirius Black #Remus Lupin #marlene mckinnon #Lily Evans #James Potter #marauders #fanfiction #OC #original character

[ghostlywritten]

If Only I Had Stayed In The Shadows - Chapter Eight

James Potter x OC

Words: 3,7k

Prologue  Chapter One   Chapter Two  Chapter Three  Chapter Four  Chapter Five  Chapter Six  Chapter Seven

I rushed up the stairs as soon as James left for the boy dorms, trying my best to not squeal right then and there. I had to repeatedly remind myself that everyone else was still sleeping and hardly managed to not burst into my dorm room and jump on Marlene's bed. Okay, I did the last part.

"Marlene, wake up!" I whisper-yelled, shaking her vigorously.

"Wha..," Marlene mumbled, eyes still closed and drool dripping on her pillow. It was a bit disgusting to be honest, but natural.

"Get up, I have to tell you something," I whisper-squealed this time.

The brown-haired beauty groaned, stuffing her face into her pillow.

"James kissed me!"

"WHAT?!" she sprung up and I recoiled as our heads banged together. "Ow!"

"Merlin, I should have said that sooner," I said, rubbing my forehead and nose.

"What did you just say?" Marlene demanded to know, suddenly wide awake.

"I said 'Merlin, I should have said that-"

"Not that. Before that!"

"Oh, right." A wide grin spread on my face again and I gripped her shoulders in excitement, "James kissed me!" Marlene - ever not so careful with her surroundings - gave out a mighty squeal that woke up the rest of the dorm. Cringing slightly, I figured the damage was done and joined her.

"I can't believe it!" Marlene exclaimed, taking my forearms and shaking me, "No, scratch that. I can believe it! It was about time! Tell me everything!" I giggled, a pure rush of euphoria hitting me square in the chest when I thought back on the moment.

"Well-"

"What's going on?" Alice asked groggily as she sat up, rubbing her eyes with her knuckles.

"James and Cec kissed!" Marlene squealed and Alice's eyes widened. "Wow, really?" she asked warily, and I nodded, not knowing what to think of her expression. It almost seemed dubious, but I shrugged it off as Marlene insisted, I told her every single detail.

"...and well, it lasted for like a few seconds and then we just stood there, staring at each other...," I sighed dreamily, my heart pounding hard again when I thought about it.

Marlene sighed with me, "And then?"

"And then...he left with a good night," I said, and she giggled at the abruptness, "Loverboy probably got shy. I bet that was his first kiss." My eyes widened. "You think so?" Marlene shrugged, "Could be. At least he never kissed someone at school. Or I would know."

I gave her a creeped-out look in which she gave me a what-I-like-gossip look in return.

"Wasn't that your first kiss, too?" Alice piped up as she started rummaging through her closet and I nodded. She gave me a warm smile, "I'm happy for you. The first kiss is always memorable."

"Yes, I'm never going to forget it," I said with dopey grin, causing her to giggle. Just then I took a look around the room, "Where's Lily?"

"Right here," the red head appeared out of the bathroom as if on cue, drying her hair quickly with a swept of her wand.

"Have you heard?" Marlene asked with a sleezy grin, "James and Cec snogged."

"Yeah, I have," she said off-handed as I slapped Marlene's arm, exclaiming 'it wasn't snogging!', "Congrats on your first kiss, Cec."

"Thanks, Lils," I beamed, deciding to ignore her indifference and jumping off Marlene's lap. "Let's get ready for class!"

"Wow, I've never seen her so energetic in the morning," Alice commented as we skipped down for breakfast. Or more like I skipped, and they trailed after me.

"Must be the power of love!" Marlene announced dramatically, causing the others to laugh. My heart went into overdrive as we reached the Great Hall, wondering whether James was already there or not. Fighting down the blush I slapped my cheeks slightly before taking a deep breath. 'Alright, Cec. Act like you're normal. A kiss is a kiss. No biggie. Be cool.'

"Ready to see loverboy?" Marlene whispered into my ear and just like that my semi-calmness left and I couldn't help but giggle with her.

Reaching the Great Hall, my eyes immediately zoomed in on the Gryffindor table, flickering over each face until they landed on the one that mattered right now. He was sitting next to Sirius and across from Remus and Peter, a goblet swinging in his hand as he animatedly chatted about something through a mouthful of cinnamon rolls. I briefly wondered if he was perhaps talking about our kiss, being excited about it as much as myself. Blushing deeply at the thought of the boys talking about this, I felt Marlene nudge me forward to continue walking.

"Shall we sit at your boyfriend's?" she giggled loudly and I shot her look to keep it discreet.

"What about playing hard to get?" I teased her teaching methods.

"Oh, that part was a success. You don't need to do that anymore," she replied, nodding forward. I glanced the way she motioned and noticed James and the other three Marauders looking my way, the former waving me over with a cheerful grin.

"CEC, OVER HERE!" he shouted obnoxiously, and I almost cringed at the heads that turned at the commotion.

"Do you still need me to keep it discreet?" Marlene asked and I gave her the totally-unnecessary-look.

"Hi James," I greeted him almost shyly and his grin turned more into a genuine smile, "Hey. Come sit." Obliging, I settled down next to him, biting back a squeal as he kissed my cheek and naturally wrapped an arm around my waist. Marlene sat down next to me, elbowing me and shooting me a cat-like grin. I shook my head at her to keep quiet as Lily and Alice took their seats next to her.

"Did you sleep well?" James asked conversationally as he poured me a glass of pumpkin juice. I watched him with hawk-eyes, trying to analyse what all these sudden actions were supposed to mean.

"You kidding?" I asked deadpanned. We had literally departed only an hour ago. His shoulders shook with a silent chuckle. "Just asking," he shrugged, gesturing towards the various food in front of us, "What would you like?" he asked, already piling up a huge amount of food on my plate. That was probably the moment I fell in love with him...just joking. Maybe. But in all the time we had been 'dating' for a lack of a better definition he had never been that touchy and...quite frankly acting like a boyfriend to such an extent.

"Do you like bacon?"

"Ehm...no," I said as he squeezed some on the side nevertheless.

Sirius gasped. "Who doesn't like bacon?" he jumped into the conversation after mutely watching us with amused eyes. Now, however, they were widened in horror at my proclamation.

"Meh, they are okay," I said, grinning at his over-the-top display of disbelief.

"They are proof that heaven exists!"

"No, that is chocolate. Don't get it mixed up," Remus intervened, pouring himself a cup of coffee. I noticed he looked more tired than usual. Had it been full moon last night? I wracked my brain for the mental moon calendar. Shouldn't he be still in bed then? He would usually skip the next school day after his transformation. I bit my lip, feeling sorry for him. But he probably wouldn't appreciate the pity so it was good that no one knew what I knew.

Nevertheless, I fumbled for the bar of chocolate from my pocket. "Speaking of."

Remus smiled, taking the established piece of heaven from my outstretched hand, "Thanks, Cecily."

"Oi, how come I never get something sweet from you?" James butted in with a pout.

"You got almost half of the Honeyduke's bags I'd bought for Poppy," I pointed out and he was quick to agree, "Point taken."

"Not to mention he got something else sweet last night," Sirius added with a sly grin and I started blushing before I even fully understood what he meant, purely because of his smirk, "A sweet smooch for the sweet-deprived Prongs!"

Marlene giggled into her cup as I groaned lowly in embarrassment. His proclamation was loud enough for the already curious ears around us to snap to attention in hopes of catching gossip. 'Looks like I'm gonna spend the day in the library,' I thought as some ducked their heads together, whispering and shooting looks at our groups.

"What do you mean?" Remus asked cluelessly, not having arrived back with the others last night.

"They went off all night to Merlin knows where. Prongs only came back in the early morning," Peter filled him in dutifully and the sandy-haired boy's face cleared in understanding. He glanced between James and I, a contemplative look in his gaze. "I see...," he said slowly, and I couldn't exactly decipher the tone in his voice. Whatever it was, it made the messy-haired boy next to me shift slightly in his seat. "I didn't know, you guys were an item now. When did that happen?" The probably smartest one out of the Marauders questioned after taking a sip of his coffee.

I started to speak, "Well, we've never really establish-"

"Since I asked her out, duh," James butted in, casually munching on his toast. I stared at him in disbelief until he looked down at me. "Or not?" he asked, his hazel eyes wide and innocent behind his rounded glasses.

'This is not exactly how a boyfriend-girlfriend-relationship is established,' I thought back to all the romantic novels I had read so far before shrugging, 'But what do I know?'

"You have to ask her to officially be your girlfriend though!" Marlene voiced out, jumping in just as I let the fact sink in that James had already thought of me as his girlfriend for so long...'Wait, WHAT?!'

"Isn't that already implied when you ask someone out?" James asked confused and Sirius barked out a laugh. "If that's the case, I would have had hundreds of girlfriends already!"

"That's disgusting," Lily commented, speaking up for the first time, but there was hardly a bite in her tone. We were all used to his serial womaniser behaviour.

"Don't be jealous," Sirius waved off dismissively as he bit into his bacon.

"I still don't get it. What's the difference between asking someone out and asking someone to be their girlfriend?" James questioned and I could have cooed at his adorably confused expression.

Sirius cleared his throat, adopting a professional tone, "Let me give you a crash course on relationships. If you ask someone to be their girlfriend, your relationship will become exclusive. Asking someone out is the phase before that and you are allowed to date others, too."

"Though, the girl would prefer the dating phase to be exclusive, too," Alice piped in.

"Yes, but it's not in the rules," Sirius added, smirking as she rolled her eyes.

"Why would I date others, though...," James wondered, "If I ask someone out, why would I ask someone else out if I already asked someone? If I ask someone out, I obviously want them to become my girlfriend, don't I?"

Sirius groaned, muttering something about hopeless romantics. The others chuckled as James looked around, almost offended.

"Not everyone thinks that way," I said, my heart warming at his innocent views, "But it's sweet that you do." He gazed down at me, a small smile quirking up the corners of his lips as he saw my sincerity. His arm that was still wrapped around me tightened slightly.

"So, are you my girlfriend then?"

My breath halted in response but before I could open my mouth to stutter and embarrass myself, Marlene butted in, "You have to ask her officially, boy! And more romantically than at breakfast!" James rolled his eyes in mock exasperation, "Fine! As the lady wishes!"

I chuckled along with the others. "You don't have to, really," I told him quietly as we all stood up to head to our first class. James threw his arm over my shoulder and giving me the boyish grin that made my heart skip, "I want to."

The last week passed and before I knew it, the winter break had snuck up on me at last. I had barely registered the time fly with all the fun and sweet days and nights I had spent with James, either chatting in-between classes or holding longer, deeper conversations in front of the fireplace in the Common Room. And whilst I liked to freely talk with him without anyone else around, I couldn't help but prefer his more affectionate behaviour throughout the day where he would always initiate some kind of contact, from simple hand holding to arms constantly wrapped around me.

Something in me was hoping for another kiss but since I was too embarrassed to display affection in public and was also too shy for it when we were alone, it didn't happen again. Maybe he was waiting for me to do the move now since he had taken the step towards me again. The thought raced through my mind, wondering whether he was expecting something from me or not.

However, with the end of the first part of this school year, I had a more major problem to face now: the parents. As much as I had enjoyed the peace in radio silence, I was dreading the point where I would have to face them now.

"Will you calm down?" Alice placed a hand on my shaking knee, a nervous tick I inherited from my dad, "You act like you are going on trial for some committed crime."

"Might as well," I replied, rubbing my hands nervously as I stared out the window of the Hogwarts Express, the white scenery outside passing by in a blur, "Same difference, really."

Alice huffed out a laugh, "Don't be such a drama queen, Cec. It's going to be fine."

"Yeah, they're gonna get over it eventually," Marlene added from across of me, sat next to Lily, whose nose was - as usual - ducked in a book, "If they haven't already. It's been weeks since you've written to them about it."

I sighed, choosing to believe their words in hopes of calming myself down. No point in getting all anxious when we still had hours until we arrived...Hours that went by way too fast. "Seriously, doesn't the ride back to King's Cross usually take longer?"

The door to our compartment slid open in that moment, revealing none other than my self-proclaimed boyfriend and his three best mates. "There you are!" James said cheerfully, nodding at the three girls as he squeezed himself between me and Alice, throwing his arm around me. At this point, I was almost used to his touch. Keyword being almost. Alice scooted over with a silent smile as the other boys tried to pile in.

"No way, we all won't fit in here!" Marlene complained whilst Sirius wiggled down on the seat next to her, causing both her and Lily to move away from him.

"It's fine. Remus and I need to patrol anyways," Lily announced, shutting her book as she stood up and made space for Peter to settle down instead. "See you later on the platform?" We all nodded in consent and the two prefects left. Sirius stretched his limbs out, making himself comfortable and causing Marlene to immediately complain about his lack of manners. "Siriusly, there are other people around here. You are invading my private space, Black!"

"Don't act like you don't enjoy it," Sirius said with a wink and I watched silently as they started to bicker pointlessly, Peter and Alice joining in the attempt to calm them down. And as amusing as it was, it couldn't hold my attention for long and soon I was staring out the window, my mind picturing the stern faces of my parents awaiting my arrival.

"Hey, you alright there?" James asked, placing a hand on my knee that had started shaking again without my notice. He leaned forward slightly to peer at my worried expression. I gnawed on my bottom lip, feeling almost ridiculous at how anxious I was getting over this. Shouldn't I be excited to see my parents again after so many months? "Cec, what's with the sad face?" the dark-haired boy next to me tried again, pulling me out of my reverie.

I turned to him, his warm brown eyes soothing my inner turmoil slightly. I smiled, "It's nothing, really."

"It clearly is something if you are so nervous about it," he pointed out, the small frown not leaving his face. My smile widened though, feeling touched at the obvious worry. 'Merlin, can he be any more precious?'

"Siriusly, don't stress about it," I said, flicking his chin as I suddenly felt bold enough to add, "I'm fine now that you are here." James' eyes flickered in surprise and the boldness immediately left me, embarrassment reddening my cheeks at my comment. I wasn't one to say sappy stuff, so that even took me by surprise. I ducked my head, missing the genuine smile of the boy next to me. Lifting my face back up, he grinned more cheekily, "So cheesy."

I rolled my eyes to hide my bashfulness, "Yeah, whatever. Forget what I said."

"Oh no, love. This I won't ever forget," James retaliated and I ignored the way my heart sped up at his endearing term in favour of groaning in mock exasperation, "You are never going to let me live this down."

"You bet!" James replied and I simply shook my head, smiling as I realised how I hadn't thought about my parents anymore and felt significantly calmer. "Now that...," he added, pointing at my face, "...is way better. Don't worry, be happy." Huffing a laughter, I couldn't help but let his cheerfulness affect me and I felt myself relax more into my seat and his arm, noticing how close we were. He was leaned towards me, his hand still holding my knee. At my gaze, he lifted his hand to take a hold of my own, his warm touch soothing my entire cool limb. "Are you cold?" he asked quietly, shifting his arm to pull me closer.

"I'm fine," I replied, letting myself melt into him as I dropped my head on his shoulder. He leaned his cheek against my head as he stared down at out joined hands.

"You always seem to say that even if you are obviously not..."

"Well, I can't burden you with my troubles all the time now," I said, thinking back on the nights he let me rant about every issue as we sat in front of the fireplace, listening to every problem attentively, no matter how small they were. He was a very good listener, but I didn't want to constantly take advantage of it. And Marlene had stated in one of her million unwanted/wanted relationship advices that constant nagging could be a major turn off and the last thing I wanted was to annoy him away.

"You can, though," James argued softly, playing with my fingers, every touch sending slight electric shocks through my limb. My heart all but melted at his short but sweet retaliation and I intertwined our fingers together. "Thank you," I said softly, "Same goes for you."

We stayed locked in our embrace for the rest of the train ride and I barely noticed the world outside of the little bubble James created for us, feeling like all the problems were miles away and I finally found a bit of inner peace.

But alas, all good things had to come to an end, and I was more than a bit disappointed as we arrived at King's Cross, having to leave his arms and the security with it. The only thing that got me up and going was his hand tugging me outside...and the fact that I wouldn't know where the train would go after this.

"Are your parents picking you up?" James asked and my good mood plummeted at the thought of the inevitable happening. 'Stop being dramatic,' I scolded myself in my head as I nodded mutely. "Cool, mine are probably somewhere around here, too," he stated just as Sirius pointed at someone in the distance, "There they are. Let's go!" he said excitedly, and I smiled at his enthusiasm.

"A nice holiday to you too, Black," I called after him and he waved over his shoulder in dismissive response. I chuckled slightly before turning to his messy-haired best friend. "You should go, too. They are waiting for you," I said, tugging on my hand, not knowing exactly how to bid him goodbye.

"Yeah, just one second," James replied distractedly, tightening his grip on my hand. I watched as he bit his lip nervously, ruffling his hair one, two times before he took a deep breath. "Cec, are we...together now?" he asked almost shyly, staring at me from under his lashes, "Like- together, together? Like in a relationship? As in, boyfriend and girlfriend-"

"Yes," I laughed, surprising both him and I at the immediate response. It was natural for me to say yes. I mean, who would say no at this point? And especially at his beautiful hazel eyes. Maybe Lily would, but I certainly wouldn't. "Yes, we are together," I confirmed, trying to sound as confident as I didn't feel, my insides shaking like jello.

James beamed, causing me to melt inside. "Like, in a relationship?"

"Yes."

"As in, boyfriend and girlfr-"

"Yes!" I laughed, feeling more and more secure with each consent. His grin couldn't get any wider as he tugged me closer by the hand, wrapping his arms tightly around me for a second.

"Awesome! As my girlfriend I expect you to write me every day then," he demanded as soon as he let go, his shy demeanour completely gone. My eyes widened in disbelief, "Every day?"

"Every day," he repeated solemnly.

"Prongs! Come on, already!" I heard Sirius yell in the distance and before I could hastily argue about the 'everyday writing', James pressed a quick kiss on my cheek, rendering me speechless enough to make a quick escape.

"I expect your letter tomorrow!" he shouted as he jogged backwards, flashing me a last grin before he turned to rush to his parents. All the while I stared dumbfounded at his back with a hand on my flushed cheek.

"That brat," I muttered, biting my lips to stop a too wide smile.

Chapter Nine

#james potter imagine #james potter fanfiction #james potter x reader #James Potter #marauders imagine #sirius black imagine #remus lupin imagine #harry potter imagine #harry potter #marauders era #marauders #fanfiction #marauders fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction #OC #original character #Lily Evans #marlene mckinnon

[ghostlywritten]

If Only I Had Stayed In The Shadows - Chapter Seven

James Potter x OC

Words: 6k

Prologue  Chapter One   Chapter Two  Chapter Three  Chapter Four  Chapter Five  Chapter Six

"Where have you been last night?" Alice asked as I sat down at the breakfast table the next day.

"Eh...with James," I mumbled, stuffing my face with cinnamon rolls as hers, Marlene's and Lily's eyes bulged in shock.

"What?" Marlene exclaimed, dropping her cup, "Already?"

I furrowed my eyebrows, "Yeah?"

She smirked widely, "You little...who would have thought you to be so quick?"

"Quick with what?"

"Letting him pop your cherry of course!" Alice giggled along with Marlene whilst Lily and I went beet red.

"We did not do that!" I protested, shaking my head vehemently.

"Aww, why not?" Marlene pouted into her cup.

"Because I ain't that easy," I retaliated, shooting her a look.

"What? You think I'm easy?" she asked, peeved.

"Well, you do get along with boys very fast," Alice pointed out matter-of-factly whilst Lily nodded next to her. Marlene grumbled under her breath, "Can you blame me when they basically throw themselves on me?" She flipped her hair and I smiled at Alice's giggling.

"How was your dinner with Potter then?" Lily asked suddenly, keeping her eyes on her porridge with intent.

"Quite nice, actually," I replied, my smile widening as I remembered last night, "We talked about a lot of things until it got way too late."

"Boring!" Marlene commented, causing the red head next to her to snicker. "Is that everything?" Lily asked amused and I raised my eyebrows in confusion, "Have you at least kissed or something?"

"Well, no. I didn't want to," I defended myself.

"Oh please, who doesn't want to snog him or the Marauders in general?" Marlene rolled her eyes, "Except for Lily perhaps." Said person's smile dropped an inch before she composed herself. "Exactly. Seems like he is not that into you, after all." I tried not to frown at her words but that stung quite a lot. So what if we hadn't kissed? Was that even normal on a first date? In fact, I hadn't even known it was a date until the end. I couldn't help but feel insecure now, keeping quiet as Lily awaited my answer. Guilt slowly spread on her face when she noted the hurt I was trying to hide.

"When is your second date then?" Alice asked, breaking the sudden silence between us after she shot a knowing look at her green-eyed friend.

"Not sure," I shrugged, rolling my breakfast around on my plate. I didn't feel like talking about it anymore so I changed the topic, "Marlene, what's up with you and my worst enemy?"

"Oh Adrian!" Marlene immediately perked up and started chatting about her shenanigens, successfully giving me a reason to not talk anymore until breakfast was over and we left for class.

"...and he can be surprisingly sweet. Like that one time we were alone and I was so frustrated because McGonagall scolded me again for not getting a spell right...," Marlene kept blabbering whilst we sat down for History of Magic and I almost regretted opening that Pandora Box of a mouth - just kidding - as she gushed about the boy I resented deeply...on the Quidditch pitch. Outside of it we simply ignored each other, really. I sighed, thinking about how I actually had to get along with him after Christmas when he became a part of Team A.

"Alright there, Cec?" James plopped down on the free seat next to me and I blinked. Glancing back, I noticed Sirius settling next to Remus and Peter sitting beside some Ravenclaw bloke. Weird.

"You're not sitting with Sirius?" I asked in surprise.

"Now, why would I want that when I could sit next to you?" he asked with a grin but raised his eyebrows at the squeals emitting from Marlene and Alice in front of us.

"Cheesy," I commented, trying to regain control of my racing heart.

"Only for you," he winked. What a liar. I knew for a fact that he had always been cheesy. Especially when it came to a certain red head, who right now kept glimpsing over her shoulder at us. Her words from breakfast earlier caught up to me and I wondered once again about our 'boring' first date. I had not even for a second thought about our night that way but what if he did?

Shooting a look at the handsome boy next to me mindlessly chatting about some prank he was preparing whilst taking out his stuff I tried to detect any sign of boredom on his features. He was gesturing animatedly with his hands, which caused him to take longer than necessary to get his books out. It appeared like he was having fun. His brown eyes were sparkling even in the dim light of Professor Binn's classroom and I noticed the golden undertones in his rich-coloured irises. In fact, there were a lot of things I was suddenly noticing in that moment; How his glasses kept slipping due to his excited movements, forcing him to nudge them back up on the bridge of his slightly pointed nose, how his dimples popped up from time to time, accentuating his boyish features in an adorable way and how he ran a hand through his thick hair...every five seconds.

"Oi, Cec. Are you even listening?" the boy in my thoughts complained as he flicked my forehead.

"Ouch, yes I am," I said, rubbing the sore spot. Thank Merlin, he snapped me out of it though, I was getting near obsessed with the analysis of his features.

"Seems more like you were obsessed with my looks," James said with a wolfish grin and I did everything in my power to keep myself from turning into a tomato.

"What? I wasn't!" I almost shrieked, busying myself with my stuff erratically, "You just have a booger on your face, that's all."

"Sure, Cec," he replied offhandedly but I grinned as he tried to inconspiculously rub his nose. "So, I was thinking that the Hogsmeade trip next weekend could be our second date," James suggested and by now I was a master in controlling my spit to stop myself from choking on it whenever he randomly decided to make my heart burst.

'But that meant that he did enjoy our first date, right?' I thought, feeling slightly hopeful as I opened my mouth to agree.

"Hell no," Marlene made a sliding tackle, turning around in her seat, "She can't." I shot her an incredulous look whilst Alice kicked her under table.

"Why not?" James asked, as clueless as we all. Though he looked so cute being clue- Merlin, I was whipped.

"Hogsmeade is a traditional girls' trip," Marlene said matter-of-factly, "You don't want to break a three-year long tradition, James. Trust me."

"I guess not...," he trailed off, probably weirded off by the threatening looks Alice and I were shooting at the brown-haired beauty, "Well, some other time then, Cec."

"Sure," Marlene answered for me again and I was almost speechless.

"What the hell was that?" I immediately bombared her as soon as class ended and I saw the last of James' and his mates' heads leaving for lunch.

"Yeah, what did you do that for?" Alice wondered, "Why would you prevent a second date?"

"Yes, why?!" I asked almost hysterically, "That's probably the only boy in this school, who would be interested in a second date with me," I started slapping her arm with each word, " and...you...rejected...him...because...of...a...tradition-"

"Ouch! Merlin, stop!" Marlene backed away from me, hiding behind Alice.

"-that doesn't even exist!"

"Excuse me, the Hogsmeade trips were always our thing," Marlene pointed out.

"Yeah, as long as you didn't have a date!"

"Irrelevant details," she waved off and I wished I could say her blatant disregard of her hypocrisy would be a new thing, "Besides, I was doing you a favour."

"A favour?" I furrowed my eyebrows, "How does scaring an interested boy away doing me a favour?"

"You are being too easy on him," Marlene said and I could feel the beginning of one of her dating lectures, "You have to make a boy work for you, Cec. Make him prove he is worth your time before you give in. That's what keeps them interested in you. They like a good chase but you were just going to hand yourself in for the next date at the first try."

"You have a great way of making me feel like a slut," I commented dryly.

"You are welcome," she grinned back.

"I wasn't being sirius," I almost groaned, resisting the urge to slap her again. I was being unusually violent these days, "So what if they like a good chase? I've been chasing boys in my dreams for years and quite frankly I'm just glad someone as nice as James wants to go out with me again."

"Nice? James?" Lily snorted, speaking up for the first time since class, "He's rude. And mean. Just look at all the pranks he pesters people with."

"He's just joking," I said, though it was only half-heartedly. I knew he was just joking but even I had to admit through my 'lovesick' eyes that his pranks could be quite cruel. Lily just scoffed, probably having read my mind. With her skills I wouldn't put it past her if she had already managed Legilimency.

"James is the textbook example of boys chasing girls," Marlene continued as if our side-conversation didn't even happen, "Look at how long he chased Lily for without rest-"

"Yeah, and then he gave up," I pointed out, watching the red head shift inbetween her steps.

"-I know, but the point is. He chased her for years! He likes this game." Marlene placed a hand on my shoulder, "I'm telling you; let him chase you a little. Not for too long obviously, but enough to keep him on his toes."

I tried to dismiss her words as crazy but in some kind of twisted way it made sense. And she was more experienced and especially more successful in terms of boys than I ever would. Who was I to argue against her?

"That's the most ridiculous-" Alice started but I cut her off.

"What do I do?" she gave me a shocked look whilst Marlene grinned thriumphantly. Throwing an arm over my shoulder, she started leading me towards the Great Hall for lunch.

"Alright, the first step is called 'Ignoring Him'," Marlene started, walking into the Hall, where the students were busy shoveling their mouths with food and chatting about nonesense, "You don't want to appear as desperate as you have this whole time-"

"I wasn't being desperate," I said indignantly.

"But you were easy," she countered, "Always immediately responding to him. Going on a first date without even a little resistance. Staring at him like a puppy-"

"Okay, okay," I relented before throwing her a look, "I should probably feel creeped out with your stalking."

"But you don't because everyone does a little bit of stalking," Marlene remarked and I had to agree...internally, "Luckily for you, I planted the first step by preventing that second date you wanted to immediately agree on," she gave me a reprimanding look my mother would be proud of, "Now, what you have to do is this: Whenever he tries to initiate any kind of contact, you give him your most disinterested glance that lasts precisely 1,5 seconds and give him the shortest amount of words in only one sentence that you can manage."

I let her words sink in, "Siriusly? 1,5 seconds?"

"I've never been more sirius in my life," Marlene said siriusly and I was strangely convinced.

"Trust me, it works," she said as we walked along the Gryffindor table and I noticed we were nearing the Marauders.

"If you say so...," I muttered, wondering how to do that as James looked up with a grin, turning slightly in his seat.

"Hey, Cec. Do you want to sit-" he started.

"What's up, James?" I waved at him without looking as we passed by to settle a few seats away.

"Oi, that was not bad for a beginner," Marlene praised impressed as we sat down and I almost didn't feel ashamed at the pride that filled me at her words. "Now, don't even dare glance at him once. I will count how many times he looks over."

"Alright." To say, lunch was torture was an understatement. Who knew it could be so hard to not look at someone when you were precisely forbidden to. Human nature; always craving the forbidden. It was natural to say I heaved a huge sigh of relief after it was over.

"Fifteen times!" Marlene squealed as we left, heading towards Herbology, "He was staring almost constantly."

"It actually worked?" I asked in surprise and even Alice nodded.

"Yeah, he seemed pretty confused," she commented and his adorably clueless face from earlier flashed through my mind. I sighed blissfully.

"Of course it worked!" Marlened boasted, tugging my arm into hers, "Girl, I'm gonna make you irresistable."

"Where have you been my whole life?" I asked and we giggled, causing Alice and Lily to shake their heads at us with small smiles.

December came and the first half of the month passed by in a blur of Quidditch, Hogsmeade, avoiding James for fun and dreading the upcoming break. I had yet not received a single letter from my parents as expected but now that the day of my doom was heading closer, I was starting to regret the Gryffindor bravery in me that had decided to write them in the first place, happy that the school would be protecting me from their wrath for at least a few weeks.

"Come on, they can't be too angry," Lily reassured, watching me pace around the dorm. Marlene had started packing a bit of her stuff before bed, which once again reminded me of the school break and I had started to walk around nervously, "It's not like it's your fault that Madam Pomfrey won't take any interns."

"You don't know my parents, Lils," I replied, my voice wavering, "They will find some way to blame me for it." She gave me a pitying look over the book she was reading on her bed.

"But you know that you are not at fault," Alice tried this time as she braided her hair, "That's what counts."

"I don't know, maybe I should have tried harder," I mumbled even though it would have been pointless anyways.

"You bribed her with Honeydukes," Marlene pointed out as a row of clothes were magically folded into her bag. I always wondered why she needed that many clothes if she probably had ten times more at home. "If that didn't work, nothing will."

"I guess, you are right," I sighed, plopping down on my bed and burying my face in my pillow, "I wish I could just stay at Hogwarts."

"Don't say that," Lily reprimanded me, "You should be happy, you have a family to go home to." Her voice softened slightly, "Not everyone does anymore." It went silent as we all let her words sink in. We knew what she was hinting at; people were missing, the newspapers were filled with deaths and strange marks on the night sky. The world outside of school was becoming darker and gloomier, our hearts growing heavy each time the owls flew down from the ceiling of the sky and a student once again ran out of the hall in tears.

No one wanted to talk about it, refusing to let it take over our minds but...we were all scared. Deep down, the fear for our family and loved ones was planted in us ever since we were old enough to know that the word 'War' was not just something you read in books and in past tense. It had been in our presence before we had even started school, a Dark Lord rising up from the shadows.

"I think, I'm gonna head out for a bit," I broke silence, the room suddenly stuffy and lacking air.

"Where are you going? It's past curfew," Lily wondered softly, still in her own mind. She had a lot to worry about, her parents being part of the main targets; Muggles. My heart squeezed harshly at the fear that she couldn't quite mask in her green eyes as she usually did and I wished I knew what to say to help her.

Smiling faintly, I picked up a book, "Just to the Common Room for some reading. You girls go to sleep." They bid me 'good nights' and I waited for them to settle in their sheets before I waved my wand to dim the candles.

The Common Room was empty as usual around this time and I settled down in front of the fireplace, opening the book on my lap. Sighing quietly, I tried to ignore the heavy feeling in my chest as I dove into the story, letting my mind focus solely on it to escape reality for at least a little while.

An hour must have passed before the portrait of the Fat Lady swung to the side, light shedding from the hole. But no one came in. Puzzled, I stared at the hole until I heard the slight padding of several feet, causing my eyes to widen in panic. 'What the hell?'

Suddenly James' head appeared out of thin air and I bit my lip just in time to prevent an ear-piercing scream. "J-James? Wha-"

"Hey Cec," he greeted me sheepishly, Sirius head popping up from behind him and this time I did yelp a little.

"You alright there, Grant?" he asked with a grin as if it was normal to stand around with just a head and the rest of his body missing.

"Can we get out now?" Peter's muffled voice reached my ears.

"Oh, yeah. Sure." James threw off what seemed to be a cloak, revealing three of the four Marauders.

"Uff, finally," Peter breathed out a sigh of relief, "I swear it gets more and more stuffy every time we get under it."

"It's because, your stomach gets wider and wider," Sirius teased, prodding his belly, "Relationships make you lazy, Wormtail."

"Do not," he pouted, causing the taller one to ruffle his hair.

"Come on, let's head to bed," the dark-haired handsome boy announced with a yawn, stretching around comfortably as if it nothing out of ordinary had happened.

"Right, good night, Grant." Peter waved at me, Sirius echoing him as they passed by.

"You guys go ahead," James called after them, his friends waving him off as if they had already known.

"Care to tell me what just happened?" I asked, momentarily forgetting that I was supposed to ignore him.

"Oh, Cec. You should know of our nightly adventures by now," James said off-handedly.

"Not that," I rolled my eyes, pointing at the shimmering cloth in his hand, "I mean that."

"Oh this?" He held the cloth up, light reflecting from it slightly. I wouldn't know how to explain it but that cloth practically oozed magic, "This is an Invisibility Cloak."

"You...have an Invisibility Cloak?" I asked incredulously, eyes shining wide.

"Sure, I do," he said proudly as he came closer, plopping down on the couch next to me. He raised his arm, "You wanna try?"

"Hell yes!" I immediately snatched the cloak from his hands, standing up to dive under it, "Can you see me? Can you see me?"

"Obviously not," James chuckled, squinting in the direction he presumed me to be. I was glad I was only wearing socks as I slowly moved to his other side. "Boo!"

"Woah!" he yelped, jumping an inch as he whirled his head around, a hand on his heart, "Bloody hell, woman!"

I snickered, letting the cloak fall from my head. "This is so crazy!" I remarked as I looked down at my nonexistent body, "No wonder, it's so easy for you to sneak away from any trouble."

"Hey now," James said offended, "It takes a lot of skill to keep quiet under that cloak. Especially if three others are under it with you."

"How does that even work?" I wondered, spreading my arms to test the length of the piece of cloth, "It looks too small for you alone, already."

"Yeah, to be honest our growth spurt has been an issue for a while now," James stated, puffing his chest as he felt his biceps, "Can't help the muscles."

I rolled my eyes. "Sure."

James giggled, his manliness dissovling into nothing and I grinned at his cuteness. "It still works for now." He lifted the hem of the cloak and draped it over himself. My breath hitched at the sudden proximity, his chest only inches away from my face. I had to crane my neck to look up at his only to see him stare down at me with his hazelnut brown eyes, the cloak dimming the lights outside. Sweat was forming in my palms and I hoped he couldn't hear my pounding heart.

"See, you and I fit in here, too," he said softly and I imagined his hand brushing against mine ever so slightly, "We could go anywhere we want now..."

"To the kitchens," I suggested, slightly breathless.

He chuckled quietly and my heart sang in joy at the sound, "Or the Quidditch Pitch."

My eyes lightened up at the suggestion. I had never flown around the pitch in the night. Or over the Black Sea or around the towers of Hogwarts. Just imagining the cool air and the darkness of the night with merely the moon illuminating the world made me sigh blissfully.

"Or Hogsmeade if we need to go to Honeydukes," I thought out loud before I gasped in realisation, "That's how you always got the sweets before the first trip!"

"Busted," James grinned, feeling a sense of pride at the admiring look on my face.

"That's so exciting...," I commented quietly, a smile on my face as I grasped the cloak between my thumb and index finger, feeling the satin touch, "All the awesome things you can do with this."

"You haven't even heard half of it," James remarked with a sly grin before his features softened, the warmth pooling from his eyes, "...We can do all of that together...if you want."

It took me second to detect the slight hint of insecurity in his face as he nervously awaited my answer. Biting my lip to keep myself from grinning too wide I squealed internally. This was probably the first time he kind of asked me out for real instead of just swiping me off to a date as if it were obvious I would say yes.

I wondered if I should decline this time as well like my inner-Marlene was screaming at me to do but one glance at his hopeful eyes made me nod almost eagerly. He rewarded me with a wide smile, his eyes crinkling slightly in excitement. "Shall we go catch up on our Hogsmeade date, then?"

My eyebrows rose, feeling slightly unsure. It was in the middle of the night after all and I had never snuck out of the castle before. "Eh...should we, really? It's late and-"

"Come on, Cec," James soothed and this time I knew I wasn't imagining the brush of our hands as he slightly cupped his around mine, his thumb stroking the back of my hand, "I've done this a thousand times already and never got caught. You can trust me."

I gave in, figuring we wouldn't get caught as long as we stayed under the cloak. "Where could we even go? Everything should be closed by now."

"The Three Broomsticks are always open," James responded as he led me out of the Common Room. I shivered slightly in my pyjamas but welcomed the fresh air in the hallways, the wide open windows letting in a cool breeze from time to time. My heart skipped a beat once again as James draped his arm around me, keeping me close for some warmth.

"Have you forgotten you are a wizard again?" I asked teasingly, pointing at his wand. I knew he could easily cast a Heating Charm. I would have done it myself but my wand was on my nightstand. Come to think of it, it was probably not so smart to walk around without a wand but in my defense I had no idea I would wander around the castle at this time.

"I haven't," James replied easily as he led us down a set of staircases, "But maybe I just want to get closer to you." I blushed deeply. "Especially after it's been so long since you were this accepting of me."

"I do not know what you speak of," I said ignorantly, though I felt nervousness built up in me. Marlene had not told me yet what I should answer if I were to be directly confronted about me playing hard-to-get.

"You've been ignoring me," James stated indifferently but I noticed his jaw clenching as he fiddled around with his wand.

"Not true," I mumbled, quickly changing the subject, "What are we doing on the fourth floor?"

James narrowed his eyes slightly and I knew he would only let me off the hook for now, "There is a mirror at the end of the hallway."

"So?" I pressed as we reached said object, startled slightly that I couldn't see myself in it due to the cloak. 'And here I was hoping to check my appearance,' I thought to myself, brushing a hand through my tangled hair strands, 'Marlene would kill me if she saw me right now.'

"This little mirror hides a way that has led us to a lot of adventures already," James announced gravely as he flicked his wand, causing the mirror to swing to the side and reveal a dark hole in the wall. I raised my eyebrows in surprise, "Does this-"

"Lead us to Hogsmeade? Yes," James confirmed, ducking out of the cloak and casting a silent 'Lumos'. He squinted in my direction before he pulled off the piece of cloth from my head, smiling. "Keep it on, it's gonna keep you warm." And with that he climbed up the secret passageway.

"You could still cast a Heating Charm," I said into the hole before I climbed it up as well, slightly weirded out by my visible hands with my invisible arms. James waited for me, already a couple of feet ahead. I looked back at the mirror. "What about the entrance? One of the Prefects might se- nevermind," I mumbled as he shut it with a swish of his wand.

"When did you learn to cast nonverbal spells?" I asked in wonder as we trudged through the way.

"What can I say? I'm just naturally talented at everything," James boasted unashamedly and I rolled my eyes at the over-confidence oozing from his every pore.

"Alright, Mr. Superwizard," I relented, "Where is this passage leading to exactly?"

"We are underground right now. The passageway will lead us out through a gully near the Three Broomsticks."

"We are going through a sewer tunnel?" I asked, looking down at my socks, "You do realise I don't even have shoes on."

"You do realise I'm a wizard, right?" James retaliated with a grin over his shoulder.

"That's questionable sometimes," I muttered, glad it was dark in the tunnel as my cheeks felt on fire. Finally, after about ten minutes of walking and occasionally dipping into the wastewater (disgusting) James directed the light of his wand towards a ladder. Climbing it up, I was greeted by the sight of snow, wind and the small huts in Hogsmeade.

"Wicked," I breathed, taking James' outstretched hand as he helped me up and took the cloak from me to reveal the rest of myself. I immediately started shivering violently, realising how warm the cloak must have kept me. James took off his robe this time, draping it around my shoulders. "You gonna look dumb to people when you walk around here in pyjamas," he explained before casting a Heating Charm.

I shot him a look, "Who was the one suggesting this out of nowhere?"

"Who was the one agreeing on this?" he asked back as he rolled his Invisibility Cloak into a ball and tugged it under his arm, "Now, come on. Let's get some Butterbeer."

I breathed a sigh of relief as soon as we entered the pub, the wind finally ceasing to smash my hair into my face every five seconds. One glance around showed me how empty this place could be in comparison to Hogsmeade weekends where you could hardly find one empty chair.

"James Potter," Madam Rosmerta, the owner of the pub, greeted us from behind the bar where she was doing some cleaning, "What on Merlin's grave are you doing here again at this time?"

"Madam Rosmerta," James greeted chivalrously as he led us over to her, "Just taking out my future girlfriend for the best Butterbeer worldwide."

"Future girlfriend?" I questioned with a raised eyebrow, trying not to blush at his wink.

"Best Butterbeer worldwide? Well, aren't you a charmer?" Madam Rosmerta commented, shooting a grin towards me as well, "Almost as bad as your other friend. Black, was it?"

"Sirius, yes," James laughed.

The woman shook her head as she took out two pewter tankards to fill them with her infamous butterbeer, "Over-confident, little boy. Too handsome for his own good."

"Sounds like him," I remarked, causing her lips to twitch in amusement.

"Oi that's my best friend you are talking about," James complained as he paid - to my embarrassment - for both of us since I had no money on me. He took the tankards with a thanks before turning to me again, "But you are right." I giggled at his statement before we went to take a seat at the windows, Madam Rosmerta shouting a "If you get caught, I had no idea you were here!" after us.

Settling down, I cupped my tankard with my hands as I glanced at the boy in front of me, suddenly nervous. It had been a while since we had been alone, I was almost not used to it anymore. But James being James knew exactly how to break the silence as he started chatting about how he found out about this passageway and the way he had managed to convince Madam Rosmerta to let them occasionally take a drink here with his friends.

He had begged.

"So, enough about that," he eventually ended though despite his constant talking I had a feeling I could listen to him forever. He had a way with his words and the excitement in his voice that could keep anyone interested in what he had to say. It was an admiring trait actually. I probably sounded like Professor Binn's whenever I talked. "Tell me what's been keeping you so busy that you actually dared to ignore me for so long?" he asked with a teasing tilt in his voice to indicate he wasn't being sirius.

I had a feeling he would confront me about it again, but I had hoped he wouldn't tonight. "Eh, you know. School stuff," I muttered, taking a sip of my drink to prolong my answer. When he still waited for more, I got a little defensive of my lie, "You know, some people have to actually study for their grades."

"Oh please," he waved me off, "You could pass every class with your eyes closed. You are just too scared."

"What makes you say that?" I asked with furrowed eyebrows.

James gave me a look, "Everyone knows you are smart, Cec. Everyone but you," he poked my forehead with a soft smile, "You just get crazy about exams. Like Evans."

I thought back on all the study sessions Lily and I had at the library or the Common Room right before the exams, frantically trying to get everything into our heads. "I guess..."

"It's not like you need to start this early. So, will you just stop studying too much and spend time with me again?" James asked, giving me his puppy look. I resisted the urge to immediately say yes, thinking back on what Marlene had taught me.

"Well..."

"Exams aren't due until a few months. Why would you need to study already?" he almost whined and I cringed at my own lie. Too be honest, I hadn't started studying outside of class besides the assignements we had to do. I was surprised he had actually believed that but then again, I had been spending a lot of time snoozing in the library to escape the onslaught of rumours.

"I guess, I can skip a few study sessions," I feigned a thoughtful look and he beamed, "Or you could just study with me." He deflated.

"Studying is boring though."

I was just glad he thought so, too.

"Not if we make it fun," I pointed out and he gave me a sour look, "You sound like Professor Flitwick," he stated, causing both of us to laugh. We spent the rest of the night talking and catching up on each other's life. We talked about the most irrelevant nonesense but also what had been going on outside of Hogwarts. He stated that his parents were both purebloods but he was still worried they were in danger because they refused to support the Dark Lord. My parents were both magical as well but my mother was Muggleborn, which made me worry for her safety even though she was mostly at work and St. Mungo's could be considered almost as safe as Hogwarts. We ended up trying to reassure the other and I was surprised how good he was at it, filling my heart with ease during the time we spent together as he switched back to a more lighter topic.

I realised how much I had missed these casual nights together and him...I had especially missed him. A lot. It was crazy how much a few months with him made me want to be around him all the time. I had been able to stay away the few weeks due to the exciting imagination of him chasing after me but now that I noticed what I had been missing this whole time I could curse myself for declining him everytime he suggested to hang out or do something together. In a way, what Marlene had taught me had worked against me; now, I was craving his presence more than ever.

"This was great," James sighed, stretching his arms over his head in content as we walked down a hallway to the entrance of the Gryffindor Tower, daringly without a cloak. It was almost 7 am, the others would be starting to wake up. I couldn't believe we had managed to stay up a whole night simply talking.

"Yeah," I agreed, smiling at him as we went through the portrait hole and stopping in front of it. The Common Room was still empty, the fireplace burning with new vigor. The woods must have been replaced sometime over night. I wondered briefly if the Elves were also responsible for that.

"I missed this. Let's do this again...sooner?" James asked almost insecurely and I nodded immediately this time, not wanting to play Marlene's way again. This night showed me that I had just been miserable the past weeks without him.

Looking up at him I opened my mouth to bid him goodnight but his intent gaze made me shut it back tonelessly. His eyes were burning with new vigor just like the fireplace, hazel eyes flickering with gold as he glanced slightly over my shoulder before he drew close, closer than under the Invisibilty Cloak and took my hands in his. I stook stockstill as he leaned down, his forehead grazing mine. "Can I kiss you?" he whispered and hadn't I been so close I probably wouldn't have heard him.

My throat went dry and I barely managed a nod before he placed his lips on mine, blissfully unaware of a pair of green eyes.

Chapter Eight

#james potter x oc #james potter x reader #harry potter imagine #marauders imagine #james potter imagine #james potter fanfiction #marauders fanfiction #marauders era #marauders #marauders fic #Sirius Black #Remus Lupin #Lily Evans #marlene mckinnon #harry potter #harry potter fanfiction

[ghostlywritten]

If Only I Had Stayed In The Shadows - Chapter Six

James Potter x OC

Words: 4,8k

Prologue   Chapter One   Chapter Two  Chapter Three  Chapter Four 

Chapter Five

"What?"

"I'm asking you out," James stated matter-of-factly whilst I sat next to him, having a mental breakdown.

"Um, I'm not Lily, you know that, right?" I asked slowly, pondering on the possibility of Poppy overlooking a concussion that caused him to blabber nonsense. His eyes did continuously flicker over my shoulder like a madman.

"I know that," he rolled his eyes.

"Then why?"

He shrugged. "I wanna hang out with you."

I raised an eyebrow, "That's not a reason."

"Do I need a reason other than wanting to spend time with you?"

"We've been hanging out for the past months, why the sudden need to date now?"

James huffed impatiently, "Are you telling me that you don't think something is going on between us?" My eyes widened in surprise, a sense of déjà-vu hitting me when I remembered Sirius saying the same thing not long ago.

"No?" I squeaked, still in shock before I narrowed my eyes at him, "Definitely not. You are in love with Lily, remember?"

"No, I'm not," he said with a blank face, "Not anymore."

"Oh yeah? All of a sudden?"

"Yes, all of a sudden."

"I don't believe you," I shook my head, causing him to stare at me in disbelief, "You've been pining after her for years and now you want to tell me you are over her, just like that? And after her you want to go out with someone like me?" I shook my head again, "Unbelievable."

James' eyes softened, "It did not happen just like that. I've just come to realise that my affections were shallow...I don't really know her and the way she treats me is not the most lovable as you might have noticed."

I winced, her past yelling echoing in my memory, "Yeah...I have. But still, this feels like I'm gonna be a rebound and I don't really want to be the filler for anyone."

"You are not a rebound! Merlin, Cec!" James huffed, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"What? You can't blame me for being suspicious," I defended myself, "Why would you even wanna date me? Just because I'm nice to you in comparison to her?"

"Yes!" he almost exclaimed, throwing his arms up, "That's it. You are nice, incredibly so. And yet...you are still sarcastic and witty. And you make the worst jokes ever."

"Excuse me?"

"You don't know how to persuade shit but give advices that are surprisingly convincing. You have the aim of a hippogriff when it comes to spells in DADA but you still manage to throw a Quaffle through the hoops from a bloody mile away."

"Cec!" he grabbed my shoulders, completely turning me towards him, "You are full of contradictions and make no sense at all. And maybe that's exactly why I want to date you."

I wondered when he had noticed all these things about me when I said, "I don't know whether I should feel flattered that you know this much about me..." James beamed. "Or creeped out." His grin deflated into a pout, "The first please. I'm usually not observant."

"Please, you are a Seeker and Quidditch Captain. You are nothing but observant," I retaliated.

"Touché," he responded with a shrug, "So, what do you say?"

"Say to what?"

"Say to going out with me, Cec!" he exclaimed impatiently.

"Oh, that..." I sighed, trying to ignore the way my racing heart shouted at me to say 'yes' already. After all, he would be the first to date me and possibly become my first boyfriend, too. Which was basically everything I had been missing to complete the whole adolescent experience. Besides, I really had no reason to not agree on a date; he was good-looking, kind if he wanted to be, charming even teachers like McGonagall (her twinkling eyes ain't gonna lie) aaaand he was good-looking. I could say 'yes' just because of this and to finally receive my first kiss but a churning in my stomach - my gut instinct - told me it was a bad idea.

"Cecily," James called me out of my thoughts and I shook my head slightly, "Talk to me. What's holding you back?"

"I'm not really sure myself," I said slowly, "Let me think about it, alright?" James nodded, "I'll be patient."

The next morning...

"ARE YOU GONNA SAY YES OR NO?" James yelled from across the hallway and I cringed at the number of heads that turned at the commotion, halting in their way towards the Great Hall for breakfast. I waved at Alice and Marlene to go ahead as I turned to face the messy-haired boy jogging up to me.

"So much for being patient, eh?" I commented, my cheeks still red from the attention around us.

James huffed, "How much can someone think about something this easy?"

"It's not easy," I protested lightly though 80 percent of me was already convinced to say 'yes', "It's a huge thing for me."

"It's not a huge thing," James rolled his eyes and I almost pouted at the sting in my chest, "Not?"

"No, it's just one date. No big deal, eh?" he stated.

"Well, I've never been to one," I pointed out quite shyly, embarrassment colouring my cheeks. Better tell him I was a freak at the beginning when he had the chance to still run away.

James shrugged, "Me neither." My eyes bulged, causing him to blink. "What?"

"You? Never on a date? You?" I spluttered in shock.

The dark-haired boy raised an eyebrow, "You've been here the past few years, right? Has Evans ever said yes to me?"

"No, but...," I trailed off. I had thought he would have at least tried dating besides wanting Lily. "Why have you never tried dating anyone else before?"

"Why would I if I'm not interested in them?" he asked back though cringing right after his words. I looked at him weirdly, "You alright?"

"Yeah, yeah," he replied hastily, regaining his composure, "So what do you say?"

"You haven't really given me a lot of time," I pointed out and he moaned in despair, "Why does no one want to go out with me?"

"It's not that," I relented, giving him a pitiful look, "It's just I think no one can overlook the fact that you've been in love with someone for almost your entire school career. For it to just disappear is strange."

James breathed in deeply, straightening up, "Believe me when I say I've...wasted enough of time thinking about it. And yes, it was hard giving up on her but on the other hand it's not because she is never been mine to begin with."

I looked at him almost sadly. "And don't give me that pitying look," he accused, pointing at my face, "I'm really done with her. And I want to start fresh. So...will you go out with me?" he asked with a sigh as if already expecting me to say no.

Regarding him quietly, I decided to not reply to it directly, "Come on, let's go eat breakfast." James blinked. "You can't expect me to answer on an empty stomach now, can you?"

"You need food to make a decision?" he asked with a judging look as he fell into step beside me and I shrugged, "I love food. Now you know what to do if we go on a date." I could practically see the reels turning in his head and pinpoint the exact moment he realised what I had said as his face started to split into a wide grin.

"This is how it feels when someone says yes?" he wondered, his chocolate brown eyes shining like a kid.

"I said if, Potter," I replied but he seemed to be in another world already, muttering to himself on how he could finally ask Padfoot for some dating advice, "I said if-"

"If means yes," he beamed, skipping away with a fist pump whilst I shook my head in confusion. "No, it doesn't?"

"Yes, it does!" he yelled over his back, already far ahead as I stood rooted in my spot.

Was I going on a date with Potter now?

Apparently, I was. Or at least, the whole school seemed to think so. After History of Magic the whispers about James' dating a mystery girl roamed the halls and everyone tried to figure out who Cecily Grant was.

I rolled my eyes, I really seemed to have been a nobody in this school despite playing Quidditch and being friends with the popular girls of my year. That changed now after someone started spilling what had just - not actually - been decided earlier this morning.

"Is it true?" Marlene asked in Potions as I sat down next to Alice, Lily on her other side.

"Is what true?" She rolled her eyes, "You know exactly what I'm asking. Is it true that James asked you out?"

"Well...yeah," I replied, feeling weird at the unknown feeling of having a positive answer on a question like this.

"Wow...," Alice breathed, "He really is over you, Lils. Who would have thought?" The red head stayed surprisingly quiet.

"Isn't it exciting though?" Marlene squealed, "Our little Cec is finally growing up. Going out on dates!"

"Oi, I'm not little," I grumbled though I couldn't help but grin back at her wide beam.

"We have so much to do!" Marlene whispered urgently whilst Slughorn recited his instructions for the potion of this lesson; Draught of Living Death. It was a complicated procedure, which should give us enough reason to listen attentively, however, we didn't. "You definitely need to get a whole makeover. And get your hair cut," she started making a list of things and I raised my eyebrows higher and higher the longer it got.

"You want to make a whole different person of me?" I asked after even Alice, who was all for 'be yourself' added a few things.

"Of course not," Marlene rolled her eyes, "But you don't wanna scare away your first date with your armpit hair, do you?"

I went red; So what if I was too lazy to regularly shave it? "When is he going to see my armpits anyways?"

Marlene gave me look before grinning slyly, "You wanna be prepared for everything." As if on cue, we all turned to look at the boy that started all this, cackling at something Sirius was whispering to him. Upon feeling our gazes, he turned to shoot me a sweet smile. My blush deepened as Marlene and Alice started giggling.

"You know I'm pretty glad he is going out with you," Lily randomly blurted as she unsuccessfully tried to cut her Sopophorus bean to get the juice out. I watched the frustration grow in her face, though I didn't know if it stirred from the bean not being cracked or something else.

"Figures. You must be so happy he is leaving you alone now," Alice stated lightly, turning to her own cauldron.

"Yeah...really happy."

Class ended with no one really succeeding with the potion besides Severus Snape, by far the best in our year. I spent the rest of the day avoiding eye contact with any curious being - and there were surprisingly a lot of them; Alright, I knew if it hadn't been me I would be extremely eager to figure out who managed to sway James away from Lily myself, too. But did people not know how to exercise discretion for Merlin's sake?

"This is getting ridiculous," I muttered as a bunch of Fifth Year girls stared at me unabashedly.

"What is?" Marlene asked disinterestedly, already used to this kind of attention.

"People staring," I whispered as we walked past the girls whispering something about 'Potter' and 'Evans'.

"Oh, you will get used to it," the dark-haired girl waved off, "You better, anyways. You are popular now."

I scrunched my face, "Because I'm apparently dating a popular boy?"

"Not just any popular boy. One of the Marauders," Marlene said as if it was the biggest thing ever. I briefly wondered if that would change her attitude towards me when she continued with a mischievous smirk that strangely reminded me of Sirius, "And not any Marauder but the one who has sworn his life to another, one of your friends nonetheless." She straightened up, flipping her hair back, "If that isn't juicy gossip, I don't know what is."

"So much for becoming popular because I'm a good Quidditch player," I grumbled to myself. Don't get me wrong, I kind of loved the attention even if I wasn't used to it and I had been dreaming of being acknowledged by others all the time after staying in the shadows of my friends for so long. For some reason it bugged me though that the only way for that to happen was because of me dating a boy.

"Hey, you don't know that, maybe they recognise you for your Quidditch skills now," Alice tried to cheer me up when she saw my pout, "You know, since Angie's last games are coming up, people are naturally going to wonder who will take her place."

"And it's gonna be James' future girlfriend!" Marlene announced loudly, causing me to slap her shoulder quite hard, "Ouch! Cec!"

"Shut up, will you?" I whispered embarrassed, ducking into the library, "I'll see you at dinner."

"Sure, try and hide but the limelight will find you everywhere!" Marlene called after me dramatically.

Who would have thought that the library would be my sanctuary when I used to avoid this place like the plague? Well, people do change...

"Cecily?" I jerked out of my lying position, the book 'Quidditch Through the Ages' that had been draped over my face falling down with a thud. "Wha? I'm awake."

"What the hell are you doing?" Sirius asked amused as he placed his books on the small table in front of the couch I was settled in.

"Eh, studying?" I replied, dusting myself of with an embarrassed laugh, "What else would I be doing in a library?" Sirius raised an eyebrow and I deflated. "Alright, I was hiding."

"Hiding? Of what?" He sat down on the armchair across the couch, occasionally glancing over me. We were in a pretty secluded place where you could still overlook the rest of the library, which I chose wisely to avoid Madam Pince throwing me out for using one of her books as a sleep mask.

"Of gossiping beings," I whispered in a conspirative manner.

Sirius' expression cleared. "Ahh, the rumours about you and Prongs dating has spread then," he concluded, smirking to himself, "Splendid."

"Not splendid. It's annoying," I huffed, and he looked at me in surprise. "What, you don't like the attention?"

"Not this kind of attention," I said pointedly. The boy stared at me, still confused. "I don't wanna be known because I'm dating James Potter. Why does no one recognise me for my Quidditch skills or something?" I groaned, dropping back against the couch.

"I see," Sirius said quietly and if I had looked, I might have seen a flash of guilt in his eyes, "Sorry about that. It could have been me, who spread the news."

I lifted my head, ignoring the fact that I was proudly flashing my double chin as I started at him incredulously, "What? Why the hell would you do that?"

"Well, I was proud of Prongs that he finally asked someone out, who would say yes for once," he defended himself but I noted his voice catching slightly. "And he is going on a date after six bloody years. About time, honestly," he muttered to himself.

"Good for you, Black. But it's not helping my case," I grumbled, rubbing my forehead. Sirius kept quiet before he leaned forward with a smirk, "Come on, people always talk but the gossip will die down at some point. Might as well bask in the attention while it lasts."

I shot him look, "Why are you here again?"

Sirius barked a laugh before he shushed himself quickly. I raised an eyebrow at him in confusion and he coughed slightly before pointing at the stack of books between us, "Research."

Craning my head around I read the title of the book on top, "The Tales of Beedle the Bard?"

"Exactly," Sirius said too quickly and too stiffly, "Got a problem with that?"

I giggled, "What are you researching for?"

"Ways to overcome boredom," he quipped.

"And you chose the library for that, of all places," I wondered.

"Yes..."

"..."

"Alright, Grant," Sirius huffed exasperatedly, "If you must know everything that is going on in my life...I'm here because of Reg."

Gasping dramatically, I chuckled when he shot me a look, "Was that so hard to tell me now? Why lie about it?"

"Because I don't want you to avenge me by spreading rumours that I'm stalking my brother."

"...I would have honestly never considered that," I said, and he sighed in relief, "Until now." I grinned wide like a Cheshire cat.

"Grant..," Sirius started with a warning tone, causing me to laugh and wave him off, "I'm just joking. I'm not like you to spill private information out to the world."

"It wouldn't have stayed private for long anyways!"

"Whatever, where is he then? I have never really seen him before," I mused, sitting up when Sirius stopped me, "Don't. At least be discreet if you have to be snoopy."

I grimaced at him, straightening up casually, "...Gotcha."

"Good." He nodded at something behind me.

Whipping my head around I eagerly scanned the library with wide eyes, ignoring the groan emitting from behind me. "Target spotted," I muttered to myself like I would whenever I spotted the Quaffle as my gaze landed on the slightly scrawnier version of Sirius.

"This is your way of being discreet? Are you serious?" the grey-eyed boy asked as I settled back down.

"No, you are." I chuckled as he gave me a blank stare, mentally high fiving myself for finally using that pun on him. "He's cute," I commented, looking over my shoulder at the boy quietly reading a book and scribbling something down on his parchment, "Looks a lot like you. But less...sharp."

"Sharp?" Sirius questioned, picking a book from his stack and pretending to flip through it as he glanced at his brother. His attempt was futile for the cover was upside down. I grinned, deciding not to tell him.

"Yeah, his features are softer," I mused, "He looks more approachable than you."

"Please," the older one scoffed, "He's a Slytherin. They are never approachable."

"Well..." That was probably the only reason why his brother wasn't as popular as him then. Many thought Slytherins weren't approachable and that in turn made them pretend they weren't actually approachable for real. Mind you, I remembered meeting many decent Slytherins in the first few years until they fell under the group pressure. "At least, among his peers then."

Sirius looked over the boy, who was oblivious to all the talk about him, and started smirking, "For sure. He is my brother after all." I rolled my eyes in amusement but didn't fail to notice the fond tone in his voice whilst he stared at his brother. Something akin to longing flashed in his grey eyes.

I opened my mouth to ask him whether he had tried talking to him but decided that it was not my business. "Well, I'm off then," I said, yawning as I stretched my limbs and went to get up.

"Wait!" Sirius snapped forward hastily to hold me back. "Can't you stay? Just for a bit...let's look like we are studying," he requested, shooting me a pleading look. I relented almost immediately, not because of his admittedly cute expression but due to the fact that his brotherly fondness made my heart melt.

"If you want to make it believable that we are studying you will have to get another book...and actually not read it upside down," I pointed out with a grin. Sirius spluttered, sheepishly turning the book over and we sat back in a companiable silence.

"So, are you going on a date with Prongs now or not?" he broke the few hours of peaceful quietness around us and I groaned internally.

"It was so nice right now, Sirius," I complained, and he grinned.

"It's still nice, you just have to give me the right answer."

"Which would be?"

"Yes, I am going out with Prongs, Sirius."

I sighed, "I sometimes think I don't really have a choice."

"You're right about that."

"Sirius!"

The dark-haired boy chuckled to himself before scrutinising me. I squirmed slightly under his gaze, wondering what he was thinking about. "What is it?"

"I believe...you would actually do him good," he said slowly, and I raised an eyebrow, "Is that so?"

"Yeah," Sirius said with the shut of his book and stood up, stretching himself. I turned to see Regulus was already long gone. "At least you seem to accept him the way he is."

I stared at him in surprise.

"Come on, let's get dinner."

"Padfoot! Cec!" James shouted from behind us and I cringed as once again a few heads turned to look at the commotion.

"You will get used to it," Sirius whispered with a grin as his best friend jogged towards us, "What's up, Prongsie?"

"Where have you been all afternoon?" James questioned, glancing between the two of us.

"Eh, snogging some girl," Sirius replied with a shrug and I gave him a weird look. James' eyes widened. "Not her, Prongise," he continued with a pat on his shoulder, "Don't worry, she's all yours."

"Excuse me? I'm right here," I complained when James grinned, throwing an arm around my shoulder and causing me to almost flinch in surprise at the sudden touch.

"If that's the case, you don't mind giving us some privacy, do you, Pads?"

"Of course not. Have fun, Prongsie. Cec." With that 'Pads' left, whistling a cheerful tune.

"Where are we going?" I asked as James led me away from the Great Hall, "I'm hungry."

"That's why, dear Cecily, we're heading to a very special place."

"Which is where?"

"The kitchens."

My eyes widened as I took in his words. "You...know...where...the...kitchens...are...?" I asked almost breathlessly.

James grinned widely. "I knew you would be interested." He leaned down towards my ear, "Yes, the kitchens. Food accessible around the clock, whenever you want to eat. Midnight snacks, second breakfasts, afternoon lunch..."

"That sounds too good to be real," I sighed dreamily, blissfully unaware of him chuckling at my expression, still leant in.

We went down several stairs until we reached near the dungeons where I presumed the Slytherins had their quarters along with the Hufflepuffs nearby.

"Where is it then?" I asked eagerly.

"Right...here," he announced cheerfully, pointing at the painting of a fruit bowl.

I deadpanned, "Food in a picture is not actual food, James."

"I know that," James rolled his eyes though his blush told me he hadn't always known. Grinning at the imagination of him trying to grasp food from a picture, I watched him tickle the pear in the bowl. To my bemusement it giggled before transforming into a green door handle.

"My lady," James announced as he pulled the painting aside, "Take a faithful step closer towards heaven on earth."

Following his orders, my jaw slackened at the sight; a high-ceilinged room, big as the Great Hall - if possibly bigger - and filled to the brim with pans and pots...and elves.

"Elves work at Hogwarts?" I asked in surprise. I had always wondered, who was responsible for the amazing food that was presented to us daily out of nowhere. A few tiny heads turned at our entrance and some shuffled over with big eyes.

"Mr. Potter! Mr. Potter is back!" they greeted the boy next to me, shooting me curious looks, "What can we do for Mr. Potter and his friend?"

"Cecily," I introduced myself lamely with a wave.

"What can we do for Mr. Potter and Ms. Cecily?"

James chuckled. "Just get us whatever you think is your most delicious dish this evening, please," he requested kindly. The elves nodded eagerly, shuffling away towards the crowd of elves bustling around busily. "Come on," he gestured towards a set of tables with chairs on either side. As soon as we sat, the table started getting filled by various foods and my mouth watered at the sight.

"Dig in!" James urged cheerfully, filling his plate.

"This. Is. Heaven," I said through a mouthful of chicken, sighing blissfully through my nose, " And this is all just for us! How did you find this place?"

"Well, Padfoot, Moony, Wormtail and I were setting up some pranks for the Slytherins-"

"As usual."

"-when we saw a few older Hufflepuffs sneak out of their dorms. I believe, one of them was the Head Boy. Naturally, we followed them-"

"You mean, you stalked them," I pointed out and he shot me a peeved look.

"We followed them," he continued with extra emphasis on the word and I snorted into my cup of pumpkin juice, "And watched them enter through the pear."

"That's it?" I asked with a raised eyebrow and he nodded with a shrug, "That sounds almost boring."

"Excuse me?" he spluttered. "What do you mean boring?"

"Well, when I think about all the crazy prank stories you've done that people talk about, I figured the way you found this place would have been some kind of adventure."

"How else would we actually find a place like this?" James asked with a raised eyebrow, "It's not like you can stumble and tickle a pear in a painting by accident now, can you?"

"If anyone can do this, then it's you," I said, pointing at him with my cup and he grinned as if that was a compliment. It probably was.

"Enough about me," he waved off, gulping down his bite, "I wanna know about you, Cec."

"Oh yeah?" He nodded and I swallowed down the chicken, wincing at my suddenly dry throat, "What do you want to know then?"

"Something no one else knows about you," he requested easily, and my eyes widened at his confidence.

"Ehm, there is not really anything interesting that no one knows about me."

"Please, everyone has a story," James stated, leaning forward, "What is yours?"

"I'm not old enough to have a story, yet."

"You want and at the same time don't want to become a Healer," James pointed out, "That has a story."

"You know about that already. I've told you about my parents," I said back, and he nodded.

"Yes, and now I wanna know another story."

"…That's my only story."

James narrowed his eyes, "You are really stubborn, aren't you?"

"So are you," I replied with a grin before sighing at his steady stare, "Honestly, I don't know what you want to hear. My life is not as exciting as yours."

"...Tell me why you like the Montrose Magpies?" he asked after a while, and I laughed.

"Alright, but only if you tell me why you like the Chudley Cannons."

"Deal."

And thus, we started talking about our likes and dislikes, our favourites in every thinkable department and other light topics. It wasn't until the elves started crowding around us, asking if we needed anything else that I realised we had stayed here long past dinner.

"It's probably almost midnight," I mused, yawning behind the back of my hand.

"We should head back," James agreed, standing up and thanking the elves around us for the food.

Quietly, we padded across the halls towards the Gryffindor Tower, having talked enough for tonight to have a peaceful lull in our conversation. Giving up the password to the Fat Lady, James gestured for me to get inside and I sighed at the warmth of the fireplace that was still lit in the Common Room.

"So...I would say that was a nice first date..." I almost choked on the intake of my sigh, my peaceful inner mind waking up with a whirlwind of thoughts. 'What the-'

"Right?" James pushed, turning to look at my surprised expression as I coughed.

"Eh..what- that was- was it?" I stumbled over my jumbled words and he grinned.

"Was it not?"

"We never said-"

"Doesn't matter, I consider it as our first date," James announced, raising a hand to lightly graze my red cheeks. My red cheeks from coughing. Yeah. "Besides, you would have just disagreed if I had said it was a date."

"You tricked me!" I spluttered indignantly, "You tricked me with my biggest weakness."

"You gave that weakness away yourself," James stated with a grin as he walked backwards towards the boy's dormitories, "Anyways, I wouldn't mind a second date, Cec. Just saying."

And with that he and his frustratingly cute and mischievous grin vanished from my sight.

Chapter Seven

#james potter x oc #james potter x reader #james potter imagine #James Potter #sirius black imagine #Sirius Black #Remus Lupin #Lily Evans #marlene mckinnon #marauders #marauders era #marauders imagine #marauders fic #fanfiction #james potter fanfiction #harry potter imagine #harry potter fanfiction

[ghostlywritten]

If Only I Had Stayed In The Shadows - Chapter Five

James Potter x OC

Words: 3,5k

Prologue   Chapter One   Chapter Two  Chapter Three  Chapter Four

Time flies fast when you have fun. And I had a lot of fun for a week after the party. Despite the harsh weather, despite the essays piling up, despite the training sessions getting tougher it was all worth it in the end when I was left alone in the Common Room with James, chatting about everything and anything. Occasionally even Sirius, Remus and Peter would join us if they weren't in the mood to go to sleep yet and we would play Chess or Exploding Snap.

Of course I knew I would never be part of their unique friendship quartet but I was glad they would let me join in on their fun from time to time. Though I suspected they mainly missed James and didn't want to abstain from him too much.

One particular evening left me alone with Sirius and a few empty bottles of Firewhiskey after Remus and Peter decided to head to bed early and James insisted on retrieving some midnight snacks, sneaking off with a Disillusionment Charm. How he had managed that spell when we hadn't learned it in class was beyond me. Anyways, this got to be the first time I had ever been in the lonely presence of the school's heartthrob with no one and nothing in the near vicinity to distract him from me.

I swallowed nervously whilst the dark-haired boy seemed pretty relaxed, his posture slouched in his armchair.

"You know, I do wonder sometimes how things come together," Sirius' voice cut into the silence and I looked up from my fiddling fingers in my lap to see him pensively watch the flames flicker around in the fireplace, the light giving his features a warm glow.

"In what way?" I asked quietly, not wanting to somehow interrupt his peaceful posture.

"I mean, the way things have turned out in the end," he said, waving his hand to gesture around us, "Everything that brought us to the point of sitting here in the Common Room of the Gryffindors in the middle of the night. I got the best friends I had ever imagined I would get. Ever." I smiled at this. "I'm a Gryffindor, which is the least likely house a Black would get in. I ran away from home and am living with my best friend the life and with the family I've always dreamt of." Now this wasn't exclusive news. Everyone knew about Sirius' escape from the Black House last summer and that he was staying at the Potter's. I was sure a lot of people had their opinions on it but were clever enough to not voice them out, at least not with any Marauder nearby.

I was a little surprised however that he opened up about it when he had refused to say anything on the matter for the past months. One glance at the empty bottles on the table gave me the answer though. 'Everyone gets a loose tongue after a few drinks. Good thing I don't drink...much.'

"I'm glad you are out of there," I said sincerely, recalling the one time I had been pushed into the boy's locker room by my fellow female, giggling team members and had caught a glimpse of the many bruises on his back. I didn't know why but I immediately had a hunch that those hadn't only been from Quidditch. They had looked too nasty. My attempts to talk about child abuse with him were instantly cut off by the boy himself, the cold glare still giving me chills even in mere memory.

"Me too," Sirius sighed blissfully, "The Potter's are truly the best."

"Now all that is missing is the future Mrs. Black," I teased.

He wiggled his eyebrows, "I have encountered a lot of worthy candidates so far. Wanna be next?"

"Thanks, but I'd rather not catch anything," I replied, wiggling my eyebrows back at him. He gave me a mock affronted look before he smirked devilishly, my breath catching involuntarily at the handsome enhancement of his features, "Don't worry, I wouldn't ever date the future Mrs. Potter."

I almost choked on my spit, "Excuse me?"

"Oh, you heard me just right," he barked out a laugh at my red face, "And you can't tell me there is nothing going between you two."

"Ehm, I can because there is nothing going on between us," I retaliated, forcing down the blush from my cheeks.

"You don't have to hide it from me," Sirius said with a shrug, his shit-eating grin still ever so present on his face and I grimaced at him, "I don't blame you. And the Potter's are the best family you can meet."

"Sounds like heaven," I replied deadpanned and he nodded his head with wide eyes and a straight grin before he reached for his forgotten half-empty glass of Firewhiskey. Sobering up slightly, I pondered on my next words before voicing them out carefully, "Don't you miss your actual family though?"

"Hm?" Sirius hummed but I knew he had heard me clearly, stalling as he took a long sip of his drink.

"You don't have to answer that if you don't want to," I added hastily when I noticed how his features hardened, "I'm just a curious cat, wondering if I could ever leave my family like that."

"Do they abuse you mentally and physically every hour of the day?"

"Ehm...no."

"Then you don't have to wonder about it," Sirius said darkly, "You can consider yourself one of the luckiest people on earth." I kept quiet, watching him close his eyes and breathe in deeply through his nose. 'Maybe I should have just kept quiet like always,' I thought, mentally kicking my tactless ass.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked," I apologised softly, looking down at my lap awkwardly. Hearing him sigh made me peek at him through my lashes, "It's okay, Cec." I beamed in relief at the nickname. "My family is just a touchy subject."

"I get it, you don't want anything to do with them," I agreed quickly, trying not to agitate him further.

"It's not that I don't want to...," he sighed for the umpteenth time, rubbing his eyes tiredly, "I just can't deal with them anymore. And Reg..."

"Regulus Black? Your brother, right?" I asked, having heard that name before. Apparently, he took after his brother, being the heartthrob of his year and part of the Slytherin Quidditch team albeit a Seeker.

"Yeah, my little brother," the dark-haired boy said, a smile unconsciously lifting the corner of his lips before they dropped into a bitter frown, "Of course, he is just as brainwashed as the rest of them, all thanks to our dear mother," he almost spat the last word and I winced at the hatred in his tone. At this point, it almost sounded like he was talking to himself, barely realising the other presence in his proximity. "I wish he would have just come with me," he mumbled, a vulnerable look on his face.

"You could still try to be close to him," I offered a weak suggestion, which he immediately dismissed with a scoff/hiccup. "Yeah, right. As if he would listen to me after I ran away. He won't even look my way anymore."

"But-"

"Don't think I haven't tried. He even said we weren't brothers right when I left." I frowned at the crack in his voice, my heart squeezing slightly at the pain in his eyes. Who would have known how much he suffered under all that loud and playful facade of his.

"Maybe he was just mad that you were leaving him behind," I pondered softly, racking my brain about how to make him feel better, "Sometimes we say things in the heat of the moment that we don't really mean." Sirius kept quiet, pensively watching the flames as he refused to make eye contact. I looked away from him, figuring he wouldn't like eyes on him at his vulnerable state, "I think, you two could still be close despite all the differences."

"...You really think so?"

"Yeah, one of you just has to make the first move."

"How do I know he won't reject me?" he asked like a small child, the armchair he sat on suddenly looking too big for him.

I thought it over. The possibility of rejection was definitely there, I wouldn't lie to him about it. After all I knew nothing about his brother's personality. "You don't," I responded, "But the world is full of lonely people waiting for the other to make the first move. And so many bonds get lost because of it. Don't you think that's sad?" His grey eyes snapped over to mine for the first time we had started this serious talk, surprise flickering through them before they were set into something akin to determination.

Before he could open his mouth to say anything though, James came bustling through the portrait hole, his arms packed with various snacks as he giggled like a fool. "Dig in, guys!" he cheered, dropping everything on the coffee table and just like that the serious mood was broken.

I watched Sirius pick up some cookies, munching on them as he chatted up a storm with James about the upcoming Quidditch match. By now, I knew it had been mostly the alcohol that made him spill everything. I just hoped he wouldn't feel too awkward about it the next morning.

The game against Slytherin had packed a punch. The Hufflepuffs' Bludgers were nothing against their aggressive tactics.

Let's just say no player got out there unscathed and the Snitch got caught by Regulus Black - the Slytherin Seeker - just before Angie managed to get a goal that would have gotten us a win if it had only been a few seconds earlier.

I rubbed my sore side where a Bludger had hit me at the beginning of the game as we went inside the locker room, the Slytherins celebrating on the field and laughing at our backs.

"Worst game ever," Frank, who was trudging next to me, muttered and I nodded wordlessly, my eyes watching the stiff back of our Captain as he led us into the little hut.

"This game was pathetic!" James hissed as soon as the door closed to our locker room, "Nothing worked the way we have practiced. Sirius, Frank where the hell were you two when they rained the Bludgers down the Chasers?"

"I-" Sirius started but James continued, still heated, "Oliver? You're the Keeper, right? You are supposed to keep the Quaffles out of the hoops and not hit them through!"

"I didn'-"

"And Angie? Were you even on the field? I couldn't bloody see you once near the opposite hoops."

"James, I was trying everything," Angie protested next to me, "The Slytherin Chasers w-"

"Don't even try any excuses on me," James spat agitated, "I know you want to quit after break but the way you play makes me think you want me to kick you out right now."

"James," I spoke up astonished as Angie sat back with a pissed off look. I knew he could get angry from past experiences during matches but that was straight out rude. "Calm down, we all tried our best."

"Tried your best?" the boy hissed, and I resisted the urge to tell him he sounded like a snake. No, that would probably make him madder, "If that's your best you can say bye-bye to your dreams of becoming a professional Chaser, Cecily. Not even the Montrose Magpies would want you!"

My eyes widened in surprise, his words cutting a knife through my chest.

"James," Sirius started this time, his gaze actually serious for once as I deflated into my seat, feeling more hurt than I had expected, "It's enough now."

The Captain sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose to calm himself. "Fine. Get dressed, we will talk about this at practice next week. Whoever needs to go to the Hospital Wing, stay back. We will go together."

I jumped out of my seat as soon as he dismissed us, rushing towards the girls' room to take a shower and change, his words repeating in my head like a mantra.

"Don't take him seriously," Angie soothed, interrupting the silence around us, "He always gets pissy when we lose a game."

"I know," I said with a sigh, wincing when I touched my side. Angie grimaced at the already bruising spot, "You should get that checked by Madam Pomfrey."

Nodding in agreement, we walked out together.

"Don't you wanna wait for the others?" Angie asked as I kept walking. "No, let's just go," I said over my shoulder, forcing her to concede when I didn't stop.

"Ms. Grant," Poppy greeted me, "It's been a while. I hope you realise, neither the sweets nor Mr. Potter have changed my mind, no matter how persuasive the Pixie Puffs can be."

"It's not that," I replied, shaking my head at Angie when she gave me a questioning look, "I just need to get my side checked."

"Ah, the Quidditch match between Slytherin and Gryffindor has been today, right?" Poppy remarked, frowning at the sight of my bruise when I lifted my shirt, "Honestly, this game should be banished from school. It always gets way out of control."

"Still nothing that you can't fix," I replied, watching her shuffle through her cupboards after setting me down on one of the beds.

"What was that about Pixie Puffs and Potter?" Angie asked as we waited.

"Just me unsuccessfully trying to get an internship here at the Hospital Wing," I explained quietly as the doors of the Wing opened once more to reveal the other players trudging inside, pushing aside the few Slytherin players that tried to walk in as well. Luckily, they were in too much of a good mood to stir up a fight like they usually would, instead opting to just verbally make fun of the boys in the background.

"Didn't I tell you to wait?" James asked annoyed as he sat down on the unoccupied bed next to us.

"Yes, and I didn't," I snapped back, pissed off at both him and the pain in my side. James opened his mouth, but Sirius clasped his hand on his shoulder, shaking his head. Shooting the grey-eyed boy a grateful look I turned around as Poppy came back, gesturing for me to lift my shirt. I obeyed, hissing as she applied some balm on the bruise but sighing immediately in relief as the pain diminished into a dull ache. "Apply this once more tonight and it should all be well by tomorrow," the matron instructed as she handed me the tube and I thanked her with a quick smile before I hopped off to leave. Bidding the others goodbye, I ignored James' lingering look, particularly at my bruised side, and left to have a quick dinner and head to bed.

This day had been exhausting enough.

The following days were miserable to say the least. The Slytherins were still gloating about their win, classes were hell as nothing went into my brain and on top of that I wasn't on speaking terms with James and therefore, the rest of the Marauders as well.

It wasn't like I didn't want to, but his words had left a sting more painful than the bruise on my side; Bringing up my deepest desire and throwing it back in my face was a big no-go. I almost regretted opening up to him like that and the more days passed with him not talking to me the more I wished I hadn't ever walked up to the Quidditch pitch for that game with a little extra-confident swagger in my steps.

I also wished I didn't have to attend the regular Quidditch practices; James was more commanding than usual, which led us to double laps and longer simulated games until it was pitch black outside. The only bright side was that at least Sirius tried to cheer us all up and even occasionally chatted with me in-between breaks.

"I think something is wrong with Peanut," I mused, adjusting my grip.

"Something is wrong with what?" Sirius asked perplexed.

"Peanut," I repeated, gesturing towards my broom. The dark-haired boy stared at me. "You...named your broomstick Peanut?" he asked slowly, uncomprehending.

"Yeah, why?"

"Just- no matter," he dismissed quickly, his lips twitching in amusement, "Why don't you tell James that something is wrong with Peanut? He can fix it."

Raising a brow, I stated, "First of, Peanut is a splendid name for a broomstick." I rolled my eyes as he burst out into small barks of laughter. "Secondly, I'm not on speaking terms with our dear Captain right now and you know that."

"Yes, I do." It was his turn to roll his eyes. "And I still think it's ridiculous."

"It's not! He mocked me!" I protested.

"Yeah, but weren't you the one, who told me that people say things they don't mean in the heat of the moment?"

I narrowed my eyes at him, "I don't appreciate you using my words against me!"

Sirius grinned before he turned sirius again, "He was angry, and I can safely say that he did not mean a single thing he's said back then."

"And why isn't he talking to me then? He hasn't even apologised!"

"Because he is also proud ass. Or rather, he doesn't know how to approach you," Sirius snickered and my eyes widened in surprise.

"He doesn't know how to approach me?"

"Yeah, he thinks you are angry at him-" "Which I am!" "-and he is still trying to figure out how to apologise." I stayed quiet, watching the subject of our conversation fly around the field, giving instructions to each player. "If you let it up to him, I would say he will work up his courage by the end of the year. At the earliest."

Later that evening, I decided to stay up after dinner. The others went to bed quickly whilst I sat on my bed with my broom on my lap, contemplating whether I should go down or not. I didn't even know if James still waited at the fireplace as I hadn't been there the past few days but figured it couldn't hurt to try.

Putting my robe over the sleeping clothes, I softly padded outside, carefully taking a peek around the corner into the Common Room after walking down the hallway. The space was empty except for one lonely person lounging on the loveseat in front of the warm fire, the sight achingly familiar.

Swallowing nervously, I gripped my broomstick tighter as I headed down the stairs with purposefully loud steps (as far as possible with socks on). His glass-rimmed eyes snapped over, widening, and he immediately sat up when I approached him.

"Hey James," I greeted him awkwardly, holding my broom in front of me with both hands, almost as a form of protection.

"Hey Cec," he breathed out as if in relief, his eyes rapidly flickering from me to the broom and back to me.

"Um-"

"Come sit," he offered quickly, patting the seat next to him and I obliged, relaxing and simultaneously feeling nervous at the proximity, "Why do you have Peanut with you?"

"Oh, right. Ehm, I think something is wrong with it," I explained, handing it over at his request, "It's not turning as smoothly as it used to."

"Hm, 'might have gotten tweaked during the last game," James mused, brows furrowed in concentration as he examined every inch, "It got hit by a lot of Bludgers, didn't it? Bloody Slytherins. But nothing I can't fix."

"Yeah, I figured that was the cause," I nodded in agreement and his eyes flickered over to me, the fire giving his irises a honey-coloured tone. "What about you?" he asked softly, "Is your side doing better?"

"Perfectly healed, thanks," I informed him, melting slightly on the inside at his concern, "You know Poppy." He cracked a grin at the nickname (causing my heart to miss a beat) before looking back down at the broom, his gaze turning serious.

"Cecily, I...wanted to- you know- I kind of said some messed up things after the game," he stammered slightly, fiddling with the broomstick nervously. My features relaxed at his nervous state and I allowed a small smile as he continued, "I really shouldn't have said what I said- you know the thing with the Montrose Magpies and you- and everything else I said to the others, I didn't mean any of it and I will never do it again, I solemnly swear! I guess, what I'm trying to say- and what I've been trying to say the past few days, but I didn't know how- well first, I figured I should probably give you some space since I never do that with Evans and she always gets madder and madder, but-"

"James," I cut him off and he immediately shut his mouth, "It's alright."

His brown eyes widened, "Really?"

"Yeah, I get it. It's okay."

"You are not mad anymore?" he asked tentatively, staring incredulously as I shook my head, "It's that easy?"

"Well, it can be," I replied with a grin before sighing, "I just don't wanna be mad anymore." And I missed his presence. But hush.

James also sighed, in relief as he leaned back. "Good, I don't think I could have waited any longer."

"Waited? For what?"

"Asking you out, of course."

This time, I really choked on my spit.

Chapter Six

#James Potter #james potter x oc #james potter x reader #james potter imagine #james potter fanfiction #marauders imagine #sirius black #remus lupin #Lily Evans #marauders era #marauders fanfiction #marauders fic #harry potter imagine #marlene mckinnon #Marauders

[ghostlywritten]

If Only I Had Stayed In The Shadows - Chapter Four

James Potter x OC

Words: 3,3k

Prologue  Chapter One  Chapter Two   Chapter Three

A few weeks passed and we soon had reached the second half of November. By now, it was snowing heavily on the Hogwarts grounds, footsteps barely printing the ground before it was filled with a new batch of the white powder.

The classrooms were thankfully warmed and for once I didn't wish the lessons to end to avoid going outside. Letters to and from the outside world had stopped unless it was a big emergency to let the poor owls rest. Lucky for me, I had sent the last letter for the year to my parents consisting of the message that I would not do an internship at the Hospital Wing in the near future (or at all, but pssh). Lucky because my parents wouldn't send our family owl back no matter how angry they would get. Thus, I wouldn't have to think about their wrath until Christmas break.

Madam Pomfrey - whom I started calling Poppy in my head after hearing Dumbledore call her that once - still got half of the small packages of sweets once a week without a word. The other half went into James' stomach, who insisted he could still maintain his abs with playing Quidditch.

Practice was a pain in the ass and the next game against Slytherin was not something anyone of us were looking forward to. Especially the Captain was annoying during the time before this game, insisting to have more sessions than normally scheduled.

It was usual for people to watch practice – mainly the respective partners or friends – but only the supportive – and therefor maniac – ones would stay outside in a blizzard-like weather like this. I tried sneaking off from time to time but James was always already there to intercept me in my escape route.

Imagine my surprise when I saw not only Marlene next to Alice but also Lily, huddled closely together on the stands between the other stranded ones.

"Alright Beaters up now, I'm gonna release the Bludgers. Try to improve your aim." Sirius und Frank grumbled as they stayed up on their brooms whilst the rest of us got down, breathing heavily. "We are probably going to have to play in a weather like this! So we better be prepared!" James yelled after them, releasing the Bludgers.

"Have you looked at the stands already?" I asked as I resisted the urge to huddle into him, choosing to just place myself behind him for wind protection.

"Yeah, I'm always on the look-out for the sneaky snakes," James replied with a smirk over his shoulder, causing my heart to leap slightly.

"A-alright…but have you also noticed a certain red-head up there to your right?" I leaned over just in time to see his eyes flicker towards that area.

"Yeah, I have noticed," he said with an indifferent tone.

I raised an eyebrow, waiting for a second, "…And?"

"And what?"

"That's it?"

"What do you mean?"

"You see the love of your life and all you have to say is 'Yeah, I have noticed'," I mimicked his voice, causing him to raise an eyebrow at me, "Didn't you promise that you wouldn't give up on her? I haven't seen you trying to pursue her in the past weeks."

James stayed quiet for a while, shouting an order towards the two Beaters. "James?"

The dark-haired boy sighed before he turned to face me, "And what about you? I haven't seen you try to get that internship, either."

"I have!"

"Leaving the sweets at her door is not trying."

"How do you know about that?" I asked surprised.

"I have my ways," he winked, "So what's going on?"

It was my turn to sigh this time, "...She is just been stressed and very unapproachable. Especially last week…," I hinted, watching his smile fade in realisation. It had been a full moon night. He cleared his throat awkwardly, "Well, you should maybe not try then anymore."

"….Oh? All of a sudden?"

"Yeah. And I'm not gonna try, either."

"What?" I stared at him in surprise, "What happened?"

"Nothing, I'm just sick of chasing something that seems unavailable," James said indifferently, "That promise was a dumb thing to do."

I swallowed slightly, wondering why I felt hurt about him breaking our promise. "Hey, listen," he appeased, noticing my expression, "I mean, I shouldn't have made you promise to keep asking her when it seems that she won't budge at all."

Nodding, I figured he was right. I wasn't really trying for good reason anyways. And he seemed to have realised that it wouldn't work out, either. But how…

"Why do you think that all of a sudden?"

"Er…," he scratched his neck, "I might have tried to persuade her to take you in." My eyes bulged. "What?!"

"Yeah…I kind of…had a slight – a very slight – suspicion why she wouldn't take you in as an intern," he started slowly, looking everywhere but at you, "And I offered a solution…but she still refused."

I stared at the shuffling boy in front of me, "You…tried to get that internship…for me?" My voice was almost breathless as I thought about what he had done more deeply; he had actually tried to find a solution for me despite his best friend's secret. "What- what was that suspicion?" I forced myself to ask, wondering what he would tell me.

"It doesn't really matter," he waved off quickly, "I just suggested to her to schedule your training periods around the…suspicion…yeah…and it didn't work."

…

I had the sudden strong urge to grab him by his Quidditch robes and kiss him senseless.

"Thank you, James," I said sincerely, blushing at my own thoughts, "Really…that's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me." His cheeks already slightly flushed from the harsh wind reddened some more. "It's nothing."

"No, it's not nothing," I insisted, placing my hand on his arm. He didn't know I knew but I still wanted him to understand how important that was to me, "I'm really, really thankful, James."

"It didn't even work out, you don't have to be so embarrassing now," James tried to joke slightly, swallowing as he watched my beaming smile. Biting my lip, I forced to keep my arms down in order to not crush him into a hug, "Why are you staring at me like a creep?"

I shook my head with a grin, "I guess I'm just surprised what a sweet person you can be?" He spluttered slightly in protest, "Oh yes, Potter. Underneath all that prankster façade is a tiny, sweet boy…," I teased him before turning slightly serious, "who would do anything for his friends."

James puffed out his chest in pride, nodding, "I agree with the last part."

Laughing, I shook my head and let go of his arm. "I owe you something, siriusly."

"It didn't work out, though?" James questioned before shaking his head, "Nevermind, why am I complaining?" I laughed again as the Beaters went down, puffing heavily.

"Are we done yet?" Sirius huffed.

"Oh. Sorry, Padfoot! I didn't watch. Do it again!" James yelled over the wind, causing the two to groan in annoyance, "Hey, now. This is not the way to groan at your Captain!"

"Stop flirting then and pay attention!"

I was glad for the harsh wind now as it hid my tomato face. James chuckled slightly, "Sorry Pads. Couldn't resist."

"Oi, what the hell are you on about?" I grumbled, punching his arm.

"Ouch, woman," James complained, and I rolled my eyes, it wasn't even that hard of a hit, "I was just kidding. Now get your ass up there. It's time for an actual game!"

Needless to say, practice got us cold and sore after another hour, leaving us to yearn for nothing but a nice hot shower. I was about to head inside the lockers room, smiling tiredly at Marlene, Lily and Alice as they came up when James called me back to him.

Figuring he was just going to comment on my training session, I trudged back with curses muttered under my breath.

"Are you going to Slug's Party this weekend?" James asked outright and I blinked for a second in surprise at the sudden topic.

"Yeah, why?"

"Cool, let's go together then," he suggested, ruffling my hair with a quiet smirk as I stared at him dumbfounded.

"Ehm, what?" I mumbled; my words overshadowed by Marlene's shriek of 'WHAT', "Why?"

"Why not?" James asked back, leaving me slightly speechless when I had no argument against it either. "It's settled then. I will pick you up at the Common Room at eight."

"Alright," I muttered as he walked backwards towards the locker rooms, waving goodbye at me before he turned and went inside.

What just happened?

-

"I told you!" Marlene squealed, bouncing on her bed as we all got ready for the evening, "I told all your asses this would happen!"

I rolled my eyes as I shuffled into a plain blue dress, charmed to keep me warm and deciding to just leave my hair down for once.

"What do you mean?" Lily asked indifferently, looking stunning in her long red dress whilst she put on some earrings. She even managed to straighten her hair, which I still wondered why she would in the first place. I had straight hair, so I am a reliable source when I say it's boring.

"I mean," Marlene pressed, "That James Potter has actually started to look elsewhere for once. And his eyes are now set on Cecily!"

"You are being ridiculous," I said, trying to hide the tiny flush creeping up my cheeks, "He asked me as a friend. And you are still my date, you know?"

"Doesn't matter," the brown-haired beauty said dismissively, "It's the first step to romance. Pretending to be friends."

"Then why hasn't he ever tried to use that move on Lily?" I pointed out and she went quiet for a second, pondering on it before she said, "He's just dumb." A collective sigh resounded through the room. "I'm serious, though. Why is no one seeing this but me? It's so exciting, too. Cecily is finally getting a boyfriend!"

I sat down on my bed to put on my shoes, a tiny smile gracing my lips without my intention. "Look, how happy she is!" Marlene pointed at me almost accusingly as she looked at the others for confirmation.

"Oh, shut up already," I grumbled, embarrassed and she threw me a sleazy wink.

"Lily, what do you think?" she suddenly asked the too quiet girl in the back, who was absently fiddling with a chain in her hand.

"What?" she asked, blinking slightly.

I smiled. 'Who is the daydreaming one now?' "You need help with that?" I asked, ignoring Marlene's chatter in the background about my non-existent love life. Lily nodded, smiling back softly but stayed quiet otherwise.

"You must be relieved, too, Lils," Alice suddenly pointed out, appearing from the bathroom in a cute white dress, "With James finally stopping his pestering."

"Yes, for sure," Lily said but I noticed the usual fervour in her voice whenever she talked about James was missing, leaving it mellow. As I looked up, she was watching me through the mirror with a thoughtful expression.

"Everything alright?" I asked and she simply nodded, turning away with a 'Let's go'. Shrugging to myself, I followed the girls out towards the Common Room, fashionably late…I hated being late.

"Damn, what took you so long?" James greeted me with an eyeroll as he stood up from his hunched position with Sirius in front of the fireplace.

"Hello James. I'm fine, thank you. You look fancy yourself," I said sarcastically, and he gave me a peeved look, though his lips were twitching upwards.

"You would be the same if someone made you wait for half an hour, woman," he complained after the others greeted each other and we started heading towards the dungeons.

"I would still be polite in my greetings," I said poshly whilst wondering about the eager-looking Sirius peeking at us over James' shoulder.

"Oh yeah?"

"No. I would punch you for wasting my time." James laughed quietly, hooking my arm through his as we walked down the steps. "Hello Sirius, by the way."

Sirius perked up. "Hello to you too, dear Cecily. How are you feeling this fine evening?" he asked with a overly nasal tone.

"I'm feeling just splendid," I replied in the same voice. James made a face when I gave him a look. "This is how you greet someone, James."

"Please no," Sirius said in his normal tone, "It's the way purebloods greet each other."

"I was just going to say that reminded me of the way Slytherins talk," James laughed, causing some peers around us with green ties to glare in our direction.

"Or Ravenclaws when they recite something from the books in class," I added, and they nodded in agreement.

We entered Slughorn's class and I had to momentarily blink at the different sight from the usual dark interior. Every year Slughorn would change the décor and theme of the party although it would always be a little Christmas-like for a little thrill of anticipation. For me, it only reminded me of all the presents I had yet to shop for.

"Hello, my dear students," Slughorn greeted us with wide arms, ushering us inside, "My my, almost all my best students from Sixth Year at once!"

"Except for Marlene," I muttered, nudging the girl's shoulder teasingly and she slapped my arm painfully. Hey, she got here only because of me, I was allowed to poke fun at her for once. Her glare turned into a smirk when she noticed the arm hooked around James' and I looked away pointedly, ignoring her giggles at my red cheeks.

"Professor Slughorn, you have really outdone yourself with the decoration," Lily commented politely as the rest of us saw no point in making conversation with him and longingly stared at the food across the room instead.

"Finally," I muttered, grabbing myself a plate and handing one over to James to pile up something to eat. Marlene had slapped my hand away from anything edible throughout the whole day, insisting to keep my stomach from bloating to have a good figure for my dress. A dress that wasn't even tight-fitting.

"Someone's hungry," James remarked as he watched the pile on my plate grow higher and higher.

"Got a problem with a girl eating?" I asked with a raised eyebrow playfully and he grinned. "Not at all," he replied and put a cherry on top of my pile, causing us to chuckle.

We spent the first hour sitting down on one of the tables and chatting about nonsense as we ate, Slughorn occasionally fluttering past us, stopping for a quick talk and leaving as fast to attend to others. Looking around I was positive that there had never been so many people at one of his parties than this time around.

"He must be still looking for potential candidates for his trophy stand," James mused as if reading my thoughts. I noticed he did that a lot; knowing exactly what I was thinking.

"Hm, we must not be enough for him then," I commented. Sirius placed a hand over his heart dramatically, "How can you say that? We are lovely!"

"Lovely doesn't get you anywhere," James argued and puffed his chest out as I laughed, "Manliness does."

"Touché," Sirius agreed, puffing his chest out as well.

"You look like dumb idiots," I said with a shake of my head, still chuckling.

"Dumb and idiot mean the same," James said in a posh tone that would make a Ravenclaw proud.

"Two are better than one to describe your idiocy," I said, causing them splutter indignantly, "Oh hush. I'm just joking."

"You wound me still," Sirius said with a sniff.

The evening continued with the same light conversation and I couldn't help but settle in my position comfortably. Usually I would feel totally out of place in social circles like these, having a hard time to come up with mindless small talk, but it was somewhat easier with James on my side and Sirius on his respectively. The tables disappeared after a while to clear space for the dance floor, leaving me to mourn after the food that went with it.

"Now let's shag some legs!" Slughorn exclaimed enthusiastically. I choked on my drink whilst Sirius and James had a hard time keeping their laughter in as the music started blaring louder, soft classic music making space for some Wrock bands.

"Is that actually a real Muggle phrase?" Sirius asked between his barks of laughter whilst I watched Lily talk to Slughorn with a flustered face, probably trying to explain the right phrase to him. I bet you ten galleons that she was the one telling him about it in the first place.

"Something along the lines," I said with a small grin, rolling my eyes at the cackling boys next to me.

My feet were starting to ache from the heels Marlen had forced on me after a few more hours and I couldn't help but sigh in relief as James agreed to leave the slowly dwindling party close to midnight. "This was actually nice for once," James interrupted the sudden silence surrounding us, my ears still pounding from the too loud music.

"Yeah, it was way more fun than usual," I agreed.

"Was it because of me?" James asked with a wide grin and I rolled my eyes, bending down to get rid of my shoes to hide my blush. The dark-haired boy gave me his arm for support, and I sighed in relief as my aching feet hit the cool ground, immediately soothing my sore joints, "Wow, those heels were really high, weren't they? You are suddenly ten inches smaller."

"Oi, I'm not that small," I protested, looking back up only to have to crane my neck to see his crooked grin. "Oh, shut up," I mumbled, suddenly shy as I noticed how close we were standing. James chuckled softly before nudging me, "Come on, it's getting cold. Let's get you into the Common Room."

"You could lend me your robe like any gentlemen would," I pointed out and he gave me an affronted look, "And what about my freezing ass?" he asked in shock, causing me to laugh. I couldn't remember a time where I had laughed as much as this evening, my heart feeling light and floating around as if on clouds; an unusual but welcoming feeling.

Muttering a Heating Charm, I heard James sigh quietly in relief, apparently having felt really cold. "You know you are a wizard, right?" I asked him amused and he gave me look before grinning himself, looking away out of the window. We reached the Common Room, which was completely empty, and I would have almost automatically walked towards the fireplace if it hadn't been for the pure exhaustion from the evening catching up on me.

"You should sleep, we have class early in the morning," James said quietly as he watched my eyes droop every few seconds. He nudged me towards the staircase, "I can't carry you upstairs, the stairs are cursed."

I chuckled, walking up the way to the girls' dormitories as he stayed back, "It's not the staircase, it's the boys who are cursed."

"Cursed to fall at your feet," he added charmingly, smirking. I looked over my shoulder, shaking my head slightly. He had the most random bursts to flirt than anyone I had ever met before. "Good night, James," I simply said.

His brown eyes softened and for a second we stood there, staring at each other from across the room. I couldn't decipher anything from the distance, but it felt like something shifted in the atmosphere in that moment.

"Good night, Cec," he said faintly.

Chapter Five

#james potter x oc #james potter imagine #james potter fanfiction #james potter x reader #marauders imagine #marauders x oc #marauders era #marauders fic #james potter #sirius black #remus lupin #peter pettigrew #lily evans #marauders #marauders fanfiction #harry potter #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter imagine #marlene mckinnon #marauders x reader

[ghostlywritten]

If Only I Had Stayed In The Shadows - Chapter Three

James Potter x OC

Words: 3,1k

Prologue  Chapter One  Chapter Two

"What's going on between you and Potter these days?" Marlene asked as we sat at breakfast together.

"Nothing?" I asked back, not missing how Lily's eyes snapped towards me.

"It's not nothing," Marlene pressed, "You've been spending an awful lot of time together."

"So? Is it that weird that a boy wants to spend time with me?"

"Um, yes." 

I gave her look at her blunt reply. "Well, it's true! You hardly ever have a boy paying so much attention to you. It's interesting." I tried to pretend that her words didn't sting. "Besides, it's Potter! He is in love with Lily."

"Well, it's not like we are being romantic in any way," I mumbled into my croissant (except for wishful thinking), "We are just friends."

"All of a sudden?"

"It just came about. What about it?" I said with an eyeroll.

"I'm just saying it's weird," Marlene muttered, "Not only has Potter started hanging around you all the time he has also stopped pursuing Lily. After all these years!" She leaned forward to whisper, "What if he is going to try asking you out from now on?" I almost choked on my coffee, coughing heavily.

"Honestly Marlene, your imagination is shocking sometimes," I said with a raspy voice. Marlene huffed, leaning back as she turned her attention back to her food, "Say what you want, I think my theory is not that off."

I just rolled my eyes. Lily stayed surprisingly quiet.

After dinner, I strolled through the halls with another bag of sweets ready in my hands as I thought over how to convince Madam Pomfrey with more than just repeatedly saying 'please'.

Knocking at the big wooden door, I opened to reveal the Hospital Wing surprisingly empty. "Wow, this must be the first time you don't have to tend to a student for once," I made myself known as I walked in leisurely, swinging the bag of sweets in my hands pointedly.

"Miss Grant, I do not have time for you. Please leave right now," Madam Pomfrey immediately cut off any attempt from my side.

"But you don't have any-"

"I'm really serious, Miss Grant," she said sternly, "I do not have the patience for your nonsense. Leave!"

I gave her an almost hurt – or rather scared – look when I noticed the curtains drawn around a bed in the far corner of the room. 'Huh, isn't so empty after all.' "Now!" I swiftly followed her orders.

Walking back towards the Common Room with a sullen glare at everyone passing by I was surprised to not see James waiting at the fireplace this time. I was even more surprised at the amount of disappointment I felt at the realisation. Sighing heavily, I plopped down on an armchair, deciding that I should wait for him for once, dropping the bag of sweets on the small table.

I stared at the fire for a long time, slowly curling myself into the soft leather as a yawn escaped me, thoughts mindlessly passing through my head and before I knew it, my eyes had drifted close.

I woke up to the feeling of something warm being draped over me, my lids fluttering back open after what felt like only a minute but was definitely longer according to the dimmed fireplace. I glanced around with drowsy eyes until a figure knelt down in front of me, revealing the one person I had been waiting for.

"Hey Grant," the messy-haired boy whispered gently.

"Hey James," I muttered back, snuggling further into the blanket, "What time is it?"

"Well past midnight," he replied, pushing a strand of hair back that had fallen over my face at my shuffling, "You drooled all over the leather."

"Did not," I denied, wiping the corner of my mouth and he chuckled quietly, "Where have you been anyway?"

"Just out and about with the lads. You know, causing trouble," he said with grin before his gaze softened, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I hadn't expected you to wait this long."

"I wouldn't have if I hadn't fallen asleep," I retorted and he smirked, "Sure." I blushed. I really would have left. At some point. For sure. Clearing my throat, I changed the topic, "Where are the others then? And what have you done this time?"

"Padfoot and Wormtail are already up…Moony, too," he added hastily and I briefly wondered why he seemed nervous when my gaze flickered over to the window.

The moon appeared from behind a cloud, a stark contrast to the black sky. It seemed to have been full last night and descending into the darkness once more; Before it would ascend into a full moon again next month...

The scales fell from my eyes. "…And for what we did, you will just have to wait and see…Grant?" James cut himself off when I sat up, wide awake.

"Of course," I whispered, finally understanding why Madam Pomfrey denied any internships since First Year.

It was because of Remus being a werewolf.

.

.

.

If I were to guess, I would say a lot of peeps in our year knew about it or at least suspected that something was off with the sandy-haired boy.

Oh, don't act so surprised, I'm not dumb. Even if I hadn't spent much time before with James or the rest of the Marauders before, we were in the same year for Merlin's sake! We had all the classes together and I had Quidditch practice with two members of the infamous group. You think it wouldn't be suspicious at some point how Remus kept getting sick every month like a lady having her period, looking like he got back from war each time like – I repeat – a lady having her period and the Marauders pampering him with chocolate the whole time?

Not to mention, how James would always give us one week off from any practice every month, which was more than out of his normal behaviour. It had brought up my suspicions in the first place around a year ago.

I confirmed it with one night in at the Hospital Wing during a full moon night, overhearing their conversation consisting of 'bad transformation' and 'Wolfsbane Potion'.

"What of course? Hello? Grant? I'm right in front of you and you are ignoring me?" James flicked my forehead.

"James," I exclaimed before I deflated slightly, wondering whether it would be a good idea to tell him I knew. He was deeply protective of his friends and hiding this kind of a secret for Remus must be huge for him.

"Yes?" he pressed, "What is it?"

"Eh…nothing," I said quickly, forcing out a huge and fake yawn, "I have to sleep. Good night!"

"Good night…," he called after me slowly as I raced upstairs, the blanket dropped on his head.

Now that I knew what held the school's matron back from taking anyone in I would surely get the internship if I told her I knew about Remus' secret already. I settled down in my bed with a giddy feeling that didn't have to do with James for once, finally having found a bright light in the dark tunnel.

My wide smile faded slightly though at the thought of the werewolf that was probably at the Hospital Wing right now. Would they ban him from school if they found out that I – and probably others – knew? I was sure, at least Lily would be aware of it being one of the smartest of our year. Not to mention she was a Prefect along with Remus.

I felt conflicted. Should I tell and risk him having to leave the school if Dumbledore deemed it too dangerous that too many knew? I could only imagine the amounts of owls flying into his office with Howler's of concerned parents voicing out their protests of a werewolf staying among their children if they were to find out, no matter how sweet of a person Remus was. I couldn't imagine the Headmaster would actually want to kick him out but I also doubted he would be able to fend off the many complaints in this case. Especially since he had kept it a secret for so many years.

Sighing heavily, I watched the bright light in the dark tunnel fade into nothingness.

The next morning came too soon and with it the pounding headache I woke up to. I refused to get out of bed for half an hour until Lily and Marlene all but dragged me off the bed with my blanket.

Trudging after the two chatting nuisances towards the Great Hall, I cheered up slightly at the prospect of food. But upon hearing the noise volume inside the big room, I wish I had just stayed in bed once again, feeling the loud clatter and talking painfully pierce into my temples. "Ughh," I growled, naturally settling down beside James as the girls sat on my other side, wary of my mood.

"What's up, Grant?" James greeted me cheerfully. I grumbled through the cinnamon roll in my mouth, "Hfsgr alfit ni dhahrt withd tjwis."

He nodded, placing a hand on my shoulder in understanding, "I'm sorry but what?"

I sighed, looking away from him only to face the sole reason I didn't manage to sleep last night, looking as bad as I felt. No, scratch that. He looked worse, a deep-set tiredness visible in his usual bright blue eyes.

"Oi. I don't bother her. My presence is a gift to her," James boasted, causing his and my friends to roll their eyes, "Right, Grant?"

Guilt swapped over me like a wave. Here I was, moody about not being able to appease my parents with an internship I wasn't even sure I wanted when Remus had probably been through a painful night... "Did James bother you again?" the sweet boy asked with quiet amusement, "Don't worry, you will get used to it." I felt ashamed at how he tried to cheer me up when it should be the other way around.

'Merlin, I would suck as a Healer. Better face that sooner than later.'

"Sure, you are the light of my life," I said indifferently, now feeling even worse than before as I looked at the chuckling boy in front of me. 'I really shouldn't complain.' Fishing out the reserved chocolate bar from my robes I handed it towards him as "prepayment for the notes of the upcoming classes".

The lessons came, saw, conquered and soon enough the sun began to set. I was going to do the routinely visit to Madam Pomfrey when I realised I wouldn't need to do that anymore. Sighing, I almost mourned the money I had spent on all the sweets for the matron and how much was still left for her. 'Meh, might as well end the tradition properly,' I thought to myself but decided to just leave the small bag at the door of the Hospital Wing, not bothering to bother her this time.

"You are back early," James announced my arrival loudly as I walked in through the portrait hole, interrupting his talk with Sirius at the fireplace, "How did it go this time?" he asked as he shooed his friend away. The black-haired heartthrob of the school muttered something under his breath before he left with a 'Night, Grant' accompanied with a cheesy smile.

"You didn't have to send him away," I pointed out as I plopped down next to him.

"It's fine, he was just pestering me," James said dismissively, "Has Pomfrey agreed this time?"

"No," I replied shortly, leaning back against the sofa.

"Don't worry, she will at some point."

"No, she won't...," I trailed off, looking away from his brown eyes, "I will stop asking."

"What? Why?" James asked surprised.

I shrugged, "I'm just tired of her saying no all the time."

"Sure, it can be tiring but you can't give up!" James exclaimed and I glanced at him, wondering why he would keep encouraging this if the future of one of his best friends could be at stake here. "Look, I can assure you it will be worth all the rejections once you get what you've always wanted."

"Ah," I hummed, understanding, "you mean Lily."

"Yes."

"But...haven't you given up?"

James blanched, "W-what?"

I raised an eyebrow, "I'm just wondering. You've stopped asking her out."

"Right...I..have given up on her," the boy said, clearing his throat. Wow. He actually said it. It was one thing assuming he would give up on his proclaimed love of the life and another to actually hear him say it.

"How come?" I inquired quietly.

James bit his lip. "I'm just tired of her saying no all the time," he repeated my words almost mechanically.

I laughed. "Then why are you telling me not to give up?"

"Because you haven't tried hard enough."

"Excuse me? Honeydukes?" I protested, indignantly.

"Yeah, yeah, it's a good start," James agreed with an eyeroll, "But you could change your tactic."

"How?"

"Help her when she needs it," he said, "You say she is always busy when you go there. Just start helping her out with small things and she might recognise what she is missing."

I pondered on his words, seeing no wrong in it. Once again, he surprised with how intelligent he could be if he wanted to.

But nonetheless- I sighed, "I will see what I can do."

"Good," James nodded, satisfied.

I looked at him pensively, "When did you realise it?"

"Hm?" he looked at me, "Realise what?"

"That you want to give up on Lily?"

"I do not want to-," he cut himself off, biting his lip, "I did not want to give up."

"But you've realised that you have tried hard enough now?" I asked and his eyes flickered away, nodding slowly.

"Yes...," he said, "I have tried enough."

I looked into the fire, leaning the side of my head against the couch and keeping silent as he sat beside me, deep in thought.

"I mean...it's been so many years," he interrupted the serene quietness around us softly and I peeked at him through the corner of my eyes, "Three years. And she hasn't budged once. Why?" he ran a hand through his hair and I noticed he always did that when he was frustrated.

"I did tell you once that you should get to know her more," I told him, "Be civil."

"I have been civil!" he said hotly, "I haven't asked her out for over a month, kept our interactions polite with nothing more than a hello and bye. Do you know how hard that was?" My eyes widened at his sudden outburst and he caught himself, biting his lip, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have...you know."

"Hey, it's all good. We're friends now, right?" I reassured him, patting his back, "You can let it all out. I'm a good secret keeper."

James looked back at me and a tiny smile graced his lips. I tried not to stare at his handsome face for too long.

"Thank you, Cecily."

"You must have kept it all in for a while now," I mused, watching him rub his eyes.

"Yeah, I guess...," he trailed off as he leant back and for once I could catch a glimpse of tiredness in his eyes that hadn't been there before. His lids fluttered close and his tense shoulders slackened. My breath got caught in my throat when I noticed he was starting to relax around me, his guard down when I hadn't even realised it was up.

What it revealed would be something I wouldn't have ever thought about him: a small, vulnerable boy, his heart hurting just as much as anyone else's, who would get rejected by their crush. Probably more so since he would hear it multiple times a day. If any boy I had ever dared to ask out - which wouldn't ever happen because I'm not that much of a Gryffindor - and he would say no to me, I would probably crawl into my bed with a bag of sweets from Honeydukes for at least two weeks. Or until the bag was empty.

I slapped my hand on his shoulder, causing him to jump with a yelp, "What the hell, woman?"

"You are not going to give up, James Potter," I announced gravely, "If you want Lily to become your girlfriend then you are going to do more than try hard enough."

"I have-"

"I'm talking about more than being civil or throwing fireworks around people's eyebrows."

James rolled his eyes, "I told you it wasn't on purpose! Padfoot is lying!"

"Whatever," I dismissed him before turning sirius, "You can feel down about it. But you shouldn't ever give up on something you truly want." James sighed heavily. "You have to at least know that you've really tried everything. And I mean, everything. All is fair in Love and War."

The messy-haired boy stared at me, his glasses shining slightly from the flickering light of the fire that also started reflecting in his eyes, slowly but steadily, "You're right. I won't give up."

"Good," I nodded satisfied.

"As long as you don't, either."

"Hm?"

"You are not going to give up on that internship," James stated, solemnly holding up his little finger, "Pinky promise." Looking from his serious face to his pinky finger, I couldn't help burst, my laughter echoing through the empty Common Room. "OI! Don't laugh at me!" James huffed, still holding his hand up, "This is important."

"I know," I said through my giggles, "It just looked funny to me."

"Oh, I look funny to you?" James said, amusement glinting in his eyes before he suddenly reached for my waist, fast as the Seeker he was, and I protested loudly when he started tickling me, "I will show you funny!"

"James! Stop! No!" I yelped, laughing involuntarily as he kept his tirade up until I was left breathless with laughter, "Please, stop!"

"Alright, alright," James chuckled, his face beaming at my own flushed one as I tried to catch my breath, accutely aware of how close he still was to me. His smile faded slightly as we stared at each other. "Now let's try again," he said more quietly, holding up his pinky once more. I giggled slightly but hooked my own around his, feeling slightly bad that I was going to give him an empty promise. "We won't give up. And whoever does, owes the other one wish." Gulping slightly, I nodded in agreement, wondering what he would wish for since I had already given up.

And I knew he never would.

Chapter Four

#james potter #james potter x oc #james potter x reader #james potter imagine #james potter fanfiction #sirius black #remus lupin #lily evans #marlene mckinnon #harry potter imagine #harry potter fanfiction #marauders #marauders era #marauders imagine #marauders fanfiction

[ghostlywritten]

If Only I Had Stayed In The Shadows - Chapter Two

James Potter x OC

Words: 2,6k

Prologue Chapter One

"Get up, it's Hogsmeade time!" Marlene shouted and I felt something soft hit the back of my head.

"Nrnngh," I grumbled, snuggling my face further into my pillow. "Come on, we only have this day and we have to eat breakfast, too!"

"Fine," I sighed, rolling off the bed.

"So, what's the plan for today?" I asked as we trudged down the hill towards the village after we handed in our permission slips to Filch.

"I need to go to the Hairdressing Salon for a new haircut," Marlene announced, tightening the scarf around her neck as a rather cool breeze drifted around us.

Groaning, I held her back by the elbow, "Are we going to spend all day in a salon? That's a total waste!"

"Oi, taking care of my hair is not a waste. And maybe you two should get a haircut, too," Marlene pointed out, causing Lily and I to splutter in protest.

"Excuse me, why do I need a haircut?" Lily asked, reaching up to touch her hair.

"It's way too long and unpractical, you always need hours for a Straightening Charm to work," the dark-haired girl explained matter-of-factly, "And yours, dear Cecily, is way too long and asymmetrical. It's as if you are cutting your hair yourself."

I kept quiet, wondering how she had figured that out as I touched my straight, light-brown hair a bit self-consciously. "Whatever, I don't want to spend all day in a hair salon," I said defiantly, "Besides, I need to get to Honeydukes to get all kinds of candy."

"What for?"

"For myself mostly…and for Madam Pomfrey." My two dear friends both came to an abrupt halt.

"You are trying to bribe her?" Lily laughed and I gave her a shrug, "What else can I do?" They just shook their head, "What do you think would be her taste?"

"Cec, you are going to Honeydukes. You won't find anything that will not be to anyone's taste," Lily stated, and I had to agree.

"The shop is across the hair salon," Marlene informed as we reached the village, "You go to there and I will get my hair done in under an hour. Promise!"

"Fine. And we go to the Three Broomsticks after?"

"Deal."

We parted ways with Marlene, Lily deciding to roam around Honeydukes with me to avoid sitting in the salon and possibly getting a hair cut without wanting to.

The bell jingled as I opened the wooden door and I took in the scent of mixed sweets, "Ah, I'm in heaven."

"Agreed," Lily said with a smile. I looked around the many rows of chocolate, gummies and other kinds of teeth-rotting sweets. "Now that I think about it, a Healer would probably not like unhealthy food like this, would they?"

"Please, she is not a dentist. No one can resist these goodies," Lily said, devouring a toffee with a satisfied hum as she handed me one, "Definitely not."

I resolved to pick up a bit of each sweet, resulting in a steadily growing package. Lily's eyes went wide, "Are you serious?"

"No, I'm Sirius," the black-haired boy popped up from behind us out of nowhere, causing us to shriek.

"Bloody Hell, Black! I almost dropped my bag!" I cursed, adjusting my grip on the sweets. Sirius raised his eyebrow as he took a peek inside, "Is this the aftermath of a break-up?"

'I wish,' I thought, shaking my head wordlessly whilst the other three Marauders came up, each with a smaller bag of their own in their hands.

"Hm? The time of the month then?" Remus blanched upon hearing his words whilst James and Peter laughed quietly. "Sirius!"

"What? I'm just wondering why she is buying so many sweets just for herself."

"It's not for myself. It's to bribe someone," I said deftly before moving further down the lane to inspect the other sweets.

"You need to bribe someone?" James asked, following me – or rather Lily, who had left with an eyeroll and was staying a few feet away.

"Yep, for a favour."

"Excuse me but I think you will have other possibilities to…persuade someone," James said suggestively (and loudly) and I had almost dropped the bag again.

"Um, what?" I muttered, turning around to face him only to lean back in surprise upon seeing how close he was. He smirked and it looked kind of…off. My eyes flickered towards his friends, who were suspiciously occupied with whatever was in front of them. "Well…in this case it's an old lady, who will probably be more responsive to chocolate than whatever you are suggesting."

"You know exactly what I'm suggesting." I tried to ignore how red my face must have been at this point until he chuckled, scratching the back of his head, "I'm just messing with you, Grant."

I breathed out, slapping his arm and turning away, "Good." Too bad.

"Now, who is the old lady and what favour do you need? Are you trying to bribe McG for a better grade?"

"You say that as if that would actually be possible."

"Touché," James mused, watching me pick some Chocolate Cauldrons as he munched on a toffee, "Who is it then?"

"Madam Pomfrey," I said, seeing no harm in telling him, "For an internship at the Hospital Wing." A choking sound made me turn around towards him, "You alright there, James?"

"Y-yeah," he said, hitting his chest with his fist a few times before he managed to swallow the rest of the sweet, "You-you want to work at the Hospital Wing?"

"Yep. I could use the internship for future applications as a Healer," I explained, shifting the bag on my arm as the other ached, figuring it would be enough for now.

"Um, is that possible?" James wondered, his face unusually pale as he looked back towards his friends, "I didn't know that."

"Yeah, it is possible. My parents were interns during their time here. But ever since First Year, Madam Pomfrey hasn't recruited anyone."

"Is that so?"

"It's so weird, really," I said mindlessly, munching on a Chocolate Frog, "But I'm gonna try anyway."

"Well, good luck with that," James replied with a high-pitched laugh and I looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, "You sure you are alright there?"

"Yes!" the messy-haired boy said quickly before clearing his throat, "And if you want to convince her to take you in, you should add another of the Pixie Puffs. Those are her favourites."

"How do you know that?"

"I have my ways," James winked, dropping a puff into my bag before grabbing it from me, "Come on, I will carry it for you."

"Um, thanks?" I asked more than stated, following him towards the cashier.

"You are very welcome. Hello Evans," James greeted Lily politely, who was waiting for me at cash desk with raised eyebrows.

"Hello…Potter," she said slowly, widening her eyes at me when he had his back turned towards us, standing in the line. 'What's going on?' she mouthed.

'No freaking idea,' I mouthed back before neutralising my expression as the boy with round glasses turned back, "Have you been to the Three Broomsticks, yet?"

"Nope. Later, though first I apparently need a haircut," I answered, sharing a look with Lily.

"Why is that? Your hair is pretty the way it is," James commented, leaning close once again.

"I said 'apparently', Potter," I told him, leaning back once again before gesturing him to move as the line cleared and I was up to pay.

"Good, you don't need it."

"My thoughts exactly!"

James laughed and Lily cleared her throat, catching our attention, "I'm gonna head out and see if Marlene is done. Would you reserve a table at the pub?" I nodded in agreement and she left, not without another look at James. I noticed him watch after her as soon as her back was turned at him, wondering about his weird behaviour.

He stayed quiet whilst I paid for the sweets before handing me the bag. "Well, I'm off to the Shrieking Shack. See ya!" And he left with his friends. Well, that was abrupt.

The next week consisted of classes, me begging Madam Pomfrey for an internship with a new bag of sweets everyday and James somehow hanging around me outside of class and Quidditch practice. It started with him joining me on study sessions in the library and sitting next to me during breakfast, lunch and dinner or asking to sit with him at the fireplace in the Common Room like right now.

I was trudging through the portrait hole with yet another miserable pout as James called out to me loudly, "Grant, come over!"

"Hey James," I sighed as I plopped down on an armchair next to the loveseat he was sprawled all over. He pouted playfully, "I wanted you to sit next to me."

"How?" I asked, trying to gulp inconspicuously at the lazy smile on his face, "Your limbs are in the way."

"There is more than enough space all over me," he said, gesturing towards his body.

I blushed deeply, causing his grin to widen, and cleared my throat. "Honestly, James. What's up with you lately?"

"What do you mean?"

"You've been acting weird, lately," I pondered and watched him shift uncomfortably, "Spending a lot of time with me when we have never talked outside of class and Quidditch before."

"What is weird about trying to get closer to a Quidditch member? It raises the team spirit," James retorted.

"Raise the team spirit?" I repeated with a raised eyebrow, "We have more than enough team spirit. And I don't see you spending that much time around the other members."

"I have priorities," James said.

"What priorities?"

"You, for one," he replied with a grin.

"…Me?"

"Yeah, you," James sat up, leaning forward on his knees, "You are close to becoming Chaser No. 1."

"What do you mean?" I wondered.

"Angie is going to quit after winter break."

"What?"

"Yes," the brown-eyed boy sighed, running a hand through his already messy hair, "She wants to concentrate on her N.E.W.T.s, so she is leaving the team."

"Who is going to be her substitute?"

"Archie Stan."

"Oh, hell no."

"Oh, hell yes."

"James, Archie and I don't get along," I hissed quietly, "We can't play together."

"You will have to. We will integrate him into Team A practice from the next session on," James explained and smiled at my frown, "Come on. It's not going to be so bad. You could try to get along with him."

"It's not my fault. He is the one, who has a problem with me," I complained, crossing my arms, "Trust me, I doubt we are going to harmonise."

"You will, don't worry," James reassured me, placing a hand on my knee. I stilled at his touch, feeling the warmth of his palm through the leggings I was wearing, "I'm the Captain. And as a Captain, I'm also the designated mediator of the team."

"We are doomed then," I said dryly and he gave me a look, causing me to giggle.

"You meanie," he flicked my knee before leaning back against the couch. We talked more about Quidditch, the current league and discussing, which team would win this year until it was well past midnight.

I went to bed that night with a giddy feeling in my chest and I went to bed with a giddy feeling for the next few weeks as the evening talks became somewhat a ritual between James and me. We would talk about mindless things such as Quidditch, classes and even the meaning of life.

This night, I was a bit late after another visit at the Hospital Wing. I had received a letter of my parents today, expressing their disappointment in me not having started that internship, yet. And of course, I got rejected again by Pomfrey again.

"Hey, what's with the long face?" James asked as I arrived in the Common Room.

I merely groaned, dropping face first onto the loveseat. "So, Madam Pomfrey has rejected you once more?" James asked and I groaned again. "Thought so," James added and I merely grumbled.

"I just don't get why she won't take any interns in," I moaned, turning on my back, "She is so busy, I always see more than ten students every day, she obviously needs help."

"Well, maybe that's exactly why. She probably doesn't have the time to instruct someone when she has so much to do."

"I don't need much instructing…" I said and he gave me a look, "What, you know it!"

"True," he said with a wide smile, causing me to return it. He took my hand in his, squeezing it slightly, "Don't worry. I'm sure she will come around soon."

"Maybe…"

"Did she take the bag of sweets again?"

"Of course, she did."

"Dang it, I was looking forward to some Chocolate Balls." I laughed before reaching into my pocket and throwing a ball at him. With his Seeker's instincts he was able to catch it on time before it hit his face, shooting me a mock reprimanding look before unwrapping the sweet. "Are you gonna try again tomorrow?"

"Yeah…but I don't even know why I bother," I sighed, "It's not like I even want an internship that much."

"Then why do you?"

"My parents want me to."

James raised an eyebrow. "They are both Healers."

"Ah, and they want you to become one, too."

"Yep."

"…And what do you want?" he asked quietly, leaning on his knees.

Sighing heavily, I said, "I just want to play for the Montrose Magpies."

"Oh, it's good they are trying to force you to become a Healer then."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm just joking," James laughed, standing up to sit on the carpet in front of me, "You should pursue that possibility though."

"Oh please. The Montrose Magpies are one of the biggest teams in English league- no, you can't convince me otherwise!" I said as he opened his mouth to protest, "They would never take someone from a school's team."

"Of course, they wouldn't," he agreed, grinning when I pouted, "But you can start with a smaller team. You know, recruiters always come to watch the second leg of the Quidditch games at spring every year. You might catch someone's eye."

"They only look for Seventh Years," I pointed out.

"Well, obviously they don't want to be responsible for students dropping out of school," James said with a 'duh' tone, "But it's a possibility for next year.

And whilst waiting for that you can continue trying for that internship."

"You mean pursue both careers?"

"Exactly. Why do you make a choice now what to do in the future when you don't have to, yet?" James reasoned, "You should open as many doors for you as you can and then make a choice when you have to." I stared at the boy in front of me, watching the light of the fire flicker over his face. I had never found anyone as attractive as him in that moment.

"James, that's the smartest thing anyone has ever said to me and Professor Dumbledore has taught us for one class when McGonagall was sick for a week." The dark-haired boy threw his head back, laughing and I was almost mesmerised by the twinkle in his chocolate brown eyes. I shook my head slightly, looking away for a second before I gave him a warm smile, "Thank you, James."

He nodded, waving his hand dismissively, "Don't mention it."

"I'm serious- don't go there," I warned him as he tried to jump on the pun, "That was a really good advice. Where did that even come from?"

James shrugged with an almost shy look, "My dad is pretty cool, I guess." I laughed. "He told me somewhat the same when I was telling him that I couldn't choose between Quidditch and Auror training."

"Your dad is a wise man."

"He sure is." I smiled, later wondering how long we had sat that night simply staring at each other.

Chapter Three

#james potter #james potter x reader #james potter imagine #james potter fanfiction #sirius black #sirius black imagine #remus lupin #remus lupin imagine #lily evans #marlene mckinnon #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter imagine #marauders #marauders era #marauders imagine #marauders fic

[ghostlywritten]

If Only I Had Stayed In The Shadows - Chapter One

James Potter x OC

Words: 5,3k

Prologue

Now, the 'Be civil' part didn't seem to go through his thick skull. Ever since my assumptions about him faking his love for Lily to hide his crush on Sirius, he was more than adamant to prove his affections to her. It resulted in big bouquets of lilies and red roses dropped on her bagel by an owl at breakfast as well as sweets from Honeydukes at dinner that he got from who knows where since the first Hogsmeade weekend this year wasn't due until two weeks.

This wasn't anything unusual since he had tried this ploy before but every single day…was a little much. He wasn't asking me though and I was glad being his counsellor was only a one-day thing despite the attention I got from Lily and Marlene because of it.

As soon as I had arrived back into the dorms from the Quidditch field, they bombarded me with questions on what I talked about with the boys.

"So, Potter was just asking about Lily again?" Marlene had inquired.

"Yep."

"And there is nothing going on between you and Sirius?" Lily continued.

"Nope, not at all. Except wishful thinking maybe," I laughed to myself and they just sighed before going back to their own chatter. I became uninteresting as soon as I became interesting in their eyes.

Though it was brought up after a week again when Lily came storming into Potions with pink glitter all over her hair. "Bloody Potter sent an enchanted cupid, who read me a bloody poem and sprinkled some pink shit over me!" she hissed under her breath and I startled at her unusual amount of curses in one sentence. "How on earth did he become even worse when you told him to be civil towards me?" she asked whilst Professor Slughorn went around to look over the potions.

"Apparently he didn't take me siriusly," I replied, snickering to myself at the pun. Looking over at the boy in question a few rows behind us, he immediately straightened up and shot the red-haired beauty a wide, hopeful smile. It faltered though as she shot him a withering glare in return, snatching her head back around so fast a halo of pink glitter surrounded her. I watched him slump over his desk in disappointment, his eyes momentarily flickering over to mine.

"Attention, class!" Slughorn called out after he finished looking through every cauldron and requesting a vial of each of our creations, "The date for the first Slug Club Party is set on the 23rd November. I'm telling you this early for I know how long some need to prepare for it," he winked good-naturedly and I made a face as a few girls giggled, already whispering among each other about dress robes, "The invitations will reach you throughout the week."

"You going to attend?" Marlene asked Lily and I as we were usually the ones to be invited. And usually, Lily would be asked out even though she was the one with the invite and I would take Marlene as my 'date' since no one would go with me otherwise and she loved to dress up.

"Yep."

"Sure."

"Evans, my beautiful flower!" James called out, jogging to catch up with our group as his friends trailed behind him. Lily groaned obnoxiously loud before turning over to face him, "Would you be-?"

"No."

"But-"

"No."

"Even-"

"I said no, didn't I?" Lily snapped, already pissed off with the pink glitter that clashed horribly with her red hair and apparently wouldn't come off no matter what she tried. She grabbed him by the tie and pulled him face to face, "No matter how many times you are going to bloody ask, James Potter, I will never, ever, EVER go out with you in any shape or form. I'd rather die than be so much as associated with you!" I winced as her shriek resonated through the hall, catching the attention of more than a few. James – to his credit – kept his sappy grin steady even if his mouth corners twitched down in an attempt of a frown.

His face dropped as soon as she turned around, whipping her hair against his face as she stormed off in a most impressive dramatic display she had managed to, yet.

"Well, that blew up really fast," Marlene muttered, following her best friend. I nodded even though she couldn't see as I was left in the dust again.

The messy-haired boy sighed heavily as everyone else went their way besides his friends. "She's never going to love me, is she?" he asked quietly as Sirius patted his back. I quietly stepped back to leave their private conversation, unbeknownst to the pair of eyes following me in deep thinking.

Unsurprisingly, James Potter's ego healed as soon as humanly possible (perhaps even sooner) and he was back on his feet, chirpy and cheerful. I shook my head slightly as I watched him roar in laughter with Sirius over whatever down the table.

He was still laughing even as Lily strutted past him to reach Marlene and I at the table, only stopping after she passed by to gaze at her longingly. Sirius knocked him off it with a slap against the back of his head, rolling his eyes in resignation.

I snapped my head back down when James' eyes got closer in our direction as Lily sat down across from me and next to Marlene. "And here I thought he was finally listening to you after your speech yesterday," the brown-haired beauty muttered into her coffee cup as she glanced over at said boy, "Seems like he never will."

"Well…," Lily rubbed her temple, pouring herself a cup of coffee, "He will have to at some point."

"And you really never want to ever give him a chance?" I piped up, pondering on her harsh words from yesterday.

"Never," Lily immediately confirmed without a care and I nodded.

Poor James.

A week passed and nothing further happened regarding the Lily-James-front. Which meant, he was most likely preparing a grand scheme, a great gesture, a way to ask her out, maybe to Hogsmeade. And no matter how much it sounded like I had no other hobbies - which I didn't - I was always trying to anticipate what it could be. Last time it was a huge firework after a Quidditch match won by Gryffindor, spelling out his infamous question to her. Which was, by the way, a disaster because half of the teams were still up in the air during the showdown...I had to grow back an eyebrow.

So maybe I was obsessed with this because I was trying to protect my body hair. Yeah, sounded like a good excuse.

But alas, nothing happened, another week passed, and the Friday came up. Yes, the Friday. Our first Quidditch match this year: Hufflepuff vs. Gryffindor. I barely managed to sleep last night, causing me to drown two cups of scalding hot coffee at breakfast with nothing else, not wanting to become sick due to the anxiety before the match.

"You shouldn't always play on an empty stomach," Lily remarked as we made our way to Herbology with me constantly checking the watch to see how much longer until the game, "A Quidditch match could go for hours. What if you collapse due to lack of energy?"

"Don't worry, Lils. I ate more than enough yesterday at dinner to prevent that," I said, hopping on my spot as we waited for Professor Sprout to show up, "And as future Healer, I would know what I'm doing, right?" Right. That reminded me that I had to ask Madam Promfrey later for an internship at the Hospital Wing.

I had been strongly urged (or more like pushed) by my parents – who were both Healers at St. Mungo's Hospital – to start an internship since a year ago like they had done during their school time, stating it would grant me a big step ahead in the competition. Last year I at least had the excuse that I needed to study for the O.W.L.s and wouldn't have time for an internship, deliberately ignoring their argument that I still managed to play Quidditch.

"True," Lily smiled, clearly approving of my future career. If that didn't remind me of my mom then I didn't know what would. If only she knew that all I wanted was to play for the Montrose Magpies. Sighing, I imagined myself among the team, clad in black and white as we soared to win yet another match.

"All ready for the game, Grant?" James asked, clapping my back as he sauntered over with his groupies to settle next to us.

"Yeah…," I nodded, slightly confused at his lack of acknowledgment of the two next to me. Well, not complete lack as he gave a short 'hey' to the general direction of Lily and Marlene but rather the…almost normal kind of acknowledgement towards the love of his life. And it seemed I wasn't the only one bewildered by this as even the rest of the Marauders and Marlene shot him strange looks, Lily being the only one to just ignore him and sigh in relief.

I narrowed my eyes on the Captain. Something was wrong. "What are you planning?" I hissed at him under my breath as class began and we started working on the plants.

"Hm? What do you mean?" James asked.

"I mean, what are you planning this time with Lily? I swear to Merlin, if you start up another firework at the pitch, I'm gonna shoo-"

"No, no. I won't do anything like that," James cut me off as Sirius snickered into his Venomous Tentacula, which almost bit his nose off.

"That was bloody awesome, though," his black-haired best mate (and probably secret lover by now) commented, "Wouldn't mind another show like that."

"No, thank you!" I swiftly disagreed, "I don't wanna lose another eyebrow."

The class ended and History of Magic afterwards passed swiftly thankfully (because I slept through it, thanks for nothing, coffee) and I changed into my Quidditch robes, going through the tactics in my head during lunch without eating before heading down to the pitch. The weather seemed clear, no clouds in the sky and only slightly windy. I smiled; October was truly the best time to play, nothing to disturb a good match besides the sun in our eyes.

"Alright folks," James called out for our attention in the locker room, "Not much to say as always. We trained for this, we will win this. Remember the Hufflepuff's strategy…" I only half-listened whilst he drilled each tactic and our counter-tactic into us once again, absently adjusting my gloves. 'Not much to say, my ass,' I thought as Madam Hooch shouted at us to finally get onto the grounds.

One whistle and we were up. My feet barely left the ground when the first Bludger came for me, the Hufflepuff Beaters immediately raining them down on us.

"Sorry, Grant!" he called over his shoulder, already heading back in the other direction whilst I was left bewildered by this new tactic.

I frowned, shooting a confused look at Angie – Chaser No.1 – as she passed me the Quaffle. Usually, the Hufflepuffs didn't play this aggressively defensive. It was more of a balance between offense and defense, the defense consisting of the Chasers trying to block the opposing Chasers rather than the Beaters, who would be more focused on the adverse Seeker instead.

This change made it harder to even reach the other side of the pitch when I had to look out for Bludgers and Chasers, ultimately causing me to lose hold of the Quaffle as Amos Diggory smashed against my side, surprisingly violent.

We weren't trained for this.

"Grant, focus on the game!" James yelled from somewhere above me and I quickly swerved my broomstick around to follow the yellow robes-

"10 POINTS TO HUFFELPUFF!" the commentator shouted into his mic and roar of cheers erupted from the left side of the stands. I cursed under my breath, gesturing for Fynn – Chaser No. 3 – to pass the Quaffle and we swiftly shot towards the other side with him below and Angie next to me whilst Sirius and Frank controlled the Bludgers. Though one got quickly intercepted by a Hufflepuff Beater, who made the surprising move of hitting the ball towards Frank, causing his aim to be off as he had to dodge last minute.

Gritting my teeth, I focused on the Hufflepuff Keeper, wondering what else had been changed in their defense.

"Do it the way we practiced!" I heard James shout from somewhere as if he could hear my thoughts, also shouting orders towards the other players, frantically trying to re-organise the team. I feinted a throw towards Angie, causing the Keeper to redirect towards her and give me free way for the hoop on the far left.

"10 POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR!"

We didn't have any time to breathe though, the Hufflepuffs working relentlessly like the hard workers they were, catching us off guard in ways I would expect a Slytherin player do. One particular Bludger hit Fynn hard in the stomach and he raised his hand, the other clutched around his abdomen with a painful expression as he dropped onto the ground and promptly retched until his breakfast came out.

A collective "ew" resounded through the stands but I couldn't help but sigh in relief when Madam Hooch whistled the blow for a time-out.

"They completely changed their tactic!" Sirius exclaimed as James walked towards us after checking on Fynn, "Bloody playing like Slytherins, they are!"

"Well, they won the Cup last year with their tactic, didn't they?" I puffed out, leaning against my broom. James pinched his nose in frustration, slightly raising his rounded glasses.

"Well, then we have to change our tactic, too."

"We can't just change it mid-game. It will lose us points and we are already far behind them!" Sirius protested, wildly gesturing towards the score: 80 to 20 for Hufflepuff. I grimaced at it, feeling a surge of shame at the only two goals we had made so far. "We just need to get the Snitch as soon as possible!"

"I've had it spotted but Hooch blew the whistle by then," James replied, clenching his fist in anger.

"I could score more goals, but I need either the Bludgers or the Chasers off my back. Both are too much cover," I said, "It's like they all at once attack whoever has the bloody Quaffle."

James bit his lip, staring off as Madam Hooch announced a penalty shot for Gryffindor after making sure Fynn was back on his feet to play. "We don't have to change our entire tactic," he said slowly before nodding to himself, "Sirius, you and Frank block the other Beaters from hitting the Bludger. Just hit them away as far as you can, not towards any Chaser. They will be too close to our Chasers to have a clear line of fire." Sirius looked at him uncertainly but nodded, going off to tell Frank.

"You think that's a good idea?"

"It's the only thing we can do right now," James stated, placing his hands on my shoulders, "Now listen. Remember the way we played against Slytherin last year? The passing around to throw them off?"

"You mean, the A-C-F-C-A-F-F-C-A tactic?"

"Exactly."

"Alright…," I nodded, feeling as uncertain as Sirius did whilst we mounted our broomsticks again.

"And you better score that penalty!" the Captain commanded before flying up, already back to searching the ground for the Snitch.

I quickly told Angie and Fynn of the change of plans before I flew over towards the the opposing hoops, taking the Quaffle from Hooch and easily scoring against the Keeper. He was by far the weakest point of the Hufflepuff team this year.

After the break, the game took a turn in our favour. James' new tactic not only threw off the Hufflepuff Beaters but we also managed to confuse the Chasers with the swift passing of the Quaffle between the three of us.

"AND IT'S ANOTHER 10 POINTS FOR GRYFFINDOR! MY MY, THEY ARE COMING BACK FASTER THAN THE NIMBUS 1000!" the commentator exclaimed as the score showed 80 to 60 by now. "AND POTTER HAS SPOTTED THE SNITCH! HE IS DIVING DOWN TOWARDS THE GROUND WITH A MIGHTY SPEEd BUT ANDERSON IS RIGHT WITH HIM, NOW SHOULDER TO SHOULDER! WHO WILL BE ABLE TO CATCH THE SNITCH BEFORE EATING MUD!? MERLIN, THEY ARE STILL GOING AND THE GROUND IS COMING CLOSER AND CLOSER, I CAN'T LOOK!" I snapped my head around as the commentator stopped talking just in time to see James avoid hitting the ground merely inches away, his fist raised up with the tiny wings of the Snitch peeking out from under his fingers.

"AND POTTER CATCHES SNITCH! GRYFFINDOR WINS!" All the tension left my body at the announcement and I heaved out a huge sigh of relief as I watched Sirius crash against his best mate, whooping loudly but not loud enough to drown out the cheers from the Gryffindors on the stands.

"We did it!" Frank yelled, gathering us in a group hug and I was smashed between leather and smell of sweat, barely managing to wound my arms around whoever was next to me at the tight space until Archie threw himself over all of us, successfully disrupting the hug.

"Well done, Grant," James commented, holding my shoulder, "You just saved yourself some extra laps during our next training."

"Wow, thank you, oh generous Captain," I drawled, pushing him off as he tugged on my ponytail before turning to the next player to give his review to.

Sighing blissfully, I took a quick warm shower before heading back towards the castle with the rest of the members for dinner, shovelling down probably half of what was on the table in hunger and blissfully ignoring Lily's, Marlene's and a few others expressions of mild disgust.

"Do you even breathe between the bites?" Lily joked, nipping on her bread.

"Yep," I said muffled by the fries in my mouth, breathing in deeply through my nose.

"Ew, stop that," Marlene commanded, "And you don't need to eat that much. We will have snacks at the party later." Ah yes, the mighty afterparty in the Gryffindor Common Room after a Quidditch match was known throughout all Houses with other students attending them as well secretly (even Slytherins sometimes unless we had won against them). It would go well into the night until McGonagall would end it, which she usually didn't bother to if the next day was free. And this time, the next day would fortunately be a Saturday.

"That reminds me," I swallowed quickly with the help of pumpkin juice, "I should talk to Madam Pomfrey about the internship before the party."

"Good luck," the two girls called after me.

"Hey, Grant. Already done with eating? I thought you wouldn't stop for another hour," Frank called after me teasingly from beside Sirius, and I flipped him off over my shoulder, knowing he didn't mean any harm. He probably couldn't even hurt a fly, which made it all the more surprising why he was a Beater in the first place.

I was off towards the Hospital Wing as Frank leaned back forward on his elbows with a chuckle, sipping on his pumpkin juice. "Y'all ready for the party later?"

"Sure, mate. Always," Sirius said, grinning wolfishly as he stared after a pair of giggling girls, "I already have my party in sight." Remus rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "You can't keep it in your pants for one party, can you Padfoot?" James laughed, taking another bite of his chicken.

"What about you, Prongs? Gonna make a move on Evans tonight?" Sirius shot back amused.

James shook his head. "Nah, not tonight."

Frank's eyebrows rose in surprise, "What? You are not going to make a move on her for once?" He looked between him and his three closest friends, who were staring at their messy-haired mate in slight bemusement.

"Nope," James replied with an extra pop on the 'p'.

Sirius leaned forward, "You haven't been trying to get her to go out with you for quite a while now and Hogsmeade is coming up tomorrow! What's up with you?"

"I just think, that I need to lay back for a while," James muttered into his cup, "Give her space. Be civil."

"Is it about what Grant said to you? That you are in love with Padfoot?" Remus said with a quiet chuckle, causing Frank to choke on his food. "What?!"

Sirius barked out a laugh as James glared at him, "Grant thought that Prongsie here has a secret crush on me and was trying to hide it by asking Evans out all the time."

"Ah…," Frank nodded, "Makes sense."

"No, it doesn't!" James near shouted before regaining his composure, "And it's not about that. Nevermind what Grant thought, what she said makes sense. Everything I've tried in the last year hasn't gotten me any closer towards Evans. I need to change tactics. And backing off seems like a good thing to do so if I were to try something next time, she would maybe take me seriously for once." He sighed miserably, adjusting his glasses that had slipped off slightly during his speech.

Remus patted his shoulder, "I think you are heading in the right, mature direction…the direction that I've been telling you to go for two years now and you never listened."

"Thanks, Moony," James grinned toothily, causing the sandy-haired boy to sigh in resignation albeit with a tiny smile of his own.

Meanwhile at the Hospital Wing…

"Come on!"

"No."

"Please!"

"No."

"Just two weeks would be enough!"

"I said no."

"Oh, thank Merlin, two weeks are nothing," I sighed in relief. Madam Pomfrey rolled her eyes as she went to the next bed that occupied a First Year with an allergic reaction. I quickly followed after her, "I don't understand why you are not allowing any interns here anymore. My parents both had an internship here before and I know you had some, too. Ever since my First Year, you suddenly stopped taking anyone under your wing."

The matron tensed slightly at my words before she bristled slightly, "Whether I wish to take interns in or not is none of your business."

"But I just wanna know why?" I begged, "I at least need a reason to tell my parents. Is it because of my grades? Or because I hexed that Ravenclaw boy to largen his nose back in Third Year?"

"That was you?!"

"…No. Pff, 'course not."

Madam Pomfrey sighed, "The answer is no. Tell your parents, I have no need nor the time for an intern right now."

"But-"

"Now, out with you. I'm busy," she waved me off.

"I could help."

"Miss Grant!"

"Alright, alright. I'm off," I relented, turning away with a disappointed (and loud) sigh. It didn't help my case as she deftly shut the door of the Hospital Wing behind me with a flick of her wand.

I headed back towards the common room with a miserable pout, almost overhearing the great sound of music coming from behind the portrait as I thought about what to write to my parents. Inside the Common Room the party was already in full swing even though it must have started only an hour ago and I was only mildly surprised at the amount of people already there, drinking whatever was served. I joined Alice on the couch next to the fire, taking off my school robe at the warmth and giving her and Frank next to her a tiny smile.

"How did it go with Madam Pomfrey?" Alice asked, probably having heard from Lily about my plans.

"Not well," I sighed, "Said she's too busy for interns right now."

"That sucks," Alice said, patting my knee, "But you don't need it anyway. You will work in St. Mungo's as a Healer before you know it."

I smiled at her sweet way, wondering how she was able to lighten up someone's mood with just a few simple words. Taking the offered drink Frank got for the three for us we made a toast on Quidditch and Gryffindor.

"So anything exciting happened here while I was gone?"

"Not much," Alice shrugged whilst Frank chatted with a Seventh Year about the match, "Just Marlene is flirting with Archie over at the snack table."

I scrunched up my face at that. "Archie Stan? Really?"

The petite girl next to me chuckled, "Just because you two are rivals on the team doesn't mean he is not eye-candy."

"I don't know what you mean," I said, pretending to be clueless. Archie Stan would forever remain ugly to me.

"Oh please, he is almost as good looking as Sirius and that's saying something."

"Mhm," I nodded, pretending to agree but she saw right through me, slapping my knee with a laugh. Apparently, I couldn't lie to anyone.

"Where is Black anyways? Already off snogging someone?" I asked, letting my eyes roam around the room.

"You got that right. Some Huffelpuff girl from Fifth Year. I don't know who that was, though."

"What a traitor," I said, "And Sirius is fraternising with the opposite team, I see how it is."

"Can you leave Quidditch on the pitch? The game is over," Lily dove into the conversation as she dropped herself on the armchair next to us.

"The game is never over," I remarked solemnly, causing her to roll her eyes, "How did it go with Madam Pomfrey?"

"Sucked. She doesn't want any interns," I said gloomily and she gave me a sympathetic look, "Try some other day. Maybe she was just in a bad mood."

"Oh, I will. Can't have my parents breathing down my neck forever now."

"You know they are just looking out for you…"

"I knooow," I said exasperatedly, and she gave me a reprimanding look, "It's just too much sometimes." All the time, to be frank.

"I see Marlene leaving the room," Alice cut in, thankfully changing the subject, "Seems like she is going to have a good time."

We looked over the couch to see the brown-haired beauty walk towards the portrait hole with Archie in tow.

Lily grinned whilst I made a retching sound.

"Sweet."

"Disgusting."

Lily sighed. "I wish I could snog someone." I raised an eyebrow. 'Way to be blunt,' I thought, glancing down her empty cup, 'Ah, I see why.'

"You could snog James," Alice suggested with a wiggle of her eyebrows. I laughed at her expression and she pushed me away playfully.

"No, thanks," Lily said darkly, her eyes sweeping over the room to glare at the person in question.

"Where is he anyways?" Alice remarked, looking around as well, "Usually, he would already be around you with the most cheesiest lines ready."

"No idea, not interested either," the red-haired said off-handedly but I noticed her still glancing around the room.

Roaming the room with my own eyes I quickly found James' that were surprisingly already set on me with that same thoughtful look he had back in front of the girls' locker room when I had told him to be civil. His lips quirked up in a slight smile and he nodded at me, raising his own cup slightly.

I raised my eyebrow in confusion before I heard Lily huff in annoyance in front of me, decisively turning her back on the messy-haired boy. So, he was looking at her. Right. I shook my head slightly. "Arrogant toe-rag," Lily muttered under her breath but loudly enough for us to hear.

"Oh, come on, Lils," Alice said, "He's been acting real nice lately. Not pestering you that much nowadays."

"Doesn't change anything," Lily retaliated quickly, "He's probably just cooking up another nonsense way to ask me out and embarrass me in front of the entire school again."

"Yeah, probably," I agreed, having thought the same before as well. I was just glad he didn't try anything at the Quidditch match.

Looking back over at the boy I noticed him still watching, Sirius next to him now with slightly dishevelled but still annoyingly perfect hair.

"Mate, have you been anywhere near Evans this night at all?" Sirius asked as they stood at the snack table on the other end of the room from the girl.

"Nope, Padfoot. But I see you have been somewhere near a girls' knickers," James commented.

"You know it," Sirius winked, causing his mate to roll his eyes good-naturedly, "But don't try to distract me. What's up with you?"

"I've told you already."

"So, you are really taking that 'Be civil' thing siriusly?"

"Yes," James said, his eyes not once leaving the back of the red-haired beauty, watching out carefully in case some dude tried to flirt with her. At the silence of his mate though he risked a glance over at him.

"I didn't think you would actually pull through with it," Sirius muttered thoughtfully, "But it's almost midnight and you haven't even asked her out to Hogsmeade once, yet."

"Nah, I think I'm gonna have some me-time," James stated optimistically.

"Me-time?! What are you, a girl?" Sirius asked, causing his best mate to glare at him. "Or we could just hang out at the Three Broomsticks with Moony and Wormtail like always," James suggested.

"Yeah, sounds better. I fear if I leave you alone with your thoughts, you are going to change into a complete different person."

"Change is not that bad, you know."

"Sure…," Sirius trailed off.

"And I mean, it's not like I'm changing anything besides the way I try to get Evans' attention. You act like I'm a whole different person now, Padfoot."

"It feels like you are, Prongs," Sirius said before barking out a laugh at the given look, "I'm just joking. But if you are changing tactics, I'm all for it. In fact, I like this indifferent, laid-back Prongs more than the sappy, lovesick Prongs."

"Oi, I'm not sappy!"

"Please," Sirius said, giving him the look.

"Alright, I get it," James grumbled.

"Anyways, I think you should take a step further," Sirius said, placing a hand on his shoulder and leaning closer.

"What do you mean?" James asked, leaning back.

"Go out with someone."

"…what?"

"Go. Out. With. Som-" Sirius stated slowly.

"I heard you just right," James cut him off, irritated, "What the hell are you on about? I didn't say I would give up on Evans!"

"And I'm not telling you to!" Sirius reassured quickly, "I'm just saying that if you want this new tactic to work and make it actually believable you will have to go out with someone else. You know, make her see what she is missing and what she could have had…make her come to you."

"Evans…coming to me…?" James wondered, daydreaming about his favourite flower walking up to him shyly with her shining red hair billowing in the wind as she clutched her books to her chest, stopping nervously in front of him to ask him out, "You think she would do that?" he asked almost breathlessly.

"I know she would, mate!" Sirius replied confidently, "She will regret ever rejecting you!"

James grinned toothily, sipping on his drink as his throat had gotten dry at some point of his imaginations. He deflated soon into a pout though, "Who do I ask out who won't reject me though?"

Sirius stared at him incredulously before he realised his mate was actually serious, blissfully unaware how many dreamy gazes he was receiving all the time, "Mate, I don't think that's going to be a problem."

"Yeah?"

"Please, even the girls from the team can hardly concentrate on the pitch with you around…and me, of course," Sirius winked as James shot him a surprised look, finishing his drink in one go, "Now let's see, who could be a potential candidate for the best mate in the whole school…"

But James had already set his eyes on one particular girl sitting by the fire.

Chapter Two

#james potter #james potter x reader #james potter imagine #james potter fanfiction #sirius black #sirius black imagine #remus lupin #remus lupin imagine #lily evans #marlene mckinnon #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter imagine #marauders #marauders era #marauders imagine #marauders fic

[ghostlywritten]

If Only I Had Stayed in The Shadows - Prologue

James Potter x OC

Words: 3,7k

Cecily Grant. At your service. Ordinary Sixth Year Gryffindor, Chaser of the Quidditch team and mediocre witch. Dreams of becoming the number one Healer anyone has ever seen (at least my parents think that's my dream) and having my first kiss before I bloody graduate. Don't I sound absolutely charming? Special? Note-worthy?

No. And apparently the rest of the school agrees since I hardly get acknowledged by anyone outside of class...or year. We're a big school, of course no one knows everyone. But at least within one year...

"OI, are you daydreaming again?" Marlene flicked my forehead. Oh well, I guess some did notice me.

"It's not called daydreaming when I'm just trying to ignore your traditional boy rant in the morning," I teased, picking the sweet back up to munch on it.

Marlene scoffed, "At least, I have boys to rant about." She flipped me off when I pressed my hand against my heart with an inaudible 'ouch', causing her to giggle.

Yeah, I shouldn't be complaining about my life. I have an established friendship group, my grades are good enough to satisfy my parents and Hogwarts was an amazing school in general. Plus, I even had a hobby. Quidditch. Hah, take that.

Nonetheless, the routine that my life had become was pretty boring, depressing even if I were to look at my boy's department. Or rather, lack of. I know I shouldn't identify myself through the boyfriends I had or had not, because I'm more than that (female empowerment, y'all!) but as a sixteen year old you are simply not able to resist the urge to want a male in your life and experience all that romantic ish. Especially when you see all your friends developing crushes. Not that I had never not developed a crush. I currently had more than one crush to be honest. But their crushes were actually two-sided and resulted in dates and relationships…well, Marlene's did at least. If Lily would only get as far as a second date until the bloke suddenly disappeared from Hogwarts (just kidding, they would just run away at first sight). Three guesses, whose fault that was.

Anyways, back to me because at least in my story I want to be the protagonist. My crushes were never reciprocated even if I thought so at the beginning (Marlene's fault mostly), so I was left as probably the only Sixth Year in Gryffindor's history to have never been in a romantic relationship. And mind you, I don't have big expectations. I can't really in my position. I'm no Lily Evans with her shiny red hair and bright, emerald green eyes and neither a Marlene McKinnon with her tanned skin, hazelnut brown hair- I'm getting off topic again, which is me.

I sighed. Not even in my thoughts I could keep the attention to myself, why would anyone else?

…

"She's not listening again," Marlene huffed, flicking my forehead.

After that inner-monologue at breakfast, I headed off to the first class this morning; History of Magic. I had a distinct feeling I would continue with that monologue in class. No wonder, I failed that class in my O.W.L's. Meh, whatever.

Since Lily and Marlene were closer friends than any of them with me, it was natural for them to sit together in every class, which caused me to slip into any free seat next to someone I usually never talk to. Joy.

To my surprise, I saw a vacant seat next to Remus Lupin, who was still standing and taking his stuff out whilst his two friends Sirius Black and James Potter took over the seats behind them. Ah, now the infamous Marauders. Minus one that is mysteriously missing right now. But nonetheless, no one would dare split the four apart, knowing they are always together and always partnering in each class-

"Hey Remus," I greeted the sandy-haired boy cheerfully, plopping on the seat next to him. I wasn't a Gryffindor for nothing. Remus gave me a surprised smile, seemingly not minding and I was sure as hell not going to ask. At least, he wasn't a total stranger. I was proud to say that every Sixth Year knew every Sixth Year within their house at least. And since I was on the Gryffindor team, I was known to him solely because of James Potter and Sirius Black, who were both players as well, the former even having been named Captain this year.

"Hey Cecily, how you doing?" Remus asked politely, settling himself down. His skin looked paler than usual upon closer inspection and he looked positively exhausted. I took out a bar of chocolate I always kept in the pockets of my robes (for emergencies only, of course!) and offered him some. "Good, and you?" I asked as he gratefully accepted without question. He was used to me randomly offering him some. "Fine, had a bit of a restless night, but should be better tomorrow," he said quietly, which went mostly unheard when one rowdy Sirius hollered from back, "Oi, aren't you gonna offer some to us as well?"

I glanced backwards at the two notorious troublemakers. "Um, no?" Sirius pouted and any ordinary girl would start to swoon at the sight. I'm ordinary, so I did. But years of practice taught me to only do it internally. And the amount of times I caught him with his tongue down another girl's throat was enough disgust to keep myself sane whilst resting my eyes on his unnatural beauty. I ain't kidding, really. He was handsome in ways that sometimes made me question whether he was a male-Veela. Those surely existed. Perfectly groomed, thick black hair, striking grey eyes, an annoyingly perfect nose and a jaw line that could cut someone in half. I am ashamed to admit there was a time where I would have gladly let him stomp on me if that would have made him acknowledge me.

I mean, come on, who hadn't had a crush on him, male and female? I was convinced, James did and was just trying to cover it with his constant profession of love towards one Lily Evans. I shall explain in a minute but let's first get through my most important description of the next Marauder, who was unfortunately now my Captain.

Unfortunate, because he already had been a nightmare in the last two years I had been on the team, constantly taking over the leader spot from the actual Captain to order us around, demanding more laps, longer practice hours until we were all bruised and frustrated enough to attempt a mutiny even though he wasn't even on charge. Imagine, how he was going to be now with the actual permission to order us around? I still have nightmares.

Besides that, he was probably also the leader of the little Marauder gang, a dumb name for their tight-knit group of friends. I couldn't deny though I was a bit envious of their friendship and I could imagine many others were, too.

Didn't change the fact that their gang name sounded stupid. Now, why I think James Potter is secretly crushing on his best mate (like every sane person would); I could hardly take his 'undying' love for Lily seriously, mainly because he had such ridiculous ways of professing his love for her that I doubted he was serious about it…or sirius. Heh. Anyways, he would probably be more believable if he weren't always so damn public about his declarations. That was also probably the reason why Lily was able to reject him all this time and call him an arrogant toe-rag in all her hateful rants. It didn't seem like she believed him.

Otherwise it would be hard to resist him for years. I mean, he was handsome, smart if he wanted to be and a pretty good Quidditch player. The whole package, really.

Merlin, I sounded like I had a crush on him, too. BUT. To be honest, everyone would have a crush on him as well as Sirius if he wasn't so 'devoted'.

I mentally slapped myself. At this rate, I would crush on Frank Longbottom's toad. "I seriously need a boyfriend," I muttered to myself.

"Hm, what was that?" Remus asked amused, chuckling quietly. Just then did I hear the complaints of the boys behind me.

"Are we air?"

"You siriusly going to ignore your Captain? That's ten extra laps this Thursday, Grant!"

I just remembered why I could keep my crushes under control. At least when it came to these two.

"Nothing," I muttered to Remus before turning over, raising an eyebrow at them, "What do you want?"

"Respect."

"Chocolate."

"Sorry, I have neither for you two," I said with a shrug, turning back over whilst they spluttered. It was easy handling them after years of practice together. Besides these interactions at class and on the Quidditch field, we had no other kind of connection, which was good for my heart.

But well, that would change quickly.

"Why is Remus always getting chocolate and we don't?" Sirius complained after class as I packed up the rest of the bar along with other stuff (such as the piece of parchment and quill I didn't use at all for this lesson). Rolling my eyes, I offered him some. "No, I don't want it anymore."

"Jeez, like a kid," I said loudly, "And for the record, I do it because Remus gives me his notes. Doesn't he?" I directed the question towards my seat partner with the most innocent smile. Remus Lupin with the gentle chuckle. He would probably be a heartthrob as well if it weren't for his quiet and introverted nature. In fact, all of the Marauders could be heartthrobs. Except Peter Pettigrew. Who was part of the gang for some reason. 'But even he is in a relationship right now,' I thought miserably, 'Probably off snogging his girlfriend and skipping class..'

"Of course I do," Remus answered, charming his notes to double and handing me the copy.

"Thanks, Remus!" I said cheerily, stuffing the notes into my bag before swinging it over and trudging past the protesting boys, "Hey, why don't we ever get your notes?!"

I ran to catch up with Marlene and Lily, who were already on their way to Herbology. "Hey girls, wait up!" They startled into a stop, "Oh, right. Sorry Cecily, we should have waited for you," Lily said sweetly and I grimaced. I was probably the Peter Pettigrew in our little friendship group.

Not that I could blame them. Lily and Marlene were both popular, extraordinary beauties and smart on top. I was the boring, ordinary looking and mediocre Peter that had nothing special to her name.

But that would change.

The days passed in a blur of classes, gossip and studying. The usual boring tirade, really. The only thing I looked forward to was food. And Quidditch.

So, imagine my elation when Thursday came up…and the sour mood I got in when James actually demanded those extra ten laps, apparently being good at holding a grudge. "Keep it up, Chaser No. 2!"

"Honestly, Potter," I huffed, coming to a stand in front of him, the only one still on the ground besides him as everyone was already up on their brooms.

"It's Captain, Chaser No. 2."

"Seriously? Chaser No. 2?"

"Well, there are three Chasers. I have to tell them apart."

"You have to tell them apart?" I snorted, "Potter, you know every player's name, family background, favourite team and player."

"True, and the Montrose Magpies still suck."

"They don't!"

"They do!"

"Still better than the Chudley Cannons!"

"Take that back!"

"Nope."

"Ten more laps."

I snorted again, mounting my broom. "As if."

"Grant, you get back down here this instant!"

"Who the hell is Grant? I'm Chaser No. 2," I yelled back, causing Sirius to bark a laugh as he heard. We started simulating a game with Team A against Team B for a while before mixing the players together. I rolled my eyes as Archie Stan knocked his shoulder against mine more roughly than necessary in an attempt to loosen my grip on the Quaffle. I wasn't born yesterday though, my grip tighter on the ball than a package of almond biscuits.

"Good, Chaser No. 2!" James shouted as I threw the Quaffle through the loop, whooping exaggerately, "Wooo -oof!" I clutched my broomstick to regain my balance as Stan knocked against me from behind this time, the air leaving my lungs for a second at the unexpected hit. "Watch it, Sideline-Chaser No. 3!"

"Not cool, bro!" Sirius and Frank booed, causing the Seventh Year boy to roll his eyes.

"Alright, everyone. Good game today," James called out, wrapping up the practice. We all cheered in relief, flying towards the ground to stretch and loosen up. "Don't act like you didn't enjoy it!" Our captain stated cheekily, grinning broadly now that he left the Captain mode behind. The others grumbled under their breaths as we all made our way to the locker rooms. I rubbed my sore shoulder, the rough handling having left a bit of a mark. "You alright there, Grant?" James asked as I passed him by.

"Yeah, just sore."

"Stan is an idiot," James commented, looking after the boy in question, "He is still bitter about how you took over his spot on the A team."

"His fault that he sucks," I muttered, causing the messy-haired boy to chuckle. "He doesn't suck. You are just better than him."

"Wow, can't believe I'm hearing a compliment from the Captain that only knows how to motivate us with insults."

He winked, catching me off guard, "Don't get used to it." I stared for a second at his smirk, wondering how he could pull that off without seeming arrogant like Sirius. Maybe it had to do with his unruly hair that gave him somewhat of a boyish, innocent look or maybe the warmth in his almond eyes that would turn into pure amber if the sun hit him in the face…

'I'm thinking way too much about this,' I thought, shaking myself out of it with a mental slap.

"Evans!" he suddenly called out, causing me to flinch in surprise. His entire expression brightened tenfold as he spotted the red-head over my shoulder. I turned to see her trudging over along with Marlene and Alice Prewett, who was probably the sole reason why they were here in the first place as she always wanted to cheer for her boyfriend. "Glad to see you are here to support the Gryffindor team! Or did you just come to watch me in my natural element?"

"Neither, Potter. Quidditch is useless," Lily commented harshly, and I winced slightly at the sharp tone she had solely reserved for him, watching how James' ego deflated along with his puffed-out chest.

"Touché," he chuckled, almost choking on the word and I could practically see his inner battle between agreeing with the love of his life and defending his love for the game.

"Excuse me, Quidditch isn't useless!" I protested indignantly. Lily just rolled her eyes good-naturedly as she walked past us with the other girls, who simply gave me small smiles in passing. I huffed. I really needed friends that supported this game.

"One day…," James sighed blissfully, staring after them, "One day she will admit her love for me and we will be together forever."

I shifted slightly, "Yeaaahhhh."

He frowned, straightening up to his full height, "You don't think so?"

Lie. Lie. Say everything else but what you really think, "I think you are in love with Sirius and trying to cover it up."

I TOLD YOU TO-

"W-what?" James spluttered and I snapped my head over my shoulder, "Yep, I'm coming!" I called back to the owl that flew past us in that moment, swiftly turning to walk away, "Bye Potter!"

"Wait, hold up!" the dark-haired boy caught me by the hood of my uniform, successfully pulling me back and I grimaced, "What the bloody hell do you mean I'm in love with Padfoot?!"

"Who isn't?" the boy in question asked, coming up towards after the quickest shower ever. I facepalmed in embarrassment as he walked over, ruffling his still wet hair.

"I'm certainly not!" James exclaimed, shaking me slightly with his grip on my hood, "She thinks so!"

"Oh?" Sirius raised an eyebrow at me, smirking in amusement, "I thought you were talking about her being in love with me."

"You know you gonna catch a cold if you walk around with your hair wet in this weather," I pointed out, trying to change the subject. Not that I was actually in love with him but since I had a tiny crush and I was really bad at lying, I would probably blurt something out that would make them think I was.

"Don't change the subject. Why the hell do you think I'm in love with Padfoot?"

"Well, for one. You have a pet name for him," I pointed out.

"For Moony and Wormtail, too! And they call him that, too!"

"Maybe it's a group thing then," I said dismissively, trying to find a way out and finally hit the showers, crawl into my bed and die. The longest conversation with the two heartthrobs yet and it had to be about my thoughts on their relationships.

"It's not!" Both James and Sirius denied.

"Two negatives make one positive," I said with a grin.

"Well, I wouldn't hold it against any of the blokes if they were in love with me," Sirius stated, flipping his hair and placing a hand on James' shoulder, "You can tell me, I won't judge."

James shrugged him off, "Of course, I don't! I never did, I don't now and I'm never going to!" Then he paused, "You don't think anyone else thinks that?"

Sirius shrugged and shook his head simultaneously, "Why would they?"

"Yeah, why would they?" I agreed hastily, side-stepping discreetly in hopes of- "YOU think so? You tell me!" James demanded, blocking my way.

I sighed, "I was just kidding."

"You were not."

I frowned, "How do you know?"

James pinched his nose. "You don't think Evans thinks I'm in love with Padfoot, do you?"

Shrugging, I leaned against my broomstick with a sigh, realising that this would take longer than I would like to, "How would I know?"

"Because you are friends?"

"Yeah, but I don't always listen when they talk about boy stuff." Mainly because I didn't always want to feel the green eyed monster crawling up whenever they talked about their dates or relationships or even drama. I wish I had some drama to talk about.

"And why do you think I do?" James pressed.

I blinked. "Do what?"

"Love Padfoot!" James said loudly in exasperation, causing heads to turn as the other players slowly got out of the locker room, freshened up.

"Is that your way of matchmaking, James?" Frank called out teasingly, "Shouting at the victim to love your best mate?"

"Oi, what do you mean 'victim'?" Sirius shouted back as the others laughed around us. I went beet red.

"This conversation is over, Potter," I decided, side-stepping him swiftly to walk towards the locker rooms. The girls looked at me questioningly, but I just shook my head as I walked into the warm room, James hot on my heels.

"I'm serious, Grant. Why do you think I'm in love with Padfoot and not Evans? Does she think that? Is she doubting my love for her?" he fired one question after another as he followed me.

"Well, maybe," I replied to his last question as I placed broomstick against the wall next to the girls' changing rooms door, stopping with a hand on the handle, "I mean, it would explain why she hasn't agreed to go out with you after your countless times of asking her."

"How is asking someone out causing someone to doubt their love for them?" James asked incredulously as he proceeded to try and follow me inside the room.

"Off limits, Potter!" I said sternly with half a foot inside the room as he stood right in front of me.

"Captain here, Grant!" James retaliated, pushing me inside before half-closing the door to give me some privacy. I sighed, figuring that would be all I would get as I opened my locker. "Now, answer the question!"

"Well, maybe it's just the way you are handling your 'love' for her," I mused as I changed, knowing he wouldn't stop pestering me unless I satisfied his curiousity.

"What do you mean?"

"You are being overbearing about it. Obnoxious," I explained, grinning at his childish scoff, "I mean, I would have believed you at some point after all these years, but your affections seem kind of…superficial, given the fact that you never tried to actually get to know her."

"…How do you know all that? Did she tell you that?"

I blushed. "Y-yeah, probably." I was glad he couldn't see my red face from lying. It was still better than telling him that I was mindlessly obsessing over my friend's relationships and boy dramas since I had none myself. Sighing, I stuffed my Quidditch robes into my sack before throwing it over my shoulder and heading towards the door.

Unsurprisingly, James stood there still, an unusual thoughtful expression on his face. "So, you think I should get to know her more?"

"I think you should leave her alone."

"What? I can't-"

"I mean, everything you try at this point will be fruitless because Lily won't believe you like she hasn't all the years before," I explained patiently, "It would be smarter to just lean back and be civil for a while, give her space to breathe instead of giving her yet another reason to complain how much of an arrogant toe-rag you are."

James went quiet for a second and I wondered if I had imagined the slight flicker of hurt in his eyes at my words. "She really said that?" he asked softly and I mentally berated myself for throwing that in his face thoughtlessly.

"Maybe not with those words…," I tried to deny but he saw right through it, sighing heavily as he ran a hand through his air.

"…Be civil, eh?"

I nodded whilst simultaneously wondering how I had suddenly become a relationship counsellor for my Quidditch Captain. "Be civil."

Little did I know how this little conversation got the ball rolling towards the most unexpected direction.

Chapter One

#james potter #james potter x reader #james potter imagine #james potter fanfiction #sirius black #sirius black imagine #remus lupin #remus lupin imagine #lily evans #marlene mckinnon #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter imagine #marauders #marauders era #marauders imagine

[ghostlywritten]

#Blm

[ghostlywritten]

Petals

Words: 4k+

Hanahaki AU!

You tilted your head back to let the sun rays shine on your face, smiling at the slight breeze that passed by, ruffling your hair. The air smelled of blooming flowers and freshly cut grass and it just confirmed to you once again that spring was and would forever be your favourite season. 

“Are you going to keep standing there like a doofus or get in the car eventually?” a low, smooth voice calmly broke through your serene bubble and you opened your eyes to see Yoongi standing a few feet away, already turned towards his car parked in the lot. 

“I’m coming, jeez. What’s the rush?” you asked teasingly, bouncing towards him and ignoring the slight ache in your body that caused you to wince.

Yoongi’s eyes widened, “Careful, Y/N! You are going to hurt yourself!” 

“I’m fine,” you insisted, rolling your eyes slightly at his over-protective nature as he shot you an uncertain look that made you squirm. 

“You always say that even if it’s not true,” he replied, “I’m not going to be fooled anymore.”

Your smile faltered and you glanced away as guilt creeped up in you again. The older boy turned to head towards the car silently and you sighed at the now gloomy atmosphere. 

Settling down in the passenger seat, you buckled up before biting your lip. “...”

This time, Yoongi sighed, “Come on. Keep that smile up. You don’t wanna worry the boys more than you already have now, do you?”

“No...of course not,” you mumbled, glancing out the window. You had known you would have to face the consequences eventually when you kept such a big matter to yourself for so long. The thought of facing your friends made your throat dry like a Sahara and you coughed slightly as you tried to swallow.

Yoongi immediately shot you an alarmed look and you sighed once again, mustering up the courage to put a hand on his arm. It had been him, who had found you lying unconscious on the floor of your apartment and you knew it had shocked him greatly. You couldn’t blame him for being cross with you ever since and just silently hoped he would forgive you someday. He was your best friend after all, the big brother you never had. 

“I’m fine, Yoongi,” you reassured, smiling genuinely, “For real now. It’s over.”

He nodded mutely, turning up the car and driving out of the parking lot. Glancing back, you silently bid goodbye to the hospital that had been your host for five weeks.

“Do you remember anything yet?” Yoongi asked.

“About the boy?” you asked back.

“About Jimin,” he stressed as if the mere name would trigger something in your mind. 

You silently recalled the encounter with the light-haired boy immediately after you woke up for the first time, surrounded by a white ceiling, white tiles and white bed sheets.

Waking up, you groaned at the ache in your limbs, eyes and head weighing a ton. It felt like you had slept for a lifetime and yet you had never felt more tired, more drained before. A hand squeezed yours and you forced your eyes open, immediately closing them again as the bright light hit them painfully. 

“Y/N?” A broken voice called out to you slightly and you tilted your head towards it, mustering up the strength to pull your eyelids apart once again. What you saw was what you felt like; a boy, slouched in his seat with red, swollen eyes, dry and bitten lips and messed up hair. ‘Who are you?’ you thought, but nothing came out as you opened your mouth to ask out loud.

HIs eyes widened and he immediately rushed out to call a doctor, coming back in with several others. You recognised Yoongi, Namjoon and Hoseok but furrowed your eyebrows at their dishevelled features, dark circled under each of their eyes noticeable. 

“Y/N, you are awake!” Hoseok yelped, bouncing over in joy and tightly wrapping his arms around you.

You smiled, your dry lips cracking slightly and causing you to wince.

“Let her breathe, Hoseok. She’s still fragile,” Yoongi reprimanded him as he walked up as well, giving you a once over. 

“Ms. L/N. It’s nice to see you awake,” the doctor announced his presence as he entered the room, giving all of you a warm smile. He calmly stepped up towards the foot of the bed, clipboard in hand and surveying whatever was written on it, “How are you feeling?”

“Tired,” you croaked out, trying to clear your throat. The boy holding your hand rushed to fill a cup of water, silently placing the lid against your lip. You complied, eagerly drinking up but still shot him a confused look. Really, who was he?

“That’s natural. Your body has gone through quite a turmoil,” the doctor replied gently, “Do you remember what happened? Why you are here?”

You wracked your brain, fighting through the fogginess in your brain, “I...I’m not sure. Last thing I remember is staying in the kitchen of my home.”

The doctor nodded, “It’s alright. You might feel a little disoriented right now but you will remember the details eventually. For now, you should know that you���ve gone through an operation for the removal of the hanahaki curse.”

Your eyes widened at that. You had the curse?

“You had come up previously for an appointment and we had made up a date for the operation as well but unfortunately you were hit hard with the symptoms and you fell unconscious. We were forced to proceed immediately.

But, the good news: The operation was successful, and you will heal without any lasting damages.”

Your head swam with the flood of information and you closed your eyes rolled back as a wave of dizziness hit you.

“Y/N? Y/N! Doctor, what’s happening?” the boy to your right asked, panic rising in his voice and your forced your eyes back open to watch him. His deep brown eyes were set on you with worry, anxiety scarring his handsome features.

“She’s going to need a lot of rest,” the doctor said solemnly, “The aftermath can range from dizziness, tiredness to nausea. We will keep you for a few weeks to monitor your health progress, Ms. L/N. You might be able to leave if we see you to be fit.”

Something beeped and he pulled out a pager from the front pockets of his white coat, “I must take my leave. A nurse will come by to check on your vitals in a few minutes and I will come by in the evening once more. For now, you should rest up.” He departed with a comforting smile and you tried to reciprocate it weakly.

Silence momentarily filled the room as you tried to process all the information. It felt like a fog was surrounding your brain and your mind was trying to fight against it, but it only resulted in you feeling increasingly more tired. 

“You’ve really done it this time,” Yoongi spoke up, anger in his voice, “Really. I can’t imagine a more stupid way to go about this than you have.”

“Hyung, now now-,” Namjoon tired.

“You should have told us!” the elder burst out, his usually calm demeanour gone, “Just what were you thinking, keeping this from us? Do you even realise what you’ve done? What could have happened?”

“I...,” you tried to speak up this time but he wasn’t done, fury lacing his features yet he never raised his voice even the slightest bit, which somehow made it worse, “Do you know what a shock it was to find you lying in your blood for who knows how long?” he almost whispered and your chest constricted at the broken look in his eyes, “You could have died, Y/N!” 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, closing your eyes. You were still trying to wrap your mind around everything, but you could already guess from the puzzle pieces so far that something had went severely off plan. 

“You’re sorry,” he scoffed.

“Hyung,” the boy next to you spoke up now, a warning undertone in his voice, “Not now. Please.” Yoongi took a long look at his pleading gaze before muttering something under his breath and walking out of the room, leaving you to watch after him with a broken heart. 

“He will come around,” Hoseok reassured you, running his fingers through your hair calmingly, “Don’t worry. He was just very scared.”

“We all were,” Namjoon said solemnly before stepping out, muttering something about calling up the other boys. 

“He will come around, too,” Hoseok added with his smile wavering slightly and you could tell he was trying to hold back a resigned sigh. Breathing in deeply, you tried to keep your eyes open long enough for your mind to form a list of all the questions whirling around in your head. 

“You should rest up,” the boy next to you said softly, his thumb gracing the back of your hand as he gazed at you tenderly. You nodded sleepily but couldn’t help but regard him curiously. He had been here the entire time holding your hand since you woke up and possibly even whilst you were unconscious as well. It appeared that you were close to him, yet your brain still had to register him as a friend or even acquaintance, someone that you had at least seen once before. 

“Who are you?” the question slipped out just as you fell asleep, causing the room to freeze with a heart ceasing to stop for a minute as it broke into pieces.

“No,” you sighed, “I don’t.”

Yoongi pursed his lips slightly but let the topic go, knowing it wasn’t easy for you. 

Arriving in front of their apartment, you sat still whilst Yoongi parked the car, feeling slightly anxious for some reason. You had seen all the boys as they had visited you all the time in the hospital but being out now was different. 

They had been treading lightly around you, being caring and careful as they fussed over you but you couldn’t help but wonder what would change now; you knew the group dynamics with you would never be the same anymore. Not when they knew that you had been in love with one of them to the point that it had made you physically ill. 

And not telling them probably didn’t make it better.

“Come on, the brats are waiting,” Yoongi beckoned you to follow him out of the car and into the apartment. 

As soon as you got in, you were ambushed by several arms trying to wrap around you, ‘welcomes’ screamed into your ear, mostly by Taehyung and Hoseok. You laughed, happiness blooming in your chest at their warmth. Jin immediately battled them off, fussing over you and your thin form, “Have they given you anything to eat at all? I’m going to sue the entire hospital! But first, let’s get something actually edible into your stomach, come on!” 

He led you towards the sofa in the living, the others minus one crowding around you and chatting up a storm. You felt relieved at their normal behaviour as they played catch up with you, telling you about everything that happened since they had last seen you. 

This almost felt normal. As if you just hadn’t seen each other for a while because they were on tour or promoting their latest comeback.

Almost. 

“Hey,” a quiet voice spoke up from behind you and the boys shut up as you turned around, eyes landing on the lithe form of the one that had been missing so far. 

“Hello Jimin-sshi,” you greeted him, immediately wincing at your own mistake. His eyes widened a fraction before falling to gaze at the floor as he tried to regain his composure. 

You tried to behave normally around him like you did with the rest of the boys, you really did. But not remembering a single thing about him made it hard to not treat him formally. 

He breathed in deeply before plastering a bright grin on his face and approaching you, ruffling your hair, “It’s good to have you back. How are you feeling?”

“Better, thank you,” you said, smiling back as he diffused the awkward atmosphere you had created so easily, “It’s gotten pretty boring lying in bed all day so I’m glad to be out now.”

“Excuse you,” Jin piped up offended as he came back with a tray of food, “You had the best company with you. Us!”

“Sure, sure,” you replied teasingly, your mouth watering at your favourite dish and you immediately dug in, ignoring the “ungrateful brat” thrown at you by the others. 

The days passed quickly with the boys and soon you fell back into your normal routine of going to work, meeting up with friends and staying up late with the boys until they insisted you slept over. 

You said nothing but you knew they were just scared of leaving you alone in your apartment and after your almost death experience you weren’t too keen on being left alone either right now. 

You also couldn’t help but notice how they always talked about the past, digging up memories from years ago that mostly involved you and Jimin, some discreet and others rather obvious in their attempts (*cough* HOSEOK *cough*)

“Do you remember the time you were stuck in the elevator and you had a panic attack and Jimin calmed you down?”

“Do you remember when we all went to Jeju Island together and you insisted on going rafting? You fell off so many times and Jimin always had to pull you back into the boat.”

“Oh! Remember that time when it was pouring buckets and JImin gave you his jacket?”

Most of the memories were random and everyday stuff and whilst you were grateful that they were filling you in on everything you had lost, you sometimes felt slightly overwhelmed at their continuous attempts. One night, you were finally left alone as the boys drifted off to sleep around you, piles of albums scattered around the living room after another get-Y/N-to-remember-Jimin session. It was futile, you all heard the doctor say the aftereffects of the operation were irreversible; One of them was memory loss of the one person that had triggered the curse.

Yet, they wouldn’t give up and you felt sad at their disappointment whenever you came up blank after staring at all the pictures together. You would always remember the memories, but you never knew what part Jimin took in in all of them. 

Glancing at the boy next to you, you tried to imagine what he was going through right now. You couldn’t remember but he could, and it was probably painful when a friend ceased to recognise you. 

You were glad he was trying to be around you like the rest of the boys, not shying away from you even though he now knew you had been desperately in love with him at some point. You could tell why you would have fallen for him; he was endearingly sweet, charming everyone with his natural boy-next-door persona and incredibly loyal and protective of his friends. And despite everything, he didn’t shut you off like you would have in your sadness. 

He was there for you every day in the hospital, taking care of you as if you had been best friends for years. Which you had been, and you hoped that you could be again someday. 

Looking down at the album in your hands, you flipped through the pages, smiling at the dorky pictures of all of you. One in particular stood out to you; it was at some amusement park with a Ferris wheel in the back and people scattered around. You were alone in the picture, looking up at something with a big smile, the sun setting behind you. Happiness was radiating from your features as you were biting into your cotton candy.

“I took that picture,” Jimin’s voice softly spoke up next to you and you looked up, noticing he had scooted closer to look over your shoulder at the album, “It was last summer and we had randomly decided to visit the park. Which was so dumb in retrospect because it was a five hours drive from here,” he chuckled and you smiled at the sound, “But it was worth it, we had the most fun in a long time.”

“It was worth it,” you agreed, remembering that day clearly. Your smile faded slightly as your inner eye couldn’t detect Jimin anywhere in the memory and you bit back a frustrated sigh. Glancing at the boy next to you, you wondered how your past self must have felt having him so close to you; Did you heart flutter? Or did it race uncontrollably? Did you start sweating or did you shake with nerves, feeling flustered and not knowing what to do with your hands whenever he looked at you? You knew your heart must have bloomed in happiness whenever you had been around him, but now...

Now, you felt nothing. No fluttering, no shaking, no flustered uncertainty. All that was left was a dull ache in your chest, as if your heart still remembered and yearned for the feelings to come back.

“Y/N?” Jimin’s voice pulled you out of your musings and you realised you had been staring at him for too long as he glanced at you questioningly. There was a hint of something you couldn’t decipher in his eyes as you looked away, feeling slightly embarrassed at having been caught staring at him. 

“Sorry, I was just thinking,” you said, “What did you say?”

“I asked what you were thinking actually,” he chuckled and you glanced back up to see him gaze at you softly, “You always tend to drift off into your own world and I always tried to follow you there. You never let me though,” he recalled, and his smile faded slightly as he realised why that was. 

Even now you had thought about him, even if it wasn’t the way you probably used to.

Weeks passed like this, the boys still adamant in their attempts, showing no signs of resignation. Jimin himself thankfully didn’t push you too hard, treading rather carefully around you and rather trying to get you to get to know him point blank, ‘creating new memories’ with him as he stated.

Thus, you spent more time with him, even alone, eating out or going to an arcade, the amusment park, anywhere you hadn’t been before and had planned to go for so long. You grew a new fondness for him, purely platonic, and felt comfortable enough to even initiate casual skinship from time to time to his delighted surprise.

After a while it felt like everything turned out normal, like it might have been before you fell for him so you couldn’t really understand why the other boys still insisted on trying to trigger your memories when it only failed to have any gain.

You wouldn’t have minded, but their disappointed faces whenever you wouldn’t remember something caused you to feel disappointed in turn and it got frustrating to a point where you asked them to stop. And when they didn’t, you started avoiding them. 

So, here you were, for once alone and it actually felt good. You felt good. You were back in full health and were positive you wouldn’t pass out randomly anymore. The doctors had checked up on you one last time a few days ago, satisfied to see you fit and didn’t ask for another appointment. You had left happily with Jimin beside you, who had accompanied you. In fact, he had come with you for all your appointments, no matter the time.

You were immensely grateful for his friendship. especially glad that things were turning so well with him after everything and it made you sad that you had to avoid him as well because despite everything, he would sometimes look the most disappointed of all whenever you didn’t remember him. Even if he was trying to hide it behind his smile.

You wondered if he was just acting okay around you but falling apart on the inside with sorrow and once again, the guilt had ripped into you.

You cursed yourself for your feelings. Why did this have to happen? Why couldn’t you just have stayed in the platonic-feelings zone? 

Sighing, you looked down at the shoe box you had gotten from the boys, filled with selected pictures of you and Jimin mostly. Riffling through them, you smiled at all the happiness oozing from you and him, trying to figure out the stories behind each of the pictures. Your eyes got stuck on one picture at some park; you stood in front of a fountain with Jimin next to you, an arm draped over your shoulders as he gave the camera a cheesy grin. You on the other hand were looking at him, pure admiration in your eyes as you had the faintest smile gracing your features.

Man, you had been whipped.

“There you are,” a voice spoke from behind you and you looked over your shoulder even though you’d immediately recognised Jimin’s voice.

“How did you know I would be here?” you asked surprised as he settled down on the rock next to you, gaze set on the waves in front of you before he glanced over with a grin, “You always loved to come here for some thinking sessions. As if your brain isn’t working enough as it is,” he teased, knocking his knuckles against your temples softly. 

You smiled, turning your head down to stare back at the picture of you two. “Do you remember where this was taken?”

“Yeah, it was the park in Busan not far from my childhood home,” he reminisced, smiling naturally as he recalled the time, “It was near the beach, too. We spent all our time there.” He looked at you, a mischievous glint in his eyes as you nodded, “That was my line though, your question.”

You chuckled sadly, causing his smile to fade, “I know. But I figured it would be a nice change if I asked for once.”

“Are we annoying you with this? I know the boys can become overbearing-”

“No, not at all!” you immediately protested, staring at him wide-eyed, “I’m really grateful that they are trying so hard. It’s just-,” you sighed, cutting yourself off.

“Just what?” Jimin inquired, placing a hand on your arm. Your inner turmoil calmed at his warm touch and you marvelled slightly at the effect he still had on you. Even if your mind didn’t remember anymore, your body still reacted to his touch from time to time. 

“I don’t want to disappoint you guys anymore,” you said quietly, staring out at the water, “I can tell the others get sad whenever I don’t remember something. Even if they are not showing it. It’s like they are trying so hard to get back like we used to but it’s not possible, is it?” you asked, looking to meet his steady gaze. Had you looked up a second earlier you would have seen the desperate hope clinging in his eyes get crushed at your words. You smiled at him unaware, “You don’t, though. Try to get my memories triggered. At least not as much as the others.”

Jimin nodded his head rapidly as he glanced away, staring down at his shoes. You sighed a little, “I’m glad you don’t. I’m glad you are rather trying to create new memories with me instead of insisting on staying stuck in the past. This way no one is going to be able to move on from this.”“Maybe they don’t want to,” he replied quietly, clasping his hands together as he rested his elbows on his knees, “Move on from us. Maybe I- they thought that a happy end could have come out from this. If they hadn’t been so late...”

“But we can still have a happy end,” you insisted, “I’m fully healthy now and I’m getting to know you again every day. Whilst it might not be like we used to be I think we will best friends once again, someday. Right?” Jimin kept quiet for a second and you saw him swallow tightly before he looked at you with a strained but convincing smile. 

“Right.”

You smiled back brightly, feeling happy that at least one of the boys was moving on with you. The others would come around eventually as well. Jimin was always the more considerate one, it was one of the first things you found out about him after you woke up with the memories gone. 

Glancing down at the picture still in your hand, you regarded your loving gaze on him for a long time, trying to figure out why you had fallen for him. It wasn’t that hard. He was the kindest soul you had met with the purest angelic smile to ever grace this world; you were sure.

“You know,” you spoke up quietly, “I might not remember you in the past but from what I know so far, you are a really great person, Jimin.”

He turned his face towards you, smiling at your words. 

You smiled back brightly, “I can see why I was in love with you.” Something dropped in his face, but he kept his smile on, thanking you with a cracking voice. You held your arms up, “Hug?”

He agreed almost immediately, wrapping his arms around your waist as you wound yours around his neck, laying your head against his shoulder as you stared out at the water. “I’m really happy you are in my life,” you whispered. 

“Me too,” he said, coughing slightly. 

Unbeknownst to you, a single petal fell off his mouth and onto his palm.

End

Help me Get Coffee Support?

#park jimin #jimin angst #park jimin angst #bts angst #bts #jimin #bts scenarios #bts one shot #bts imagine #jimin imagine #one shot #angst #kpop angst #kpop #jungkook #min yoongi #taehyung #namjoon #jin #hoseok #Hanahaki au #Hanahaki #hanahaki

[ghostlywritten]

Too Nice To Say Goodbye Pt. 2

A/N: Look, a bias wrecker.

For those, who are waiting on an update for ‘Uncertainty’: I’m having a tough time coming up with an interesting plot, because the third season royally sucked in my opinion. I’m gonna try, but it will take a while.

Words: 3,5k+

Part 1 

It took you a huge amount of self control to keep the tears at bay throughout the night. Haechan was fidgeting nervously every now and then next to you, his eyes constantly flickering over as if he was afraid you would blow up at any minute.

You almost rolled your eyes. You were not going to cry in front of anyone. You had never even cried in front of Mark despite all the time you’d shared together so far.

‘Speaking of’, you let your eyes wander to your ‘boyfriend’ or whatever he was right now, who was completely immersed in the show, his arm loosely hanging over Yeri’s back of the seat. 

‘They would look good together,’ you realised, noticing the admiring look Yeri would occasionally throw at him. You had known about her feelings right from the beginning. Not that she was mean to you or anything, she was just as nice as Mark. It was the quiet but passionate way she always looked at him when she thought no one was watching. 

You felt uncomfortably out of place. As if you were the villain standing in the way of their love. The best friends separated by a third person, because they hadn’t yet acknowledged or admitted their feelings to each other. It was so cliche, it was sickening you.

For the rest of the night you kept to yourself, nursing the one drink you had as you watched the others chat animatedly over mindless discussions. You wondered briefly if they had known all along what you had just concluded for yourself and felt your cheeks warm in embarrassment.

‘I can never show my face here again,’ you thought to yourself as you bid them goodnight after a few hours, the cold air refreshing as you stepped out with Mark in tow. You breathed in deeply, finding it easier now to keep your emotions in check since you got out of that stuffy room (and away from the lovesick eyes of Yeri).

“That was cool, right? Just us chilling, all relaxed and stuff,” Mark commented, sighing blissfully as he fell into step beside you. You had decided to walk the short way to Johnny’s flat earlier but you started to regret it now as it seemed to be a much longer route than you had in mind, not to mention the wind being freezing cold. 

“Mhm,” you hummed, stuffing your hands into the pockets of your sweater. Usually you would hold on Mark’s hands as they were always mysteriously warm but it was too awkward now. 

Everything was uncomfortably awkward with him now. 

Two weeks passed and you were retreating more and more into your shell, shying away from any sort of contact with the NCT gang. You couldn’t help the humiliation you felt, knowing how you were the unwelcome third wheel standing in the way of the best-friends-to-lovers relationship. They were probably all waiting for you to just be left behind and for the actual love to start blossoming between Mark and Yeri. 

But although it was quite easy for you to stay away from them and have all these bitter thoughts you just didn’t have it in you to break up with Mark. Your love for him was achingly real and it hadn’t wavered a single bit, despite the situation.

You still smiled when he did, you still laughed when he did, you still gave him a kiss on the cheek whenever you woke up first and you still longed for his touch, even if it was just a simple intertwining of your hands at night whilst he was fast asleep.

You never went as far as that anymore. Never initiated anything when he was fully conscious, not wanting to make him feel awkward. You had to cringe whenever you thought back on all the skinship you had done and how discomforting it must have been for him. 

‘When has he stopped finding comfort with me?’ you wondered sadly, trying to distract yourself with some studying. Keyword, “trying”. All you did was stare blankly at the screen of your laptop, rereading a line without taking in its contents as your eyes grew more and more tired with each passing second. 

A door opened and fell shut, shaking you awake from your mindless state. “I’m home,” Mark announced and you heard him stop his shuffling as if he was expecting an answer. 

You opened your mouth to shout back the usual “Welcome back, love” but the words died on the tip of your tongue and you just pressed your lips together, swallowing tightly. 

“Y/N, are you home?” Mark called out, walking further inside.

“I’m here,” you said quietly just as he passed by the kitchen, causing him to jerk in surprise. 

“Oh my Jesus, you scared me,” he breathed out, laughing as he held his hand to his heart. Your own thudded out of rhythm upon seeing his dimples. 

“Sorry,” you said with a wry smile before you looked back at your screen, pretending to read whatever you had put up. You actually didn’t have to study anymore since graduation came up in a month but it wasn’t like Mark knew about that.

“What are you up to?” he asked, ruffling his black hair as he took out a water bottle from the fridge, handing you one as well. 

“Just some post-studying,” you replied vaguely but he smiled anyways, patting your shoulder, “Yo, keep it up. You are going to slay,” he encouraged and you chuckled at his choice of wording. 

He had always been a promoter for hard work, cheering you on to keep going when you were close to giving up. You admired and simultaneously felt grateful for that trait as it helped you through the toughest exam periods. 

“Thank you, Mark,” you said softly, glancing at him lovingly but quickly averting your eyes, wondering if that had already been too much. Your shoulders slumped slightly. Were you really supposed to tiptoe around your boyfriend like that, thinking over which move was the least loving in order not to make him uncomfortable? 

No, you were not. And yet, you couldn’t let him go. Even if it wasn’t fair for the both of you. 

You failed to notice his face fall slightly. “Hey, is everything alright?” he asked, placing a hand on your shoulder. You flinched slightly in surprise, causing him to raise his eyebrows. Was that probably the first touch he had initiated in a long time? 

“..Um, yeah I’m good,” you said, quickly changing the subject, “And you? How was your day?”

“Oh, it was great. Donghyuck did such a funny move today at practice...,” Mark started off, sitting down on the seat next to you as he rambled about his day as usual. You smiled slightly at his excitement, closing your laptop and resting your head on your hand as you turned to listen to him, using times like these to stare unabashedly at him and engrave his every feature in your mind for the future. 

“...and yeah, it was just dope. You should have seen it, Y/N,” he ended, wiping his eye after another laughing fit he had.

“I wish I had,” you commented lightly, not really meaning it. You were perfectly fine with not seeing them again as bad as it sounded. 

Mark’s smile faded slightly and he cleared his throat, “Actually, the guys have been wondering where you are. They haven’t seen you in a while...,” he trailed off and your heart skipped a beat. They asked about you? Why? Or was he just using it as an excuse because he was wondering himself? “I never noticed before but you have not been around for movie nights and practices in weeks...” Your heart deflated into a pout at his words and you broke the eye contact, looking down at the counter instead. 

“Yeah, I’ve just been busy with...studying and stuff.”

“But...aren’t you graduating in a month?” he asked with furrowed eyebrows. 

“You...know about that?”

“Yeah, Donghyuckie told me.” It just seemed that he was going to keep lifting and dropping your heart tonight. How did Donghyuck remember anyways? You had only briefly mentioned it to the whole group. 

“Yeah, but I might be called into an oral exam if they can’t decide on my grade,” you lied lamely, sighing inwardly when he nodded in acceptance.

The frown didn’t leave his face though and he scratched the back of his head. “Why didn’t you tell me you were going to finish college soon anyways?” 

You shrugged, “It’s not a big deal.” 

“Not a big- Y/N, you are graduating!” he exclaimed, “How is that not a big deal?!” You stayed quiet. “Were you just going to accept your scroll without me cheering you on from the crowd?” A smile crept up on your lips, your heart warming at his sweet gesture. Mark was just the nicest guy you had and would ever meet. You could tell he still cared for you even if he didn’t love you anymore. And maybe that was why you held onto him. 

Your ‘boyfriend’ grinned back and you couldn’t resist reaching out to him. He stood up, letting you wrap your arms around him and rest your head against his chest. “Just tell me the date and time and I’ll be there,” he muttered into your hair and you nodded wordlessly, listening to the steady beat of his heart. 

A month passed and you felt like time had almost reverted back to when you both were deeply in love with each other. Mark had seemed to realise how you were drifting away and even though he didn’t understand why, he never forced you to tell him. Instead he was determined to coax you out of your shell, asking you to go out with him to a new restaurant, playing video games until late at night and refusing to let go of you in the morning. 

You tried to guard your heart but couldn’t help but enjoy his attention again and soon you were falling back into his arms, giving in to the urge to clutch onto him like a koala. Especially at the point where you started kissing again. It was the fifth consecutive night you had spent playing Mario Kart together and you were as usual failing to beat him in any round, causing him to whoop after every win. 

“Ahh, I guess it should get boring to win against you all the time,” Mark teased as he wrapped his arms around  you when you eventually refused to play another round, “...but nah! It’s always fun!” he cackled at your sour expression and you had a hard time fighting the smile from your face. 

“Yeah, yeah I got it. You’re the best,” you uttered, playfully rolling your eyes and he squeezed you closer, suddenly causing his face to be inches from yours. Your expression turned somber as you traced all his features with your eyes, poking his dimple. It deepened when he smiled wider, his own dark brown eyes flickering between yours and - your heart fluttered - your lips. 

You stilled when he drew closer, his breath hitting your face, watching his eyes flutter close as he brushed his lips against yours before fully placing them on. You stopped breathing, your eyes closing on their own, relishing in the familiar yet foreign feeling of his mouth on yours, his hand on your jaw, his fingers tracing your skin and you couldn’t stop yourself from drawing him closer by his shirt, deepening the first kiss you had shared in a long time. He let out a low groan, his chest vibrating against your fingers and to your delight you could feel his heart race as you ran your tongue over his lip a-

A phone ringing interrupted your sudden makeout session. You broke your kiss, breathing heavily as you looked up into Mark’s eyes. He looked dazed with his cheeks flushed and hair messed up and you had never found him more beautiful than now. “I think it’s yours,” you huffed and it took him a second to focus before nodded absently, grumbling under his breath. He took his phone out of his pocket, squinting at the screen light. 

“It’s Donghyuck inviting us over to Johnny’s flat,” he said chuckling, “He’s mad that we’ve been neglecting the movie nights.” You smiled, slowly regaining a normal breathing pattern as you straightened yourself up. “Shall we go tonight? They haven’t started, yet.” Freezing, you thought back on Donghyuck’s comments about your relationship and how the embarrassment you felt the last time you were there. 

“Uhh, I’m not really in the mood for a movie,” you excused yourself quickly, faking a yawn, “I’m pretty tired actually. But you go ahead and have fun!” Mark frowned slightly, glancing down at his phone before putting it away, “No, it’s okay. I will go to bed with you.”

You raised your eyebrows in surprise but decided not to comment on it. He trotted after you towards your bedroom and you wondered whether you would continue where you had stopped when you got interrupted, your cheeks flushing slightly. No one could blame you, it had been a while since he had kissed you. 

“You know, you haven’t been hanging out with me and the guys for a while now...,” Mark approached the subject again as you both slipped into bed. 

“Oh really?” you squeaked, cursing yourself for your high pitched voice, “I didn’t notice.”

“Yeah, it’s just they have been wondering what’s up. I told them it’s nothing because...there’s nothing, right?” he asked uncertainly, facing you as you laid on your back. You swallowed down a cough when you found your throat had turned dry.

“No, of course not. I’ve just been busy with graduation coming up and stuff.” Mark nodded in agreement, seeming pleased with the excuse and you bid him goodnight before automatically turning to your side, used to facing away from him now. 

But tonight he shuffled over, wrapping his arm around you as he snuggled into your back. He planted a kiss on your head and your heart melted when he intertwined your fingers together in front of you. 

“I’ll make sure the guys and I attend your big day!” he said, his voice already sleepy and yet he managed to make your heart burst with affection. It meant a lot to you since everyone else had rejected coming - mainly your parents and close friends - due to busy schedules and such. 

You sighed, feeling happy to know you had someone to look at after you accepted your scroll.

-

But you wouldn’t have someone to look at. As you stood waiting in line in front of the stage, waiting for your turn, you wouldn’t have someone to look at. You would constantly glance down at your phone, waiting for a message to explain why he and his friends weren’t there yet.

You would disheartingly go up the stage, shake the principal’s hand with a tight smile, take a picture whilst your eyes would flicker over the crowd in vain until you had to leave the stage with a hanging head. 

‘Something important must have come up,’ you thought, worry clenching your chest, ‘What if he got into an accident?’ You immediately reached for your phone and dialled Mark’s number, growing nervous with each dial tone when he picked up. 

“Hey Y/N, I’m so sorry!” Mark picked up, frantically apologising and you sighed in relief at hearing his voice. 

“It’s okay, Mark,” you said, “Are you alright? You didn’t get into an accident, did you?”

“No no, it’s all good, I’ve just held up at practice.” You nodded. That would have been your second guess. 

“Did you lose track of time again?” you asked good-naturedly, simultaneously hating and feeling fond of this trait.

“Yeah, kind of. It was an emergency,” You nodded again even though he couldn’t see you, “Yeri was crying because she couldn’t keep up with the others. Seriously, I’ve never seen her break down like this before...,” his voice faded into the background for a second as you took in his words, “It took me and the others a full hour to calm her down. Man, she must have been holding it all in for so long...”

“I see,” you whispered, closing your eyes tightly and clenching your hand into a fist. 

“I’m really, really sorry, love, for missing your graduation. I know it’s really important!” Mark apologised again and you distantly heard a chorus of ‘sorry’s from the guys, including Yeri, “I can make it to the after party-”

“No, don’t bother, really,” you said, not able to hide the bitterness in your voice. Someone called your name, asking if you needed a ride. You turned over to one of your fellow students, who had been your roommates before you moved in with Mark, and gave her thumbs up.

“Y/N?” Mark asked, a little apprehension colouring his tone. 

“I’m not going to stay for long anyway. And you should you stay with Yeri-ah,” you muttered, dying to hang up. 

“But-”

“See you,” you ended the call, taking in a few deep breathes to calm yourself. ‘This is your day, Y/N. Don’t let anyone ruin your day,’ you thought sadly. 

-

The party was in full swing, people lingering around in circles with their respective families and friends, chatting up storms with glasses of champagne or wine or whatever they wanted. 

To say you felt like the odd one out was an understatement, being the only one without a single acquaintance around, you were forced to stand with your former roommate’s people, akwardly making conversation with them. 

“Are you alright?” your colleague would whisper-ask you every minute and you would always nod until you couldn’t even lie anymore with the tears brimming in your eyes. 

After an hour you decided to call it a day, realising that you wouldn’t be able to save any joy you had with graduating. Sighing deeply, you watched the puff of air as you walked your way home, finding peace in the silent night with the occasional refreshing breeze. You suddenly felt so tired, tired of pretending, tired of holding on when it was so pointless. 

You knew you had to eventually set Mark free and the time had come now. ‘I will ask him to come over tomorrow,’ you decided, figuring he would stay at Yeri’s or wherever she was to keep her company. To your surprise, you saw him standing in front of your apartment door, an adorably confused expression on his face as he searched his pockets. Knowing him, he had forgotten to take them in the first place. 

His features brightened up when he noticed you walk over, “Y/N, thank Jesus you are here! I probably lost my keys again.” 

“Hey Mark,” you greeted him quietly, slipping your keys into the lock and opening the door without stepping in. 

“Hey jagi...,” he called you gently, noticing your distress and holding onto your arm, “I’m really sorry I missed your day. You know, I wanted to be there so bad..”

“And I actually believe you, Mark,” you said, turning to see him smile his beautiful dimpled smile, “But I don’t think it’s enough...anymore.” You watched his face slowly drop as he registered the words. 

“Wait- what do you mean?” he asked, stepping closer but stopping when you moved back, crossing the threshold to what was once the home for both of you.

“I mean, we should end it here.”

Mark’s eyes widened, shock crossing his features. “W-what? Why??” 

You held up a hand so he wouldn’t get in, closing the door. “Please, just stay over at someone’s else for tonight. I will have my things moved out by tomorrow.”

“Moved out where- Y/N!” he pressed his hand against the wood, preventing any form of barrier between you. By now, you had a hard time keeping your tears in and you just wanted to be out of his sight before he could see them, “ Where the hell are you going? Why are you talking like this?”

“Because you don’t love me anymore, Mark!” you finally shouted out the words that you had kept in your heart, breaking it in the process of finally stepping out of the constant denial. “You don’t love me anymore,” you sighed, this time quieter and more defeated, “I can tell, everyone can tell...and I know you are too nice to break up with me so I’m doing it for you.”

“But I do love you...,” he uttered, his mind racing to find out what made you think that he didn’t in the first place, but the hesitation was clear in his voice. 

You shook your head with a sad smile, “You don’t. So please...just go.” Your voice cracked at the end, freezing him into place and you took the moment to close the door on him, and you relationship. 

A few months later you would see a heavily disguised boy holding onto a hand of a petite, equally disguised girl walking down the streets, into the cafe you would usually find yourself in and you would immediately realise just who they were, causing you to turn your back on your’s and Mark’s favourite place to go on dates.

End...I guess.

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