fuckit-ventblog

[fuckit-ventblog]

.

#something that i don't see talked about very often is the way you often don't process how fucked up certain things were #simply because it didn't rank that high compared to the other fucked up stuff going on at the time #like once you process the Big Traumatic Event you start to uncover other stuff that was going on at the same time #so much stuff that happened when i was like fourteen/fifteen i just went. huh. thats a problem for another day. #and went about my business trying to deal with the main issues going on #i don't know if any of this makes sense but i'm not willing to provide context

[fuckit-ventblog]

.

#my own notesapp poetry just made me cry what the fuck

[fuckit-ventblog]

google search what to do if you dont like who you are as a person

[fuckit-ventblog]

True isolation is when everyone else is talking about their vibrant teenage experience and you’re like. I was just trying to survive

#there are still days i struggle to wrap my head around the fact that i made it past eighteen #i'm just recently realizing that i haven't really let myself live yet. and i don't know how to start #and then being a full grown adult and not having the same life experience as my peers. it's embarrassing honestly

[fuckit-ventblog]

.

#my weird ass childhood trauma manifests in the most annoying ways

[fuckit-ventblog]

.

#survived another year #kinda wanna get hammered about it

[fuckit-ventblog]

.

#also its spring break season and i live in a tourist town #everything is so busy and my energy reserves are practically empty because i've been sick for weeks

[fuckit-ventblog]

.

#i truly just do not care about my birthday #like in general i think birthdays are fairly stupid #and i especially do not like people making a big deal out of mine #its too much attention and for something so inconsequential too #idk if i spelled that right lmao #i always kinda dread my birthday to be honest

[fuckit-ventblog]

.

#the urge to just be so fucking rude

[fuckit-ventblog]

.

#something something i'll always be that kid hiding around the corner eavesdropping because it's the only way to know if i'm safe #something something i'll be twenty-one but i know my twelve year old self lives inside me #afraid. always afraid.

[fuckit-ventblog]

.

#the vibes are weird and no one will talk about it #gonna start bashing my head into the wall soon

[fuckit-ventblog]

you ever feel like you were born with something rotten inside you and if people get close enough they’re gonna find out

[fuckit-ventblog]

Stop keeping tabs on people you’re trying to heal from.

#good point #will consider it

[fuckit-ventblog]

.

#i think fundamentally i want to love someone #and be loved by someone #and that's all anyone wants but somehow it still hurts so much #something something most of my family wouldn't love me so why the hell would anyone else #why the hell would i try

[fuckit-ventblog]

.

#cant get high my mouth ends up saying the quiet part out loud

[fuckit-ventblog]

.

#h oh no new possible medical issue

[fuckit-ventblog]

.

#hate hate hate hate when i can feel myself starting to disassociate #like babe where are you Going