journal entry - 8.17.22
“what is something that is always true?”
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The reoccurring theme of being unwanted in your childhood and seeing yourself as some kind of monster and how you feel like you have to move mountains to get people to like you
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Calling a Wolf a Wolf, Kaveh Akbar
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you’re sitting across from me in a shitty diner in anywhere, america, and i watch you pour too much creamer in your coffee and i think “i love you.” you look up, catching me staring, and for a moment i think i’m brave enough to say it, but i take too long and the moment passes. i take the balled up straw wraper and flick it at you, pretending that was my plan all along. you laugh. i never want to go another day without hearing that laugh. i think i will have all the time in the world to say it.
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keith haring // the more loving one, w.h auden
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i love you, it looks like rain, June Gehringer
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When violent characters are gentle and tender & when gentle characters are violent and unhinged
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shadowheart is the girl of all time she's evil she's mean she's broody she's a wanted criminal she's sweet she's my babygirl she's a transgender allegory she's joan of arc she loves flowers and animals and especially mice she has evil stigmata she went to torture school to learn how to torture people she's catholic she's shar's special little girl she wanted to be loved so bad she agreed to a suicide mission she's a wine girlie she's in peril of smothering all that is good about herself for the unattainable love of a distant mother figure. she's even bisexual
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"How am I holding up in your estimations?"
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on death with 1. lilies abounded, @petfurniture, twitter; 2. frances molina, “o’death”
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Losing my mind about Red and the Big Bad Wolf still
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"If I was so dead, where was my funeral?! Where’s my headstone?"
I'm haunted by both these quotes and the idea of what would have happened had Timothy Goose found Ylfa after she'd well ...
Quote is by Kristin Chang
now available as a print
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