fidusachates

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Oneday I loved a boy and it never stopped.

[fidusachates]

And again you came to me

confined to the surface,

floating away like the fleeting memory

of a ray so gold on an ocean so blue.

[fidusachates]

I owe myself the whole 2022. Everything is about me.

[fidusachates]

So I walked back home today, alone for the first time. I thought of you with every step. I thought of how you joke about holding me in case I fall, and how you warn me to "be careful" for everystep I almost missed. How you keep using your phone on our way and how I will try to scroll up through whatever you are doing. I thought of how you look at me and how that made me feel. It reminded me of your eyes, your beautiful eyes. I dont know if I will ever get used to this heavy feeling the thought of you not being there elicits, but I promise I will try.

#i missed you so much #i miss you #i loved every minute of it #spilled poetry #poetry #writing #canon #excerpt from my heart #me and my shit #portrait

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The Language Of Flowers

Acacia: Hidden love, beauty in withdrawal

Amaryllis: Pride, a hard won success

Anemone: Vanishing hopes

Bells of Ireland: Wish for good luck

Carnation: Fascination, love and distinction

Daffodil (Narcissus): Honesty and truth

Dahlia flower: Warnings and change

Daisy: Innocence, loyal love and purity

Delphinium: Open heart, ardent attachement

Gardenia: Symbol of secret love

Gladiolus: Remembrance, faithfulness and sincerity

Hyacinth: I'm sorry, please forgive me.

Iris: Eloquence

Lily (general) : Purity of the heart and refined beauty

Lily of the valley: Return of happiness

Marigold: Passion and creativity

Orchid: Beauty, refinement and love

Peony: Happy marriage

Lavender: Love at first sight

Red rose: Love, respect, courage and passion

White rose: Purity, secrecy, silence, innocence and charm

Sunflower: Good luck and ambition

Tulip: Irresistible love

Violet: Faithfulness, modesty and delicate love

Zinnia: Lasting affection, daily remembrance and good memories

[fidusachates]

But love is cruel. It draws you in unaware, half a strand at a time so you don't feel what its doing to you

It takes you and takes you until it makes you so vulnerable that you start to think you cannot do without the thrill it gives you. Then oneday, just that oneday out of the blue, it leaves. Like it was never there.

The destruction doesn't stop there no, it watches you try to heal, it watches all the times you fail and fall but waits untill you can fully stand, then it comes back again full of energy and thrill you have never experienced before

It makes you think "No from how this feels, it must be different"

But sweetheart its all the same, no matter the thrill, no matter how real it feels, it ends up doing one thing every single time

It destroys...

[fidusachates]

But love is cruel. It draws you in unaware, half a strand at a time so you don't feel what its doing to you

It takes you and takes you until it makes you so vulnerable that you start to think you cannot do without the thrill it gives you. Then oneday, just that oneday out of the blue, it leaves. Like it was never there.

The destruction doesn't stop there no, it watches you try to heal, it watches all the times you fail and fall but waits untill you can fully stand, then it comes back again full of energy and thrill you have never experienced before

It makes you think "No from how this feels, it must be different"

But sweetheart its all the same, no matter the thrill, no matter how real it feels, it ends up doing one thing every single time

It destroys...

#writing #mature #brok #Broken #Love #Canon #Theexcerptfrom nothing #Letteryouwillneverread

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What do you think love is?

I think of love as a special type of consideration you have for another; learning their schedule and daily routines, their likes and dislikes, mannerisms, hopes and dreams, fears, etc. The process of learning another person feels almost subconscious. Using that knowledge to care for them in the best way possible becomes second nature. I love when I can immediately tell whether my mother will like something or not; I adore being able to comfort my partner when they need it, because I know what feels good to them. Love, for me, has always been providing a considerable amount of space in my mind for my loved ones to occupy.

[fidusachates]

I shouldn't have let myself go that deep. Shouldn't have let you come this close

Now I can't sleep.

#mental breakdown #excerpt from my heart #you broke me

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I’m afraid if I complain, it’s going to get worse. So I endure. I endure for as long as I’m meant to. For as long as it’s written that I will.

And then I tend to forget things I should remember, like repeating things I’d said a couple of times and forgetting things to pick once I walk into the room

Then I remember things I should forget like the mistakes once made that never stop trying to tell me that’s what defines me. The flashbacks and all

And I shout when I talk, to dull out all the voices in my head then people see me and think I don’t talk like a lady. Well, it’s the cruelty you don’t hear, that I’m trying to silence.

What is it about tragedy that makes us want to gun for it? My favorite stories never have a happy ending. They end tragically and I cry “whyyyy?” But that’s just it. Happiness is a myth and like perfection, it’s unattainable.

It’s bound to get lonely and I gamble with the idea of going back to things I’d long quit. Things I’d worked so hard on myself to stay away from. Things I use to be addicted to. Just about anything to serve as distractions. An escape.

And when you say you miss me, I blink away my tears and beat away the emotions that swell in my chest. I would so much love to tell you how much more I miss you and how happy I am that you miss me and had the courage to tell me. But then, I can’t. I couldn’t. I’m scared of saying it all out. A coward I admit.

But then I wonder, what you do when I’m away. Why don’t you call when you miss me? Why is it that you miss me when you only remember me when you see me?

-Janaan.Dy

#poetry #writing #canon #portrait #can i? #Excerpt from the book she will write #Today #poets on tumbr #writers of instagram #writers in love

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Everyday I see people on the internet mourning and condemning genocide and facisim of the past while saying things like “how did people allow this to happen” meanwhile when equally horrific things are happening now in real-time, these same people are completely silent.

Unarmed Palestinian civilians (and I’m fucking tired of adding how they’re unarmed civilians in every post so that you can understand the magnitude of what’s going on) from all ages are being beaten, disfigured, displaced and even slaughtered by fully-armed soldiers from one of the world’s strongest armies, which in-turn are funded with billions from the US, the world’s strongest military, in an illegally occupied city where it’s literally a public law that says non-jewish people aren’t allowed to exceeds 40% of the population. 

Palestinians don’t want your money, they’re just beginning for you to share what’s happening to them because right now the only thing standing between them getting massacred and ethnically cleansed on their own land is universal condemnation, this isn’t about being performative/woke anymore, innocent people’s lives literally depends on how many retweets/posts/attention they get.

At this point if you’re not speaking right now, there’s no point in speaking anytime.

[fidusachates]

Everyday I see people on the internet mourning and condemning genocide and facisim of the past while saying things like “how did people allow this to happen” meanwhile when equally horrific things are happening now in real-time, these same people are completely silent.

Unarmed Palestinian civilians (and I’m fucking tired of adding how they’re unarmed civilians in every post so that you can understand the magnitude of what’s going on) from all ages are being beaten, disfigured, displaced and even slaughtered by fully-armed soldiers from one of the world’s strongest armies, which in-turn are funded with billions from the US, the world’s strongest military, in an illegally occupied city where it’s literally a public law that says non-jewish people aren’t allowed to exceeds 40% of the population. 

Palestinians don’t want your money, they’re just beginning for you to share what’s happening to them because right now the only thing standing between them getting massacred and ethnically cleansed on their own land is universal condemnation, this isn’t about being performative/woke anymore, innocent people’s lives literally depends on how many retweets/posts/attention they get.

At this point if you’re not speaking right now, there’s no point in speaking anytime.

[fidusachates]

The goosebumps I get everytime I think of rereading Six Of Crows keeps me from rereading it. Like girl you are not ready for that level of emotional exposure.

#inej ghafa #six of crows #writing #current read #canon #wraith #kaz brekker

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alex and reggie's solos in stand tall rb if you agree

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Exams I mean

Tomorrow's test better be what I want you to be

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May the love of your life be you.

[fidusachates]

me, drinking tea: pls leaf water….sage my body of the demons of my past…steam my colon…let me know peace

me, drinking coffee: I beg of u bean juice….cleanse me of the curse of sleep….make my heart beat like a tribal drum in ceremony….let me conquer this building