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felinisdoesart · 2 years
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All I want is to die. But I literallly can't afford it
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felinisdoesart · 2 years
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So in typical fml of course this would happen my computer decided to just stop working. And so now i have to take it in and get it fixed. I can't afford this and I cant afford a new computer. I can't even afford lunch. I've been drinking soy sauce packets from the stores sushi display for half a year now. This of course followed my parents calling everything i own worthless junk and throwing things at me. Getting the therapy putty I use for carpal tunnel everywhere because no one listens to me when I say its sitting in that one specific spot for a reason and I never borrowed a container because you'd just yell at me if i did. More getting called worthless. More if it wasn't for the cosign on your student loans we'd kick you out into the streets already. More you're just as worthless as this junk. Oh and you need therapy because your room isn't absolutely spottless. Not to mention I might lose like basically everything I've been working on for the past 3 years. So yay my entire art portfolio gone. Again
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felinisdoesart · 2 years
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hello please meet my son. his name is Riven. He’s from the book I’m writing. He is an absolute idiot with no sense of self preservation who is just so stupid. And yes that is a draped wrapped leather jacket that ties in the back. These are all rough as fuck but he’s just a beautiful dumb rich boy. Do not let his stern expression fool you. he’s an idiot and a goober with resting bitch face.... because i have a type okay. And it is smug
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felinisdoesart · 2 years
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as depressing as it is to say i kinda have had to come to terms since college that my dreams aren’t happening. I’m never making it animation. I’m never going to be an artist. Mostly because i fucked up my body so hard in 2020 that i can’t work even a normal 9-5 in retail without constant pain and art is like... really out of the picture. Like.... i had to relearn how to draw over the past few years. I can’t be an animator or an artist so college was a waste of money. I learned i can’t promote myself and be someone who gets money via patreon or whatever because well.... i suck at it but also the cult of personality needed for online artist is awful for me mentally. I suffer from paranoia to begin with so the internet does not help. i don’t do anything besides post on tumblr and shit anymore and i am in a singular discord server with like 4 people. like i’ve settled on the fact my life is going to be both mediocre and unfufilling and it’s fine. like it is. 
because mentally i cannot handle what it takes to become someone who makes money off their art. physically i can’t handle the strain. and finacially there is no hope for me ever being above the poverty line. so like dreams are lies, never aspire above your current wealth, and being ambitious and friendly only hurts you in the long term, talking over the internet only makes you feel worse.
this is what the internet and fandom has taught me. i don’t even write fanfic anymore
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felinisdoesart · 2 years
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it's been over 2 years since I did any 2d animation for real. it's not much and it's choppy and full of flaws... but i did it. I made a thing
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felinisdoesart · 2 years
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i really love my dog
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felinisdoesart · 2 years
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i cannot express how much i love my sentient rug
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felinisdoesart · 2 years
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i cannot express how for over a year this thought and image has lived in my head rotting me from the inside like a cancer
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felinisdoesart · 2 years
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so for reasons of "i feel like an absolute hack" I decided to do a character designed based in the cliche of alice and wonderland and an unconventional white rabbit character for an otome game thing. So behold. Basil Clovenfield. A trash punk white rabbit
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felinisdoesart · 2 years
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if shizun leaves for an hour or looks at him wrong he cries and i love him for this. he’s so stupid
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felinisdoesart · 2 years
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as a person trying to write a book that is in my own fucking words absolute trash every day I sit and stare at my word doc and empty bank account praying to airplane to give me strength because I literally cannot afford to die and I know I'll never be lucky enough to be a side character in anything trash I write. And I wouldn't want to.
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felinisdoesart · 2 years
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tis the lunar new year have a big cat
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felinisdoesart · 2 years
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trying new things and new brush styles
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felinisdoesart · 2 years
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i've been kinda art venting a lot as a you can see and just kinda figured I'd dick around in after effects to remind myself i can still make things.
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felinisdoesart · 2 years
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just me vibing while listening to my jpop songs hoping that if i art vent enough i can outrun the sad. Not saying ‘Oh my god it’s all such a pain’ but then i love it again and again, Yozurina 
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felinisdoesart · 2 years
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art venting again. i made a point of only using my massive library of effects brushes. nothing standard. i just need to keep making things till my hellish life becomes bearable. but i doubt
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felinisdoesart · 2 years
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i wanna die. here is an art vent
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