fantasticstoryteller

[fantasticstoryteller]

Been thinking about them lately.

[fantasticstoryteller]

[fantasticstoryteller]

Nimona hyped up Beast boy a lil too much regarding the Shapeshifter Rizz. Too bad birds of paradise don't get much luck.

Nimona seems to approve tho

[fantasticstoryteller]

[fantasticstoryteller]

Working at the sex shop really did rewire my brain. There was basically no topic that was too taboo to talk about, and what little propriety I’d had evaporated. I’d be out walking and chatting with friends about erotica I’d had to read that day only to be shushed and realize people were staring at me.

It always struck me as a little bit silly but I learned to curb myself for others comfort levels. Mostly.

But I have one distinct memory of decorating holiday cookies with my parents and my grandmother. My mom had worked in a sex shop back in her day, and I never hid my line of work from my family, so I was telling a work story.

I was conscious that my dad was slightly more sensitive, so I was using pretty broad descriptions, but I happened to mention silicone lube and my nana asked, “What’s that?”

I went into full sales mode. Focused on the little reindeer cookie I was decorating I started info dumping, “Oh, it’s pretty great. Water based lubricants get absorbed through vaginal mucous membranes, but silicone is too dense and our body can’t absorb it the same way. So once you apply some silicone you never have to worry about chafing, and a little goes a long way. It’s especially popular with older women, because they start producing less natural lubricant and absorb water based lubes so quickly.”

There was a silent beat after this statement.

I looked up.

My mom and grandmother were looking at me with rapt attention, and I belatedly realized I was addressing two older women who probably would welcome extra lubrication.

And then there was my dad, blushing so pink with embarrassment that I thought he was about to faint.

“I can talk about something else,” I offered in apology to my dad.

“Like hell! He can go in the other room, tell me more!” My nana declared. My dad scampered off to busy himself in another room while I answered their questions and talked about brands and pricing.

I slipped them each a small bottle of silicone lube for the holidays.

[fantasticstoryteller]

Amazing forced perspective mosaic siding.

Photo via Jamie's Garden Shop

[fantasticstoryteller]

the idea of public restrooms as "women's spaces" continues to confound me. you know who I hope is in a public bathroom when I go in?? no one. I would prefer no one else be in the bathroom. and if someone else is in the bathroom I am going to ignore them as much as possible. I did not go into the bathroom to connect with other women. I went into the bathroom to piss and/or shit. it's a toilet's space, not a women's space. shut the fuck up and let trans people piss and shit in peace. let's all continue to avoid eye contact with each other and any and all interaction in the toilet's space.

[fantasticstoryteller]

So, Danny gets a job as a repairman on the watchtower! He's liven his best life and being the definite human man who fixes stuff. However! Problem, he's got no chill when he reeealy needs chill to work this job, the solution? Shit talk in ghost speak! Not like anyone can hear him, it's a completely silent, ghost specific, form of psychic communication! People can in fact, hear him. Specifically the green lanterns, martian manhunter (though, he doesn't understand a word), captain marvel, and superman.

The green lantern rings are outfitted for the exact scenario that he thought protected his chill facade.

Martian manhunter could theoretically understand if he filtered it manually but he has no clue how to do that.

Captain Marvel is the champion of magic and thus knows all magic based communication methods instinctively.

Superman is annoyed as hell batman didn't tell him that he hired a sub-species of kryptonian as an engineer and is refusing to talk to him until he is on world again.

[fantasticstoryteller]

They are just like me forreal

[fantasticstoryteller]

[fantasticstoryteller]

The thing is that most of this tech is developed by people who always have access to quick, reliable internet. They've never driven across town, across county, across country to find themselves in dead zones. (In my area there's this persistent dead zone right around the river. No radio, no cell phone, no electronic maps.) They've never had to deal with it themselves, so it might as well not exist.

smartphone storage plateauing in favor of just storing everything in the cloud is such dogshit. i should be able to have like a fucking terabyte of data on my phone at this point. i hate the fucking cloud

[fantasticstoryteller]

DpxDC soulmate swap

I keep seeing these soulmate AUs that when the younger one is a certain age the soulmates swap bodies.

Now, what about the vivisection/ bad reveal Danny, who is legally being experimented on by the GIW (NOT Ghost King AU), who wakes up during a family dinner, not realising he's awake at first, only for the family to tell him

"Yes, this is a soulmate swap, and yes, we ARE your soulmate's family."

He immediately goes to leave and says he will rescue himself- Que panicked family says that they'll get the heroes, only for Danny to laugh in their faces and go;

"What are they going to do? Everything that's happening to me is completely legal. Me murdering my way to my body is not. Anyway, hopefully, my soulmate is screaming and thrashing around enough that they sedate them; I've grown numb to the pain, so they don't usually bother anymore". Danny just casually stealing a car/motorbike and driving away.

I can't think of who would be the soulmate. Honestly, all of the cross-ship pairings could work.

[fantasticstoryteller]

“Please stop writing! The very next thing you write will actually happen!”

[fantasticstoryteller]

[fantasticstoryteller]

Broke: vulcans don’t play games, as they are illogical

Woke: vulcans absolutely play games as resting so as to recuperate after exertion is highly logical and they have a marked preference for the Terran game, chess

Third eye slaming open at 4:27am: vulcans love poker. They won’t mention it and they’ll justify it but after first contact they descended on poker like a murder of starving ravens as a unified cultural phenomenon

[fantasticstoryteller]

Kilgore’s beans

[fantasticstoryteller]

a couple days late, but happy 23rd birthday twins!

may their next 10 years be peaceful